Loud screams resounded inside the Pacific
Coliseum in
“WOOOO!!!
YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!” Mr. Lancybassy screamed as he stood beside Diamond
Divine, who was definitely not as emphatic in her cheering as he was. As the couple on the ice waved at him, Lancy
swooned for a moment, and Diamond fanned his face after he nearly fainted right
on top of her. The room fell silent as
their scores were about to be announced.
“Lancy, sweetie, are you okay?” Diamond asked
urgently, as he was beginning to look pale.
He had various skaters’ names painted all over his face in shades of
blue and pink – depending on their gender, of course – and several
heavily-decorated signs lay at his feet.
“They… they waved… at me… at ME!!” Lancy
exclaimed, his arms waving madly as he pointed to himself.
“Yes, babe, they totally waved at you.” Diamond smiled. She had only ever seen Lancy this excited the
last time they went on a shopping spree, when they found a Gucci store having a
huge shoe sale. Until a few months ago,
she would never have guessed that her best friend was such a fervent figure
skating fan; although, come to think of it, she should have guessed when she
saw some of the velvet, spandex, and polyester ensembles he had in his closet
that were clearly not meant to be worn anywhere but on an ice rink. When Lancy had asked her to come with him to
Vancouver to see the 2010 Olympic Games, she couldn’t wait to start shopping
for cute winter boots and matching coats, especially when Lancy had told her
how many fit, young, male athletes would be there.
“What?!
That will put them in third place!” Lancy cried, as he looked up at
their scores. “They totally deserved to
be in first place after that routine.”
Diamond simply nodded in agreement, since she
still didn’t quite understand everything there was to know about figure skating
yet, despite Lancy teaching her about it all day, every day, since they’d
gotten there. She was slowly starting to
realize just how much figure skating meant to Lancy and how in love he was with
the sport.
After the last pair had skated, as they announced
the final rankings of the night for the ice dancers, Lancy pulled Diamond along
as he pushed his way over to where he knew the skaters would be exiting the
venue. They found their way up to the
front of the crowd, and that was where Lancy truly let his excitement
show. “OH MY GOD!!! TANITH!
TANITH BELBIN!! I AM YOUR BIGGEST
FAN! I FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER! HAVE YOU AND BEN BEEN READING MY BLOG?! I SENT YOU MY BLOG!! BENNNN!! BEN AGOSTO!!
I WORSHIP YOU!!!”
Diamond watched as he jumped up and down,
squealing and screaming like a teenage girl – it was honestly starting to worry
her. He tried to jump over the barrier
separating him from two of his idols, but Diamond pulled him back, and two
security guards quickly came over to block his way anyhow. “Come on, hon, let’s go back to the
hotel. I’ll buy you a venti mocha
cappuccino on the way, and you can tell me more about the difference between
ice dancing and pairs.”
“Oh my God, I totally forgot I had to finish
telling you about that!” Lancy exclaimed, the posters he had toiled over for
two weeks straight tucked safely under his arm, while they walked to their
hotel, just outside of the Olympic pavilion.
“The scoring and requirements are totally different, but, as I’m sure
you noticed, the costumes are just as fabulous!
The guys look H-O-T HOT, of course, but the ladies look way pretty,
too! But just wait till the ladies
singles; that’s the best! My favorite is
– Oh, that’s her!” Lancy said, tugging on Diamond’s arm, moments after they
walked into the lobby and saw a crowd of people watching a beautiful young
figure skater on TV. He and Diamond
walked over and stood quietly with the other people watching intently, as the
female news anchor reported.
“We have just received word that Kim Yu-Na,
Korean figure skating superstar and current frontrunner for the Olympic gold in
Ladies Figure Skating, has gone missing.” The woman reported as footage from one of
Kim’s last performances played on the screen.
“WHAT?!
NOOOO!” Lancy exclaimed, jumping moments later as the crowd shushed him
so they could hear the rest of the report.
He waved them off as they all turned back to the screen, and Diamond
rubbed Lancy’s back supportively.
“…Kim’s spokesperson and the spokesperson for the
Olympics both declined to comment at this time, but there is already outrage in
the international community over this mysterious and tragic incident. Korean government officials have expressed
deep indignation over the disappearance of their star skater – an intensely
beloved celebrity in her home country – and have also laid blame not only on
host country Canada for its so-called ‘lack of scrutiny over details concerning
the security of all of the athletes,’ but on Russia and several other rival
countries that they believe could have been plotting to ruin South Korea’s
chances of taking home the gold medal in figure skating,” the reporter continued, as footage of government officials making
formal announcements at podiums was shown.
“Because of these claims, the Korean government
insists that other organizations, such as the United Nations and specific
countries’ governments, including the American CIA, should assist with the
investigation, while other countries believe that only Canada and South Korea’s
resources should be used in the search.
The debate continues as we speak, and the Canadian government has indeed
begun searching the
“Th-that’s it?
That’s all they can say?!” Lancy shouted, as the crowd dispersed,
“Kim Yu-Na, THE Queen Yu-Na, is MISSING, and all
they can say is ‘They’re looking for her, and we’ll keep you posted’?! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!”
“Lancy, calm down, hon!” Diamond urged, as people
began to stare at Lancy’s hysterics.
“I can’t calm down, Di! My shining star, my inspiration, the very
woman who motivated me to come here to see this wonderful sport in its very
competitional best, has DISAPPEARED!!”
Lancy dropped to his knees and abruptly ripped – or rather, unzipped – off
his bright pink, heavy winter jacket as he shouted,
“KIMMYYYYYYY!!!!!
WHY KIMMYYYYYY!?!?!”
Diamond knelt down to console her distraught
friend, as she looked up at the screen, where the news anchors were still
discussing the missing figure skater Lancy so greatly adored.
± ± ±
“Peaaaaaaarl.”
“Niiiiiiiiiick.”
“Whatcha dooooooing?”
“Working… you know, that thing K keeps trying to
make you do,” the blonde scientist teased with a smirk, as she messed with
wires to what Nick thought might be an iPod Touch. He grinned at her.
“Hey, is that for me?”
“Actually, no, Mr. Ego. This is a gift for our honorary, country
HimTak member. Last minute touch-up to
it.”
“Is that going to still be able to play music
once you’re done with it?”
He raised a brow as he found what looked like a
cigarette lying upon the table. “Okay,
you and I both know you hate smokes.”
“That’s Jay’s birthday gift… or, well, was. There’s a glitch I need to fix on it before giving
it back to him.”
“What’s it do?”
“I’d tell you…”
She beamed. “… but then I’d have
to kill you.” She fit the back panel
back onto the iPod Touch and set it down with an air of triumph. “Finished.”
“Aww, come on.
I have to admit, a cigarette device looks cool.”
“Knowing you, you’d smoke it – or try to. Even though you don’t even smoke anymore.”
“No faith.”
“After what you did to your car?”
Nick looked sheepish as he shot her a grin. “Right.”
Footsteps could be heard echoing nearby, as two
more entered the room. They belonged to
familiar faces, one a young woman with raven-colored locks and startling green
eyes, the other a short, lithe man with golden hair, dimples, and a friendly
smile: Opal Odyssey and Agent
Littrell. Nick’s grin grew the moment he
spotted the two. He hadn’t seen Brian
since their escapades in
“Opal, always a pleasure.”
“Turn off the charm, Nick.”
“Opal, you wound me. So, what are you doing in my neck of the
woods, Country Boy?”
Brian jerked his head towards Opal, as she
formerly introduced herself to the young, blonde scientist. “She needs help with a technical
project. I told her
“The best, CIA!”
“The FBI has me on a side project.”
“Hmm, government work? Technically not my jurisdiction…”
“I know, but it all goes back to that Playboy mission,
with the aliens? Brian told me how Nick
was saying you were reverse-engineering two of the devices you stole from that
mission.”
“Cone of what?” interrupted Brian, looking
interested now.
“Long explanation. Anyway, it’s the other device I’m having
trouble with, deciphering the language, which, for this one, is more necessary
than it was for the Cone of Silence. I’m
an engineering girl; I’ve never been the best at code-breaking, compared to,
you know, a cryptographer.”
“Between you being able to reverse engineer and
my skills, I was wondering if you’d be willing to partner up with me. This is my sole project at the moment;
apparently, the FBI doesn’t have anyone talented enough to crack it.”
“Sure, we can work out a time to meet up… or
something. Oh!”
Nick looked at Brian as he ran his hand along the
device.
“Eh, we all kinda consider you honorary.”
“Thanks, and unlike Nick, I’ll make sure to read
the manual. That way I don’t destroy it
like how Nick did his car,” he teased, causing everyone to laugh.
“Hey! I
read some of it!” His watch vibrated,
and he sighed, pushing the button and making the small screen rise from the
watch to reveal his superior’s face.
“Yes, K?”
“I’ve been calling your phone. Why have you been ignoring me?”
“Shit, I left it in my dorm.”
“My office, now.
I have an assignment for you.”
“Sweet!”
“Try not to dawdle, 008.” The screen went black and folded neatly back
into the watch.
“00Carter…”
He waved back at Brian and Opal before heading
out of the lab. He’d definitely have to
call Brian later and find out just what that new toy did. That way, he could ask
Nick hummed as he walked along the halls, content
with himself. It seemed things were
getting better. FANS would soon be done
for, now that Dr. Rough was out of the picture.
That meant he could soon settle up with Drums and move past that stage
of his life. The thought made him rub
his arm idly, thinking of the scars hidden by the mural tattoo that now resided
there and the mission that had caused them, along with Drum’s spiral into
destruction.
He heard something being muttered quietly down
the hall. He wasn’t exactly sure what it
was, and, to be completely honest, it sounded like total gibberish to
Nick. It was some sort of foreign language,
of course, possibly Far or Middle Eastern, if he had to take a guess. Although he was somewhat bilingual because of
his job, languages as a whole tended to be beyond him, as he was no expert. Creeping along silently, he spied none other
than Leo DiCaprio, sitting along the wall, whispering into a phone in hushed
tones. While he didn’t understand a word
of what Agent 009 was saying, the behavior spoke volumes to Nick.
“What are you doing, Di-Crapio?”
Leo rolled his eyes. “Not your business, Carter.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Don’t you have some mission to wreck? I have my own business to handle.” The other blonde stood and walked off,
shoving forcefully past Nick as he did.
Nick’s watch buzzed again, and he rolled his eyes
rather than answering it. “K’s getting
so pushy in his old age.”
This time, the watch screen opened on its own
accord. K’s sharp green eyes flashed
angrily. “I heard that, Carter.”
His new shadow,
“Okay, so what’s the deal?”
“Been watching the news, Nick? Or talking to Diamond?”
“Not yet…”
“Well, as you know, the Winter Olympics are
currently going on in
“You’re not telling me I gotta visit Avril’s
homeland again?” A stern look
silenced Nick immediately.
“As I was saying, Korean figure skater Kim Yu-Na
has gone missing. She was the odds on
for gold, and
“Alright, so who are we going with?”
“I think you can handle this. It’s been some time since you’ve had a
mission solo. Since your hiatus,
actually. I think it’d be a good mission
for you to help
“I can handle it, K.”
“The helicopter leaves in an hour.”
The two stood, and Nick motioned for
± ± ±
“Niiiiick!”
With a dazzling smile, the blonde practically skipped towards him, blue
eyes alight, rosy cheeks aglow, and enveloped him in a fierce embrace. Their bodies slid against one another, as
Nick’s winter coat met with slippery, pink fabric.
Nick patted the back of the shiny, pink parka
awkwardly and pulled himself loose from the grip of the pink, angora
mittens. Clearing his throat, he
replied, “Nice to see you too, Lancybassy.”
“Oh, we’re so glad you’re here!” gushed Lancy,
flapping his fuzzy mittens. “I’m all of
a dither over Kimmy’s disappearance! I
told Di here, if anyone can help us get to the bottom of it, 00Carter
can.” Leaning into Diamond’s ear, he
added under his breath, “Wouldn’t mind him getting to the bottom of me,
either, if you know what I mean…” The
secretary waggled his eyebrows suggestively, while Diamond tittered into her
gloved hand.
Nick cleared his throat again, pretending not to
hear. “Enjoying yourself, Miss Divine?”
he asked, his eyes traveling the length of Diamond’s body. He wasn’t used to seeing her in so much
clothing, but she even managed to look sexy in the sleek, silver jacket and
tight jeans she wore tucked into fur-lined, high-heeled, white boots.
Diamond offered a flirtatious smirk and tossed
her cascade of silken, blonde hair, half hidden beneath a loose-knit, white
beret, over her shoulder. “Maybe not as
much as I will now that you’re here, 00Carter,” she replied with a wink.
“Ditto!” sang Lancy.
“So, uh… can we get to the case?” They’d almost forgotten about
“We told Jay everything we know,” said Diamond,
“which is not much – well, unless you want to know the order of jumps in her
short and long programs over the last four seasons, or the content of her most
recent tweets on Twitter. If so, Lancy’s
your man.”
“The tweets may come in handy,” Nick remarked,
while
“Except her last one was in October, after she
won gold at the Trophée Eric Bompard in
“Hm. Well,
if there’s no word from Yu-Na herself, we’ll just have to talk to anyone who
might have seen her before her disappearance.”
“Exactly why I suggested meeting us here,” said
Lancy, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet as he gave a sweeping gaze,
spreading his arms wide. “Olympic
Village!”
Nick looked around, too. They were standing on a sidewalk outside a
typical, mid-rise apartment building on the waterfront of False Creek, a small
inlet in the heart of
“This is where all the athletes are staying,”
Lancy elaborated. “I’ve already figured
out the room numbers for all my favorite skaters. The Queen was in this building.”
“The Queen?”
“Queen Yu-Na!
That’s the nickname fans gave her… though I’m partial to Kimmy,”
shrugged Lancy. “Oh, I pray she’s found
alive and well before the short program on Tuesday! She’s a shoe-in for the gold! She has to be there; she has to
win!”
“Apparently someone disagrees,” said Nick. “I think we should start by interrogating
other skaters – especially her closest competitors.”
Diamond nodded.
“Everyone is thinking this is just another Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan
plot, taken to the extreme. The police
have already been questioning other skaters and their teams, but you’re right –
that’s the logical place for us to start, too.”
“Well, sounds like you know who to talk to and
where to find them, Lancy, so… lead the way!”
“Me, lead the mission?” Lancy flapped his hands in excitement. “Ooh, where to start, who to talk to
first?! In a situation like this,
there’s only one question to ask…”
Nick, Diamond, and
“…What would Brian Boitano do?”
“Yes, Brian Boitano, 1988 Olympic champion!” Lancy paused just long enough to draw breath
and then began to sing, “What would Brian Boitano do, if he were here right
now? He’d make a plan, and he’d follow
through… That’s what Brian Boitano’d
do!”
Arms stretched towards the sky, Lancy did a little twirl, lost in song. “When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics,
skating for the gold, he did two salchows and a triple lutz, while wearing a
blindfold…”
“When Brian Boitano was in the
In unison, they sang, “So what would Brian
Boitano do, if he were here today? I’m
sure he’d kick an ass or two… That’s
what Brian Boitano’d do!”
“Lancy prancing around in pink, and Nick singing
his way through a mission?” Diamond
paused, pretending to consider this.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
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