Chapter 76
“Claire! We’ve gotta talk!” were the first words out
of Laureen’s mouth when Claire came into work Monday morning.
Caught
off-guard, she gave Laureen an odd look, but nodded nonetheless. “Okay… now?”
“Lunch
would be better. You don’t already have
plans, do you?”
“No… lunch
sounds fine,” Claire replied slowly, still slightly bothered by the way Laureen
was acting. But as she got to work, she
had enough to do and enough to think about that Laureen’s behavior slipped her
mind until it was time for her lunch break.
“So, what’s
up?” she asked her friend, as the two of them walked across the street to pick
up their usual, lunch from the supermarket deli.
“I should
ask you the same thing!” Laureen exclaimed, grabbing her arm and pulling her
around so that the two of them were face to face. “You broke up with Nick?!”
Claire’s
eyes went wide; how did Laureen know??
She hadn’t told anyone except her own family and Dianna, of course… and
surely Nick had told the guys, but they wouldn’t have…
A sickening
thought entered her mind, and she leaned closer to Laureen. “Where did you find out??” she asked, keeping
her voice low. “It’s… it’s not in the
press, is it??” No, it can’t be,
she thought; Di would have seen it by now; she would have warned me.
“No, I
heard it from Nick!” replied Laureen.
Claire’s
mouth fell in open in surprise; she had not expected that answer. “When did you see Nick?” she asked softly.
Laureen
took her arm again. “Come on, let’s
walk,” she said, leading Claire away from the busy grocery store entrance. They walked across the parking lot, stopping
in the far corner, where no cars were parked and no people were around to
overhear them.
“So when
did you see Nick?” Claire asked again, sinking down onto a curb beside Laureen.
“Friday
night. I went out clubbing with some of
my friends and ran into him in the parking lot.”
“Of a
club?” Claire frowned; she didn’t like
hearing that. The fact that Nick had
gone out to the club less than twelve hours after finding her letter could only
mean one of two things: 1) he’d gone and
gotten himself wasted in a pitiful attempt to escape his troubles, or 2) he’d
gone looking for another woman to fuck in place of her.
“Yeah,”
Laureen said shortly, “and I’m glad I did, cause he was about to drive himself
home… and let me tell you, he was in no condition to drive. I caught him when he was already in the car.”
Claire felt
the blood drain from her face. “Really?”
she asked in a whisper. Oh Nick,
she thought, aghast. How could he act
that stupid? And over her,
nonetheless! She wasn’t worth it!
“Yeah! I’m not telling you this to rat him out,
Claire, but I thought you should know.
He just looked so lost; it almost broke my heart,” Laureen lamented
anxiously. “We went to Denny’s and
talked for awhile, and he’s just really confused. As am I, I should add. What happened, Claire?? I thought you guys were happy together!”
Claire
sighed. “I love him, Laureen. I really do, and I didn’t want to hurt him
like this. But the truth is, we weren’t
happy. Not really. A lot of things had been building up for a
long time, and we’d been having stupid arguments every time he came home, and
it just… wasn’t healthy. We have a lot
of issues that we’d need to work out before we could even think about getting
married. And the truth is, I just don’t
think I’m ready for that right now.”
Laureen
nodded solemnly, deep creases appearing in her forehead as she listened to
Claire. “So then… are you guys broken up
officially? Or just… up in the air?”
Claire
shrugged, and her eyes dropped to rest upon her engagement ring, which still
sparkled brightly on her finger. She
played with it nervously, sliding it up and down her finger as she thought
about what her answer should be.
Finally, she confessed the truth.
“Honestly? I don’t know.”
***
“Claire,
babe, you need to make up your mind,” Dianna scolded her over the phone as she
left work that afternoon. “You can’t
leave Nick hanging like that, wondering if you’re gonna come back or not. I mean, ‘taking a break’? Come on, that is so Ross and Rachel! You’re either with him or you’re not; there
can’t be an in between.”
Claire
sighed; she knew Dianna was probably right, but she didn’t know what to say.
“Don’t just
sigh; you know I’m right!” Dianna went on, as if reading her mind (well, they
hadn’t been best friends for ten years for nothing). “You’re never gonna get anywhere if you don’t
decide one way or another – either go back to him or leave him. That way you can both move on.”
“I know,”
Claire finally admitted. “You are right,
Di.”
That was
why, after driving around for over an hour, Claire finally found herself parked
in front of the house she’d left four days ago.
Killing her engine, she sucked in a deep breath and did her best to
compose herself before stepping out of the car.
Slowly, she made her way up to the front door.
***
Hearing the
car pull up outside his house, Nick drew back the curtains an inch and peeked
out. He nearly gasped at what he saw,
and for a moment, he was sure his heart had stopped beating. The door of the familiar Toyota opened, and a
moment later, Claire’s ginger head appeared.
Holding his breath, he watched as she pushed the door shut and walked
around the car, coming up to the house.
Panicking
just a little, he stood up and quickly ran his hands over his head, trying to
flatten his unruly hair. He tugged on
his wrinkled, holey t-shirt and smoothed down his baggy shorts, wishing he
looked a little more presentable. He
hadn’t even showered that morning. Why
bother? he’d thought upon waking up.
He didn’t feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone. He’d never expected her to show up.
As the
doorbell rang, it suddenly occurred to him that he was being an idiot. Dude, it’s Claire, he reminded
himself. She didn’t care what he looked
like.
He hurried
to the door, but stopped just before he opened it, knowing Claire was just on
the other side. What’s she doing
here? he wondered. What is she
going to say?
“I’m so sorry, Nick; leaving you like
that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.
Take me back, please?”
That was
what he wanted her to say, but he was terrified that it was going to be
something more along the lines of, “I’m so sorry, Nick, but I’m here to tell
you I’m leaving you for good.”
The thought
made him want to vomit, but he knew he couldn’t stand there worrying about it
forever. There’s only one way to know,
he decided. Taking a calming breath, he
squared his shoulders, unlocked the deadbolt, and pulled the door open, trying
to brace himself for whatever she had to say.
“Hey,” she
greeted him softly, without even the ghost of a smile. And that was when he knew.
He knew,
even before she said it, that it was over.
“Nick…” she
began, when he did not reply. “I’m
really sorry, but… I can’t do this anymore.”
She held out her hands helplessly and shook her head. “I don’t want to drag this out or make you
wonder… I just wanna get it over with so you… so I… so we can both move
on.”
As he stood
like a statue, just staring at her, she reached down and slid her engagement
ring, the beautiful white and canary diamond masterpiece they had designed
together, off of her slender finger.
“Here,” she whispered, holding it out to him. “I can’t keep this.”
Nick felt
his nostrils flare as he sucked in a breath.
“Keep it,” he growled. “It’s
yours. I bought it for you.”
She shook
her head, looking down so that he could not see her eyes. “I can’t.
I can’t. You spent a lot of money
on it, and… I want you to have it back.
I don’t deserve to keep it.”
When Nick
still made no move to take the ring, she knelt down and placed it carefully on
the smooth, cement stoop in front of him.
Rising back up, she finally met his eye and offered him a sad, wavering
smile. “I care about you, Nick,” she
said, her voice strengthening. “That’s
not going to change. I know things are
going to be… weird… between us, but I still want to be your friend. I just… I can’t be your wife.”
Her voice
had tapered off to a hoarse whisper by the end, but Nick heard every word, loud
and clear. He did not reply. He did not even move, or acknowledge that she
had spoken. He did, however, notice the
tears that sprung to her eyes, making them sparkle like the diamonds she’d laid
to rest at his feet.
“You don’t
have to say anything right now,” she managed to say, though her words seemed
forced. “I know how painful this is…
it’s painful for me too. But please…
take care of yourself, Nick, okay?
That’s all I ask. I know I don’t
have room to ask you for any favors right now, but if you could do one thing,
please, take care of yourself… if not for me, then at least for you. Will you do that?”
Even as he
looked at the ground, he could feel her eyes boring into him, pleading with
him.
“Nick? Please?”
“I’m not
gonna go drown myself, if that’s what you think,” he muttered finally, his
voice raspy with the stinging emotion that was slowly building up inside him,
drowning everything out. He hoped she
would leave before the floodgates burst again; he did not want her to see him
break down.
He glanced
up to see a shadow of a smile flicker on her lips. “Good,” her voice cracked. “I… I guess I should go then.” But she hesitated, making no move to leave.
Clearing
his throat, he replied flatly, “Yeah… you probably should.”
He saw her
throat move as she swallowed hard; then, slowly, she nodded. Without another word, without meeting his
eyes again, she turned around and walked back to her car, her pace quickening
as she grew farther from him.
He stood,
frozen in place once again, just watching her as she climbed back into her
car. Within a few seconds, the old
engine sputtered to life, and her car peeled around the circle and up the
driveway, disappearing beyond the palm trees at the edge of his property.
Swallowing
the lump that had risen in his throat, he took a steadying breath and stooped
with difficulty to pick up the ring from the cement. Wiping a smudge from its platinum band, he
took it between his thumb and forefinger and held it up, letting the diamonds
catch the sunlight.
A sparkling
aura seemed to appear around the ring as his vision grew blurry with
tears. Swallowing again, he slowly
lowered it and dropped it into the dark depths of his pocket. Feeling the tiny, hard bulge dig into his
thigh as he gave the material a pat, he glanced up the driveway one more time,
as if somehow hoping to see her car rumbling back towards him. But the drive was empty, the air around him
silent.
As he stood
there alone, all he could hear was the sound of his own ragged breathing, as he
struggled not to break.
How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath
With you
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cause we’ve shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
There’s just an
empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just a memory of your face
Take a look at me now
Well, there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that’s what I’ve got to face
I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
Well, there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just a memory of your face
Now take a look at me now
Cause there’s just an empty space
But to wait for you is all I can do
And that’s what I’ve gotta face
Take a good look at me now
Cause I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against the odds
It’s the chance I’ve gotta take
Take a look at me now
- “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins
***