Chapter 194
Claire swam in her dreams all night,
and when she awoke in the morning, she felt as peaceful as still water on a
windless day. She was smiling even
before she opened her eyes, her mind filled with images from last night’s
fantasy. She hadn’t dreamed of Nick in
so long, but now that she had, she realized how much she’d been missing out
on. Just the thought of making love to
him in the dark water, illuminated only by torchlight, filled her with warmth
and happiness.
A few months ago, she would have felt
guilty for finding such pleasure in being with another man in her dreams, but
there was no longer a wedding band on her finger, so what did it matter
now? A girl could always dream.
She opened her eyes, unprepared for
the bright sunlight streaming in through the window. Her first thought was that she must have
slept in late; why else would the light be so bright? Surprised that Caitlin or Delaine hadn’t
cried and woken her up yet, she sat up, anxious to go and check on them. As the sheets tumbled off her naked body, she
froze… and suddenly remembered.
This wasn’t her condo. One look around confirmed it: she was in Nick’s downstairs guest room. And there, conked out next to her, the sheets
twisted around his bare torso, was Nick.
It hadn’t been a dream at all.
“Holy shit,” she cursed under her
breath, pulling the sheets back up around herself. She stared at Nick through wide eyes,
struggling to sort out the events of last night that had led up to this moment. Waking up next to him… naked…
Once she got her bearings, she
remembered everything – the party, the drive home, the pool… She hadn’t been that drunk. Drunk enough to
give it up to Nick though. Did it count
as a one-night stand if it was with a man she’d once been engaged to? She would argue “no.” A one-night stand sounded so… slutty. And she was not a slut. She’d only been
with a few men in her entire life, and one of them was Nick. And she had loved Nick. She still loved Nick. Where was the wrong in that?
The thing was, while the situation of
a newly-divorced mother getting drunk and hooking up with her old boyfriend had
the word “WRONG!” stamped all over it, it felt so… right. As Claire sat there in bed, watching Nick sleep,
she couldn’t say she regretted last night.
She was a tad hungover and rather sore from all the exercise she’d
gotten in the pool, but she felt oddly relaxed.
If it were a one-night stand, she
would be scrambling for her clothes right now, trying to get out without waking
Nick, desperate to escape the embarrassment of having to face him, yet still
facing the walk of shame home. But
instead, Claire just lay down again, snuggling back into the warm hollow her
body had created the night before. It
was incredibly comfortable. She rolled
onto her side, facing Nick, her head very close to his bare shoulder. With the sun to her back and the sound of his
deep breathing to soothe her, she closed her eyes against her headache and
drifted back into a tranquil sleep.
***
When Nick awoke, his first thought was
that he must still be dreaming. Why else
would Claire be there, sound asleep in his bed, her nude form swaddled in the
covers.
And then he remembered last night.
That seemed like a dream too, but
after contemplating it for a few seconds, he decided that, no, it had really
happened. He’d barely been buzzed the
night before; he remembered everything, from the party to the pool, and it had
most definitely not been a dream. It
only seemed like one.
He reached over and, very lightly,
touched her cheek. She was as real as he
was. A dream come true.
Nick remembered Claire to be a deep
sleeper, but she must have been on the brink of waking anyway, because she
stirred at his touch. Turning her face
in his hand, she kissed his palm, and her blue eyes fluttered open.
He withdrew his hand, still moist from
her lips. “Morning,” he whispered,
unsure of what kind of reaction to expect from her, though the kiss left him
hopeful.
A smile stretched across her
lips. “Good morning. Did you just wake up?”
“Yeah.
Sleep well?”
“Mm-hm, very. Comfy bed, warm body, no crying babies to
wake me up… best sleep I’ve had in months.”
She yawned contentedly, seemingly in no hurry to lift her head from the
pillow.
Nick didn’t blame her. He could have lain there in bed with her for
hours. But a nagging question kept
burning in his brain, and he had to get it out in the open. Pillow talk was pointless if it didn’t mean
anything. And he needed to know… what did it mean?
“So… this isn’t, like… weird to you?”
he asked her.
“Not really ‘weird,’ no. If it was weird, I wouldn’t still be
here. I woke up two hours ago; I could
have left then,” answered Claire matter-of-factly.
“But you didn’t.”
“No.”
Claire smiled. “Because it’s not
weird. More, like… unexpected. I didn’t expect to be waking up with you this
morning.”
“But now that you are…?”
She shrugged her exposed shoulder,
still smiling, and burrowed her cheek deeper into her pillow. “It’s kinda nice. Like old times. It’s not weird when it’s you and me. Does it feel weird to you?”
“No,” he murmured, in awe of the words
coming from her lips. “It feels right.”
He felt her hand take his beneath the
sheets, as she laced her fingers through his.
“It feels right to me too.”
And there they were. The eggshells were smashed, the walls
demolished, and all that separated them now was a wad of rumpled linen.
But Nick knew it wasn’t that
simple. It could never be, even with
them. After everything that had happened
in the last few years, how could they expect to just pick up where they’d left
off? And would she even want to? Or was this still just a one-night
thing? A nice, but temporary fling?
“So… where do we go from here?” he
finally asked, not wanting to ruin the leisurely morning, but anxious to find
out where they stood and what this meant.
He wasn’t about to get his hopes up if it turned out she wanted nothing
of him.
Claire sighed and closed her
eyes. “Honestly… I don’t know.” She was silent for a moment, and then she
added, “I guess it depends.”
“On what?” Nick asked, trying not to
be impatient. He knew this was a
delicate conversation; he needed to be gentle with her. He couldn’t push.
She opened her eyes and looked into
his. “On you. On your feelings. Do you want
another try at a relationship? And if
you do, are you willing to wait for me?
To take things slow, until I know I’m ready?”
He gazed back into her eyes, wishing
they could penetrate into his soul and see his true feelings. But for now, it would take words to tell her
how he felt. “Yes, and yes,” he answered
quickly, but honestly. “I would wait for
you till… till the end of time, if I knew I could have you in eternity. I love you, Claire. I’ve never stopped. I never will.” Though he was still lying down, his heart was
pounding, and adrenaline was coursing through his body and mind, carrying his
words. If he’d had a pencil and paper
handy, he felt he could have written amazing lyrics that morning, with her as his
inspiration.
The words seemed to touch her too;
suddenly, her eyes seemed extra bright.
Blinking a few times, she sniffed and said, “But you can’t say stuff
like that. It’s too soon. If we’re going to do this, we have to start
fresh and take it slow. I don’t want to
rush it this time.”
“Rush it? Last time, it took us four months just to
have sex,” Nick said incredulously. He
didn’t think he could wait that long this time.
Especially after last night.
“Well, gee, whose fault was that?” Claire teased, sticking out her
tongue. “I’m not talking about sex
anyway. Seems like we’ve already taken
care of the sex part. Casual sex is one
thing. I’m talking about the commitment
part. I want a relationship, but I don’t
know if I’m ready for another serious commitment yet. I just don’t want to move too fast and mess
things up again. This time, I want to be
sure. I need to be sure.”
Her eyes bore into his, and he could
still see the hurt in them, the scars left from Jamie and even, just maybe,
from him. But he had scars from her
too. And that was why he
understood. This was their last
chance. An unexpected opportunity to see
if they could heal their relationship and make it work. They couldn’t blow it this time. If he lost her again, he would lose her
forever.
Like a butterfly, he had once let her
go, and finally, she had come back to him.
Now all he had to do was hold onto her and show her that what felt right
was truly meant to be.
So you lost your way
But that’s yesterday
And I don’t care where you’ve been
Cause every step you’ve taken since you left
Has brought you back again
And I hope you see it clear
My love’s always right here
(I’ll be right here)
You’re home now
Not alone now
These arms are here to hold you
You don’t need to be afraid
So come in
Cause I’ve been
Waiting for the moment
To open up this door
And I know that it’s not much
But welcome to my heart
- “Welcome to My Heart” by the Backstreet Boys
***