Chapter 173
Somehow,
when Nick had been with Leah, the woman who – he’d thought at the time – was
expecting his child, he’d never fully appreciated what it would be like to
witness that child enter the world, to be in a delivery room, holding her hand,
and watch it come out of her. He’d never
realized how slimy and disgusting it would be… or how utterly incredible.
But
standing there in the operating room with Claire, letting her clutch his hand
as he peeked in curiosity over the drape and saw the doctor’s hands lift the
first baby girl out of her, Nick understood that it was all of that. Slimy, definitely… disgusting, slightly… but
incredible. Absolutely incredible, that
something so tiny and alien-looking, yet so very alive could emerge, kicking
and screaming, from her body.
It wasn’t
even his baby, and yet, he was drawn to it, to the sticky, wet, unbelievably tiny,
red-skinned little creature the doctor held in one of her cupped hands. She was much smaller than he had imagined she
would be, too tiny to be alive, but she was.
Her screechy cry about broke his heart, and yet, it was a beautiful
sound.
It was
enough to make Claire weep, and, watching the tears of motherhood stream down
her face, Nick felt like he could almost cry himself, the effect of the flood
of emotions pouring through him.
Incredible.
He wanted
to tell Claire so, knowing that she could not see a thing, but there was still
another baby to be delivered, and when the doctor pulled this one out,
everything changed.
The second
baby girl was equally tiny and equally slimy, but whereas the first had been
red with agitation and life, her twin was a sickly gray, her miniature limbs,
not quite as wide as Nick’s pinky, limp and unmoving.
Nick
stopped breathing, frozen with dread.
The baby
was dead.
Whereas he
had felt overheated a few moments ago, flushed with the excitement and momentum
of the first twin’s arrival, he now felt very, very cold, numb and clammy, as
if he were about to pass out.
This
couldn’t be happening. Oh God, not
now… after all this, please… she can’t be dead.
Please don’t let her be dead.
Blackness
was starting to close in at the corners of his vision, while static rang in his
ears. He felt as if he were in a
twilight zone, but he fought the effects, knowing, somewhere in the back of his
mind, that he had to stay there, had to be there and be strong for Claire.
He squeezed
her hand hard, hoping the contact would bring him back to where he needed to
be. At the same time, he heard her
voice, sounding faraway, ask, “What’s wrong?
W-why isn’t she crying?”
It felt
like he was watching a movie in slow motion and on mute; all the sound in the
room seemed to fade as he saw the doctor, barely speaking, pass the baby to
someone else, probably one of the pediatricians, like the one who had taken
away the first baby.
“Why isn’t
she crying??”
Claire’s
voice sounded louder now, more insistent, and the panic in it finally snapped
Nick back into reality. He was back in
the scene playing out before him; he could see the doctors and nurses huddled
around the gray baby on a little table, though he could no longer see the baby
itself. He only saw their backs and
heard their muffled voices as they called out things he barely understood.
“Claire,
the second baby isn’t breathing,” said Dr. Valerio in a quiet, calm voice, and
that much Nick did understand. “This
isn’t unexpected; it’s probably just because her lungs are immature. The pediatrician is resuscitating her now.”
On the
table, Claire nodded, but her chin quivered, and her face contorted, and more
tears slipped from her eyes. They were
no longer tears of joy, but of fear.
Nick could
feel what she was feeling, though he knew that within her, the feelings had to
be a hundred times magnified. That was her
baby they were working on, trying to bring to life. It was different for her.
He rubbed
the back of her hand with his thumb and wished he knew what to say to keep her
calm as they waited for some sign from the pediatrician that the baby wasn’t
dead, that she would be okay. But he
didn’t. He felt helpless, as helpless as
Claire, lying on an operating table with the doctor and nurses still poking
around in her open belly, and the two newborns she had delivered. He couldn’t do anything to help her or them,
except stand there and pray. It was all
in God’s hands now.
Please… please, don’t let the baby be
dead.
That
couldn’t happen; it would kill Claire too.
She’d already lost one; she couldn’t lose another. These babies were all she’d had to look
forward to for the last few months.
She’d done everything for them.
For her to lose one of them now, after all she’d been through for them…
For a
terrifying while, Nick thought it really was going to kill her.
In the
midst of all the tension, Dr. Valerio working on Claire while the pediatrician
and his team worked on the baby, one of the monitors sounded an alarm. As it emitted the loud beep, which startled
Nick, the blip of the heart monitor began to accelerate.
“Her BP’s
dropping, Dr. Valerio,” said Aidyn, and Nick realized she was talking about
Claire. “Pulse is 120.”
He looked
at Claire; she was suddenly very pale.
“I’m okay… just kind of woozy…” she murmured.
“We’ve got
some bleeding down here,” Dr. Valerio’s voice carried over the drape. “Aidyn, add another unit of blood to her IV.’
Watching
the nurse hang the small bag of dark red blood on Claire’s IV stand, Nick felt
his own heart start to race. There’s
nothing to worry about, he tried to assure himself. They cut her open; of course she’s
bleeding. It seemed logical enough;
they would give her more blood, and Claire would be fine. It was the babies they all needed to worry
about.
As if their
thoughts were the same, Claire asked, “How’s my baby? Nick, find out how she is. Is she breathing??”
Nick looked
over to where the doctors and nurses were still huddled around the second
baby. He could see their arms moving as
they worked and heard their muffled voices, but he couldn’t make out exactly
what they were saying. He was afraid to
leave Claire and walk over to them, not wanting to interfere. Then he met Aidyn’s eyes across the operating
table, and the nurse gave him a short nod of understanding before leaning down
to Claire.
“I’ll check
on her, sweetie. Just hang in there and
breathe.” She patted Claire’s shoulder
and turned to go over to the other medical team. Nick strained to hear her questions and their
answers. “How’s Baby B?”
“One minute
Apgar was only a 2. We’re going to
intubate.”
Nick knew
only what the last part meant and squeezed Claire’s hand encouragingly. “They’re gonna get her breathing,” he said
softly.
Claire
closed her eyes, and a few more tears slid out.
Her own breathing was shallow and quick, and he could tell she was
getting upset. He knew it wasn’t good
for her, and so he kept on rubbing the back of her hand, wishing he knew what
to say to keep her calm. He was a
horrible birth coach; what was he doing there in the first place??
Aidyn
reappeared on Claire’s other side and glanced up at her monitors. “Pulse is up to 150,” she observed. “Claire, sweetheart, try and stay calm. They’re doing everything they can to help
your little girl.”
Claire
started to nod her head, but suddenly, her hand went limp in Nick’s. He looked down just in time to see her eyes
roll back into her head, and the monitors went haywire again.
“Aidyn,
hang another unit of blood,” Dr. Valerio’s voice came again, and this time, it
was sharp. “She’s losing it faster than
we can give it to her. We’ve got to get
this bleeding stopped.”
Nick’s
heart skipped a beat, and he looked down at Claire, squeezing her hand hard,
willing her to open her eyes again. With
her unconscious, he was terrified.
“Claire,” he said her name firmly, clutching her hand, “c’mon, baby,
hang on. Open your eyes for me…”
The others
in the room must have heard the panic in his voice. Another one of Dr. Valerio’s nurses suddenly
put an arm around him and said, “You need to step outside so we can work on
her. We just need to get her bleeding
under control, and then you can come back.”
“No,
please,” protested Nick, “I can’t leave-”
But the
nurse must have been used to this type of thing because she kindly ignored him,
held him in her vice grip, and firmly dragged him out of the room. The double doors swung shut when she walked
back inside, and suddenly, Nick was left in the hallway alone, unable to see into
the room where Claire lay bleeding.
The
isolation was almost as bad as the worry.
Back and forth he paced, practically wearing a hole into the line of
tiles directly in front of the OR doors.
He felt stuck in between the operating room, where he wanted to be, and
the waiting room, where he should have been, where Kyle and Amber sat,
anxiously waiting for news. He knew he
should go there and tell them that Claire was a mother to twin girls. But he couldn’t. Not while her life and the second baby’s were
hanging in balance. How could he go into
that room, look her big brother in the eye, and tell them that his sister was
bleeding, and the doctors couldn’t stop it?
Or that his newborn niece still wasn’t breathing?
He couldn’t
bear the thought of having to give that kind of news, and so he stayed put,
pacing, freaking out, fearing the worst.
Claire
would be okay, he tried to assure himself.
She was tough; she was a fighter; she could get through anything. The doctors would fix her up, and she would
be fine. And so would her babies, if
they were anything like their mother.
But he
couldn’t help but worry; it was impossible not to.
Claire’s
nurse Aidyn must have known this, for after some time (really, just a few
minutes, though it seemed like an eternity to Nick), she came out of the
operating room and said, “They’ve got the baby on a breathing tube now, and
she’s looking much better. She’s just
going to need some help from a ventilator for awhile, until her lungs mature.”
“What about
Claire?” Nick asked almost instantly. He
was relieved to hear the baby was finally breathing, but Claire was his main
concern now. If she wasn’t okay, then
nothing could be.
“She’s
hanging in there. They’re just having trouble
getting her blood to clot so they can close her up.”
“Can I
please go back in there?” Nick pleaded.
“Maybe it’ll help her if I’m there, if she can hear me and feel me
holding her hand.”
“I think it
would be better if you waited out here for now.
Take a break; get some water.
I’ll keep you informed about what’s going on.”
Nick raked
a hand through his hair; he wasn’t satisfied with that answer. Looking at the young nurse, he wondered if
maybe she was a Backstreet Boys fan.
Would a little flirting work on her?
He wasn’t much in the mood for that kind of thing, but for Claire, he’d
do it. It had worked before…
But Aidyn
didn’t give him the chance; her next question quickly distracted him from using
his charms to get back in the OR. “Does
she have any other family here yet?”
“Uh…” Caught off-guard, Nick tried to think. “Yeah, her brother’s here.”
“Where is
he? Could I talk to him?”
“They’re in
the waiting room… I-I haven’t told them anything yet.” Suddenly, Nick felt guilty. Kyle would want to know what was going on
with Claire, even if the news wasn’t good.
“That’s
alright. I’d like to talk to him though,
so could you show me where he is?”
“Sure…”
Nick walked
with her down the hall to the waiting room where he’d last seen Kyle and Amber. When he entered the room, the two of them
looked up, their faces anxious and hopeful, and Nick felt sick to his
stomach. Still, he pasted a smile on his
face and said, “Well… you have two nieces.”
Amber’s
eyes lit up. “Both girls?!” she
squealed. “How did they look? Are they alright?”
Here was
where Nick wasn’t sure what to say, and he looked to Aidyn for help. Thankfully, she took over quickly.
“Baby A
came out crying, and she seemed to be doing well, especially considering her
age. Baby B had some trouble breathing
at first, but they’ve got her on a ventilator now. They’ll both have to spend some time in the
NICU, being so premature, but of course, we’re hopeful that they’ll both be
just fine.”
“How’s
Claire?” Kyle asked immediately.
Nick was
wondering the same thing; it was making him nauseous, picturing her still
bleeding in the OR, all alone. He wanted
to be with her, not here in this stifling waiting room.
“She came
through the births very well, but there has been some bleeding. Dr. Valerio and her team are working on
stopping that now so that they can finish the operation.”
At the
mention of bleeding, Kyle paled, even his freckles seeming to wash out. “How much bleeding? She’s gonna be okay, right??”
“This isn’t
uncommon; it happens sometimes during a C-section, especially with multiple
births. And given her medical history,
we anticipated there might be some complications. But try not to worry; Dr. Valerio specializes
in high-risk pregnancies, and she’s done many, many C-sections. She’s one of our best.”
Aidyn spoke
with calmness and confidence, experienced at dancing around these kinds of
questions, at putting a positive spin on things without coming right out and
assuring them that Claire would be fine.
The truth was, there was never a guarantee, and thinking of all the
worst possibilities scared Nick to death.
But he knew he had to stay strong, for Claire and her family.
“Is there
anything that we can do?” asked Kyle, seeming desperate. “Can we at least see the babies?”
“The NICU
teams are still working on the babies, but there is something you can do. You could donate blood,” replied Aidyn. “Claire’s had a transfusion in the OR
already, and she’s going to need more.
Our hospital blood bank is well stocked, but it’s always a help when
people are willing donate more to replete our stores. If your blood type matches, we might even be
able to give your blood directly to Claire once it’s been properly screened.”
“It
matches,” Kyle said at once. “We’re both
A positive. She’s got my bone marrow;
she can have my blood. What do I need to
do?”
Nick
watched Claire’s brother in awe, admiring how quickly he had stepped up to help
her. The admiration struck a chord in
him, and suddenly, he blurted, “I’ll donate too. I’m an A too… A negative though. Will that work?” He didn’t know much about donating blood,
but he had learned his blood type sometime over the course of his
chemotherapy. He was surprised he still
remembered it… but some things just stick with you. Most of those experiences, he would never be
able to forget.
“A negative
can usually donate to A positive,” Aidyn nodded. “We’ll still need to test your blood for
antibodies, but even if Claire can’t receive it, we’d be grateful for your
donation.”
“I’ll do it
then,” Nick agreed, glad he could do something to help. He’d never donated blood before, but he
figured it couldn’t be that bad, not after what he’d been through. What was another stick in the arm
anyway? It was nothing compared to what
Claire was having to endure behind the closed OR doors.
“Excellent. Come with me, and I’ll have another nurse get
you set up right away.”
Exchanging
glances, the two men followed Aidyn out of the waiting room.
***
Nick had
always had a fairly good relationship with Claire’s older brother, but that
night, the two shared a real bonding experience.
Lying on a
pair of cots, a few feet apart, in a small room, with matching IVs in their
arms, he and Kyle raced to see who could pump a pint of blood out the fastest
and couldn’t help but laugh together at how odd the situation seemed. It was nervous laughter, spawned by the
tension and worry they were both feeling, but it brought them together.
“Great
place to be at midnight, right?” Kyle joked wryly, eyes traveling to the clock
on the wall.
Nick
followed his gaze and smirked when he saw that it was, indeed, past
midnight. “Even better. It’s my birthday now.”
“Really?” Kyle’s dark red eyebrows shot up. “Wow… happy birthday, man. Way to ring it in.”
Nick chuckled. “It’s all good. As long as Claire’s alright, it’ll be worth
it.”
Kyle smiled
tightly. “I think she’ll be okay,” he
said. “You know her; she’s tough. She just likes to scare us. She’s always been difficult like that.”
Returning
the smile, Nick replied, “Think her daughters are going to be any different?”
“Doubt it,”
Kyle snorted, then grinned. “Hey, they
almost shared your birthday, then, huh?”
“Almost. Missed it by forty minutes.”
They both
laughed again. How weird, thought Nick,
that Claire’s babies would be born almost on his birthday. Truly, the world worked in mysterious ways.
“Hey man,”
said Kyle after a pause, “in case I forget to say it later, I just wanna tell
you… thanks for everything you’ve done for my sister tonight. For being there for her, and for giving
blood. It means a lot… to me and to
her. And to our parents.”
Nick
brushed the compliment aside; it really wasn’t that big of a deal. Of course he would do all of that; he would
do anything for Claire. Anything she needed. “No problem,” he said. “I’m glad I could help.”
He was glad
it had worked out; it almost hadn’t.
When the nurse had come to start the blood donation, she’d given Kyle
and him each a consent form to sign and a piece of paper which listed all kinds
of guidelines, things that could prevent a person from being allowed to
donate. Nick had skimmed over the
mentions of recent tattoos and piercings, glad he hadn’t had any work done
lately.
But then he
had come to the part about past health problems and seen the big C-word. Cancer.
His stomach
turned over, and he cleared his throat, holding the clipboard out towards the
nurse. “If I’ve had one of these medical
problems, does it mean I can’t donate?” he asked.
“It
depends,” the nurse replied. “Which
problem?”
“Cancer.”
“What kind,
and how long ago?”
“Ewing’s
Sarcoma, and it’s been… well, I was diagnosed with it like six years ago, but
I’ve been in remission for four…” Nick
watched her face carefully as he answered, preparing to be disappointed. It wasn’t that he wanted to be hooked
up to an IV and drained of blood, but here he had the chance to do something
really important for Claire, and he was going to be denied.
The nurse
pursed her lips, seeming to contemplate this.
“You haven’t had any treatment for it in the last four years?”
“No.”
“I’ll have
to double check the Red Cross’s guidelines, but I think you’re clear to donate
then. I’ll go ahead and get you set up
if you’d like to sign the consent.”
Relieved,
Nick had quickly scribbled his name at the bottom of the form.
Now the
small bag of dark, rich blood hooked to his IV pole was almost full, and he had
a good feeling about it, imagining the possibility of it eventually going into
Claire’s veins, helping to strengthen her weary body.
The blood
donation served another purpose, too:
while helping to save a life, it killed time. By the time he and Kyle had donated a pint
each, things had changed for the better.
Claire’s
parents had arrived, and when Nick and Kyle went back to the waiting room,
cotton held against the crooks of their elbows with band-aids, they found them
already there and caught up with what was going on, thanks to Amber. There wasn’t any word on Claire, but after
only a few minutes of tense waiting, her nurse Aidyn came again and told them
that she was out of surgery.
“We got her
bleeding under control and were able to finish the operation without any other
complications, and she came through just fine,” the nurse told them with a
supportive smile. “She’s resting now. We did have to give her some more anesthesia
during the surgery, so she’ll probably sleep for awhile.”
“How are
the twins?” was, of course, the next question out of Claire’s mother’s
mouth. It was the question on all of
their minds. After Claire, there were
only the two babies to think of.
“I spoke
briefly with one of the NICU nurses, and she said that both baby girls are
sleeping soundly in the NICU. Their
pediatricians will be able to tell you more once Claire is awake. Unless the babies’ father is coming?”
She glanced
around the room, but Nick and the members of Claire’s family could only
exchange glances and shake their heads.
“Someone
should call him,” said Kris. “Claire did
talk to him earlier, didn’t she?” He
looked at Nick, who nodded.
“Yeah, she
called him. He’s in Denver.”
Nodding,
Kris stood and pulled out his cell phone.
“I’ll give him a call back. He
should know that he’s got twin daughters.”
He left to
call Jamie, and Aidyn left to get back to her work. The others remained sitting. Amber leafed through a magazine, hardly
stopping on the pages long enough to read them, while Carrie stared at the
floor, her hands tightly clasped in her lap.
Kyle stared at the TV, eyes slightly glazed, the reflection playing off
his irises, and Nick could only fidget in his seat.
They were
back to this, the waiting game. For
Claire to wake up… for Jamie to fly in… for word on their two newborns…
All they
could do was wait.
***