Chapter 126
Until she had started planning a wedding, Claire had never understood
the expression “time flies” better. When
she had gotten engaged to Jamie in February, she’d thought the wait for her
wedding day to arrive would seem to take an eternity. She’d never been the most patient person in
the world. But quite the contrary, she
couldn’t believe how quickly it was approaching. February had turned into March, and then,
suddenly, it had been May. The summer
had flown by, a fast-motion blur between June and September, and now…
“Christmas commercials?!” Claire cried, gaping at the TV, which
was blasting the tune to “Jingle Bells” as people in Santa hats and Christmas
sweaters bounced around in the flashy ad for a department store sale. “Jamie, they just showed a Christmas
commercial! It’s November first!”
Jamie, who had just come back into her living room, laughed. “Well, that is about when they start showing
them anymore. Halloween’s over; time to
move on to the next big commercial holiday.”
“What about Thanksgiving??”
“It’s not commercial, babe. You
don’t buy presents for Thanksgiving – or candy and costumes. What do you think the point of advertising
is?”
“God, I can’t believe the holidays are already here,” Claire moaned,
raking her hands through her hair.
“But you love the holidays,” Jamie pointed out.
“Yes, but when Christmas comes, it means we only have one month till
the wedding. Exactly one month. There’s sooo much left to do before then!”
Jamie laughed. “Clairie – chill. There’s plenty of time, and look,
everything’s coming together on schedule.
See?” He tossed her a small
package, which she caught with surprise.
“Ooh, was that the UPS guy?” she asked, turning the brown cardboard box
over in her hands. Her eyes lit up as
she spotted the return label of the engraving company. “Ooh, the invitations!!”
Jamie chuckled again as she tore into the box like a kid on Christmas
and pulled out a tall stack of invitations wrapped in clear cellophane. She struggled with the wrap, but it was
sealed tightly and didn’t want to open.
“Need some help?” asked Jamie as she looked for a loose edge she could
tear up.
“I got it,” she replied quickly, but after a few more seconds of
yanking and grunting in frustration, she gave him a sheepish look and handed it
over.
Jamie tugged at the cellophane, frowned, and then lifted the top to his
mouth, baring his teeth as he tried to use them to rip the plastic open.
“Don’t use your teeth!” Claire screeched, jumping up to snatch the
package away from him. Meeting Jamie’s
innocent face with a strict look, she cautioned, “Do you know how many patients
I see in the office who chipped their teeth trying to get something open or undone?”
Jamie shrugged. “It’s just cellophane,”
he protested, but she’d already gone into the kitchen to dig out some scissors,
smirking at how like her father she sounded.
She couldn’t count how many times he’d barked at her not to use her
teeth to open things or get knots out when she was a child, and after working
for a dentist for five years, she understood why.
She slit open the top of the cellophane and pulled the rest of the
wrapping off easily. The invitations
remained in a neat stack, bound by paper.
Sliding the top one out from under the ribbon of paper, she opened the
heavy parchment paper in anticipation.
She heard Jamie come up behind her to read over her shoulder as she
eagerly scanned the message she and her mother had composed, under the
direction of the representative from the engraving company. The words, written in elegant, plum-colored
script that rose slightly off the ivory parchment and listing the date, time,
and place of their wedding, made the whole thing seem that much more real. It was set in stone now – or on paper,
anyway.
Smiling excitedly, she handed the invitation to Jamie for a closer
look. He nodded his approval and
wordlessly planted a kiss on her cheek, before closing the invitation and
slipping it back into the stack.
“Ahh, I’ve got to call my mom and tell her they’re here,” said Claire
gleefully. “She said she’d help me
address them so I can mail them out.
Maybe we can do that next week,” she went on as she reached for her
phone, a million things on her mind.
“You can help if you want.”
“That’s okay,” Jamie chuckled.
“We want to make sure they actually get to the people we’re inviting,
and you know how crappy my handwriting is.”
Rolling her eyes, Claire smiled and speed-dialed her parents’ home.
***
The following weekend, Claire sat at the kitchen table in her mother’s
house in Gainesville, her hand starting to cramp from all of the addresses
she’d written in her neatest, most careful penmanship.
“Jenn,” she muttered, adding an envelope addressed to Miss Jennifer
Brooks, her best friend from college, to the stack of finished
invitations. She reached for the next
blank envelope, then paused and went back to Jenn’s invitation, setting it
apart from the others. She would need
extra postage for that one; it was being mailed all the way to Paris, France,
where Jenn had been living since graduation.
But Jenn would be back in a month; she had arranged to fly home for
Christmas and stay for a month, just long enough to serve as a bridesmaid in
the wedding. As a woman who only had a
few close girlfriends, Claire was eternally grateful for this.
Her mother glanced up from the envelope she was addressing. “I think I’ll just take these to the post
office on Monday, rather than mailing them from home. That way, they’ll take care of the
postage. Jenn’s is the only overseas
address though, right?”
“Right,” Claire nodded, scanning her half of the guest list her mother
had divided for them to address. She had
reached the bottom of it; there was only one name left. Unlike the others, no address accompanied
it. It was just his first name, scrawled
hastily, with a fat question mark after it.
Nick?
She looked up. “Mom? What should I do about Nick?”
Her mother stopped again and lifted her head, meeting Claire’s
eyes. “You mean, should you invite him
or not?” she asked, and Claire nodded.
It was a question she had long debated in her own mind. She was afraid that inviting Nick, the man to
whom she’d once been engaged, to her wedding with someone else would only hurt
him. She didn’t want it to look like she
was rubbing salt into his wounds. But at
the same time, she feared that not inviting him might sting worse. She didn’t want it to seem like she was
cutting him out of her life, and this was certainly a major event in her
life. There were plenty of reasons to
invite him and just as many not to.
She’d gone over them all time and time again and still hadn’t come to a
concrete decision, hence the question mark that accompanied his name on her
list.
“Let me ask you a question,” said her mother. “Is Nick your friend or your ex-boyfriend?”
Claire hesitated. “He’s… he’s both,”
she replied, staring at her mother.
Wasn’t that the reason for the whole dilemma, the fact that he was both
a close friend and a guy she’d dated seriously?
“Well, what do you think of him more as? A friend, or an old flame?”
Claire paused again, considering it.
She and Nick had dated for not quite a year, but she’d had feelings for
him long before that. On the other hand,
he’d been a friend before she’d even considered the idea of him being anything
more, and she liked to think they were still good friends, not just the
ex-boyfriend and girlfriend who somehow managed to get along.
“Friend,” she said, with a nod of certainty.
Her mother nodded too. “Then
invite him,” she advised. “If he doesn’t
want to go, that will be his decision to make, and an understandable one at
that, but at least you’ll have given him the option. I think not inviting him to something as big
as your wedding would only make him feel more like your ex and less like your
friend.”
Claire smiled gratefully. “That
makes sense. I’ll invite him,” she
agreed, and as she pulled a fresh envelope from the dwindling pile and wrote
out his address by heart, she smiled, feeling like she was making a good
decision. She was putting it in his
hands now, the choice of whether to come or not. She wasn’t sure what he would do… but
secretly, she wanted him to come. If he
came, she would take it as a sign that he had accepted the fact that she was
marrying Jamie… and she wanted his acceptance.
She needed his acceptance, needed to know he wouldn’t resent her
for her choices the rest of her life.
Her stomach churned with nerves as she carefully slid an invitation and
RSVP card into the envelope, placed a seal and return address label on it, and
set it down on the table, face up. Mr.
Nick Carter, his name gleamed up at her, strangely formal on the fancy
envelope. She stared at it and, for a
split second, imagined that it said Mr. Jamie Turner. It easily could have, were the situation
reversed, as it had been two years ago.
Jamie’s name would have been on the outside of the invitation then, and
Nick’s on the inside, along with hers and the details of their wedding, the
lost wedding which had never been fully planned and would never take place.
She swallowed hard and blinked back to reality, reading his name and
address again, picturing the words of the real invitation on the inside. Then she picked up the envelope and added it
to her stack.
***
A few days later, Claire sat staring at the envelope again, this time
in her car, which she’d thrown into park at the foot of Nick’s driveway. Her mother had put the rest of the stack of invitations
into the mail on Monday, but Claire had taken Nick’s with her after deciding to
deliver it to him in person. She didn’t
want him to get it in the mail without a word from her; she want to be there,
hand it to him herself, and explain.
Yet now that she was here on his property, her stomach was fluttering
with butterflies. Could she really do
this? Go up to her ex-fiancée’s house
and invite him to her wedding, her wedding to a man he despised?
You have to, she coached herself, knowing she would
regret not extending the invitation, whether he accepted it or not. Her mom was right; she had to let him know
that, despite everything, he was still her friend, and she wanted to include
him in the important events of her life.
Besides, she had reasoned with herself, if it was his wedding,
you’d go, wouldn’t you? When he gets
married, you’ll want to be invited.
Confident that, were the tables turned, she would go to Nick’s wedding,
she decided she was being silly for hesitating so much and set the invitation
on the passenger’s seat, shifting gears back into drive. She pulled the Beetle up his long driveway,
parking in the circle in front of his house and shutting off the engine. Sitting for a moment, she took a deep breath,
then unfastened her seatbelt, grabbed the envelope from the seat next to her,
and climbed out of the car.
***
Nick was on the phone with Kevin when he heard the car door slam. Phone to his ear, listening to Kevin ramble
about Kristin and how much she was starting to show now that she was six months
pregnant, he got up from the couch and went to the picture window in the living
room. Peeking out the sheer curtains, he
saw the yellow Bug, and his stomach flip-flopped.
“Hey, Kev?” he said, interrupting Kevin’s excited babbling, “Sorry, but
can I call you back a little later?
Claire just showed up.”
Kevin stopped shortly. “Oh. Well… I see where I come in on your priority
list, huh, Nick?”
“What? No, Kev, it’s not that; I
just… I gotta get the door!” Nick exclaimed, flustered.
Kevin started laughing immediately.
“Kidding, Nick, jesus! It’s cool,
bro; mellow out, huh? Call me back when
you can. And lemme know about
Thanksgiving, alright?”
Relaxing, Nick smirked. Even
after fifteen years of knowing the guy, he still couldn’t tell when Kevin was
being sarcastic. “Sure, I will. Thanks for the invite.”
“No problem. You know you’re
welcome anytime, kiddo.”
Twenty-seven
years old, and he still calls me kiddo, thought Nick with a smile, shaking his head. He and Brian also still invited Nick to spend
the holidays with their family in Kentucky, like they had every year since Nick
was nineteen and estranged from his own family.
He hadn’t accepted every year; some years he spent holidays with Howie’s
family or AJ’s or a girlfriend’s or by himself.
But he’d enjoyed quite a few Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with the
Littrell family, and the way it was looking, he’d be flying to Lexington again
at the end of the month.
Saying goodbye, he got off the phone with Kevin just as the doorbell
rang and went to the door. When he
opened it, there was Claire, in her work scrubs and clean, white tennis shoes,
her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail.
She immediately smiled up at him.
“Hi, Nick.”
“Hey!” He didn’t bother to hide
his surprise at seeing her on his doorstep.
It had been awhile since he’d seen her.
Between work and getting ready for the wedding, it seemed like he never
saw her anymore. She came to the support
group with him every once in awhile on Saturdays, but usually she spent her
weekends with Jamie or her mom, doing “wedding stuff.” Nick was used to it by now and understood,
though it still stung a little. It
wasn’t just that they didn’t hang out anymore; it was that it was more clear
than ever that he had been replaced. By
Jamie. He was her boyfriend now, her
fiancée, and in just over two months, he would be her husband. Nick hated the thought, so he just tried not
to think about it.
“What’s up?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.
“Oh… you know,” she replied with a vague shrug.
Nick didn’t know, but he could imagine.
“Work? Wedding?”
She smiled sheepishly. “Like I
said… you know.” She shifted her weight,
her hands clasped together behind her back.
“So, what about you? What’s been
up?”
He, too, shrugged. “Nothin’
much. Just… you know… hangin’ out,
working on some music and stuff.”
“Really? I’d love to hear it
sometime… I mean, if that’s okay.”
He smirked, suddenly thinking of the song he’d written for her when they
were together, the song he’d never let her hear. And never would, at this rate. But there were other songs she could hear,
other songs that weren’t about their relationship. “Yeah, sure… I mean, if you want to.”
She smiled. “Of course! Invite me over anytime you want an audience.”
He chuckled. “Okay. Well hey, come inside, why don’t you? Sorry, didn’t mean to keep you standing on
the porch.”
“It’s okay,” Claire laughed, following him inside. “I can’t stay long, but I actually wanted to
give you something. Speaking of
invites…”
He turned around, and she wordlessly handed him a fancy-looking,
cream-colored envelope, embossed with a floral pattern. Nick swallowed hard, his stomach
clenching. He knew right away what this
was. “Speaking of invites, huh?” he
muttered as he walked back into the living room, his throat clogged. “Would this be your wedding invitation?” He flipped it over and saw his full name and
address on the front. There was a return
address too, but no stamp. “Why didn’t you
mail it?”
“I wanted to bring it over in person,” she said quietly, following
him. When he sat down on the couch,
still looking at the envelope, she sat down next to him and put her hand on his
arm. “Listen… I wasn’t sure if it was
right to invite you or not; I know it’s kind of weird… for both of us. But… despite everything, you’re my friend,
Nick, and I would love to have you there if you feel like coming. But if you don’t, I understand… and I can’t
say I’d blame you.” She shrugged
awkwardly, giving him a crooked smile.
Nick nodded, but he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t just yet. He’d thought about the wedding, about what it
would be like to watch her walk down the aisle in a white wedding gown, into
the arms of another man. Jamie, no
less. The mental picture made him sick,
and yet he knew it was going to be a reality, whether he was there to witness
it or not. He hadn’t been sure if she
would even invite him or not, and now that she had, he still wasn’t sure
whether or not he was going to go.
He took his time opening the envelope, pulling out the invitation. It was very formal-looking, made of heavy
paper and written in elegant, engraved cursive.
He read the words slowly and silently, letting himself take them in.
~
Mr. and Mrs. Kristopher Ryan
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Claire Aileen
to
James Thomas Turner
son of Mrs. Joanne Turner and the late Mr. Patrick Turner
on Friday, the twenty-fifth of January
at five o’clock in the evening
at Bayview Christian Church
Tampa, Florida
~
Enclosed with the wedding invitation was a separate invitation to the
reception and an RSVP card. Nick looked
at both, running his fingers over the engraved words, feeling the texture of
the swirling letters beneath his fingertips.
He swallowed hard and looked over at Claire, who was watching him,
chewing on her bottom lip the way she always did when she was nervous.
He cleared his throat. “Can I…
can I, um, let you know later?” he asked, twirling the RSVP card awkwardly.
“Oh! Sure!” she exclaimed
quickly, nodding. “Yeah, that’s
fine. Just stick that in the mail or
give me a call, or whatever. I don’t
care about all the formalities. And you
know, if you maybe just want to come to the reception, that’s fine too… whatever
you feel like doing.”
Watching her, he could tell she wanted him to come. And he knew it wasn’t because she wanted to
put him through the pain of watching her marry someone else; she wasn’t that
cruel. He got the impression that she
just wanted to know he was okay. Coming
to her wedding, despite everything, would be a sign that was he was okay with
it.
But was he?
Nick kept twirling the RSVP card.
It had been almost two years since they’d broken up, and he still didn’t
know.
***
Claire didn’t stay long. After
she left, Nick decided to call Kevin back, as eager to get some advice as Kevin
was to talk about Kristin and the baby.
He tried to be patient as he listened to Kevin finish telling his story
about their latest appointment with Kristin’s obstetrician, and as soon as
there was an opening, he said, “Hey, Kev… O Wise Older Brother… I got a
dilemma.”
“A dilemma, huh?” echoed Kevin, sounding amused. Nick figured he was surprised to hear him use
a word like “dilemma,” or maybe just flattered that Nick was actually asking
him for advice before he could offer it… usually Kevin’s advice was
self-imposed. In any case, Nick could
tell he was smiling.
“Yeah, a dilemma,” he repeated.
“Claire showed up at my house, right?
And the reason she came was to bring me an invitation to her
wedding. She said she wanted to give it
to me in person.”
“Oh,” said Kevin, after a pause.
“That had to be a little awkward, huh?”
“Uh, yeah,” Nick snorted.
“Definitely awkward. I mean,
don’t get me wrong; she was nice about it and everything… she said she would
understand if I didn’t to come, but she wanted to invite me anyway.”
“Yeah? So what’d you tell her?”
“I said I’d let her know later.
That’s what I’m wondering, Kev… like, what do I do?? Do I go?
Do I not go?? I… I dunno if I can
handle just sitting there, watching her marry someone else… but I dunno if I
can not go, you know? First of all, then
it looks like I still have issues… which I guess I do, but hell, she doesn’t
need to know that. Then I’d look
pathetic. And I’d probably just sit at
home or in some bar somewhere, thinking about it as it was happening. I just wouldn’t be there to see it. I dunno which would be worse.” He raked his hand through his hair, his
stomach twisting.
Kevin exhaled slowly and audibly.
“Maaan, Nick… I dunno what to tell ya.
It’s really a decision you need to make on your own. You’re in a tough position… no one wants to
see their girl marry someone else, but then she is your friend too… But she has to understand why you wouldn’t
want to come. But you’d probably look
like a bigger man if you came… show her you support her, even if you don’t like
what she’s doing.”
Nick smirked; Kevin was straddling the fence just as much as he
was. He wished the older man would have
given him a clear answer one way or the other, the obvious choice that just
hadn’t been so obvious to him. But Kevin
was right; it was his decision to make.
No one else could know exactly how he felt but him.
“Yeah,” he said, sighing. “I
know, dude; that’s all true. I dunno
what I’m gonna do.”
“Well, you don’t have to decide right now. Sleep on it, okay? Give it a few days. You told her you’d let her know later, so you
don’t have to give her an answer right away.
And I’m sure she’ll understand, whatever you end up doing, so don’t
worry about what she’s going to think.
Think about your feelings too, okay, bud? I don’t want to see you get hurt even more for
no reason.”
Nick smiled sadly and nodded.
“Thanks, Kev. Sorry for dumping
all the shit in my pathetic love life on you… I know you’ve got better things
to think about.”
“No, no, it’s fine! I’m glad you
called back, and you know I don’t mind.
That’s what brothers are for, right?” asked Kevin in his “Dad” voice,
and Nick smiled again. “You can come to
me anytime. I’m just sorry I wasn’t more
helpful. I just don’t know what you
should do… I think that’s something only
you can know.”
Nick nodded again. “Right. Well, I’ll think on it,” he said, absently
twisting a piece of his shaggy hair around his finger. Suddenly, he remembered something else. “Oh!
Kev, by the way… count me in for Thanksgiving, okay?”
“Sure, bro,” said Kevin, and again, Nick could tell he was smiling on
the other end of the line. “I’ll tell
Aunt Jackie to set a place for you.”
Nick smiled too. At least now he
knew where he’d be spending Thanksgiving.
The big question now was, where would he be on January twenty-fifth?
***