Chapter 111
What a night, thought Nick as he perched on the
edge of his bed, exhausted. The concert
itself had been physically taxing, but all of the drama afterwards had drained
him emotionally, and that was almost worse.
His girlfriend and his ex-fiancée in the same house… Mary and Claire
hurling sarcastic comments at each other… Kevin trying to police the whole
thing… Laureen watching on from a fan’s eyes… and there Nick had been, in the
middle of it all, not sure what to say or whom to defend.
In a way,
he’d almost appreciated Mary for sticking up for him… but she’d gone too
far. He didn’t need anyone to fight his
battles, especially not against Claire.
He didn’t want to fight with Claire, and he didn’t want to see his
friends fighting with her either. But at
the same time, he admired Claire for sticking up for herself and not letting
Mary walk all over her. She’d never been
the type to let that happen; Claire would always fight back. With a smirk, Nick wondered what would have
happen if AJ’s jell-o wrestling idea had taken shape.
After all
of that, he was relieved to have everyone out of the house. Howie had left not long after Claire and
Laureen; he was driving back to Orlando that night so he could spend the night
in his own bed and drop by his parents’ house in the morning, before the others
arrived. AJ, Brian, Kevin, and their
significant others had all headed to their hotel after that, and now it was just
him and Veronica in the house. Peace and
quiet.
“Wish we’d
had some cameras set up to record all of that tonight!” Nick called when he
heard her climbing the stairs. “We
coulda turned it into a reality show!
Man, that was some drama.”
He expected
her to laugh, but when Veronica appeared in the doorway, she merely flashed a
thin, tight-lipped smile.
“You okay?”
he asked, immediately noticing that something was wrong.
Veronica
shrugged. “I’m just tired. Long day.
Long night.”
Nick
nodded. “I hear ya,” he agreed. “You ready for bed?”
“Actually,
I think I’m gonna go into the other room and write in my journal for a
bit.” She crossed the room to where
she’d left her suitcase and dug through it for a few seconds before standing
up, brandishing the beat-up notebook he’d seen her scribbling away in from time
to time. “Don’t wait up for me though,
okay?”
“Alright…”
Nick nodded slowly, watching her. “You
sure you’re okay?”
“Fine. ‘Night, Nick.”
She’s mad about something, Nick thought as he watched her walk
away, her journal cradled against her chest.
He wondered if it had anything to do with Claire’s being there
tonight. It had to be weird for her,
being around his former fiancée. But
she’d always known that he and Claire were still friends… friends, but nothing
more.
I sound like Claire, he realized all of a sudden,
chuckling ruefully to himself as he remembered all the times Claire had said
the same thing about her and Jamie. He’d
never liked that guy, even though she’d always sworn she and Jamie were ancient
history. Of course, that hadn’t been so
true; now they were back together. But
as long as they were, he and Claire could never be. Veronica knew that, didn’t she?
Nick
sighed; he was too tired to think about it now.
He would worry about Veronica in the morning. A good night’s sleep would do them both good,
he decided.
With that
thought, he slipped under the covers, turned off the bedside lamp, and was
asleep within minutes.
***
Nick didn’t
see much of Veronica the next day. She
looked exhausted in the morning and claimed that she hadn’t slept much the
night before. She napped in her bunk on
his bus the whole way to Orlando and didn’t turn up for soundcheck in the
afternoon. He did find her in the
audience at the concert that night, but even with the stage lights partially
blinding him as he squinted out into the rows of seats, he could tell that she
was not her usual smiley self.
Something
was wrong, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. But with the usual post-concert rush, there
was no time to talk until they were back on the bus, on their way to the hotel
in Orlando, where they’d be staying for the night.
“Can we
talk?” Nick asked her, as she sat staring out the window into the
darkness. He wasn’t even sure how she
could see anything; all he saw was his own reflection in the tinted glass. His features revealed the worry and
uncertainty inside of him.
“Not
now. We do need to talk, but… wait till
we get back to the hotel,” Veronica answered vaguely.
“Okay,”
Nick nodded, but his stomach was in knots.
Something was definitely wrong.
Once they
had finally checked into the hotel and made it up to their room, Nick perched
on the edge of the bed and looked up at her expectantly. “Okay, V, start talking,” he said. “I know something’s going on, so… shoot.”
“Okay…”
Veronica said slowly, taking a few steps closer to him, her hands clasped
tightly in front of her. She twisted
them around nervously for a few seconds and then took a deep breath. “There’s really no easy way to say this, so
I’m just gonna say it. When we land in
New York tomorrow, I’m… I’m going to take a bus home to Rochester.”
Nick nodded
slowly. “Okay…”
“… And I’m
not going to come back… not for the rest of the tour,” Veronica continued. Her throat moved visibly as she swallowed
hard.
Nick’s own
throat tightened. “What are you saying?”
he asked hoarsely, staring up at her.
Was she about to break up with him?
“I’m
saying… this isn’t working for me anymore, Nick. None of it. Not just the tour… the tour has been amazing,
actually. It’s just… our whole
relationship. It’s not going to work
out,” Veronica said falteringly, but her tone was firm.
“Wh-why do
you think that?” Nick stammered, shaking his head. “I thought we had something good going on…”
“Stop. Please don’t make this harder than it already
is. It took me a whole night and day’s
worth of thinking and reflecting to come to this conclusion and work up the
guts to say this to you, but I have to say it.”
Veronica stopped to clear her throat, then said, “If there’s one thing
I’ve gained from being with you, Nick, it’s confidence. You’ve taught me to be more secure and value
myself more. My last boyfriend didn’t
respect me, and I didn’t respect myself, but… I do now. And because I respect myself, I can’t let
myself stay in a relationship that I know is going nowhere.”
Nick shook
his head more vigorously. “Veronica-“ he
started, but she cut him off.
“I’m a
rebound for you, Nick. And don’t try to
deny it because we both know it’s true.
We’ve always known; we’ve talked about this before. Technically, you’re a rebound for me
too. We got into this when we were both
coming off of bad break-ups,” she pointed out, and Nick had to admit, she was
right. “The difference between us is,
being with you helped me get over my ex.
But you being with me… I don’t think it’s done anything for your
feelings for Claire. You still have
them, Nick. If I didn’t realize it
before, I know it now, after last night.
I saw the way you looked at her, the way you lit up whenever she was
around.”
“What are
you-“
“You don’t
have to feel bad; I know you weren’t doing it on purpose. You can’t help who you love. But just admit it… you still love Claire,
don’t you?”
She was
looking down at him, but her eyes weren’t condescending or accusing or anything
like that. Mostly, they just looked
sad. And that was almost worse. He squirmed under her gaze for a few long
seconds, but he knew he couldn’t deny it.
He wished he didn’t still have feelings for Claire, but the truth was,
he did, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
“Yes,” he
whispered, lowering his eyes. “I… I
guess I didn’t realize how much I still did until I saw her last night. I thought I was getting over her, but…”
“Some
people, you never get over,” murmured Veronica quietly.
Nick
swallowed hard, then forced himself to look up at her. “But the thing is, I can’t be with her,” he
said fiercely. “So it doesn’t even
matter. Just because I have feelings for
her doesn’t mean I don’t also have feelings for you. I really care about you, Veronica!”
Veronica
gave him a sad smile. “I know. You care about me… but you love
Claire. There’s a difference. You don’t love me, not in that way. And… and,” she added quickly, before he could
protest, “if I’m being honest, Nick, I really care about you too… but I don’t
think I love you that way either. I… I
love being with you, being around you…
These last few months have been amazing!! Like a dream come true… being Nick Carter’s
girlfriend. But that’s the thing – maybe
all this time, I was just in love with the idea of being with you. What fan isn’t? You’re everything I’d hoped you would be… but
you’re not ‘the one’ – do you know what I mean?
You and I… we were never meant to last.
It’s never going to work out between us.”
Nick kept
his eyes down, staring into his lap. For
a few seconds, he didn’t speak. He knew
she was right. He’d enjoyed their fling
over the last few months too, but he’d never felt the same way about her as he
had for Claire. He’d never looked at her
and thought, This is the woman I want to grow old with, never had the
compulsion to propose to her during the credits of a cheesy horror movie as
they lay in bed, snuggled together and tipsy.
There just hadn’t been the kind of sparks he’d experienced with Claire,
the kind of sparks that told him this was something truly special.
Finally he
looked up, and slowly, he nodded. “I’m
sorry, V,” was all he could think to say.
“You don’t
have to apologize,” she said softly in return.
“I wouldn’t trade the last six months for anything. I should be thanking you. You came into my life when I was looking for
a change, and you made me a better, stronger person. You helped heal some of the wounds my last
boyfriend created. But I still have
healing left to do, and I think I need to do it alone this time. I just need be single for awhile, spend some
time on my own, just working on me.
I think I’m going to move back to New York and take some classes next
semester, finish up my bachelor’s degree.”
“That would
be nice,” replied Nick, his voice still hoarse because his throat had gone
dry. “Then maybe you could start doing
what you really want to do…”
“Writing,”
Veronica finished, and for a brief moment, they shared a smile. “Exactly.
No more deli for Veronica. I’m
going to make something of myself.”
Nick
nodded. “Well… I wish you the best
then,” he said, raking a hand through his hair.
This was one of the most bizarre breakups he’d ever endured, mostly
because it was so civil, so undramatic.
No revealing of huge, life-altering lies that would tear them apart
forever… no break-up notes left behind to tear him up inside. He knew now that he and Veronica were over,
but this time, he also knew, without a doubt, that he would be okay. And so would she. She was right; they weren’t meant to last,
and if she hadn’t come to that conclusion now, they inevitably still would have
fizzled down the road. It was probably
best to end it now, on friendly terms.
“You too,”
Veronica echoed his sentiments with a tiny smile. “I hope the rest of the tour goes well. You know I’ll be keeping track of you. Once a fan, always a fan.” She smiled wider.
He returned
the smile. “We can still keep in touch,”
he said. “You don’t just have to read
about me on the internet or something.
Gimme a call sometime; you’ve got my number now.
Veronica
nodded. “I will.”
That night,
Nick slept in Howie’s suite, letting Veronica have the one they were supposed
to share. They’d both agreed it would be
better that way, less awkward. They rode
on different buses to the airport the next morning and sat in different rows on
the plane to New York. When they got off
at JFK International, he pulled her into a hug in the terminal. “Take care, V,” he whispered in her ear. And then they went their separate ways, Nick
piling into a van with guys for the ride to their hotel, Veronica boarding a
bus that would take her back to her hometown of Rochester.
After that,
the tour went on as planned. But
Veronica never called.
***