Season 1, Episode 9:
Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland
Part 3 of 6
“What a line that was! Phew!” Lancy sighed, as he made his way
through the crowd, eyeing the ticket he was holding. “There we are! Perfect seats, aren’t they?” he said to
Diamond, who was following him closely.
Diamond threw herself into the seat next to Lancy
with a soft puff. “And how much did you
pay to get these seats, Lancy?” She
looked around her. “Front row, middle,
right behind the judges… must have cost you a fortune!”
“More than a Gucci suit, less than a Louis
Vuitton luggage set.” He wiggled his
eyebrows playfully. “Worth every single
penny, right?”
Diamond nodded absently, checking her surroundings
once more. “It’s been two days, and
we’ve interrogated every single skater, and still, there’s nothing. I’m starting to think this Kimmy girl is
buried deep down in the snow up in the mountains.”
Lancy threw a hurtful look to Diamond. “Don’t say things like that!” he gasped. “That was just mean, Di.” Pouting, he eyed the cardboard signs he had
prepared for his favorite single ladies ice skaters, before continuing
bitterly, “Too bad she can’t be here tonight to perform. Leaving the stage to that filthy Mao Asada
and all the other Asian hussies. They’ll
never rival the Queen!”
Feeling quite bad for him, Diamond threw an arm
around Lancy’s shoulders in an attempt of comfort, offering a tissue.
“Thank you.”
Lancy took the tissue, sniffing.
“But we’ll find her soon enough, and then she’ll be safe again and
compete in the next Olympics, right?”
His face lit up. “And when we
save her, then she’ll know me and how I’m her biggest fan, and we’ll be best
friends forever, and I’ll get free tickets to every competition of hers!” He clapped his pink mitten-covered hands
joyfully. “Can’t wait to save her!”
Diamond gave him a supportive smile. “Much better attitude, Lancy. Of course we’ll save her. This whole thing has been too much on you,
but keep up the faith. I’m sure Kimmy is
still safe and sound somewhere around-”
Right at that moment, the whole arena went pitch black,
causing the audience to moan and protest loudly.
“What’s going on?!” Lancy spoke fearfully. “Di?! Where are you?! You know I’m no big fan of darkness!”
“I’m right beside you, Lancy.” Diamond placed her hand on his knee, trying
to soothe him. “I bet it’s just a
technical difficulty. The lights will
come back in a minute,” she assured him, trying to convince herself at the same
time. It could very well be just a
technical difficulty, as she’d said, but her agent instincts knew better than
that. She smelled something fishy, but
she couldn’t put a finger on what it could be.
Before she could go further with her instincts,
the arena lightened, as an image appeared on the huge LED screens hanging above
the skating rink. As the image got
clearer, an olive-skinned forehead, belonging to a dark-haired man, and the exposed
wooden rafters of a rustic ceiling appeared on the screen.
The man cleared his throat.
“Olympic spectators of the world-” He paused, as his forehead creased. “CLINT!”
The ponderous upper half of a Sumi mascot also
appeared on the screen, looking towards the camera and startling the second it
noticed that the position of the camera was aimed higher than anticipated.
“Sorry, boss,” came the muffled voice of the Sumi
mascot, as it galumphed back towards the other end of the camera to adjust it.
“Why you are ruining my big appearance, I have no
idea. Why I don’t kill you right away,
is another question. Remind me later to
do just that, will you?” the man spoke unmercifully.
“I recognize that voice…” Narrowing her eyes, Diamond watched the
screen carefully, as the camera tossed and turned around and finally landed on
a suitable position to reveal the identity of the voice. The face sharpened slowly into focus,
revealing the dark, flashing eyes, the large teeth set between lips that were drawn
back in a sinister smile…
“DR. ROUGH!” Diamond yelped, almost jumping out
of her seat. “Lancy, tell me if it’s
really Dr. Rough, or if that was one hell of a punch we drank right outside!!”
“OHMYGOD!” Lancy squealed in terror. “Wasn’t he dead?! Didn’t he blow up in pieces in that helicopter
in
“Fucking Return of the Living Dead revised,
featuring Dr. Rough,” Diamond hissed through clenched teeth, as the first shock
of seeing the evil man alive slowly wore off.
“Olympic spectators of the world!” Dr. Rough
pronounced again. He spread his arms
wide, jostling the ferret draped over his shoulder. “I’m sure you are wondering why the main
event of ice skating competition has not yet commenced.” He paused for a moment, his left eye
twitching slightly. “The Twenty-first
Winter Olympic Games, held in this beautiful city of
“Arrrggh!” Diamond growled, her eyes fixed on the
screen, as Dr. Rough rambled about the history of Winter Olympics. “Why does this ugly, twitchy bastard have to
be behind this?!” She looked at Lancy,
who was too shocked to say anything besides repetitive “Ohmygods.”
“I wonder, why he does feel obligated to get his
huge nose and twitchy eye into every popular cultural event?” Diamond
continued, fuming. “Couldn’t he just take
a vacation or something? Anything? Maybe, you know, DIE… for real?! Seriously, I’m getting so fed up with him!” She flipped her phone open and dialed
“I’m on it,” was
“On what?”
“On Dr. Rough’s whereabouts,”
“I officially love you,
“As many of you must have heard already, the
sweet South Korean darling, the beloved queen of figure skating, dearest Kim
Yu-Na, has been missing for the past couple of days. Kidnapped days before her big break on the
Winter Olympics. Isn’t that just
heartbreaking?” He pouted, feigning
sadness.
“He wouldn’t kill her, would he?” Lancy sobbed,
as he asked in a whisper. Diamond
squeezed his hand as a response.
Dr. Rough’s lips curved into a devilish
smile. “But I have good news to
share! Your beloved shining star, the
queen of the ice, is among you right now!
As a matter of fact, she’s about to make her grand entrance.” He clapped his hands joyfully. “Light,
please!”
A blinding spotlight shone towards the side of
the ice rink, revealing the petite South Korean standing there. Some of the screens changed from Dr. Rough to
show a close-up of Kim Yu-Na. The
audience let out a loud gasp as she set her right skate on the ice and
stumbled, regaining her balance just enough to stay upright. It became visible to everyone in the Coliseum
how hard she was trembling when she raised her shaky hands to her face to dry
her tears.
“All hail the Queen!” Lancy gushed, folding his
hands on his chest. “But why is she
trembling so hard? And why is she
crying-?”
The spotlight followed Kim Yu-Na, as she started
skating slowly around the ice rink.
There was something strapped around her willowy frame, making her appear
bulkier than she was. As Diamond
squinted, trying to tell what she was wearing, Dr. Rough’s face appeared on the
LED screen once again, with the familiar twitching of his eye.
“As you can all see, she’s in a very well
condition. No harm was done
whatsoever. Yet…” He let out a loud, evil laugh and leaned in
closer towards the camera. “You must be
wondering what this all hassle was about, why THE GREAT DR. ROUGH kidnapped the
dearest Queen Yu-Na in the first place, and why she’s now on the stage SKATING,
with a BOMB strapped on her-”
In the blink of an eye, people got up from their
seats hurriedly and rushed towards the exits with panic.
“A bomb?!” Lancy screamed, fanning his face with
his hands. “A BOMB?! On Kimmy?!
OHMYGOD, NOOO!”
“Just don’t faint, Lancy, please; I need you
here!” Diamond knew what the bulk was
now: a belt of dynamite, encircling the
skater’s narrow torso.
Dr. Rough’s voice rose higher to stifle the
deafening screams. “Please make way for
the shining star, the queen of the ice, skating for one night, and one night
only, to the lucky crowd of people at the Winter Olympics, 2010!” he continued
ecstatically, as people’s screams grew louder.
“Don’t forget, if she falls down, she’ll burst into millions of
pieces! Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to
have a part of her as a souvenir! What
an honor!” He let out another sinister
chuckle, as his eyes grew large with manic delight. “ENJOY THE SHOW,
As the screens went black, and people piled in
front of the exits, desperate to leave the arena before the bomb went off, the
familiar theme of cinema’s most iconic secret agent began playing through the
speakers.
“Is this a joke?” Diamond took out her phone to
dial
“I got a lead!”
“That fucking, twitchy prick!”
“Hi to you too, Nick,” Diamond replied, as she
climbed down the stairs, Lancy following closely behind her.
“I’m gonna rip off that greasy-haired head of his
and dribble it like a basketball!”
“Jeez, thank you for the visual, darling.”
“Why does he have to be behind everything? I mean, can’t he just take a break and leave
the stage to other evil super villains?
Just for a change?!”
Diamond came to a halt as she reached the side of
the ice rink. “My point exactly.”
“Alright, you two, enough with the chitchat
already! Somebody’s still trying to work
here!”
“Says the woman sitting on her butt, safe and
sound in the AGENCY!” Diamond growled, suddenly exasperated. “Of course, you’re not the one who has to
deal with a pack of explosives rigged to an ice skater and a hyperventilating
Lancy on her tail! I still can’t decide
which one is more life-threatening!”
“Yo
“CARTER!”
“At your service, ladies.”
“Ah, a perfect triple lutz, triple toe-loop
combo!” Lancy piped up behind Diamond.
“Impeccable form, even in a life and death situation! She’s a legend!”
Diamond turned her attention to the rink,
watching a drained Kim Yu-Na still skating her routine. “Pearl, are you any closer to finding Dr.
Rough’s location? We’re running out of
time here- Oh MY GOD!” she squealed, when Yu-Na barely caught her balance after
another triple jump.
“Ha!”
“Which means?” Nick asked impatiently.
“Which means, he was smart enough to make it impossible
to track him down through the broadcast, but amateur enough to forget his
coffee cup in the background,”
“Coffee cup?” Diamond questioned, still keeping
an eye on Kim Yu-Na.
“I managed to get a screenshot of him while he
was talking, just in case. I noticed a
coffee cup with some kind of a logo on it in the background, managed to zoom
and clarify the image, and, voila, a huge lead on where you can find him. Nick, I’m sending the picture to your phone,
the logo of the lodge he’s possibly staying at.”
“Alright, hold on a second.” Nick paused for a moment. “
“Exactly.
It’s in
“Alright, we’re on our way,” Nick said
swiftly. “Oh, and Pearl? You’re a genius.”
“Tell me something I don’t know, Carter,”
Diamond rolled her eyes impatiently on the other
line. “Well, no offence,
“Do you realize that we’re talking about a figure
skater here?” Diamond raised her
voice. “A figure skater who’s jumping up
and down like a bunny half the time she’s on the ice!”
“Just make sure she doesn’t fall down, AT ALL
COSTS.”
“Really bright, Pearl, thanks,” Diamond said
sarcastically, before hanging up the phone furiously.
“Another salchow!” Lancy’s yelp distracted
Diamond’s attention from watching Kim Yu-Na carefully. She had no idea what
Lancy was talking about, but it wasn’t rocket science: if she lost her balance, even for a second,
and fell down, they’d all explode into pieces.
Simple as that.
“Lancy,” Diamond murmured, touching Lancy’s arm
carefully and making sure he was listening her.
When she made eye contact with him, she spoke slowly. “If Kimmy goes down, the bomb will
explode. We have to get her off the rink
before she even comes close to falling… Lancy?”
Diamond shook Lancy’s arm harshly when she noticed his attention
drifting back to Kim Yu-Na.
“She won’t be able to make the next jump,” Lancy
spoke almost in a whisper. Diamond
followed his gaze to the skater, who was speeding up backwards. “She’ll try the triple axel! It’s the hardest jump!”
Before Diamond could open her mouth to protest,
Lancy rescued his arm from her grip and threw himself onto the skating rink.
“Lancy!”
The next few seconds went in slow motion for
Diamond: Kim Yu-Na, jumping up into the
air… Lancy, sliding across the rink clumsily, trying to estimate the exact
position in which to play himself to catch Yu-Na on time.
“Gotcha!” Lancy shrieked happily, as he caught
Yu-Na by her waist in mid air.
“Thank… thank you!” a breathless Yu-Na replied,
stuttering. “I wouldn’t have landed
properly if you haven’t caught me…”
“Oh doll, no worries,” Lancy replied sheepishly,
as he lowered the petite skater gently to the ice to stand on her feet. “You’d have gotten top marks for that jump if
you were competing, believe me.”
Kim Yu-Na blushed and smiled shyly. “You saved my life, sir. Thank you. “
“Shh, don’t even mention it. Let’s get you somewhere safe and warm,
darling. You definitely deserve some hot
cocoa. Did I tell you gold looks
fabulous on you? Totally brings out your
eyes,” Lancy blabbed, leading her toward the kiss and cry area at one side of
the rink. “By the way, I’m Lancy, your
biggest fan! Mind signing my t-shirt?”
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