Chapter 121
Claire had been
right about one thing – as the chemo treatments continued, Nick stopped getting
so violently ill afterward. There was
always some nausea, and sometimes he would throw up once or twice, but never as
bad as he had that first day. Maybe his
body was getting used to it, as Claire had suggested, or maybe the regime of
drugs just wasn’t as potent as it had been during his last course of
chemotherapy. Whatever the reason, he
was glad.
There were, however,
other symptoms. For one thing, he was
tired and fatigued all the time, which was definitely putting a damper on his
physical therapy sessions. He still had
them three times a week, and he was making progress, becoming steadier and
speedier on his prosthesis, but the rate of improvement had definitely
slowed. On top of that, the canker sores
that had bothered him before were back, and oddly enough, his sense of taste
was messed up too. It seemed that half
the food he did manage to eat when he was not sick to his stomach tasted
funny. Some things tasted like metal,
and others were just so gross he could not bear to choke them down.
“Yeah, that’s
normal,” Claire said as he was explaining this to her one Saturday
afternoon. “I remember it was like that
for me my first time on chemo. I
practically lived off of milkshakes, I’m telling you… those were like the only
thing that tasted right. You can make
them out of SlimFast or the Carnation kind or something, and then you can get
nutrition from them too.”
“Hey, we should try
that,” said Howie, looking at Nick. “AJ
or I could run to the store later and pick up some of that Carnation instant
stuff.”
“Sure, whatever,”
replied Nick. “J, it’s your turn, dude,
go.”
“I’m going, I’m
going,” AJ remarked, picking up the pair of dice and shaking them around in his
fist. “FUCK!” he cried as he rolled
them. “Damnit, D, how the hell did you
get Boardwalk and Park Place, and how the hell do I keep landing on
them?”
“I don’t know, but
thanks to you, I’m going to be able to buy another house for each of them,” Howie
said with glee as AJ grudgingly shoved a wad of pastel bills into his hand.
“You suck,” grumbled
AJ, as Claire swiped the dice from the middle of the game board to take her
turn.
Claire had come over
that afternoon following Nick’s chemo treatment in the morning, and they had
decided to play Monopoly to pass the time.
Nick had gone straight to bed, as he usually did, so they had set up
there, and now Claire, Howie, and AJ were all squished onto the large bed with
the game board in the center. It jostled
every time one of them moved, sending houses and hotels scattering, so maybe it
wasn’t the most practical setup, but none of them really cared. It looked like the game was going to be over
soon anyway, with AJ almost bankrupt, Howie and Claire owning most of the
board, and Nick somewhere in between.
“Your turn, Nick,”
said Claire, handing him the dice. “And
you’re approaching the Dorough Dominion of Doom, so look out.”
“Dorough Do-what?”
“Boardwalk and Park
Place, dumbass,” AJ said, grabbing Nick’s foot through the covers. Nick squirmed and kicked involuntarily
beneath the covers, accidentally kneeing Claire and upsetting the board once
again. “Oh, good going, Carter!”
“You tickled my
foot!”
“I didn’t know you
were ticklish,” said Claire with an amused smile.
“Yeah, well isn’t
everybody? On the bottom of their feet,
I mean?”
She shrugged. “I’m not.
Not really. But I guess my feet
are kind of tough and gross from going around barefoot all the time,” she
added, practically thrusting one of her bare feet into his face. “See?”
“Ew, get that thing
away from me, it smells!” Nick exclaimed, swatting her foot away.
“Hey, are we gonna
finish this game?” asked Howie. “Come
on, Nick, roll.”
“I don’t wanna roll
now that I’m approaching the Dorough Domination of Death!”
“Dominion of- oh
whatever, just go!”
Nick gave the dice a
hearty shake and let them fall onto the game board. Frowning, he plucked up his silver playing
piece – the boat, naturally – and moved it around the board, counting off the
numbers on the dice under his breath.
“8... oh no… 9… 10. Aww, shit.”
“Haha, pay up,
buddy!” Howie extended his hand again as
Nick slammed his boat down onto the Boardwalk square.
“Are you sure I
counted right?” he asked pleadingly, eyeing the square he had started on.
“You sure did. $1400, please.”
“Fourteen
hundred?! Well, damn, I lose. Here.”
With a huff, Nick tossed his meager pile of Monopoly money in Howie’s
direction while AJ cackled victoriously, apparently pleased to have come in
only second-to-last place as opposed to dead last.
“You think this game
is about over?” Claire asked, glancing across the board at Howie. “I say you win.”
“I say that sounds
good,” agreed Howie.
“Yeah, well, winner
picks up!” AJ announced, sliding off the end of the bed. “I’m gonna go grab an O’Doules. Want one, Nickster?”
“Sure. Claire?”
“Uh… do you have any
real beer in the house? Like the
alcoholic kind?”
Howie laughed. “That’s my girl! We’ve got Bud Light too, will that work?”
“Yeah, that’d be
great!”
AJ and Howie went to
grab beers, which left Claire and Nick to pick up the game. “Wow, is it really almost five o’clock?” Nick
asked, noticing his alarm clock.
“Yeah. Monopoly takes forever,” said Claire as she
sorted money.
“I know. So… are you gonna hang around or what? You don’t have to, you know,” he added
quickly. “I mean, it’s a Saturday night
and all… you should be out having fun, not sitting around with me.”
“What, we’re not
having fun?” she asked, folding the game board and laying it in the box.
Nick gave her a
look. “You know what I mean. I just don’t want you to feel like you have
to stay here and keep me occupied.”
“Hey, it’s no
problem. I mean, unless you don’t want
me to stay and are just dropping hints to get me to leave.” She grinned teasingly, and he returned the
smile.
“No way,” he
replied. “But, I just…”
“Don’t worry about
it. I don’t have anything better to do,
and besides, you once hauled your ass all the way back from New York to come
see me in the hospital. I owe ya.” She winked, probably expecting him to reply
with some sarcastic comeback, but instead, he only began to feel guilty.
“That was
different. You don’t owe me anything, Claire. Seriously, just cause I’m having a lame,
boring Saturday night doesn’t mean you have to too.”
“Hey, who said
anything about lame and boring?” AJ said loudly as he and Howie strolled back
into the room. He handed Nick a
non-alcoholic beer and then popped the top on his own, taking a long swig. “The party’s just getting started, baby!” he
exclaimed, smacking his lips.
Howie rolled his
eyes. “So what’s next on the agenda?” he
asked, passing Claire a Bud Light. “How
are you feeling, Nick?”
“Okay,” said Nick,
taking a sip of his beer and wishing he could drink the alcoholic kind. He would love to get nice and plastered right
about now. Of course, then he’d probably
end up praying to the porcelain gods all night again, and he’d already had his
share of bathroom worship. He’d learned
the hard way a long time ago – drinking and chemo did not mix.
“You wanna watch a
movie?” suggested Howie, and the others nodded in agreement.
“Claire,” said Nick,
“you’re the lady; you pick the movie.”
“Lady?” scoffed
Claire. “Okay… did you guys get The
Matrix: Revolutions DVD?”
“Yeah,” said
Nick. “Wanna watch that?”
“Yeah! I haven’t seen it since it came out in
theaters, and I’m too poor to buy the DVD right now.”
“Well, I’ll know
what to get you for your birthday then, huh?” Nick said with a wink. “Hey, when the hell is your birthday anyway?”
“March
fifteenth. Sorry, buddy, you missed it,”
she said with a smirk.
“Really? Shit, how’d I miss it? You should have told me!”
“Uh, I don’t think
we were speaking then actually.”
“Oh... right.” Nick smiled awkwardly. “Well… I can buy it for you for Christmas
then.”
She snorted. “Christmas?
I’m sure I’ll have saved up enough to afford it by Christmas. At least, I would hope so! But I don’t know; they are cutting my
hours…”
“They’re cutting
your hours? How come?”
“Eh, they hired a
new dentist. Young guy, fresh out of
dental school. And so, since we’ll be
able to handle more patients with two dentists instead of one, they went and
hired a couple new hygienists too, and… yeah, basically those of us that worked
there already are getting our hours cut,” she explained, rolling her eyes.
“Ah… I see,” said
Nick, even though he really didn’t understand what an inconvenience it might be
to get your hours cut. After all, he’d
never had a job that fit the typical definition of the word “job.” Singing was the only “job” he’d ever had, and
it was a career very unlike the ones most people pursued.
“Um, excuse me,
people, can we cut the chit-chat here?” AJ lisped in some random impression,
pointing at the large TV screen. “The
movie’s ready.”
“Hit the lights,
Howie,” Nick commanded, scooting down further in bed and lying back against his
pillows. “And y’all gonna have to move
cause I can’t see.”
AJ shot Nick a
disdainful look from his perch on the foot of the bed. “Well, for sure, your majesty. I’ll get right on that.”
“No, get off,”
Nick corrected, attempting to kick AJ, which didn’t really work out too well
considering his foot was trapped beneath his covers.
“You heard him –
move,” said Claire, giving AJ a playful shove.
AJ toppled off the bed, arms flailing exaggeratedly, and landed on the
floor, which he apparently decided was good enough for him, for he sat there,
his back pressed against the foot of the bed.
After turning off the lights, Howie joined him on the floor, while
Claire crawled up toward the head of the bed.
“You move too,” she whispered loudly.
“Scooch over.”
Obediently, though
with some effort, Nick managed to scoot himself over to the left side of the
bed so that she could occupy the right.
He stretched his arm out invitingly, and without a word, she lay down
beside him, letting his arm come around her.
Lightly running his fingertips up and down her arm, he was again taken
back to that night in the movie theater, when he’d held her close and kissed
her. Part of him wanted to kiss her
again, but he didn’t dare. That first
kiss had still not been brought up, and until some things had been discussed,
their relationship had to remain strictly platonic. Things in his life were complicated enough as
it was; he wasn’t about to make a move on her again and ruin the friendship
they had. He couldn’t bear the thought
of being separated from her again. He needed
her.
Then again, maybe he
was being selfish. Here it was a
Saturday evening, just after five, and she was stuck watching a movie here with
him. If his life had been normal, he
would have been out on the town with his friends. She had gone through so much, months of
chemotherapy, weeks of isolation and hospitalization… and now that she was
healthy and back to normal, she should be out doing the things she hadn’t been
able to do a year ago. She should be out
enjoying the second chance at life she’d been given, not sharing in his
misery. He recalled how she’d urged him
to go ahead to Los Angeles to finish the Backstreet Boys album while she’d been
recovering from her transplant.
Shouldn’t be urging her to do the same?
Not go to LA and record an album, exactly, but just to go out and live
her life? She had been at his house
pretty much every day since he’d come home from the hospital, and though he
always looked forward to her visits, he knew she was spending most of her time
either working or with him, and it just wasn’t fair to her. Maybe it was time to cut her loose, to let
her go.
Wasn’t there some
saying about that? If you love it,
let it go… if it comes back, it was meant to be.
Maybe that was what
needed to happen with him and Claire.
The last thing he wanted was for her to start to resent him. Maybe he should be separated from her,
at least until he was fully rehabilitated and healthy again and could give her
what she needed.
“Nick, are you
watching? You’re spacing out on me,”
Claire said softly, nudging him in the side.
“Huh? Oh, sorry.”
Quickly forcing himself to pay attention to the action of the movie,
Nick came to one conclusion.
Maybe he just
thought too much.
***