Chapter 14
Bianca sighed with relief as she saw a pair of headlights
approaching her car in the rearview mirror.
When the car slowed down and pulled over behind her car, she immediately
grabbed her purse and jumped out, locking her door behind her. She could barely see the parked car behind
her, for its lights were still on, but she heard a car door open and then close
and could just make out a figure coming toward her through the glare of the
headlights.
“Oh, Howie, thanks so-“ she started to say, but stopped suddenly,
as the headlights went off, and the figure became clear. It was not Howie. She gasped and jumped back in fright before
recognizing the person.
“M-Mr. Gunzenmeier!” Bianca exclaimed in surprise to the old man
standing in front of her. “Oh, I’m
sorry, I thought you were someone else.”
“What are you doing way out here, dearie?” Mr. Gunzenmeier
asked. “Got car trouble?”
“Yeah, I got a flat tire,” Bianca replied.
“You need a ride someplace?”
“No, I called a friend to come pick me up. He should be here soon. I thought you were him,” said Bianca.
“You sure? I don’t like
leaving you out here alone. Awful dark…
and there ain’t nobody around.”
“No, really, it’s okay,” said Bianca. “Howie’s on his way. He’ll be here any minute now.”
“Well… alright then,” Mr. Gunzenmeier said reluctantly. “Want me to wait with you until he gets
here?”
Bianca smiled. “No, that’s
okay,” she said. “I’ll be fine. Thank you though.”
Mr. Gunzenmeier shrugged.
“Anytime.” He gave her a crooked
smile and went back to his car. He
climbed in, and with a flash, the headlights came back on, causing Bianca to
squint and shield her eyes. She walked
back to her own car, unlocked the door, and climbed back in, as Mr. Gunzenmeier
pulled back onto the road and drove past her.
As his car disappeared down the road, Bianca let out a shuddering
breath.
“Please, Howie, get here soon,” she whispered. As if on cue, she looked into the rearview
mirror to see another pair of headlights coming. She watched as they, too, slowed and pulled
to the side of the road behind her. But
she did not climb out of the car yet.
She sat, waiting and watching as the lights shut off and the driver’s
door opened. A person climbed out and
started toward her car. Bianca watched,
unable to make out his face in the darkness, but as he got closer, she saw that
it was Howie and immediately grabbed her purse and got out of the car again.
“Bianca?” came Howie’s familiar voice.
“Howie!” Bianca cried in relief, checking that her car doors were
locked and hurrying over to him. “Thanks
so much for coming!”
“Oh, it’s no trouble, Bean,” Howie replied. Studying her face in the darkness, he asked,
“Are you okay? You look kinda jumpy.”
Bianca let out a nervous laugh.
“I’m fine. I was just getting
kinda freaked out being all alone out here.
And then Mr. Gunzenmeier showed up and scared the crap out of me.”
“Mr. Gunzenmeier? Wonder
what he was doing out here.”
“I have no idea,” said Bianca with a shrug. “He offered to give me a ride. He’s sort of strange, but he’s a nice old
guy.”
“Yeah,” Howie agreed.
“Well, you ready to go home? We
can call a tow truck to get your car when we get back to your house.”
“That would be great,” Bianca said gratefully, not wanting to
stick around any longer. “Let’s go.”
The ride home was quiet.
Both of them struggled to make small talk, but there were long periods
of uncomfortable silence. Before AJ
died, Bianca and Howie had gotten along great; they had always found things to
talk about when they were together. But
everything was different now.
“So, how are you doing?” Howie asked out of the blue, after
another long silence.
Bianca looked over at him, taken back by his sudden question. “Well… I’m… okay, I guess…” she said
slowly. “What about you? How are you doing?”
Howie shrugged. “I guess
okay too.” He paused for a few moments,
then added, “I miss him.”
Bianca nodded, unexpected tears rising in her eyes. “I miss him too,” she said softly. Then, hesitantly, she continued, “Every
morning, when I wake up… I expect him to be there. I roll over in bed, expecting to see him
lying there next to me… but he’s not.”
She swallowed hard, trying not to cry.
“And every night, I lie awake, just waiting for him to come to bed and
kiss me goodnight. But he never
does.”
Howie nodded wordlessly. “I
know what you mean,” he said quietly.
“Sometimes I pick up the phone and get halfway through dialing your
phone number before I remember that he’s not there and that he’s never going to
come home. And then… it’s like losing
him all over again. He was my best
friend for ten years. For a lot of the
time, like while we were on tour, we saw each other almost 24/7. He and I were closer than brothers. He… he was the best friend I’ve ever
had.” Howie fell silent, and although
she couldn’t see his face well in the dark car, Bianca sensed he, too, was struggling
to hold back tears.
She sniffled, blinking hard.
“Is it going to always be like this for us, Howie? Are we going to miss him like this forever?”
she asked.
“I lost my sister Caroline a few years ago,” Howie said, after a
moment. “I still miss her, but it
doesn’t hurt so much anymore to think about her. You’re always going to miss AJ, Bianca, but
it will get better with time. You’ll
move on, and you’ll let go of AJ and fall in love with someone else.”
“No, I won’t,” Bianca said quickly. “I’ll never be able to love someone like I
loved AJ.”
“No, you won’t love anyone in the same way you loved AJ, but
you’ll find someone someday that you love just as much as you loved him.”
Bianca shook her head stubbornly.
“No, I could never fall in love with anyone again. Even if I did meet someone… it just wouldn’t
be right.”
“You can’t go through the rest of your life thinking that, Bean,”
Howie said, glancing at her. “You’re
only twenty-two. You have so many years
ahead of you. You can’t just give up on
love for the rest of your life because of AJ.
I mean, do you think that AJ would never want you to fall in love
again? Do you think he would want you to
be single the rest of your life and never get married?” Bianca was silent, and Howie continued, “Bean,
AJ would want you to be happy, I’m sure he would. And someday, I’m sure you’re going to find a
man who makes you happy, and that’s okay.
You should be happy; you can’t grieve the rest of your life. Saying you’re never going to fall in love
again is like me saying I’m never going to make another friend, just because my
best friend died.”
“I guess you’re right,” Bianca said softly. “But right now, I can’t even begin to imagine
falling in love with someone else. For
me, there’s only AJ.”
Only AJ, her voice echoed inside her head, as she turned to face
the window so Howie wouldn’t see the tears that had begun to run down her
cheeks.
***
