Chapter 6
“Sounds
excellent! So when are you going?”
Nick had to
smile at AJ’s enthusiasm. He had called
Nick just to talk, for the two hadn’t spoken in a few weeks, and right away,
Nick found himself telling AJ his plans to take Claire vacationing in Hawaii.
“Second
week in May,” he answered. “That’s the
soonest Claire could get off work. I’m
gonna call my travel agent tomorrow and get all the arrangements made.”
“Cool,
man,” said AJ. “You know, that’s funny,
cause Mary and I were talking about maybe going someplace tropical for a week
or so. Just to get away, you know.”
“Mary?” Nick raised an eyebrow and pressed the phone
closer to his ear, eager to hear more.
He could
practically see AJ grinning on the other end of the line. “Yeah, Mary… I’ve been seeing her for a few
weeks now. She’s a real cool girl; I
want you to meet her.”
“She living
with you yet?”
“Moved in
last week.”
Nick
snickered. “Typical Bone.”
“What? You know, I’m surprised you and Claire
haven’t shacked up together yet. You’ve
been together for, what, like four months now?”
“Yeah…”
“So…?”
Nick
sighed. “I dunno, J, we haven’t even
talked about moving in together.”
“Why
not? You think she won’t want to?”
Nick shook
his head, even though he knew AJ could not see it. “It’s not her,” he muttered, “it’s-“ He didn’t finish the sentence, but AJ caught
the drift.
“It’s you?”
he concluded. “Well, what’s up,
Kaos? You don’t want her moving in with
you? Don’t tell me you’re sick of her
all ready! I thought you were crazy
about her!”
“I am!”
Nick insisted, agitated by all of AJ’s prying.
Nosy son of a bitch. “I-I
am crazy about her. I just…” He sighed again and raked a hand through his
hair. “You wouldn’t understand.”
AJ couldn’t
understand. He could never understand
Nick’s dilemma… wanting to spend his every waking minute with Claire, yet
afraid to take their relationship to the next level, knowing that having her
living with him, sleeping beside him in his bed every night, would only lead to
situations like the one he’d found himself in two weeks earlier, when he’d
freaked out and had a breakdown in his bathroom.
The truth
was, he wanted to take the next step with Claire, he really did. But he was so unsure… unsure of his own
abilities, unsure of how she would react to him… just the thought of it made
his palms sweat. He felt embarrassed
even thinking about it, and it embarrassed him to be embarrassed of it. He was twenty-five years old, for God’s sake,
an adult, not the same thirteen-year-old virgin who had sat on the floor of
AJ’s bedroom and stared, wide-eyed and red-faced, at the centerfold in a copy
of Playboy that AJ had somehow gotten a hold of.
It was AJ’s
raspy voice that jarred him out of this thoughts now. “Nick?
I said, what wouldn’t I understand?”
Nick hadn’t
even heard him. “Butt out, AJ, it’s none
of your business,” he said irritably.
“Have you
fucked her yet?”
Nick felt
his stomach constrict. Could AJ be
anymore blunt? “That’s none of your
goddamn business,” he repeated himself angrily.
“So I take
it you haven’t. And let me guess – it’s
not her,” said AJ, repeating Nick’s earlier words, “it’s you?”
Nick wasn’t
sure which he was feeling more – the humiliation or the frustration. How had he let an innocent conversation take
such a unpleasant turn? He felt like
he’d backed himself into a corner, and the only way out was just to
answer. “Yes,” he mumbled ashamedly,
waiting for AJ to laugh at him.
But AJ
didn’t even so much as snicker. In fact,
there was dead silence on the other end of the line for a few breaths, and just
when Nick had begun to wonder if AJ had somehow hung up on him without him
realizing it, AJ spoke again. “Look,
Nick… I know this is probably a touchy subject and not something you really
want to talk about… and I know I can never fully understand what you’re going
through – and what you’ve been through – but-“
“Damn
straight,” Nick interrupted flatly.
“Hear me
out, kid, would you?” pleaded AJ. “I’ll
I’m trying to say is that I know I haven’t been through what you have, and I
don’t know what it’s like… but I think I do know what’s going on here. You’re self-conscious – is that it?”
How could
AJ know that, just from talking to him on the phone? Nick wondered. Was he that pathetically obvious?
He didn’t
say anything, and AJ went on, “It’s not a crime, Nick. God, everyone has some part of their body
that they’re insecure about. Do you
think Claire’s totally confident about her body? I bet she’s not.”
Nick
sighed. AJ was right – he didn’t know;
he didn’t understand. “Oh come on, AJ,
it’s not like I have a crooked nose or a weird birthmark or a third nipple or
something! I have a stump, where
I should have a leg! And don’t even try
to tell me that’s not a major turn-off because I know it is!”
There was a
short pause, and then AJ answered. “It’s
not as much of a turn-off as a third nipple would be,” he said slyly, and Nick
could hear the amusement in his voice.
He tried to scowl, but the corners of his lips twitched.
“It’s not
funny,” he huffed, even though it sort of was.
“Lighten
up, Nick,” AJ said casually. “You worry
too much, you know that? Do you honestly
think she’d be dating you if she thought you were some disgusting freak of
nature?”
Nick winced
at the term. “I dunno…”
“Of course
she wouldn’t. Being friends is one
thing, but she’s your girlfriend now, Nick. That means something. It means a lot. Give her a chance, dude. Put some moves on her and see what happens.”
He made it
sound so simple, but it wasn’t simple.
It wasn’t simple at all.
Nick
sighed. “I’ll try,” he said dully.
“Good. You need to get your confidence back, Nicky,
along with your sex life. You’re young,
kid; do it while you can!” Nick could
feel his face heating up. Why
again were they having this conversation?
“And if you need any more advice… well, you know where to come. You know Bone Daddy’s here to help,” AJ said
and cackled with glee.
Nick
groaned. “Yeah, whatever, J.”
“So anyway…
Kaos-“ AJ said, and Nick relaxed, sensing that AJ was about to change the
subject. Thank God. “- about Hawaii…”
***
“What about
Hawaii?”
Dianna set
down the piece of pretzel she had been about to pop into her mouth and gave
Claire a look from across the table.
“What about Hawaii?” she repeated.
“You’re leaving in like two weeks, girl, time to start planning!”
“Planning what?”
Claire laughed.
“Like what
clothes you’re going to bring with you, for one! Why do you think we came to the mall
today? Not so you could poke through
Suncoast and Spencer’s, I’ll tell you that much.” Dianna shoved the last bit of her pretzel
into her mouth, chewed, and swallowed.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
“We’ve gone to all your favorites stores already; now it’s time to do
some real shopping.”
“For
clothes?” replied Claire, swiping at her mouth with a napkin to hide her smile
from her best friend. Dianna was a
clothes freak, always had been. They had
been friends since high school, and even then, Dianna was the one who looked
cute and put together in a new ensemble everyday, while Claire usually
schlepped around in jeans and t-shirts.
“Of
course!” Dianna chirped brightly, standing up and throwing her trash away in
the nearest trash bin. Claire downed the
rest of her soda and grudgingly stood up and followed Diana away from the food
court. She looked longingly at Hot Topic
and PacSun as they passed by, but Dianna dragged her on to the more girly
clothing stores.
“I hate
this place cause they rarely carry anything that looks good on me,” commented
Dianna as she led Claire into Wet Seal, “but you can pull it off.”
Claire
looked around at the clothing displays and wrinkled her nose. “Dianna… number one, I’m not a teenager
anymore. Number two-“ She stopped to finger a tiny, white
miniskirt. “-I’m not a whore.”
“Oh, come
on, it’s not all sixteen-year-old slut stuff.
They have cute things here too, and you need some cute clothes to wear
on your trip! Come on, over here.” Dianna grabbed her forearm and pulled her off
in the direction of all kinds of brightly-colored summer dresses.
“And why do
I need new clothes just to go to Hawaii?
You didn’t make me come shopping with you when I went with Tim last
year.”
Dianna made
a face. “That’s because I didn’t like
Tim,” she replied matter-of-factly.
Claire
raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You never
told me you didn’t like him!”
“Well, no,
not while you were still with him.
But personally, I always thought he was kind of annoying. And a little clingy too.”
Claire
shrugged. “I guess. So I take it Nick meets your standards then?”
Diana
considered this a moment and then nodded.
“Yeah, Nick’s all right.”
“Just all
right??” Claire pretended to be
offended. “Why do you care if I look
cute on the trip then, if he’s just ‘all right’?”
“Because
AJ’s going,” Dianna said with a wide grin.
Claire shook
her head, looking amused. “Don’t even
tell me you’re crushing on AJ now.”
“And don’t
you even tell me he’s not totally sexy.”
Claire
shrugged. “He’s not bad,” she
offered. “But he’s taken. Don’t forget he’s bringing his new girlfriend
along on this trip too; I think that’s the whole point.”
She’d only
found out these details Tuesday afternoon.
AJ had apparently called Nick Monday night and, somewhere over the
course of the conversation, invited himself and his new girlfriend along. Nick had called his travel agent the next
day, and now instead of just the two of them spending a week together in
Hawaii, they’d be spending a week with AJ and this Mary in Hawaii.
“I hope you don’t mind…”
Nick had been apologetic when he told her the news. “He kind of invited himself… you know how Bone
is. And I thought it’d be nice to catch
up with him. But don’t worry, I promise
we’ll have plenty of time to ourselves too.”
Honestly,
she didn’t really mind. She liked
AJ. Out of Nick’s Backstreet friends, he
was her favorite, and she hadn’t seen him in months either. It would be nice to catch up, like Nick
said. Although she was looking forward
to some alone time with Nick too. Not
that they didn’t get enough here, but Tampa just wasn’t quite the magical
paradise that Hawaii was. At least she
hoped that’s what Hawaii would be this time around, for it certainly hadn’t
been last time.
“Girlfriend
shmirlfriend. If you ask me, he should
move back to Florida and get a new girlfriend – me. Then the four of us could go on double dates
together… and award shows and tours and-“
Her eyes began to glaze over, and Claire just shook her head.
“Don’t even
tell me you’re all starstruck over some Backstreet Boy.”
“Hey, I
never disliked the Backstreet Boys – that was you!”
“Oh, it
still is me,” Claire corrected.
“I don’t like the Backstreet Boys.
I like my Backstreet Boy.”
Dianna
smiled and opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was an,
“Ooh!” She hurried over to one of the
rack and plucked a hanger off of it.
“What do you think of this?” She
held up a short, aqua-colored dress dotted with white tropical flowers.
“It’s
cute,” said Claire, nodding her approval.
Famous last words. Ten minutes
later, after Dianna had persuaded her to try the dress on, she was walking out
of the store with a bag in hand and the dress inside it.
“You can
wear it one of the nights you’re there,” Dianna said as they walked on to the
next store, “and Nick won’t be able to resist you.”
“Oh, I’m
not so sure about that,” Claire muttered under her breath, remembering how he’d
pulled away from her that night. She had
been careful not to go too far with him since, not wanting to cause anymore
scenes like that one and embarrass him again.
“What do
you mean?” asked Dianna, and Claire wished she hadn’t let that slip out.
“Oh,
nothing,” she tried to play it off, focusing her attention on the display in
the nearest store window. It happened to
be Baby Gap, and she looked briefly at the pastel spring colors and tiny
baseball caps and then turned away.
“No, you
meant something,” Dianna insisted. “You
had a tone.”
“I did not
have a tone!”
“Trust me,
you had a tone! Are you and Nick having
problems?” Dianna pried, then gasped suddenly.
“That’s why he’s randomly taking you to Hawaii!”
Claire
slapped her forehead in exasperation and shook her head, groaning. “No!” she said quickly, “that is not
why he’s taking me to Hawaii. And no,
we’re not having problems. Well, not
serious ones anyway.”
“Little
ones then? Like what?”
Claire
shook her head again. It’s none of
her business, she told herself, but Dianna was giving her that look, that
“please tell me; I’m dying to know” look.
Dianna was notorious for being way too interested in everyone else’s
love life, especially when she was not involved with anyone herself. She was the type who actually kept up on all
the celebrity gossip – who was dating who in Hollywood and all of that – and
her vested interest in Claire’s love life had only skyrocketed when Nick came
into the picture.
“Oh, come
on, Claire – you can tell me anything; you know that! We’re both adults; it’s not like I’m going to
blab the latest developments in your steamy Backstreet romance everywhere. This is between us.”
The look in
her dark brown eyes was sincere, and Claire trusted her. Dianna was a loudmouth and a gossip when it
came to other people, but with Claire, she knew how to keep a secret. Claire sighed and reluctantly guided her
friend over to a secluded bench. They
sat down, and Dianna instantly turned towards Claire and said, “Spill.”
Claire
smirked. “There’s not really much to
spill,” she said with a shrug. “It’s
just… well, let’s just say our ‘Backstreet romance’ isn’t exactly ‘steamy,’ if
you know what I mean.”
“Ahh… I get
you,” Dianna nodded seriously. “You
know, I hope this doesn’t sound bad of me, but I was kind of wondering about
that.”
Claire
closed her eyes briefly and opened them again.
“Di,” she said, straight-faced, “we need to get you a man.”
Dianna
burst out laughing. “Oh, whatever, call
me pathetic if you want! But I have
wondered!” They both were laughing now,
and when they finally stopped, Dianna’s face grew serious again. “So you haven’t, uh… been intimate with him
then?”
Claire shook
her head. “No.”
Dianna
nodded slowly. “But… you want to?”
“Well,
yeah… I mean, I love him… and that’s just the natural direction serious
relationships are supposed to head in, right?”
“Right,”
agreed Dianna. “But… well, it’s
different with Nick.”
“Yeah…” Claire sighed. She’d felt a flash of anger at Dianna’s
words, “it’s different with Nick,” and immediately wanted to jump to
Nick’s defense. But she knew Dianna
didn’t mean anything bad by it, and to be perfectly honest, she was right. It was different with Nick. The unspoken “rules” she had established with
past boyfriends didn’t apply to him. “I
just think he’s self-conscious,” she said.
“Which is understandable. I just
wish I knew what to do to make him feel good about himself again.”
Dianna
pursed her lips. “I know…” she said
sympathetically. “That’s tough. Maybe you just need to talk to him about it.”
“Yeah,”
Claire agreed, “you’re probably right. I
just don’t know how to go about starting up that conversation. I mean, what do I say?”
“I couldn’t
tell you,” Dianna shrugged, “but you’re brave; you’ll come up with something.”
Claire
rolled her eyes. “I’m not that brave.”
“You are
too! For lots of reasons. One being the fact that you’re even with
him.”
“What does
that mean?” Claire frowned.
Dianna
shifted her weight awkwardly. “Well,
nothing… just that… well, it’s kind of a turn off. Wh-what happened to him, I mean.”
“You don’t
know him like I do,” Claire fumed defensively.
“I don’t love him for what he looks like, Di. Although if you ask me, he’s quite
attractive, and I usually don’t even go for blondes, so that’s saying a lot!”
“Don’t get
snippy; I didn’t mean to offend you! I
was just saying… I guess for most girls, it would be kind of a turn-off. But you’re not most girls, and I know you and
Nick have always had something special.
And you’re right, he is hot.
He’ll always be hot.” Dianna
smiled awkwardly, and Claire reluctantly returned the smile, trying to keep
herself from getting too annoyed with her friend. Dianna just didn’t understand. She tried, but she would never fully
understand the bond Claire had with Nick, that special bond created from all
they had been through together.
No one
could ever understand that. No one but
them.
***