Chapter 30
AN: This one’s for you, Mary – I tried! ;)
It was not
late when Claire got back to Nick’s house – home, she told herself, it’s
not just ‘Nick’s house’ anymore – but she could feel the exhaustion
creeping up on her and decided to follow Nick’s advice and turn in early. She walked around the house, checking to make
sure all the windows and doors were locked, and then turned on the security
system the way Howie had showed her earlier.
When she
was sure the large house was secure, she went into Nick’s bedroom downstairs
and found the box that contained her toothbrush, toothpaste, and face wash,
among other things, and picked it up.
She was just about to leave the room when she remembered pajamas. Not sure which box she’d put those in, she
put down the box in her arms and walked over to Nick’s dresser, rummaging
through it until she found one of his t-shirt drawers. She picked a rumpled shirt off the top of the
pile and brought it to her nose. She
smiled - it smelled like him, a familiar, comforting scent. She draped it over the top of the box and
carried it upstairs to the master bedroom.
She set the
box down at the foot of the king-size bed, which seemed to be calling to
her. It looked so inviting, with its
fluffy beige down comforter and mounds of pillows piled against the colossal
headboard. She’d never slept in a bed
that big before and was looking forward to all the extra room she’d have to
sprawl. She was just about to climb onto
it and test it out when she noticed a shallow, rectangular box nestled in the
folds of the comforter. Cocking her head
to the side, she reached for the box and pulled it closer to her. She pulled off the lid to find a piece of
paper lying on top of tissue paper.
Smiling, she picked up the note, tilted it toward the light, and began
to read.
Claire,
Welcome to your new palace. I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant of me,
calling it a palace, but now that you’re living here, it is a palace. Because to me, you’re a queen, and you
deserve to be treated like one. I’d be
there to pamper you if I could, but I’m trapped in this shithole, so I’ll just
have to trust you to pamper yourself.
Take a nice, relaxing soak in the jacuzzi and then go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.
Sweet dreams.
I love you.
Nick
Her smile
was a mile wide by the time she had reached his signature, and her heart had
swelled with emotion, bringing about a tingling feeling inside her. She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry -
laugh because only Nick would use the word ‘shithole’ in a love letter; cry
because all of a sudden, she missed him.
She’d just come from seeing him, and yet… she missed him.
“I wish you
were here,” she whispered regretfully, slowly setting the note down on the
bed. Then she reached for the box,
hoping to cheer herself up. She
curiously pulled back the flaps of tissue paper and found herself looking at
something lavender and satiny. She
reached in and gingerly pulled the material out until she found herself holding
a short, slinky chemise. She lay it out on
the bed in front of her, running her fingertips over its luxurious, silky material. It was not something she would ever consider
buying for herself, but she had to admit, it was beautiful - simple, with thin
spaghetti straps, a plunging neckline, and no trim or accents, just plain,
opaque lilac material.
On a whim,
she glanced back into the box and was surprised to find another garment at the
bottom, this one in black. She pulled
the second piece of lingerie out and laid it beside the first. This one was more risqué, lacy and sheer in
most parts. Grinning, she shook her head
and looked back into the box to see if there was anything else. There was – a small note, laying flat on the
very bottom of the box. It said, simply: You told me once you didn’t have any sexy
lingerie. I thought it was about time I
changed that.
She giggled,
looking from his handwritten note to the two pieces of lingerie lying on the
bed. “How did he-?“ she began to wonder
aloud, but in mid-thought, it hit her. Howie. This had to be Howie’s doing. What a sweetheart. They both were.
The smile
felt like it would never leave her face as she slowly folded the tissue paper
back into the box and put the lid on it.
Leaving the lingerie where it lay, she carried the two notes from Nick
over to the nightstand on the left side of the bed – “her,” side, as it always
was when she and Nick slept together, though they’d never slept in this bed
before. She was surprised to find a vase
sitting there, half-filled with water and holding two long-stemmed roses, one
red and the other yellow. Again, she
shook her head in amazement; she hadn’t even noticed it when she’d come
in. She stopped to sniff the roses and
then propped up the two notes against the vase, tucking the second one behind
the first. As she did, her eyes roamed
over his writing once again. Take a
nice, relaxing soak in the jacuzzi and then go to bed, he’d instructed.
That sounds nice, she thought, tempted by both
ideas. I think I will.
She
wandered into the bathroom and found more surprises awaiting her there. There was another vase sitting on the
bathroom counter, with an identical flower arrangement inside – a pair of
roses, red and yellow. Along with the
vase, there were candles on the counter, and when she glanced over at the large
jacuzzi in the corner of the spacious bathroom, she saw even more candles. They were sprinkled evenly around the wide
rim of the tub, ranging in size and color – all shades of purple, she realized,
from the lightest of lavenders to the darkest of amethysts. They were not yet lit, but she found a lighter
waiting for her on the counter.
Flicking the lighter so that a flame sparked, she methodically lit the
candles, until each wick held a dancing flame, and the room was filled with the
sweet scent of lavender and lilac. She
turned off the lights overhead and across the top of the mirror and stood in
the doorway to simply gaze. She drew in
a breath at the sight she was met with – a dim room, illuminated only by the
soft, intimate light of candle after flickering candle. It was beautiful.
She pulled the
door closed behind her and locked it, even though she knew no one else was
home. Then she crossed the room and
turned on the jacuzzi, filling the deep tub with hot, bubbly water. She shed her clothes and folded them neatly
in a stack on the floor, a surprising deviation from the usual messy pile she
left them in at her old apartment.
Within a minute, she was sliding down into the hot water, expelling a
gusty sigh as she landed on the seat, then inhaling deeply, breathing in the
warm, flowery scents of the candles all around her. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back
against the marble rim, and decided that this was surely heaven. Or close enough anyway The only thing needed to make it perfect was
Nick by her side, rubbing her neck and shoulders as she soaked, sprinkling her
body with tender kisses, and making love to her upon that big, soft bed of
his. But she was used to life being less
than perfect, so she would have to make do without all that tonight.
After
nearly an hour in the jacuzzi, she stepped out feeling totally relaxed, her
aching muscles thanking her for the long soak.
The warm water and scented candles had made her sleepy, and as she
drained the tub and blew them all out, one by one, she thought about how
wonderful it was going to feel to slip into Nick’s bed, lay her head down on
something soft, and close her eyes.
Sleep would carry her away instantly, she felt sure.
Wrapping a
towel around her body, Claire left the now-hazy bathroom and walked back into
the bedroom. As soon as she’d crossed
the threshold separating the two rooms, her ears picked up the strains of soft
music playing. Her heart skipped a beat,
and she froze to listen, wondering with a slight panic who had turned on the music. The panic melted away seconds later, when she
realized what she was hearing.
“Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers. It was one of her favorite songs.
Oh my love, my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time…
At first,
she looked around the bedroom in confusion, wondering where it was coming
from. She quickly traced the music to
the alarm clock on Nick’s side of the bed and realized instantly that someone
had planned this – put the CD into the clock’s disc player, set the alarm for
it to begin playing at a certain time, when he was sure she’d be around. It had to have been Howie who’d done all the
work, but she knew who had been at the heart of the plans.
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me…
Letting the
music play on, she sank down onto the bed to listen. It was not long before tears rose in her
eyes, brought on by the familiar lyrics.
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the
sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh wait for me, wait
for me
I’ll be coming home, wait for me…
A solitary
teardrop slid down one cheek, and she sniffled, feeling silly, yet unable to
stop the rush of loneliness and desire that had flooded her soul. Again, she wished Nick was home, and not just
for her sake, but his as well. She knew
it was killing him not to be there with her, and now it was killing her
too. More than anything, she wanted to snuggle
into his arms and hold him as he embraced her in return. She reached for a pillow instead, hugging it
to her chest as another tear fell, leaving a small wet drop on the pillow sham.
Oh my love, my darling
I’ve hungered, hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me
A sigh and
a small giggle escaped her lips almost at the same time, and she reluctantly
stood, letting the pillow fall as she rubbed her eyes. I’m just exhausted, she told
herself. That’s why I’m getting so
emotional. I’ll just go to bed, and when
I wake up, it’ll be morning, and I can bring Nick home.
As she
walked around to the foot of the bed, she realized the song had started to play
again. It must have been set to
repeat. She left it playing as she let
her bath towel fall and reached for the lavender chemise he’d given her. She carefully pulled the lingerie over her
head and smoothed down the satiny fabric before turning to step in front of the
wide mirror above his large dresser. She
eyed her reflection with interest, turning her body and craning her neck to
view herself from all angles. The slinky
lingerie actually fit her well, although it did not do much to hide parts of
her body she was less than thrilled to expose – cellulite on her thighs, that
mole on her back, the small scar just below her collarbone where she’d once had
a central line placed for chemo. But she
supposed a bathing suit showed just as much, and Nick had seen her in a lot
less. Nothing to fret over.
She cleared
off the bed, folding the black lingerie with care and placing it back in its
box, and then went back around to the left side to turn down the sheets. She did a double-take when she pulled down
the comforter to find satin sheets in a rich shade of dark purple. She burst out laughing; had Nick actually
told Howie to put purple, satin sheets on his bed for her? (And how had they known purple was her
favorite color?) This is definitely
princess treatment, she thought with a grin. Or I guess I should say queen.
She slid
effortlessly beneath the covers, her silky new nightdress slippery against the
satin sheets. After adjusting the
pillows to her liking, she lay her head down and closed her eyes just as she’d
fantasized of doing earlier. Her tired
body relaxed against the mattress, but sleep did not come as instantly as she
had hoped. For one thing, she’d
forgotten to turn off the music, and still it played on. Oh my love, my darling… With a moan, she rolled over, the chemise
twisting around her middle, and lifted her head. The clock on the other side of the bed
suddenly looked so far away. She
flopped back down and closed her eyes again, trying to let the music soothe her
to sleep. I’ve hungered for your
touch… When that did not work, she
simply tried to block it out. A long,
lonely time… Finally, she hauled
herself up, her body protesting the sudden movement, and crawled across the
wide bed, slapping at Nick’s clock until the music finally stopped.
But even
after she’d crossed back to her own side, readjusted her sleepwear, and lain
back down, the song played on… in her head.
And time goes by so slowly…
She tossed
and turned. Finally she rolled out of
bed and stood up, sick of the twisting of the lingerie every time she
moved. She stalked to the foot of the
bed and pulled it off, trading it for the t-shirt of Nick’s she’d originally
brought up. More comfortable now, she
crawled back into bed and again tried to bring on the sleep she craved. But it did not come. Still she tossed, still she turned, and still
the song lyrics flowed melodically through her mind.
I need your love…
She exhaled
sharply and inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of Nick that clung to the
t-shirt on her body.
I need your love…
She rolled
over, stretching her legs out to the side, frowning when her toes touched
nothing, not the edge of the bed, nor Nick’s leg. Just empty space.
God speed your love to me…
Finally,
she sat up, expelling a huge sigh. “I
can’t do this,” she murmured aloud, the sound of her own voice oddly comforting
in the silence of the large, empty house.
She raked a hand through her hair and shook her head. “I can’t sleep here tonight.” Why, she was not exactly sure, but she knew
it had something to do with Nick. She’d
slept alone for years in her own apartment, but it just felt weird to sleep all
alone in a bed that was not hers, in a room that was not hers, in a house that
was not hers, without the man who owned them all, the man who had done all
those wonderful, sweet things for her that night, the man who belonged right
there by her side.
Without
giving it another thought, she got out of bed, and within minutes, was
downstairs and dressed in a loose-fitting pair of cropped sweatpants and one of
her own t-shirts. She fetched her car
keys, grabbed her purse, and walked out to her run-down old Toyota, which
looked so out of place in the driveway of Nick’s sprawling home. A minute later, she was turning onto the
road, her hands gripping the wheel tightly with determination. If he could not be there where he belonged,
she would go to where she belonged – by his side.
***
Visiting
hours were long over when Claire arrived at the hospital, and the halls of
Nick’s floor were empty and quiet. She
knew many of the nurses would frown on her arriving at this hour, but she
didn’t care. She had been in and out of
this hospital enough to know just the right cards to play, and she also knew
that Nick’s celebrity status allowed him to pull the strings she alone could
not. Between the two of them, she’d get
in to see him. She hadn’t driven this
far that late at night to be turned away.
She walked
quickly down the hallway, taking the familiar route to Nick’s room. Just when she was beginning to think she’d
gotten lucky, she reached then nurse’s station and was immediately stopped by a
tall, middle-aged nurse who reminded Claire of a buzzard – bony and slightly
hunched, with a thick brow and slightly beaked nose.
“Excuse me,
ma’am, but where do you think you’re going?” the nurse questioned, leering down
at Claire from behind the counter.
“Visiting hours ended at nine.”
“Oh, I’m
staying overnight,” said Claire easily, acting as if she’d been there the whole
time. Watching the nurse’s sharp eyes
drift to her purse, she added, “Just ran downstairs for a quick snack.”
“The
cafeteria’s closed at this time of night.”
“Oh… I
know. I meant downstairs and across the
street. I went across the street to get
something to eat.” She smiled briefly -
a smile of innocence, she hoped. The
nurse arched an eyebrow and continued her penetrating stare. Without giving her a chance to ask anymore
questions, Claire went on quickly, “Well, I’d better get back to my brother’s
room. Have a good night.”
She hurried
away, hoping the nurse would not know she wasn’t Nick’s sister. She wasn’t sure why she’d felt the need to
lie about that; somehow, it just seemed more acceptable than saying she was his
girlfriend.
A security
guard sat half asleep in a chair just down the hall from Nick’s room – the
hospital had been good about providing security on the off chance someone
figured out Nick was there – and Claire sucked in a breath, hoping she wouldn’t
be grilled even more by him. He
would certainly know she hadn’t been there since visiting hours, and he could
also easily kick her out.
Luckily,
when he looked up, Claire recognized him as a guard who had been on duty the
day before when she had been up to visit, and he appeared to recognize her as
well. He offered her a tired smile and a
gruff “’Evenin’.”
“Hello,”
she replied sweetly and walked past. He
did not stop her.
At Nick’s
door, she let out a breath and raised her hand to knock softly. She waited, leaning her ear closer to the
door to listen for a response.
“Come in?”
she heard him say finally. He sounded
confused. She smiled knowingly; the
nurses usually just breezed in and out when they came by for their regular
vital checks at night. He would not be
expecting her. She reached for the
doorknob and turned it with difficulty; her palms were still clammy from her
encounter with Old Buzz.
Pushing
open the door, she stepped in slowly, letting light from the hall spill into
his room. As her eyes adjusted to the
dim light, she saw him lying in bed, his head raised to see her. “Hey,” she said softly. “Did I wake you?”
“What are
you doing here?” Nick asked, ignoring her question. “Somethin’ wrong?”
“Not at
all,” she smiled, stepping into the room and closing the door quietly behind
her. She blinked in the darkened room
and cautiously made her way over to his bed, perching on the edge and turning
to face him. “I just wanted to see you,
is all,” she said, sliding her hand into his so that their fingers
intertwined. “I loved what you did for
me tonight. Or what you had Howie do, I
should say?”
Through the
darkness, she could just make out his faint smile. “D’s great to have around, ya know,” he said.
“I know,”
she agreed. “He’s a good friend. And you, my dear, are just sweet.” Smiling, she leaned over and kissed him on
the forehead, letting her lips linger there for a few seconds, tasting his
skin, breathing in the scent of his hair, relishing in his presence there
before her. “I did just what you said –
lit all the candles, took a nice long bath, and went to bed. I even wore the ‘sexy lingerie’ you got
me.” She grinned, and he grinned back.
“Howie
picked it out,” he admitted. “But he
brought it by yesterday so I could approve it.”
“Howie
tested, Nick approved?” she said, ripping off the Kix cereal slogan.
Nick
wrinkled his nose. “Well damn, I hope
D wasn’t testing those things.”
She burst
out laughing. “Okay, never mind. That didn’t come out quite like I’d
intended.”
“Eh, it’s
late – I’ll forgive ya.” He smiled and
squeezed her hand twice. “So, if you
don’t mind my asking again… what are you doing here? Didn’t you say you’d gone to bed?”
“Ah, I
did... loved the sheets, by the way.
Also a Howie purchase?”
“Yep. Did he get purple?”
“Uh-huh. Since when do you like purple so much?” she
teased.
“Ha
ha. I don’t, but I know you do – so does
he, actually. And anyway, it was
supposed to seem royal. You know,
purple? Royal color?”
“Sure,” she
said. “It was a good choice. Purple’s my favorite color.” She smiled.
“So,” he
pressed, “why aren’t you sleeping like a queen in your purple sheets? Not that I don’t like you being here, but…
well…”
She
laughed. “I know,” she said, “why am I
at this damn hospital that we both see too much of anyway and not at home in
your nice bed? Well, it’s simple enough
- I couldn’t sleep.”
“How
come? Miss me too much?” He was only kidding, but he’d hit the nail on
the head.
“Actually…
kind of, yes,” she confessed with a little laugh. “Your bed’s huge… I’m not used to all that
space… I need somebody to share it with me.”
“Why, so
you can kick me and hog all the covers?” he teased her, but she could hear the
delight in his voice just as plainly as she could see the smile on his
face. He was pleased with knowing that
she had missed him, that she had been unable to sleep without him there.
“Something
like that,” she replied with a sheepish grin.
“Well, come
here, baby,” he said, scooting over to one side of his bed and patting the
narrow space beside him. “I won’t let
you hog all the covers here, but I will share.”
“Can I
still kick you then?” she asked. He just
chuckled. Smiling contentedly, she
wedged herself in beside him, snuggling up against his chest with her head on
his shoulder. It wasn’t exactly the most
comfortable place to sleep, but she’d lain with him this way before, and it
felt as if that was where she belonged.
Not all alone in a big, empty bed, but side by side with him.
***
Lyrics: “Unchained Melody” by the
Righteous Brothers