Chapter 41
AN: HUGE thanks to Kaz for helping me out with this chapter and
listening to me rant so early in the morning! =P Big thanks to Bianca for her help too!
Say something, Nick chided himself, but truthfully,
he didn’t know what to say. He hated
feeling so uncomfortable in front of his family, but this situation was just
awkward, no getting around it. It was
his fault just as much as theirs, and he was sure they were even more uneasy
than he was. No one was saying a word,
not even Angel, who had fallen silent after her brief outburst. He figured it was up to him to make the first
move, to start the unavoidable talk.
“Look…” He held out his hands and
hesitated, still at a loss for words.
Shaking his head, he went on, “I… I know things are really weird right
now, and I don’t want them to be. We’re
family. And… I know that I haven’t
really shown it in the past year or two, but… I love you guys. I’ve missed you. I just…”
He shrugged. “Things have just
been complicated.”
Heads
bobbed as Angel, Aaron, and their father all nodded silently, unanimous in
their agreement. Okay, so things were
complicated – they could all attest to that.
Now how, Nick wondered, did they go about un-complicating it? Could things ever be fixed in their broken
family?
“I was
actually pissed at you for awhile, Nick,” Angel spoke up, looking down at her
lap, “for pushing us away last year. But
forget about that for now. I just wanna
know…” She lifted her chin slowly,
meeting his eyes with an expression of deep concern in her own. “Are you okay, Nick?”
Nick wanted
to scoff, thinking of all the times when he had not been ‘okay’ in the past
fourteen months. But he swallowed back
the urge. He saw the look on his little
sister’s face and knew that she had worried about him. She hadn’t called or written, to ask if he
was ‘okay’ earlier… but then again, he’d never done anything to ease her fears
either. I was actually pissed at you
for awhile, Nick, for pushing us away last year. What did that mean? Maybe he hadn’t kept in touch, but he
certainly hadn’t tried to-
Just answer her, he interrupted his own thoughts, noticing
the way Angel was still staring at him, her bottom lip between her teeth. That doesn’t matter right now. All she wants to know is if I’m all right.
“I’m okay,”
he said finally, and he said it with sincerity.
Angel’s pinched face relaxed a little, as he continued, “I won’t lie to
you and say that the past year has been the best of my life, but… things are
okay now. I’m all recovered, I’m
healthy… I’m back to doing most of the stuff I used to do. The guys and I have been in meetings the last
few days, and we’re gonna start working on a new album later in the year. So things are slowly going back to
normal. I’m still your same dumb older
brother.”
Angel
cracked a smile and nodded. “Good,” she
said in a whisper. She cleared her
throat and glanced over at her twin.
“Aaron said you seemed okay when he went out there last summer… better
than we thought you’d be, actually. But
you know… I didn’t know…”
“I know,”
Nick nodded, then shrugged. “You could
have come with him, you know. Seen for
yourself how I was doing.”
Angel
arched an eyebrow as an unusually frosty expression hardened her features. “I didn’t know if you’d want me to.”
Nick
frowned. “What is that supposed to
mean? Why wouldn’t I want you to come?”
Bob Carter
spoke up for the first time in several minutes.
“Oh, it was made very clear to us that you didn’t need or want us
around, Nickolas,” he said, the rare severity in his voice startling Nick.
“What do
you mean?” he questioned, confused. “Why
would you think-?” Suddenly, it dawned
on him. “It was Mom, wasn’t it? What did she tell you??” he demanded, feeling
the anger begin to simmer inside him.
“If I
remember correctly, she said that you told her to get out of your house, that
you couldn’t deal with her, that you never wanted to see her again no matter
what, that you didn’t need any of us, all you needed was Brian, AJ, Howie, and
Kevin,” Bob rattled off, as smoothly as if he were naming Santa’s
reindeer. “Are you going to tell me it’s
not true?”
Nick didn’t
respond at first, though his thoughts were racing. The day his father was talking about was hazy
in his mind, and all he could remember vividly was the whirlwind of emotions
he’d felt… anger, fear, desperation, all intermixed with a numbing
emptiness. Yet, thinking back, he began
to recall bits and pieces of the conversation…
“Mom… get out of my house. You’ve made this all that much worse, and I
can’t fucking deal with you on top of everything else. Get out, and don’t you ever show up on my
doorstep again, no matter what Brian or anyone tells you!”
“Nick-“
“I don’t need you and your bullshit! I need my real family. My brothers…”
“No,” he
answered his father finally, feeling like an ass. “I guess I did say that.” Swallowing hard, he bowed his head, flattening
his hair with his hand, and sighed.
“Look, maybe I was a little hard on her,” he admitted, speaking more to
his lap than to them. “But you have no
idea what I was going through...”
“No one’s
blaming you, Nick,” said Angel, her expression softening. “We all know how Mom can be sometimes, and of
course you were going through a lot. I
guess I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m not angry. Just… sad.”
She shrugged, leaving it at that.
Nick nodded
in understanding, struck by the maturity with which his youngest sister
spoke. In the months they’d been apart,
Angel – and Aaron too – had grown up.
The twins were not little kids anymore, nor silly teenagers, but young
adults, both of whom were looking at him with regret in their dark eyes.
“I’m
sorry,” he said. “Don’t be sad. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’m fine… and I promise, I’m going to do a
better job at keeping in touch from now on.”
He paused long enough to glance over at Claire, who had been sitting
silently at his side the whole time, and then added to Aaron and Angel, “I
guess I’m gonna have to, cause Claire and I want you two to be in our
wedding.”
Angel was the first to react to the subtle announcement. She gasped loudly and clapped both hands over
her mouth in surprise. When she dropped
her hands, they revealed a huge smile.
“You’re getting married?!” she squealed, jumping up from her chair. She ran over to Nick and threw her arms
around his neck. “Aww, Nick, that’s so
cool!”
Nick smiled, glad for her excitement.
Over her shoulder, he glanced at his brother and father, trying to read
their reactions. Aaron hadn’t moved from
the floor, but he was smiling. Bob
looked surprised, but not displeased.
“Well, congratulations, both of you,” he said when Angel pulled away
from Nick, and Aaron echoed similar sentiments.
“Thank you,” Claire said graciously, and Nick nodded. Immediately they were pelted with questions,
most of them coming from Angel, who had seemed to transform from a serious
young women to a giddy teenage girl faster than you could say ‘wedding.’ When had they gotten engaged? How had Nick proposed? Did they have a date set for the wedding
yet? Could she see the ring?
Nick was relieved when the attention turned away from him to his
fiancée, and he sat back gratefully, letting Claire show off her glittering
engagement ring and tell Angel the details of the engagement.
“That’s how you asked her, Nick?
No roses or pretty music or champagne or anything? You just said ‘marry me’ in the middle of a
movie?”
“It was the end of the movie,” Nick corrected, “but yeah…” Claire left out the fact that we were both
a little drunk at the time, he thought with a smirk.
Angel wrinkled her nose. “No
offense, but that’s pretty unromantic.”
Nick just chuckled and shrugged, but Claire quickly rose up to defend
him. “No, it was perfect,” she
said. “Nick knows I’m a low-key girl… I
don’t go for all the clichéd romantic stuff that’s so overused. I’m all about simplicity. The way he asked me, so simply, so spur-of-the-moment
like that… it was perfect.” She smiled
over at Nick, running her fingers softly over the back of his hand. “I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
Nick returned her devoted smile, momentarily forgetting about every
other person and thing around him. He
did not even hear the slam of the car door outside; it was Aaron’s soft curse
that finally pulled his attention away from Claire.
“What?” he asked, looking from her to his brother, who had risen to
peer out the front picture window.
Aaron had a panicked look on his face, but it wasn’t until Nick heard
the sound of keys jiggling in the front door that he registered why.
“Shit,” he echoed Aaron through a groan, feeling his heart sink. “Don’t even tell me…”
“… really think you should consider applying, Les; it would be such a
good opportunity for you,” Jane Carter’s syrupy voice echoed loudly through the
foyer, muffled by the crunch of shopping bags.
The front door slammed, and Nick heard his sister Leslie answer
sharply, “I’m not talking to you about this anymore. I don’t want to be a plus-size model;
I just wanna stay in college and be like any other kid my age! You’re not gonna change my mind by buying
me-“ Her sentence was cut short as she
rounded the corner into the living room and gasped, her shopping bags falling
from both hands. “Nick!”
“Hey, Les,” Nick said with a weak smile. He was happy to see his sister, but he knew
that right behind her would be Jane.
Sure enough, he heard his mother exclaim, “What?!” and a moment later,
she appeared in the doorway, peering into the living room over Leslie’s
shoulder. “Nick!” she cried and pushed
Leslie aside as she barreled into the room.
“What are you-? I didn’t know
you- Why-?” She stopped and shook her head, looking as if
she couldn’t quite believe he was really sitting there in front of her. Blinking, her eyes swept over him, up and
down, as if she were examining a piece of furniture for scratches and
imperfections.
He fought the urge to squirm under her scrutiny and did not move or
speak. He simply gazed back up at her,
an expression of cool defiance on his face.
“Nick’s in town for meetings with the Backstreet Boys,” Bob informed
his wife, who didn’t even look at him.
“He decided to stop by for a quick visit.”
“While I was out of the house – how convenient,” said Jane curtly,
looking hurt. Nick felt his cheeks
growing warm - she’d guessed exactly what his intentions had been. “How long are we going to keep doing this?”
she asked, her eyes filling with tears.
“Going on with our day-to-day lives, pretending the other doesn’t
exist? I miss you, Nick… honey. You have no idea how much I’ve thought about
you and worried about you this past year. Not a day has gone by when you haven’t
entered my mind. But you told me you
didn’t want me around, so I’ve made myself stay away. It’s about killed me… but I’ve done what you
asked.” She sniffled loudly, and Nick
tried hard not to roll his eyes. Could
she be any more melodramatic?
Yet no one could deny that the tears streaming down her lined face were
real, and as he watched his mother break down and cry in front of him, Nick
felt his heart soften as guilt began to overtake him. He sighed.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” he mumbled grudgingly.
“I said some things to you that I shouldn’t have. I know you were just trying to help.”
Jane nodded tearfully. “I only
wanted what was best for you. That’s all
I’ve ever wanted – to see you succeed and be happy.”
“I am happy,” Nick said resolutely, giving Claire’s hand a
squeeze. “And whether you agree with me
or not, I made the right decision last year.”
He rested his hand on his left thigh, feeling the hard socket that
encased it, and gave his mother a pointed look.
“I’m alive, I’m healthy again… I got no regrets.”
Lowering her watery eyes to his artificial leg, Jane let out a little
whimper and covered her mouth with her hand.
Then she nodded. “Good,” she said
softly. “Y-you look good. I’m glad things are going okay.”
Nick offered a crooked smile, feeling slightly awkward. He wasn’t sure he was ready for forgive her
yet for all the wrongs she’d done him… but in a way, he was glad he had at
least apologized, rather than blown up at her.
Misguided as she was, Jane Carter was his mother, and that was never
going to change.
Jane returned his smile cautiously, looking rather ill at ease herself. She started to take a step toward him, then
stopped, letting her hands swing limply at her sides. Knowing what she wanted, Nick climbed to his
feet and went to her instead, opening his arms slightly to offer a hug. Letting out another sniffle, Jane pulled him
into a motherly embrace. He tensed at
first, but felt his body relaxing as she ran her hand up and down his back,
just as she had when he was a child. He
could smell her perfume, the same scent she’d used for years and years, and he
closed his eyes, breathing in the sweet, familiar aroma. It brought him a strange sense of comfort
he’d not realized he needed.
“I’m sorry, Nick,” she whispered into his ear. “I’m so sorry…”
Nick swallowed and dutifully patted her back. “It’s okay, Mom.”
***
It was late afternoon by the time Nick and Claire left the Carter
home. As soon as they had pulled out of
the driveway, Claire reached over to turn down the radio and commented, “That wasn’t
so bad. A little awkward at times,
maybe, but overall… I’d say it went pretty well. What do you think?”
“I guess so,” Nick replied with a shrug. He wasn’t really sure what to think, but he
was pleased to find that he actually felt pretty good. The visit hadn’t miraculously fixed all the
problems in his family, but it was a start.
He and his mother were at least back on speaking terms, and she’d
behaved herself in front of Claire, even after he introduced her as his
fiancée. There was no point in imagining
they were ever going to have the perfect mother/son relationship like some of
the other guys had with their moms, but this had to be healthier than a
year of ‘pretending the other didn’t exist,’ as Jane had put it. “So the future in-laws didn’t scare you
away?”
“Not at all,” said Claire, squeezing his knee. “I’m glad you brought me to meet them.”
Nick hesitated only a moment before giving a decisive nod of
agreement. “I’m glad too.”
They fell into silence, watching the scenery pass by as Nick drove back
to their hotel. Nick turned the volume
on the radio back up, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel in time
to the punk rock song that was playing.
“That was Sum41’s latest, off their 2004 release Chuck,” said
the radio DJ as the song faded out. “And
now some sad news for all you guys out there – it was reported earlier today
that socialite-turned-porn-star-turned-reality-TV-star Paris Hilton was killed
in a freak accident yesterday evening.
According to a press release, the heiress was in the middle of filming
the fourth season of her Fox reality show ‘The Simple Life.’ Paris and her cohort Nicole Ritchie were
reportedly working at a carnival in a small town in Illinois during one of their
stops for the show. Eyewitnesses said
that Paris had boarded ‘The Scrambler’ ride and was thrown from her car when
she stood up to flash the ride operator.
She was rushed to the closest hospital and was pronounced dead-“
“Man, that sucks; that girl was fine,” said Nick.
Claire shrugged. “Yeah, it does
suck… but hey, that’s what you get for being a stupid whore. I never saw what the big deal was about her -
I always thought she looked kind of like a giraffe.”
Nick laughed; he supposed she sort of did. “Mind if I change the station?”
“No, go ahead; find us some music.”
Nick hit the seek button until he found another rock station. “Off their 1987 album Hysteria, here’s
Def Leppard with ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’,” said the DJ, launching into the
classic rock anthem.
“This okay?” Nick asked, bobbing his head to the driving beat of the
familiar song.
“Am I not a child of the 80’s?
It’s perfect.”
***