DR. ROUGH’S TIPS TO TAKE OVER THE
WORLD
So
you’ve come to find out how to become the uber villain that I am, have
you? Well, I suppose I can share some of
my secrets to those of you worthy enough to join me in my fight against those
sniveling agents at Himitsu Takana.
Of
course, there is much to teach, but something you must learn and practice well
is the art of torture. Now, you must
develop your own signature style, but, of course, I will share a few of my
favorite ways of torture to get you started on the right foot.
± ± ±
Dr. Rough’s
Pros and Cons of Lair Location (Part I):
Deciding on a location for a lair is crucial to becoming
the right kind of mastermind of evil.
The right lair can aid you in taking over the world. The wrong lair, and you are captured by those
Dudley Do-Rights all too soon, and your plans are ruined.
Through my years of dastardly deeds, I have had several
kinds of lairs. You will benefit from my
knowledge, and, thus, you will share the world with me (at least until I kill
you and take it all for myself).
Volcano
Lairs
±
Pro – Lair is constantly heated.
±
Con – The cost to cool the lair to
comfortable levels during a “flare” up is exuberant.
±
Pro – Natural way to torture/method of
killing; bonus – no body to depose of.
±
Con – The “burp” of toxic fumes can
leak into the rooms and kill henchmen (of course, you could resolve this by
putting those expendable henchmen closest to the areas of high fumes, but there
is still a chance your right hand men could get hit wit the fumes).
±
Pro – Nobody would think anyone was
truly crazy enough to have their lair in an active volcano that would be pure
crazy.
±
Con – Once they figure out you are
that crazy, there are only a few active volcanoes around the world for them to
check before finding you.
Glass
Domes Undersea
±
Pro – Thousands of miles of underwater
area for your enemy to search to find you.
±
Con – Thousands of miles of underwater
area for you to search when you get lost.
±
Pro – You can watch sea life swim by.
±
Con – Have you seen how ugly some sea
life really is?
±
Pro – Easy way to kill/hid bodies of
enemies.
±
Con – A crack in the glass can lead to
deadly consequences for all .
± ± ±
Dr. Rough’s
Top Torturing Techniques:
8. Put the song “My Heart Stays with You” on
repeat. Handsome singer; horrible song.
7. Tape their eyes open and force them to watch
Justin dance. It’s enough to make me
want to poke my eyes out.
6. Rub two pieces of Styrofoam together, or if
that doesn’t get them, run your nails down a blackboard. (Ah, now you know why my pinky nail is longer
then the rest.)
5. Jumpstart their nipples. (Now, this I would not use on a lady; it’s
just not a proper thing to do.)
4. Read “The Grapes of Wrath,” drawing it out as
long as possible and doing voices for all the characters, of course. If your voice gives out, you can also play
the movie over and over and over again.
3. Chain them to a chair and draw penguins all
over their body using a small blade. I
like penguins, but not as much as I love Dr. Twitches.
2. Leave them chained to the wall with just
enough chain that they cannot reach the dripping water faucet a few meters
away. Double effect: they are thirsty, yet the dripping noise is
damn annoying.
And my personal favorite……
1. Block the throat so your victim cannot
swallow, poor any soda pop of your choice (I prefer Coke) in their mouth, and
hold it closed until they are forced to expel the liquid out their nose.
MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!