Chapter 20
A lump rose in Bianca’s throat as she pulled into the driveway of
her childhood home in North Carolina two nights later. The house was ablaze with twinkling white
Christmas lights, and a big wreath with a red bow hung on the front door. Bianca could just make out the faint glow of
the Christmas tree through the curtains in the front window. She remembered how she had helped her mother
decorate the house for Christmas every year.
This year, she had decorated nothing, not even at her home in
Florida. She had not even bothered to
set up AJ’s massive artificial tree in the living room. The house was barren and cheerless, just as
her soul was.
“Bianca!” a voice called from the front porch. Bianca smiled and waved to her father as she
quickly cut through the lawn and went to meet him.
“Hi, Daddy,” she said, letting him pull her into his arms for a
hug.
“Merry Christmas, honey,” her father said, slowly releasing
her. “Here, let me take that.” He took her bulging suitcase and lugged it into
the house, Bianca following.
The inside of the Parker house was just as bright and jolly as the
outside. The Christmas tree was set up
in front of the window in the living room, glowing warmly with colored lights,
presents stacked underneath. Stockings
were hung on the mantel, and a mistletoe swayed in the doorway leading to the
dining room.
Bianca’s mother came bustling in from the kitchen as Bianca and
her father walked in. “Hi, sweetie!” she
cried, rushing over to give her daughter a hug.
“Oh, I’m so glad to see you! Was
the drive up here okay?”
“It was fine,” Bianca said, sitting down on the couch with her
mother while her father carried her suitcase upstairs.
“That’s good. So… how are
things?”
Bianca knew ‘things’ meant her emotional state. It meant was she still depressed, still in
mourning, still not over her loss? Well,
of course she was, but Bianca did not tell her mother that. Instead she forced a smile and said, “Fine.”
Her mother looked at her sadly.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Sweetie, I don’t mean to pry, but… well… you don’t look fine. You’ve lost weight, and you just look pale
and run down and…”
“Mom, it’s winter, of course I’m pale.”
“Bianca, you live in Florida.
You should be getting some sun, unless you spend all day shut
indoors.”
Bianca choose to ignore this and continued, “And I’ve been working
a lot of hours lately, so yeah, I’m a little tired.”
“Which also isn’t good. You
need to do more things with your friends, not work all the time.”
“And if I’ve lost weight, I haven’t noticed. Maybe it’s just cause I’ve been eating
healthier.”
“Or not eating at all.” Her
mother frowned, and Bianca glared back.
“Mom, please. Let’s just
change the subject, okay?” she said in exasperation.
“Sweetie, I’m just worried about you, that’s all!”
“We both are,” Bianca’s father added, coming back into the
room. He had obviously overheard the
last part of their conversation. “You’ve
been through a horrible tragedy, and we’re not sure you’re over it yet.”
“Of course I’m not,” Bianca said, fighting the urge to shout this
at her parents. “But I will be. I just need more time.”
“We understand, honey,” her father said patiently. “We just wanted to make sure you were doing
okay.”
Well, I am, so back off, Bianca thought, but she just smiled and
said, “Thanks, Daddy.” She knew she
should not be annoyed with her parents; they were just trying to help. She knew they loved her and were concerned
about her, and she felt somewhat guilty for distancing herself from them, but
she couldn’t help it. She felt apart
from everyone these days.
“Well,” said Bianca’s father, clapping his hands together. “Let’s talk about something… happier. It is Christmas, right? The one time of year we can forget all our
problems.”
Bianca smiled tightly. If
only that was possible.
***
“Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St.
Nicholas soon would be there.”
“Lindy, could you please stop that?” AJ asked in annoyance. “I’m trying to concentrate here.” He stared down at his fingers, willing them
to solidify. He had improved greatly
with that, but it still took a lot of energy and concentration, and Lindy
reciting “The Night Before Christmas” as she bounced around Bianca’s living
room was only making it harder.
“The children were nestled all snug in their beds… all
snug in their beds… and… what comes next?”
“I dunno, something about sugar plums in their heads, ain’t it?”
AJ muttered, breaking his concentration and sighing as he started over again.
“Yeah, that’s it! While
visions of sugar plums danced in their heads… right?”
“Whatever.”
“Aw, Aje, where’s your Christmas spirit?” Lindy whined.
“This year, I am a Christmas spirit,” said AJ, glaring at
his fingers.
“Haha, good one,” Lindy remarked.
AJ tore his gaze away from his hand and smirked at her. “Thanks… now shut up please.” He looked back down at his fingers and
quickly tried to solidify them before Lindy could open her mouth again. Finally, he succeeded and picked up a small
box wrapped in shiny, gold paper. He
carried the box over to the Christmas tree, which was turned off for the
night. Kneeling down, he rummaged
one-handed through the presents piled underneath it, clearing a path to the
very center of the tree. There he placed
the tiny box, burying it beneath the other presents. He smiled in satisfaction and backed away,
letting his hand dissolve to uselessness again.
Please, Bean, he thought, gazing up at the winged angel perched atop the
dark tree. Please understand this
time. Please.
***
The next morning, Christmas morning, Bianca awoke early. Even though she was twenty-three years old
now and had given up Santa Claus and all that “little kid” stuff ages ago, she
couldn’t help but feel excited. But
alongside her festive cheer was a feeling of melancholy; this was something she
experienced nearly every morning when she woke up, every time she realized that
AJ was no longer with her. But it was
getting easier and easier with each passing day to push the melancholy aside
and try to get on with her day. That
morning, Bianca refused to dwell on AJ.
It was Christmas; it was supposed to be a day of happiness, and she felt
she owed it to her family to be happy (or at least pretend to be). She could tell her depression was getting
them down, and she didn’t want that to happen.
So she put a smile on her face, slid on a pair of slippers over her bare
feet, and tip-toed down the stairs in her pajamas, wondering if her parents
were up yet.
She found them in the kitchen sipping coffee. “Merry Christmas!” her father called jovially
as Bianca entered the room.
“Merry Christmas, Daddy,” Bianca replied.
“Want a cup of coffee?” her mother offered, holding up the pot.
“Sure, Mama,” answered Bianca, adding, “Merry Christmas.”
“You too, sweetheart,” her mother said, pouring coffee into a
Christmas mug and handing it to her daughter.
“We’ll go open presents in a few minutes if you want.”
“Well, of course. It’s a
tradition, isn’t it?” Bianca said with a smile.
Her mother smiled back. The
three of them finished their coffee and then went into the living room to
tackle the mound of presents under the Christmas tree.
“You pass them out, Bianca,” said Bianca’s father, as he and her
mother sat down on the couch.
“Okay,” Bianca replied, getting down on her knees to pull out a
few of the presents. She read the labels
on top and passed them out to their respective receivers. When all the presents were out from under the
three, each member of the Parker family had a small heap of presents at their
feet. They took turns opening them, one
present at a time, until finally, the living room was covered in wrapping
paper, tissue paper, and boxes.
Bianca sighed happily, looking around the room and remembering all
her previous Christmases. She thought
back to last Christmas. She had been
home in North Carolina then too and had opened presents in this very room with
her parents, like always. In that
respect, it seemed nothing had changed.
But there was one thing that had.
The previous Christmas, glad as she was to be home, Bianca also couldn’t
wait to get back to Florida, back to AJ.
Their relationship was very new at this time last year and still in that
fresh, exciting state. It was the first
time she had been apart from AJ for more than a few days, and all she could
think about was being with him again.
Now, a year later, she and AJ were parted again. But this time, it was forever.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? Bianca wondered,
swallowing the lump that had lodged itself in her throat. I have to get over this; I have to let him
go. Thinking about him all the time
isn’t going to help anything.
Luckily, she was distracted from her thoughts of AJ by her father
saying, “Hey, Bianca, what’s that under the tree? Did you forget a present?”
Bianca, who had been sitting on the floor facing her parents,
turned around to the tree behind her.
Peering under it, she saw something shiny-ish half buried in the tree
skirt. Lying on her stomach, she reached
in under the tree and emerged with a small, gold-wrapped box in her hand.
“Guess I did miss one,” she said with a grin, glancing down at the
package. There was a small label on it,
different from the kind used on all the rest of the presents her parents had
given her. Her name was written on it in
shaky, hard-to-read handwriting. The
writing looked familiar to her, but she could not place it. She only knew that it was not in her mother’s
or father’s hand.
“Who is this from?” she asked, looking up at her parents, who were
exchanging puzzled glances.
“Well, I don’t know. I
didn’t put it there, did you?” her mother asked her father.
“No… are you sure you didn’t?”
“No, I didn’t. I’ve never
seen it before. I didn’t know it was
there,” replied Bianca’s motrher.
“That’s weird,” said Bianca.
“Oh well, maybe it’ll say who it’s from inside.” She carefully tore off the gold wrapping
paper to reveal a small, white box. She
lifted the lid to find a black velvet jewelry box. Mystified, she glanced up at her parents
again. Both of them were watching her
curiously. Shrugging, she slowly opened
the jewelry box. Inside there lay a
beautiful gold necklace. Leaning close
to it, she saw that on the dainty gold chain was a pretty little golden angel
charm with tiny diamonds imbedded in its halo and wings.
“Oooh, Mama, look,” Bianca breathed, walking on her knees over to
her mother with the box in one hand. She
handed it to her mother. “Isn’t it
pretty?”
“Well, it’s beautiful, sweetheart,” said her mother, “But how did
it get here?”
“You really don’t know?” Bianca asked.
“No. Like I said, I’ve never seen it before.”
“Hm, Santa must’ve left it,” Bianca said teasingly. But inside, she was a bit unnerved. Where did the necklace come from? Her parents wouldn’t lie to her; they
obviously really had no idea how it had gotten under their tree. But if they didn’t put it there, who did?
***
