A 00Carter Christmas
Part 2 of 9
Act I:
Twelve Hours Before
Christmas
‘Twas twelve
hours before Christmas, and all through HimTak,
All the agents
were snoozing; even me, with a snack.
Stockings were hung
along dorms with great care,
Even though
Agent K really didn't want them there.
Nick
found himself falling asleep easier than normal these days. He wasn’t sure why; nothing had changed
much. He blamed the weather, in the end;
it seemed to make him snooze better than anything else. He’d never been a fan of the cold; it was the
reason why he preferred living in Florida or in the Nevada desert, where he
currently resided. He munched
thoughtfully on popcorn from the bowl beside his bed, left over from the night
before. The freak snowstorm that had hit
Nevada had made them all suspicious, but after some recon, it seemed the
weather was a legitimate result of a bipolar Mother Nature, rather than a
weather machine. But he’d slept soundly
the night before, causing him to awaken earlier that morning, the time most of
the agents arose from bed, which was far from normal for him. Typically, he enjoyed abusing his 00-rank by
sleeping in late any chance he could.
Because
of this abnormality, Nick finally got up from his snug and warm bed, reaching
under it in search of something. With a
grin, he found what he was looking for.
He stood, wearing nothing but red silk pajama bottoms. Nick swiped a red cap with a green bill, from
which hung a sprig of what was clearly mistletoe, in case his Plan A
failed. He plopped it onto his head and
happily bounded out into the halls to hang the mistletoe above the dorms of
certain ladies he knew would appreciate an early visit from “Saint Nick.” The halls showed his handiwork from the day
before, each doorway bearing a bright red stocking, garland, and a giant candy
cane to commemorate the coming holiday, despite the protests he’d heard from K
immediately after.
“Jingle bells, Dr. Rough smells! Drums just laid an egg! The Cartermobile lost its wheel, and damn,
FANS got away… hey!” Nick sang as he prowled the halls. “Hmm… new songs now. Deck
the halls with K’s bushy brows! Fa la la la la…
la la la la… These pants show
how well I'm endowed! Fa la la la
la… la la la la… Don we now Jay’s tight
apparel! Fa la
la, la la la, la la la…
For HimTak’s world-saving carol… Fa la la la la…
la la la la…”
Now the agents
were bustling all through the halls,
While Diamond
and Lancy made plans for the mall.
Jay with his
fedora, me with my mistletoe hat,
Had just parted
ways so I could take a nap…
Nick
was already regretting getting out of bed, however. His body was protesting the fact that it had
to get up earlier, and a yawn easily escaped him, as he hung the final mistletoe
above the door leading to Red Jewel’s office.
Nick smiled at his handiwork.
While Red was actually Jewish, she usually went along with whatever
holiday spirit Nick wanted to spread around Himitsu Takana.
And
at the very thought of her, she stepped out of her room, already donning her
lab coat over a cream velvet, long-sleeved shirt that hugged her curves. Nick quickly cornered her up against the
door. What perfect timing, especially
with the way she looked. Nick smirked at
the thoughts popping into his head.
“Jewel!”
She
shook her head, laughing as her fiery hair fell into her face. “Mornin’ Nick.”
Nick
pointed upwards shyly – well, as shyly as he could pull off, anyway. “Look up…”
Raising
a brow, Red simply smirked. “Um… Nick…”
“Saint
Nick!”
“Yeah,
I’m Jewish, remember? I don’t think
mistletoe applies to me.”
“Of
course it does! It’s like the law! Plus…”
He pointed at the one hanging from the hat he wore. “It’s a double mistletoe, and denying them
both can lead to terrible things. It’s
like putting a curse on us all!” Nick
ran his hands along her arms, his lips getting dangerously close to her neck as
he murmured, “Besides, don’t you wanna know what Saint Nick is gonna give you
for Christmas? Saint Nick loves all his
babies… Jewish or not…”
“Okay,
Santa… was I a good girl this year?” Red played along, as their lips met. The two kissed, wrapped up together as their
arms snaked around each other. The kiss
deepened beneath the mistletoe before, finally, the two had to pull apart for
air.
“Oh
yeah, you were definitely a really good
girl this year. In fact…”
“Niiiiiick!” Nick
turned to see Lancybassy in the pinkest and frilliest
elf outfit he’d ever seen. Suddenly, he
was regretting not putting a shirt on before wandering the halls. Diamond was right behind, wearing an equally
skimpy Santa’s Helper costume. Torn
between wanting Red, wanting Diamond, and not
wanting Lancy, Nick wasn’t sure just what to do. However, his time was up to decide, as they
approached the two.
“Did
we interrupt something?” Diamond asked, giving him a knowing grin. Nick wanted to think she was jealous, but he
knew better.
“Maybe,”
he answered, glancing back at Red, who returned to the professional manner that
she typically tried to maintain. Damn.
“So,
Nicky!” Lancy cried, making him cringe as he noticed that nothing was hidden by the sequined, pink elf outfit his secretary
wore. He did a little spin, happily
showing it off as the little bell hanging from his hat jingled in
response. “You like?”
“Do I
want to know where you got that?”
“I
made it, of course!”
“I
shouldn’t be surprised,” he muttered, as the two beautiful ladies beside him
simply giggled at his discomfort. “I’m
off to take a nap.” Back to his room he
headed, with a wave to Lancy and a kiss blown to both Red and Diamond. To Red, he mouthed, “Expect me tonight,” to which she simply smiled.
On
his way back to his room, he passed Agent Jay, who was yet again examining his
latest fedora. The man had enough to
open a store. Finally, however, he made
it back to his room, lying down upon his comfortable bed once more, the hat by
his side. Why had he gotten up early? This was far better. Before he could truly nap, however, he was
startled by a large crash coming from the floor below. Nick grinned; there was only one place that
could be coming from…
Professor
Pearl’s lab.
When down in
Pearl’s lab there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my
bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the lab,
I ran like a flash,
I tripped down
some stairs, but avoided a gash…
That
was reason enough to forget the nap, as he once again grabbed his trusty hat
and raced out of his room and down to the level below, where he knew she’d be,
with what he hoped would be the best Christmas decoration HimTak had ever seen.
He
ran into her laboratory, skidding across the floor like various times
before. In fact, it happened so often
that Pearl had started threatening to set up an air mattress with his picture
on it, just for him to land on anytime he ran in there, hyped up and
excited. Catching himself with her main
work table, Nick looked around for her and the source of the noise. He spotted Pearl first, wearing a cheery
Santa Hat with blinking Christmas lights on it, looking up proudly at her latest
creation that was hidden beneath a large sheet.
“Nick! I was just about to page
your watch.”
“I
want one that tells time for Christmas.”
She
stuck her tongue out at him, placing her hands on her slim waistline. “Don’t wanna hear it.”
“Come
closer, Pearl…”
“Try
that mistletoe hat on me, and you won’t like it, Nick,” she replied, but it was
between chuckles, and Nick knew she didn’t mean it. “Anyway, you want to see it?”
“Hell
yeah! See, when we’re together, we’re
geniuses.”
Pearl
laughed, her blonde curls bouncing from beneath her Santa hat. “And trouble, of course. I have to admit, this was one of your better
ideas I put into action.”
“So
come on, show me our brainchild!”
“Alrighty. I give you… the K-Bot!”
And there by the
table, I saw standing tall,
My boss, Agent
K, not like himself at all,
Decked out like
St. Nick, while a happy tune blared,
I was shocked
when he smiled, instead of just glared.
She
pulled away the sheet, and like the last time she’d done this for him and revealed
the car he loved, he was just as amazed.
Where the sheet had been stood a twelve-foot-tall replica of Agent
K. It looked so lifelike, it blew Nick’s
mind. It could pass for K, if not for
the height, or the fact that it was completely decked out in a Santa outfit and
matching beard. The K-Bot’s cheeks were rosier, and it had a far happier
expression upon its face.
Pearl
smirked at his amazement. “I know, I’m
good. I’m starting to scare myself,
honestly. Watch this.” Out came a small remote, similar in style to
the one Nick possessed for his Hornet.
The K-Bot sprang to life, light appearing within its robotic, green
eyes. In true style, it began to shimmy
as music played. Then, in a voice that
was unmistakably Nick’s, it began to sing.
“K just got run over by a
reindeer,
Walking down to HimTak,
Christmas Eve.
You may say there’s no such
thing as Santa,
But as for me and Jay now, we
believe.
“He’d been driving Santa
crazy,
Bossing him around like an old
lady,
But the elves weren’t on vacation;
They got revenge with a reindeer named Grady.”
“How
did you get that?” he asked in panic, turning to her.
“Hello,
I get all the video feed. I happened to
catch that number and program it into his song list.” She gave him a impish smile. “Couldn’t resist. Now, let’s set this baby loose.”
Despite
the fact that he should have been more horrified at his own parody coming out
of the robot’s mouth, Nick laughed and nodded.
“Oh, hell yeah. Wait, K’s gonna
be pissed.”
“Don’t
worry, it has a sensory system; it should
be able to spot and avoid K. I say
‘should’ ’cause, obviously, I couldn’t test that feature without getting
caught.” Pressing down on a button, she
sent the robot wobbling its way out of the lab, and the two followed,
snickering to themselves.
“Remind
me to find you come Valentine’s Day…”
“Cupid
Jay?”
“Oh
yeah.”
The
robot caused quite a stir, as it danced its way down the halls, singing as it
went. It even, after Pearl pressed a
series of buttons, pulled off quite the moonwalk to the tune “Rockin’ Around
the Christmas Tree.” The two couldn’t
stop laughing from around one of the random dorm doors they hid behind, as
everyone scoped out their latest prank.
From 00-ranking agents to lower-ranking shadow agents and even their
secretaries, almost everybody had come to check out what was causing such a
stir.
“Can
you believe this?”
“K’s
gonna kill Carter…and hey, that’ll be fun to watch.” Nick rolled his eyes when he heard Emerald.
“This
shit is hilarious!”
“K’s
gonna bust a vein when he sees it…”
The
next voice they heard came from directly behind them. “If only you two used your powers for
good…” Nick and Pearl jumped and turned
to see Agent Jay just behind them, scoping out the scene Pearl’s new toy was
causing as well. It had moved on to
trying to do the Macarena to Nick’s voice singing his version of “Deck The
Halls.” Nick was grinning, as Pearl had
inadvertently jumped back into his arms.
Pearl pushed Jay playfully, rolling her eyes, as she moved away from
Nick.
“You
scared the crap out of me.”
“Hey,
I liked it.”
“You
perv.”
“You
two better get that back to the lab before K gets a load of that.”
“It’s
K sensitive.”
“You
sure?”
She
looked almost insulted, as she and Nick turned back to Jay. “Of course I am.”
But sure
enough, K had spotted the K-Bot as he headed down the hallway, and his face was
red enough to match both Nick’s pajama bottoms and Pearl’s hat.
With a look on
K’s face so enraged and inflamed,
I had a bad
feeling it was me who’d be blamed.
He stared us all
down, and the crowd quickly scattered,
Though he called
a few back, ones he must have thought mattered.
Jay
snickered at the horrified look on the duo’s faces and nodded. “What’d I tell you? I’m out.”
And with that, he ducked out the back entrance, before K got any
closer. All the agents who had gathered
around laughing scattered quickly, like a bunch of pigeons when a car was about
to hit them head on.
“CARTER! PEARL!”
They
peeked around the corner, both looking at K sheepishly. The vein on his forehead was throbbing. Nick was sure he was going to finally make it
burst. Nothing could bulge that much
without bursting. Hey, at least I’ll know I accomplished something before he kills me.
“Nick
made me do it, K, I swear!”
Nick blinked. “Are you kidding me?”
“Sorry
Blondie, but every woman and man for themselves.”
“I
need you two downstairs, in your lab, NOW.
But do not think I’m going to forget this.”
The
two blondes’ gazes met again before looking back at K, who was beyond fit to be
tied at this point, as his larger and jollier robot double began doing a booty
dance to “Jingle Bells.” They were both
unsure of whether they’d infuriate K even more by laughing at the insanity of
it. Wisely, they kept their giggles to
themselves and quickly made their way down to Pearl’s lab without another word.
“Come Diamond,
come Lancy, come Pearl, come Red Jewel!
I’ve got some
big news about crimes most cruel!
Come Jay, Nick,
and Emerald, I’ll be needing you too,
And Carter –
don’t think I’m done dealing with you.”
Soon,
they were accompanied by Red, Emerald, Jay, Diamond, Lancy (still in his
festive outfit), and even Vitruvian, who had been called down, unbeknownst to
them. K looked around and nodded.
“Now
that we’re here and acting like mature
adults…” He shot a look towards
Pearl and Nick, while the others chuckled.
K blinked and looked around.
“Wait, where’s that damn robot?”
“Well,
I used the remote to command it to come down here… but I think it may have a
bug in it. ’Cause it started moonwalking
again, at like warp speed, and singing like one of the Chipmunks… I need to
track it down and disable it manually. I
would have, but you seemed pretty serious about me coming down here…”
The
vein pulsed again, and Nick was just proud that it wasn’t he who had caused it
this time. “Go… do… that… NOW!”
“But…
what about the…”
“Jay’ll debrief you, Pearl.
Just get that damn thing to stop before I lose what control I have.”
She
raced off out of the lab, and Nick stayed quiet. Maybe if he didn’t say anything, K would
forget he’d had a large hand in it, as well.
“Carter,
don’t think I’m done dealing with you.
Now, Jay, will you handle the monitors, please?”
Jay
smirked, trying to hide a snicker, and nodded.
“Sure.” Displayed on the screen
was New York City – or more specifically, Rockefeller Center, with the
Christmas tree in all its glory. Nick
raised a brow at the screen and saw the others give it the same look, as well.
“We
think… well, you won’t believe this… but we believe FANS is about to make their
next move.”
“What
are they gonna do?” Diamond asked, while texting furiously on her Blackberry.
“We
think Dr. Rough plans to steal Christmas.”
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