Chapter 39
The
following night, Kevin and Kristin invited everyone over to their house for
dinner. Kevin worked the grill while the
women chatted and AJ, Howie, and Brian hung out in the luminescent in-ground
pool. “Are you comin’ in, Nick?” asked
Brian, who was sliding a pair of inflatable water wings onto Baylee so he could
get in the pool too.
Nick looked
up from his spot at the edge of the pool, where he sat sideways, one leg
dangling in the water while his artificial one stretched out in front of
him. “Nah, I don’t think so,” he
answered Brian. He didn’t really feel
like wearing swim trunks, not with everyone around. As much as he didn’t like to admit it, he was
still somewhat self-conscious about his body… the ugly scar that wrapped around
the left side of his chest, and of course, his leg. Some of them – especially Claire, AJ, and
Howie – were used to seeing it, but he still felt awkward and slightly
uncomfortable around the others.
“Okay,”
Brian said, and for awhile, Nick thought he would let it drop. But after dinner, when the women were inside
cleaning up, and AJ, Howie, and Kevin had gotten back into the pool, Brian
pulled Nick aside. “Hey, I wanted to ask
you… you’re not embarrassed to go swimming in front of everyone or anything,
are you?”
Nick felt
himself starting to blush as he realized Brian had hit the nail on the
head. Knowing his best friend could read
him like a book in situations like this, Nick had no choice but to shrug and
grudgingly admit, “I dunno… maybe a little.”
Shaking his
head, Brian put a hand on Nick’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I figured as much. I’m not tryin’ to lecture you, but… you know
you really shouldn’t be, bro, not in front of us. No one here cares about your leg.”
“I know,”
Nick said with a nod, “but…” He
shrugged. “I still feel kind of awkward
sometimes. I know it’s stupid, but-“
“It’s not
stupid,” Brian interrupted him. “I
understand. Believe me, I do. I felt kind of self-conscious about this
thing at first too.” He ran a finger
down the thin scar in the center of his bare chest, a souvenir of his
open-heart surgery.
Nick looked
at him in surprise. “Really? I don’t even notice your scar anymore, B.”
“There, you
just proved my point,” said Brian with a grin.
“We don’t notice your leg is missing anymore either. We’re all used to seeing you the way you
are. So don’t worry about what any of us
are going to think. You should get in
the pool if you want to; I don’t want you to be left out. Did you bring trunks, or-“
“They’re in
the car,” Nick answered, looking away sheepishly. Kevin had told them all to bring swimsuits,
and his was packed in a bag with Claire’s, lying on the backseat of their
rental.
“Go get ‘em
then. And tell those women to get theirs
too. Talk about being self-conscious -
Leigh still complains that she has leftover baby weight. You’re not the only one who doesn’t want to
be seen in a bathing suit.” Brian
flashed him a quick wink.
Nick
chuckled. “Okay.” As he passed through the kitchen, he leaned
into Claire and said, “I’m getting our swimsuits from the car, and you’re
coming in the pool with me.”
“Oh, am I?”
replied Claire as she turned around, one eyebrow raised.
“Yes.” He kept walking, not giving her a chance to
argue. He got the bag with their suits
and changed into his trunks in one of the bathrooms, leaving his prosthesis on
until he got out to the pool.
“You comin’
in, Nick?” called Kevin as Nick sat down at the edge of the pool.
“Yeah, in a
minute,” Nick replied, pushing up the left leg of his swim trunks so that he
could take off his artificial leg.
“Hey,
Nick?” a voice yelled, and Nick stopped and looked up to see Claire leaning out
the sliding glass door. “Where did you
put my suit?”
“Oh, sorry,
it’s in the foyer.”
“Thanks.” She ducked back inside, and a moment later,
Leighanne appeared, Baylee at her side.
“Are you
gonna swim, honey?” Brian bellowed from the pool when he saw his wife.
“I guess
so. Will you watch him while I change?”
Leighanne called back, laying a hand on her son’s head.
“Sure!” Brian climbed out of the pool and walked past
Nick to get Baylee.
“Go
simming?” Nick heard the toddler ask.
“Sure you
can go swimming again. We just gotta put
your water wings on first, little man,” Brian replied, taking Baylee’s
hand. “Nick’s gonna come swimming with
us too,” he added, as he led Baylee past Nick to where they had left his water
wings earlier.
“You gonna
show me some cool tricks in the water, kiddo?” Nick asked as Baylee walked
past. Baylee just stared at him for a
moment before shaking his head. Nick
chuckled, knowing better than to take it personally by now. Little kids were just funny like that.
He went
back to work on his leg, releasing the valve that kept it suctioned to his
stump and pulling it off. Setting the
prosthesis aside, he stood up and got his balance before bending down to pick
up the artificial leg so that he could move it away from the water. He was startled when Baylee suddenly burst
into tears. Whipping his head in the
direction of the screaming sobs, Nick found Baylee red-faced and wailing… and
looking right at him. Immediately, the
toddler’s sobs elevated, and he turned away, twisting his whole body around so
that his back was to Nick, much to the exasperation of Brian, who was trying to
cram on his second water wing.
Nick was
bewildered at first. Then he glanced
down, at the robotic-looking leg in his hands and the empty pant leg in his
swim shorts, and felt his own face turning red as he realized. Baylee was just scared. Scared of him.
Looking
over his shoulder at Nick, Brian must have figured it out at the exact same
time. All of a sudden, his expression
turned stricken. He opened his mouth as
if he were about to say something to Nick, then reached for his son’s shoulder,
trying to get him to turn around. Baylee
just kept sobbing, and Brian looked completely flustered.
Nick had
had enough. Mortified, he hastily jammed
the artificial leg back on and limped into the house as fast as he could,
desperate to get away from the sound of Baylee’s screaming. He nearly barreled into Claire, who was
dressed in her bathing suit and on her way outside.
“What’s
wrong??” she asked at once, grabbing his shoulder. He tried to push past her, but she held onto
him. “What happened??” she demanded, her
eyes wide and worried. “Is that Baylee
crying? Is he all right??”
“He’s
fine,” Nick muttered quickly. “Just
scared.”
“Of what?”
Nick
clenched his jaw and looked away. “Of me!” With that, he twisted out of her grip and
stormed out of the kitchen. He heard
Kristin and Leighanne’s voices coming down the stairs and hurried to get away
from them. Ducking into the small
half-bath, he closed the door and started to lock it when it was thrust back
open, almost hitting him in the face.
Without hesitation, Claire breezed in and shut the door again behind
her.
“Sit,” she
said, pushing him down onto the closed toilet seat. “Now what do you mean, he’s scared of you?”
Nick took a
shaky breath, his face burning hot. “I
was taking off my leg to get in the pool, and he freaked out. I think I scared him,” he explained
miserably.
“Oh…” Her face fell, much as Brian’s had
outside. “I’m sorry, Nick… I didn’t
think of that. You know it’s not you
though… he’s just a kid; he doesn’t know any better. He doesn’t understand. I’m sure Brian’s trying to explain to him
right now. You should go back out
there.”
“Yeah, and
make him start crying again,” Nick mumbled.
“Just go show
him. If you show him your leg and let
him know that it’s okay, that it’s nothing to be afraid of, I’m sure he’ll be
fine,” Claire insisted.
Nick was
just about to protest when there was a light knock on the door. “Nick, is that you in there?” came Brian’s
voice.
Claire
opened the door. “Hey,” she said
quietly, standing back so Brian could come in.
“Hey, Nick…
I’m so sorry about what happened out there,” said Brian, shaking his head
apologetically.
“Is he
okay?”
“Oh sure,
he’s fine! Leigh’s out there talking to
him now. Look, I really am sorry… I
didn’t expect this. I guess we should
have talked to him about you before now, but he’s not even three yet; I didn’t
know if he’d understand…”
“It’s
okay,” said Nick. “He’s just a little
kid; I wouldn’t expect him to understand either. I’m just gonna change back into my clothes…
maybe if I’m wearing long pants, and he can’t see it, I won’t freak him out.”
“No, no,
you don’t have to do that. Come back out
the way you are. I want him to see that
it’s okay.”
Nick shook
his head uncertainly. “Nah, I don’t want
to make him cry again.”
“You’re his
godfather, Nick. I want him to get used
to this so that he’ll feel comfortable around you. And I don’t want you to have to hide your leg
around him. Will you come back outside
with me, please?”
Nick
sighed, but reluctantly stood up. He
followed Brian and Claire back outside, where Leighanne sat in one of the deck
chairs, holding Baylee in her lap. The
little boy’s cheeks were still tear-stained, but he was perfectly calm again.
Nick sucked
in a deep breath. Here goes nothing,
he thought as Brian led him over to Baylee.
“Hey, Bay,
look,” said Brian. “Here’s Nick. See, he’s fine.”
This time,
Baylee did not cry or turn away when he saw Nick. Instead, he whimpered a little and stared,
his eyes fixed on Nick’s prosthesis.
Nick stood awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to do or say. “Hey kiddo… sorry if I scared ya,” he offered
unsurely and looked from Brian to Leighanne, silently asking them what he
should do next.
Much to his
relief, Leighanne took over. “Look,
sweetheart… this is what I was telling you about. Nicky’s other leg was sick, and so he uses
this one now so that he can walk. That’s
all it is. It looks different, but it’s
nothing to be afraid of.”
Baylee just
kept staring and didn’t say anything.
Nick slowly took a step back and sank down into another deck chair. “Do you wanna see?” he asked Baylee, lightly
patting the knee of his prosthesis.
“Come here… you can look at if you want.” Baylee hesitated for a moment, then climbed
down from Leighanne’s lap and shyly crept towards Nick. “There,” said Nick in relief when Baylee was
standing about a foot away. “See, I don’t
bite… and neither does my leg.” He
offered a smile. The smile was not returned,
but Baylee showed no signs of crying either.
Still, Nick was cautious. “Do you
wanna touch it?” he asked. “You can
touch it if you want. It doesn’t hurt,
see?” He reached down and drummed the
shin of the prosthesis a few times to demonstrate. “Try it.”
Gingerly,
Baylee reached out and tapped the same spot Nick had touched. He drew his hand back quickly, waited a
moment, and then touched it again, looking more at ease.
“See? Neat, huh?” Nick asked, feeling better. “It’s not like your leg… I can take this one
off if I want to, like if I want to go swimming.” He spoke as if having the ability to pop off
your leg at will was an advantage.
“Why you
take off?” Baylee asked, speaking for the first time.
“It’s not
supposed to go in the water… it doesn’t like getting wet, so I have to keep it
dry,” Nick explained. “So I take it off
to go swimming, just like you take off your shirt.”
“Go
simming?” Baylee looked from Nick up to
Brian, who smiled.
“Can Nick
come swimming with us this time?” Brian asked, and Baylee nodded. Brian winked at Nick over the top of his
head. “Problem solved, I think. Let’s try this again.”
Nick waited
until Brian had Baylee preoccupied to remove the artificial leg again and then
jumped into the pool as quickly as he could.
AJ, who had been watched the whole scene play out from the other side of
the pool with Howie and Kevin, slid back into the water and swam over to meet
Nick. “Well, that was interesting,” he
remarked in a low voice, giving Nick a smirk.
“You okay, dude?”
“I’m fine,”
said Nick sincerely; he was fine now that he knew he hadn’t scarred his
godson for life.
“You
haven’t been popping that leg off and chasing the kid around with it while we
weren’t looking, have you?”
Nick
laughed. “And how exactly would I chase
him without it on?”
AJ smirked
again. “Eh, you got me. I guess not.
But hey, when he’s a little older, you oughta tell him you’re part droid
or something – the kid’ll idolize you for the rest of his life.”
“Part
droid?” Nick snickered. He could always
count on AJ to lighten up the tough situations with comments like that.
Out of
nowhere, a huge splash catapulted buckets of water at them, drenching them
both. Nick spun around to see Claire
surfacing from beneath the water, a gleeful smile on her face. “Hey,” she said innocently, swimming up
behind him and placing a light kiss on his wet shoulder. “You handled that very well,” she whispered
in his ear before circling around to meet AJ and Howie and Kevin, who had just
swam across from the other side.
“You know
not to take stuff like that personally, right Nick?” asked Kevin, his eyebrows
furrowed in concern.
Nick
nodded. “I know. He’s a little kid.”
“Just
making sure.” Kevin hit Nick lightly on
the back beneath the water. “I know that
couldn’t have felt good.”
“Kev does
know,” AJ piped up, a wicked grin spreading over his face. “Baylee screamed bloody murder the first time
he got a good look at Train’s caterpillars – I mean, eyebrows – too.”
Everyone
laughed while Kevin smacked water into AJ’s face and dunked him beneath the
surface. AJ came up sputtering, but with
a look of victory on his dripping face.
After a few
minutes, Brian carried Baylee over, and Leighanne and Kristin joined them. They swam off their dinner without any
further incidents, and by the time Leighanne dried off a sleepy Baylee and took
him into the house, Nick was exhausted.
He boosted himself onto the side of the pool to rest while the others
stayed in the water. It was not long
before Brian drifted over and climbed up to sit next to him.
“I’m really
sorry about Baylee,” he said again.
“Hey, don’t
worry about it,” Nick replied, smiling to let Brian know he was okay. “Everything’s fine now.”
Brian
nodded. “I really appreciate you being
open with him… I mean, letting him touch your leg and everything. You’re really good with him, you know.”
“I
am?” Nick felt a smile creep across his
face. “Thanks.”
“I mean
it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it
again - you’re gonna make a great daddy someday, Nick.”
The smile
faded as Nick thought about his conversation with Claire the other night, but
he tried not to let it show. Now was not
the time or place to be discussing that with Brian. “Thanks, Frick,” he said. “That means a lot.”
“You’re
welcome… Frack,” replied Brian, and Nick realized how long it had been since
they’d used those nicknames for each other.
The duo shared an amused grin before falling into a peaceful silence.
After a few
minutes, Brian asked casually, “So, while we’re on the topic of family… any
plans to visit yours while you’re out here?”
Nick
couldn’t keep from groaning. His family
had certainly crossed his mind… his parents had a house in the Los Angeles area
where they stayed most of the time, but according to Aaron, whom he talked to
on the phone from time to time, it was like a war zone there… Mom and Dad
fighting constantly. “I think they’re
gonna get a divorce,” Aaron had confessed over the phone one night. He had sounded upset, but Nick found himself
not caring too much. If his parents did
divorce, it would at least make it easier to see his father and sisters and
Aaron. They always asked him to come
visit whenever they spoke to him, but he always refused. He hadn’t seen his mother in over a year, and
he preferred to keep it that way. “She
misses you,” his father would say whenever they talked – which was not often –
but Nick couldn’t find much sympathy for her.
As far as he was concerned, Jane Carter only missed him when she wanted
something or when she was on a guilt trip and feeling bad about all the things
she had said and done to him. He didn’t
miss her back; he only missed the woman she had once been – his mother.
“I’ll take
that as a no?” asked Brian, his lips curving into a sad smile. Nick returned the grim smile, knowing Brian
felt sorry for him. Brian was a family
man, tried and true – he’d come from a great family, and now he had a family of
his own. Nick had not been lucky enough
to have the former, but he hoped someday he could have the latter, one way or
another.
“I don’t
think so,” he replied. “I’d love to see
AC and the girls, but as long as Mom’s around, I really don’t feel like
dropping by the house. I’ll just have to
wait till Aaron goes on tour again or something and catch one of his
shows. I don’t think she wants him to
fly out to see me.”
“So you
aren’t going to take Claire to meet any of them, let them know you two are
engaged?”
“Eh… I’m
sure they’ll see it on MTV at some point,” Nick shrugged. “I don’t really care, Rok… I’ve told you
before, you and the guys and Claire are more like my family than they are. You’re the ones I want at our wedding.”
Brian
smiled and nodded. “Of course we’ll be
there.”
“I
know. You’ve been there through everything.”
Brian
flashed Nick a cheesy grin. “What can I
say? We love ya, Carter.”
Nick smiled
back, thinking how great it was going to be to get back in the studio with
these guys in the fall. He enjoyed
having time off to live his own life and spend time with other people, he
thought as his eyes rested on Claire, who was still messing around in the pool
with the others. But when it all came
down to it, he missed his work. And more
than anything… he missed his brothers.
***