Chapter 165
“I’m… dreaming of a white… Christmas…
just like the ones I used to know…”
As Bing
Crosby’s smooth voice crooned through the condo, Claire looked out the window
at the bay and the palm trees and laughed.
She could dream of a white Christmas all she wanted, but it was never
going to happen here in Tampa. She’d
traded all hopes of a white Christmas for sand and sun, and except for the fact
that her husband was still in blustery Iowa, she wasn’t sorry. Here in Florida, she could be with her
family.
“Oh,
Claire, was that the door?”
Startling
out of her reverie, Claire looked over at her mother, who was standing on a
stepstool in front of the artificial Christmas tree, her arms full of colored
lights. She hadn’t even heard anything
at the door, but suddenly, there it was, the distinct sound of someone
knocking. Instinctively, she started to
get up from the couch, but her mom quickly dropped the lights, held up her hand
to stop her, and jumped down from the stool.
“I’m sorry,
I didn’t mean for you to get up,” she said.
“Stay put; I’ve got this.”
Sighing,
Claire stayed put, watching as her mother hurried off to answer the door. This bed rest thing was getting on her nerves
already.
It wasn’t
as boring as she thought it would be, for with Christmas less than two weeks
away, there was plenty for her to do.
She’d been writing Christmas cards, shopping online, and working on her
knitting while the rest of her family collaborated on the Christmas
decorations, making the new condo look festive and homey with the old tree from
Claire’s apartment, some wreaths and garland, and even a bit of mistletoe, for
when Jamie came back.
The hard
part had been having to lie around and watch them put up the decorations. In all her twenty-eight years, Claire could
not remember a Christmas in which she had not at least helped trim the tree. This year, she felt utterly useless because
all she do were things that involved lying down or sitting still. And while she had spent enough time sick in
bed to be used to it, she didn’t feel sick or overly tired now, and that made
it frustrating. She wanted to be
up doing things, and she couldn’t.
Doctor’s orders.
But at
least she’d taken up knitting again. As
she heard her mother unlock the door, she glanced down at the square of knitted
yarn in her lap. It wasn’t very big yet,
or very good, but she was getting better.
She hadn’t knitted in a long time, not since she was twenty and too weak
from chemo to do much else. That was
when Grandma Ryan had taught her; it was the first time she’d had enough
patience to learn. She’d come to enjoy
it, although it was a hobby that fell by the wayside once she was back on her
feet. She had decided that now would be
a good time to pick it up again; she’d already decided she was going to knit
some baby booties and a blanket for each of the twins. But until she got good enough to tackle
those, she’d work on her practice project:
a hat for Nick. It was going to
be part of his Christmas present, she’d decided, and he was going to laugh
because it would surely turn out ghastly.
Her smirk
faded as she heard her mother say, “Well, hi, Nick! Come on in!” and she quickly shoved her
knitting under the couch, straightening up just in time for Nick to come in.
“Hey!” she
greeted him with a smile.
“Hey,” Nick
returned, smiling, before he took a look around the room. “It looks great in here. You guys have been busy.”
“Still
are,” said Claire’s mom, coming in behind him and immediately returning to her
bundle of Christmas tree lights.
“You need
some help with those?” Nick asked, as she climbed back onto her stepstool,
struggling to untangle the strands of lights she had dropped.
“Well…
sure, that would be wonderful!” She
handed the lights over to him, and he untangled them as he went along, feeding
her a few feet of lights at a time to drape around the top branches of the
tree.
Claire
smiled as she watched them work. Nick
wasn’t the most skilled in tree-decorating – Claire wasn’t sure he’d ever put
lights on a Christmas tree himself before – but he made up for it with his
height, which came in quite handy for helping her mom get lights around the top
of the tree. And his voice added to the
Christmas spirit by blending in quite beautifully with Bing’s, as he sang
along, “May your days be merry and bright… and may all your Christmases be
white.”
She was
still smiling at him when the song ended and he looked over at her, their eyes
meeting. “Sorry to have to say this,
Claire, but I don’t think your Christmas is going to be white this year,” he
said, winking.
Claire
giggled. “No, somehow I don’t think
so. What a shame, missing out on all
that lovely snow back up in Iowa.” She
snorted, and he smiled; neither one of them was much of a fan of snow or cold,
which was why they were both in Florida.
But Claire had to admit, a part of her would have liked to see a white
Christmas.
Still, she
would rather be here with her family and her friends.
“I’ll be home for Christmas…”
Nick sang, contentedly stringing lights with her mother, as the CD
changed.
Claire
smiled. This was home.
***
“You’re a mean one… Mr. Grinch…”
The
Christmas music had changed, but it was as familiar as ever. It was her twenty-eighth Christmas, and
Claire had still never missed seeing “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” on TV at
least once per season. As her parents
told it, she had even watched it when she was a baby, because Kyle was seven
then. She hoped that Kyle had it on for
his own son right now.
It was
incredible how much things had changed, Claire thought, as she watched the
Grinch sew his Santa suit. She had
watched this same Christmas special every year of her life for almost a full
three decades, yet in the course of only a year, just about everything else was
different for her.
A year ago,
she had still been single… engaged, yes, but not yet married... still living in
her old apartment… working her old job in Dr. Somers’ office… and planning her
wedding.
Now she was
married to Jamie, living in Des Moines, Iowa but staying in this condo in
Tampa, jobless, and pregnant with twins.
By this time next year, she would have two babies to turn on “The
Grinch” for.
It was incredible.
She rested
her hand on her belly and rubbed it contentedly. Despite all the stress and worry and
complications over the last few months, right now, she couldn’t have felt
happier. This Christmas was going to be
one to remember, and in a good way. It
was going to be special.
***
“You’re a vile one… Mr. Grinch… you
have termites in your smile…”
Across
town, Nick sat on his couch with his arm around Laureen, smiling at the same
Christmas special he, too, remembered watching as a child and thinking the very
same thing as Claire.
Well, not
the very same thing… but just that, after years of less-than-spectacular
Christmases, this one was going to be special.
For one
thing, it was the first time he’d had a girlfriend for the holidays since…
Leah.
He
shuddered slightly, remembering the Christmas he’d spent thinking he was going
to be fathering her child in the new year.
It had been a happy thought at the time… but now it just made him
queasy.
As his body
tensed, Laureen looked over. “You okay?”
Nick
coughed. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a… chill…”
“A
chill?” Laureen grinned at him in
amusement. “How could you be cold? We’re in Florida. It’s never cold here.”
“It gets
cold here sometimes,” Nick said defensively.
“Ha! I’m from Chicago, Nick. Trust me, it never gets cold here. You don’t know cold until you’ve spent a
winter in Chicago.”
“Hey, I’ve
been to Chicago in the winter. And… it
does suck; you’re right.” He grinned,
and she gave him a playful shove.
“Don’t
knock my homeland! I love Chicago. Don’t exactly love the cold and the snow, but
I do kind of like it around Christmastime.
It’s going to be weird being here for Christmas…”
Nick cocked
his head. “You aren’t going home?” He wasn’t sure why they hadn’t talked about
it yet, but for some reason, he’d assumed she’d want to fly home to Illinois
for the holidays.
She shook
hers. “No. I usually do, but I was just there in
October, and well… I thought maybe… since…”
She looked up at him, anxiously winding the drawstring of her hoodie
around her finger, and then she finished quickly, “Well, I was just thinking
it’d be better if I stayed here this year.
Christmas is never that great at home anyway; my mom always spends it in
whatever bar stays open, and my dad’s got his own family to spend it with, my
step-mom and my little half-sister and all, and I always just feel like I’m
interfering when I spend it with them, you know?”
“Aw, I’m
sure you wouldn’t be interfering… but yeah, I know how that goes. You know how awkward things with my family
can be.” He made a face.
Laureen
smiled. “It wasn’t bad at
Thanksgiving. I liked meeting your dad
and Aaron and Angel.”
“I’m glad
you had a good time. Well, until our
little red-eye back here,” laughed Nick, thinking of poor Claire. “But yeah, Aaron and Angel are good
kids. And things with my dad have gotten
better ever since he and my mom divorced.
I hate to say it, but things are just easier without her around. Less drama.”
“That’s…
understandable.” Laureen offered a tiny
smile, and he nodded, chuckling.
“So yeah…
if you’re not flying home, maybe we should just spend Christmas together then,
huh?”
The tiny
smile on Laureen’s lips grew into a big one that made her whole face light
up. He could tell that’s what she had
been hoping for, and that made him smile.
“I would love that,” she said sweetly.
“Me too,”
he agreed, and pulled her closer to him again.
“My dad’ll probably invite us down to the Keys again… but I dunno… maybe
we could just stay here and have a low-key holiday, just the two of us. What do you think?”
She rested
her head on his shoulder, and her voice was muffed as she answered, “I would
love that too.”
“Then it’s
settled,” Nick said, and planted a soft kiss on the top of her head. “We’re gonna have ourselves a merry little
Florida Christmas, right here.”
She
giggled, and he smiled, suddenly realizing how much he was looking forward to
it. A quiet Christmas, just him and his…
girlfriend? He wasn’t sure if they’d
really settled on that title yet or not, but he had called her that in front of
Claire and Jamie, and, in this moment, that’s exactly what Laureen felt like to
him. His girlfriend. And if she didn’t know it, then he’d just
have to find a way to make it official, official.
Spending
Christmas together would surely be a way to do just that.
***
AN: Thanks to Laureen for her ideas!!
Though
she’d lived there for over three years, Laureen had never spent a Christmas in
Florida before, and Nick was determined to show her a good one.
He’d
promised to pick her up on Christmas Eve, even though they’d just be going back
to his house, and he showed up outside her apartment building in style. The look on her face was priceless as she
came outside and found him waiting for her in the back of an extravagant
horse-drawn carriage. The horses had
reindeer antlers strapped to their heads (the two in front even had red Rudolph
noses), and the driver was wearing a Santa hat – those were all touches that
had come with the carriage deal.
What had
not been included was Nick in a Santa outfit of his own creation: a bright red Hawaiian shirt printed with
white flowers and trimmed with white faux fur along the collar, sleeves, and
bottom hem. He had a coordinating red,
straw beach hat with the same white fur adornment. Claire had helped him sew the fur trim on,
after she’d told him it would be retarded to hire someone to do it. She’d also sewn the sleigh bells onto the
flowered lei around his neck, which he jingled proudly when Laureen walked up.
“Merry
Christmas!” he called, as he climbed carefully down from the ‘sleigh.’ “This is how we roll here in Florida.” Grinning, he dropped a matching lei around
her neck.
“Aww,
Nick! This is awesome!” she exclaimed,
her face shining with excitement. She
gave him a big hug, their jingle leis jangling as they brushed against each
other. “Did I ever tell you I love
horse-drawn carriages?”
“No, but
I’m glad you do, cause you’re about to go for a ride in one. Only, tonight it’s not a horse-drawn
carriage. It’s a sleigh, alright? Work with me here.”
“Alright,”
Laureen giggled, letting him take her hand and help her into the carriage. She sort of had to help him back in after
her; it wasn’t so easy trying to climb up into a sleigh with a fake leg.
Once they
were both in and the driver had started the horses – er, ‘reindeer’ –
clip-clopping up the Tampa street, Nick started to sing. “Dashing through downtown, in a four-horse
open sleigh… o’er the streets we go… laughing all the way-”
“Ha ha ha!” Laureen chimed in enthusiastically,
and Nick grinned.
“Bells on bobtails – hey, what the fuck is a bobtail
anyway? You don’t know? Aw, hell, me neither… how about this? Bells on lei-ays ring… making spirits
bright… what fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight, oh-“
Laureen was
laughing hard, but she managed to join in again for the chorus, and they both
sang loudly, “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way… o what fun it
is to ride in a four-horse open sleigh, hey!”
Passersby
in downtown Tampa gave them curious looks as they trundled through town in
their outlandish get-ups, singing raucously, but neither one of them noticed or
cared. When they finished singing, Nick
said, “Hey, I forgot! I have a sleigh
blanket, in case you get cold.” He
reached behind him and pulled out a large fleece blanket, made of a
red-and-white Hawaiian pattern similar to his shirt. That had also been Claire’s idea, and she had
helped him make it as well, showing him how to cut snips around the perimeter
of two pieces of fleece and tie them together to make a fringed blanket. Claire got creative when she was laid up in
bed with nothing better to do; he liked it.
She’d sewn
some small bells to some of the fringe too, and they jingled as Nick wrapped
the thick blanket around Laureen and himself.
It wasn’t really cold outside – as Laureen had told him rather
emphatically, it never got truly cold in Florida – but as it was dark and
December, it wasn’t exactly sweltering either, and it felt good to have the
blanket around him and Laureen’s warm body snuggled tight against his.
“This is
amazing, Nick,” she murmured, relaxing against him as they enjoyed the bouncing
rhythm of the horses’ hoofsteps. “I’ve
never gone on a Christmas Eve carriage ride before… especially not like this.”
He laughed,
pleased with himself. “I figured even if
you had, it wouldn’t be quite like this.”
“You got
that right,” she giggled. “I love it!”
“Claire
helped… but it was all my idea.”
She kissed
him on the cheek. “You’re a genius. I told you, I love it!”
Nick
swelled with pride, glad she was having a good time. Christmas Eve was off on the right foot.
After a
long ride, the carriage took them back to the park where it normally circulated
and dropped them off there, where Nick had left his car. He and Laureen thanked the driver, and Nick
slipped him an extra tip before he gathered their things and joined Laureen in
the car. He turned on the heat and some Christmas
music, and they sang along as he drove them back to his place. Laureen actually had a nice tone; her
on-pitch voice blended well with his as they playfully sang with the radio. Then that god-awful NSync Christmas song came
on, and Nick turned off the radio, and they sang “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells”
a capella instead until they reached Nick’s house.
“We should
record that as a single together, you know,” he teased her as he parked the car
in the garage and shut off the engine.
“Hey, it’d
be better than that ‘Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays’ crap,” Laureen
giggled. He snickered, fumbling with his
keys as he tried to unlock the door.
They went
inside, where the house had been decorated elegantly for the holidays, thanks
to the interior decorator Nick had paid to put all the stuff up. He hired her every year to do his dirty work;
hanging tree ornaments and mistletoe wasn’t really his forte, although it
wasn’t so bad when he’d helped Claire’s mom with it. It was more fun when you actually had loved
ones around to help you decorate, he supposed.
That was why he never bothered to do it himself; usually he was alone or
with one of the guys’ families on Christmas.
There was never anyone but him around to admire the decorations.
But this
year, there was Laureen, and he was glad the house looked nice for her benefit.
“Mistletoe!”
he announced, nudging her into a spot in the center of the threshold that
divided the kitchen and living room and turning her chin up to see the sprig of
mistletoe that hung there. Not letting
go of her chin, he then used it to guide her face up to meet his, capturing her
mouth in a long, festive kiss.
Laureen
smiled, licking her lips. “I love
mistletoe.”
“Yeah, me
too. And I think after you’ve been
standing under it for ten seconds, you have to kiss again. It’s the rule.”
“Well. If it’s the rule…” This time, she kissed him.
***
When he
finally arrived in Tampa on Christmas Eve, Claire greeted her husband with her
own sprig of mistletoe and a long, hungry kiss to match. Several, in fact. “Merry Christmas,” she managed to say in
between. “I missed you.”
“I missed
you too,” echoed Jamie, hugging her as best he could with her big belly in the
way. “So… this is the place, huh?”
“This is
it,” said Claire, smiling cautiously as she stepped back to let him look around
the condo. It was the first time he’d
been in it, though she’d sent him pictures the week after she’d moved in.
Jamie had
been less than thrilled, of course, by Nick’s “gift” to her, but he had surprised
her with his reaction. There had been no
fighting, no cursing, no name-calling.
Only a couple of snide remarks, and then he had handled it with grace,
telling her he was glad she would have a comfortable place to live in while she
had to stay in Tampa. It had come as a
surprise, but also a huge relief, to Claire, who had expected a rampage of
anger, bitterness, and jealousy.
But Jamie
seemed to be getting better, and their relationship was starting to heal as a
result. Maybe the time apart would do
them good, Claire had thought, as they’d settled into a routine, talking on the
phone for an hour or so every night so that he could hear about what was going
on with her and the babies and she could ask him about work and how his day had
been. Things seemed almost normal, as
normal as they could possibly be under these circumstances.
Still, she
was glad to have him here in person, not just on the phone. There was no way she and Jamie could spend
their first Christmas as a married couple in different states.
“Come see
the Christmas decorations we put up.
Well, Mom put them up, actually; I laid around and watched. Bed rest sucks; it makes me feel so lazy and
worthless…” Chattering away, Claire took
his hand and led him through the kitchen and into the living room, where the
tree was ablaze with lights and “A Christmas Story” was showing on the TV and,
for once, everything seemed just about perfect.
***
“So I know
that if you were up north for Christmas, where it’s cold, you’d probably hang
up your stockings and then get cozy in front of the fireplace. But since we’re in Florida and I don’t have
a fireplace, I came up with an alternative,” Nick explained, as he led Laureen
to the French doors that led out to his deck.
Down the steps they went, down to the beach, where, a safe distance
away, Nick had assembled a small burn pile, just enough for the perfect
bonfire, waiting to be lit.
“I thought
we could just take off our stockings, dig our toes in the sand, and get
cozy together in front of a bonfire on the beach,” finished Nick. “Whaddya say?”
Laureen
beamed. “Sounds perfect to me!”
Using
liberal amounts of lighter fluid, Nick lit the bonfire, and, once it was safe
to come near it, he and Laureen took off their shoes and socks and curled up on
a blanket he had spread out over the sand.
He had brought the fleece sleigh blanket along too, and they draped that
around their shoulders, just as they had in the carriage. It really was quite cozy.
“It is
actually kinda chilly out here,” Laureen commented after awhile, pulling the
blanket tighter around herself. “We
should make hot chocolate over the fire.”
Nick
laughed. “That would be awesome!! Will that work?”
“Sure, why
not? All we need is water, heat, and hot
chocolate mix. Do you have some?”
“I think
so…”
Half an
hour later, they had rigged two mugs of water onto roasting sticks, which they
held precariously over the fire. It
really didn’t work as well as they’d hoped; Nick’s mug slipped from its
bindings and fell into the fire, and Laureen jostled hers so much that half the
water sloshed out, and when she finally pulled the mug out, the bottom was so
covered in ash that she didn’t really want to drink from it anyway.
“Um, maybe
we should just make some in the house,” suggested Laureen, admitting defeat.
“Uh, yeah,
that would probably be more… practical,” agreed Nick.
“I’ll go
make a pot of it. You wait here,”
Laureen offered.
As she
started to get up, Nick frowned at her. “Is
that really how you make hot chocolate in Chicago?” he asked.
She burst
out laughing. “Uh… no, Nick. No.”
Still
giggling, she walked back up to the house and returned shortly after with a hot
thermos of cocoa and two fresh mugs. The
hot chocolate she’d made in the microwave was excellent and didn’t have the
sooty aftertaste the bonfire cocoa probably would have had. Together, they emptied the thermos and warmed
themselves up from the inside out.
“Hey, when
this wears off,” said Nick, giving her a suggestive look, “I know another way
we can get warm.”
“Oh
yeah?” Laureen raised her eyebrows, her
expression matching his. “What’s that?”
“Allow me
to demonstrate.”
Setting his
empty mug aside, Nick took her in his arms and kissed her deeply, slipping his
tongue into her mouth. The heat of their
bodies came together, and he found that he really did feel a lot warmer. Hot, even.
Boiling, he thought, as he forced himself to pull away and looked
her over, hungry for more.
“That’s
pretty effective,” admitted Laureen, her face close to his, her warm breath
caressing his cheeks and forehead. “You
better let me try.” She leaned in and
followed his example, kissing him the way she had beneath the mistletoe. For someone who had been as awkward and nervous
around him as she had in the beginning, Laureen had become quite smooth. She was learning just what it took to turn
him on, and fast.
He lay down
on the blanket, pulling her on top of him, and the kisses came faster and
hungrier. Soon, her green top had ridden
halfway up her back, pushed aside by his hands as they explored every curve,
every dip, every inch of skin.
“You know
what I want for Christmas?” he murmured, his voice husky with building lust.
She
straightened, so that she was straddling his hips. “What?”
He took
hold of her upper arms and pulled her back down to his chest for a kiss. His lips moved against hers as he whispered
his answer. “You.”
She sat up
again. His eyes followed her, lingering
over her thighs, her stomach, her breasts, her neck, her lips… He stopped when he met her eyes and gave her
a questioning look. She seemed to
hesitate, pulling the sleeves of her shirt down over her hands. “I… me too,” she said, “but… there’s
something I should tell you…”
Nick had
sensed there would be a “but.” He
frowned. “Okay… what is it?”
Laureen
opened her mouth and then closed it. She
repeated this several more times before she finally closed her eyes and
blurted, “Nick, I’m a virgin.”
It took a
few seconds for Nick to process what she’d said. He blinked and suddenly realized he was
surprised. Not just that Laureen was a
virgin, but that her confession was that and not something else. Something worse. Something like… genital warts, or (since he
didn’t really think a girl like Laureen would have genital warts)… that she
liked him, but couldn’t handle the idea of having sex with an amputee.
Claire
would tell him he was being ridiculous for still worrying about that, and
Veronica, if he called her, would probably say the same. So would all of the groupies he’d slept with
on tour. But the insecurity had never
quite left him; it reared its ugly head every time he found himself in this predicament,
on the cusp of getting laid, wanting very much to get laid, but fearing
the reaction of the girl he was with.
Yet,
looking into Laureen’s eyes, which were open once again and fearful, he
realized that his insecurities were nothing compared to hers. She was afraid he wouldn’t want to be with
her, because of her lack of experience.
He could see it in her eyes.
In that
instant, he realized how young she really was.
She had always had an innocence about her that he found endearing, but
now she looked vulnerable, almost childlike.
It wasn’t like she was a teenager; she was twenty-four. But that also made her almost five years his
junior, and he suddenly worried he was pushing her into something she wasn’t
ready for.
“So you’ve
never…?”
“No,”
Laureen said, her voice small. “I-It’s
not like I’ve never had the opportunity.
It’s just… it’s never felt right before.
I’ve never been with the right guy.
I wasn’t holding out for marriage or anything, just for... a guy I
really like… and trust. And the perfect
moment…”
Nick raised
an eyebrow. “And now…?”
Her voice
dropped to barely a whisper. “It feels
right… but… but I…” She lowered her
face, and though it was too dark to tell, he could guess that her cheeks were
flame red. She was acting ashamed, and
she had no reason to be. No reason at
all.
“You won’t
disappoint me, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Nick jumped in, sitting
up. He reached out and gently took her
chin in his hand, tilting it up until her eyes were aligned with him
again. “It’s your call. I don’t want to push you into anything you
don’t wanna do.”
“I do
though,” she said, one corner of her mouth turning upwards into a smile. “I do.
I just…”
“You have
nothing to worry about,” he promised her again.
“We’ll take things slow… nice and easy…”
She nodded,
with a full-on smile this time. “Okay,”
she said, and he realized that she did trust him. And apparently really liked him, too.
He was glad
she had put it like that: “really like” as opposed to “love.” Because, while he really liked her too, Nick
couldn’t say he loved her, and that made him question himself and what he was
about to do. He hadn’t had sex in a long
time, and he wanted her, badly. But he
knew how particular some girls were about their virginity, and he didn’t want
to take something that was precious to her without meaning, without commitment.
But then
she kissed him, long and sweet, and he realized that there was meaning
there. Maybe he wasn’t ready for the
L-word now, but Laureen was special to him, and he was ready for a
commitment. He was ready to make things
official. And who knew… maybe the
commitment would lead to love.
He took her
in his arms, kissing her back, and when they finally slipped out of the kiss,
he asked her again, “Are you sure?”
She met his
eyes once before leaning in for another kiss, grazing his lips with hers. Her breath was warm and sensuous on his face
as she whispered back, “I’m sure.”
***