Chapter 132
The Backstreet Boys’ second single was
a song called “When Morning Comes.” It
was a song about starting over - in a relationship, specifically. The lyrics were about a man hoping for a
second chance with his lover, whom he had not treated the best. It was an apology and a plea, a promise that
he had changed, and things would be better the second time around. (AN:
Not a real song)
But to Nick, the song meant more than
that. Although the lyrics dealt with a
relationship, he could apply it to what was happening in his own life at the
time. He, too, was starting over. He had re-learned to walk, he was getting his
life back, and finally, he was continuing with his career. A new day had come, and after months of
practically isolating himself from the public, he would be showing his face and
bearing his soul to everyone through this video.
Nigel Dick, their chosen director, had
offered them a video treatment that didn’t revolve specifically around the
actual song lyrics, but the theme of the song itself. It was going to be symbolic, with imagery
that represented rebirth, revival, and new direction. To fit with the romantic insinuation, Nigel
had hired just one actress, and she would be interacting only with AJ, who had
the most solos in the song and therefore took on the “apologetic boyfriend”
role in the video. Nick was glad; he did
not want to be forced to act with a woman he did not even know. It had always made him rather uncomfortable
to act with beautiful women on screen, knowing that there were cameras all
around him, recording his every move.
But the thought of doing that now, in his current state, was
horrifying. Luckily, he would not have
to.
The way Nigel had worked everything
out, there was only one scene in which Nick would be alone on screen, during
the one solo he had in the song. All of
the other scenes he was in contained the four other Backstreet Boys, and that
made him more comfortable. And most of
the time, he would be sitting down, except for one of the final scenes of the
video, where, according to Nigel’s vision, the five Boys would be walking
together down a lone road, toward the east, into the sunrise.
“But only if you’re comfortable with
it,” Nigel had said to Nick as they sat around before filming began, going over
the plan once again. Nick had only
shrugged and nodded a little, not saying anything one way or another.
After the discussion, the five men were
whisked off to makeup and wardrobe, where a team of makeup artists and stylists
prepared them for the video, making sure they looked just right. Nick, who usually had no problem changing and
modeling clothes for the wardrobe people, found it completely nerve-wracking to
come out of the dressing room and let them scrutinize him in whatever outfit
they had chosen for him. Stylists always
liked to put him in tighter, form-fitting clothes, but he had always preferred
things big and baggy. It used to be
because he was insecure about his weight.
Now it was for a whole other reason.
He lived in baggy pants because they were more comfortable and easier to
move around in, and he was confident that they hid his prosthetic leg. But now they had put him in a pair of
tighter, more fitting designer jeans, which made him feel awkward and somewhat
exposed.
“Those look good,” nodded Alexandra,
one of the stylists, who was supervising his wardrobe.
Doubting her, he turned to study
himself in the large three-way mirror that had been set up outside the dressing
rooms. He saw that she was actually
right; the jeans hid his prosthesis just as well as his baggier pants did. You really could not tell at all. He slowly turned this way and that, making
sure and getting a feel for the jeans, and finally nodded.
“These work,” he told Alexandra.
“Great,” replied Alexandra with a quick
smile. “Head on over to makeup then.”
Nick did as he was told, more
comfortable with sitting in a chair and letting the makeup artists do up his
face, the one part of his body in which he still had confidence. They ended up starting with his hair though,
which he was not so confident about. Although the hair loss from the chemo had
stopped, his hair was still thinner than usual because what had fallen out
during the two weeks he had been on the treatment was still growing back. But the hairstylists worked their magic and
fixed this with mass quantities of volumizing spray and gel, only after they
had added fresh light blonde highlights to his natural darker blonde hue. The makeup came next, and although he was not
a big fan of having all that gunk smeared onto his face, he had to admit, the
stuff made a real difference, evening out his complexion and bronzing his skin
tone even further. When they were
finished, he looked just about perfect.
Well, from the neck up, anyway.
He was the last to be done, having
needed more work than the other guys, and by the time he left the makeup area,
filming had already begun outside with just AJ and the actress Nigel had
cast. The first scene shot was actually
the last scene in the video, where AJ, playing the role of the boyfriend in the
song, was to make up with the estranged girlfriend. The scene took place in the morning and
therefore had to be shot first, when the sun was still low in the east. It only took a few tries for AJ, a natural
actor, to get the brief scene just right, and then they moved on.
“We’ll save the sequence of when you’re
all riding on the tour bus for later tonight, since that scene is supposed to
take place at night,” Nigel explained, “but we can start shooting your
individual scenes now. Remember, these
take place in a hotel – it’s very late at night, and you’re all being kept
awake by your thoughts, waiting for… well, ‘when morning comes,’ so to
say. We might as well shoot in order,
and this sequence will start with the second verse, Brian’s solo, so Brian,
you’re up.”
Brian took his place on a set that
looked like a darkened hotel room, and Nigel’s crew ran through the blocking
with him, while the four other Boys sat around watching and waiting for their
turns to film.
Nick was the last to shoot his
individual part, and besides Brian, he had the longest part to film. His solo was the bridge of the song, which
came directly after the chorus they had all been shot singing. His set was a balcony - the balcony of a
hotel suite, supposedly, although there was no actual suite there, and the
balcony was not raised off the ground, but set on a green screen.
“You’ll be sitting here on the balcony,
staring off into the distance as you sing,” explained Nigel. “The green screen will be ‘the distance,’ of
course. During editing, we’ll replace
that with actual scenery, the sun just beginning to rise over the city. So you’re supposed to be sitting there,
thinking and waiting for morning to come, and during your solo, it will.”
Nick nodded in understanding and walked
onto the set, sitting down in the deck chair positioned in one corner of the
balcony. It took a few minutes for the
crew to position everything just right.
They guided him in sitting just the way they wanted him and showed him
where he was supposed to be gazing.
“Now, Nick, are you comfortable with
full body shots, or would you prefer we just filmed your face?” Nigel asked
kindly.
Nick considered this a moment and
figured it really didn’t matter. His
prosthesis was probably a little more obvious now that he was sitting down, but
he was sitting with his left side facing the green screen and his “good side”
nearest to the camera, so it probably wouldn’t even show.
“Do whatever you want,” he answered
after a moment’s hesitation. “I’m cool
with it.”
From off to the side, he saw the guys
nod their approval, and Brian flashed him a quick thumbs up. He offered a nervous smile in return and
swallowed hard. He had never really been
camera shy, so this nervousness was something new. Only once had he been this tense before a
video shoot, and that was when they did their first video, “We’ve Got it Goin’
On.” It was all very new to him then, so
of course he was nervous. But at the
same time, he’d been extremely excited.
A music video – that was a big thing.
It wasn’t such a big thing anymore though – they’d shot tons of them by
now. But this one… this one was big, to Nick at least. And he knew he couldn’t mess it up.
“Are you ready then, Nick?” asked
Nigel, and Nick nodded, taking a deep breath.
“All right then. Let’s give this
a go. Cue music in 3… 2… 1. Action.”
The song began right before the second
chorus, and as the lyrics started up, Nick opened his mouth and began to lip
sync. It felt strange to be doing
so. The group had not shot a video since
the one for their first single, back at the end of the previous November, and
to Nick, who felt as if he’d aged a decade in the past four months, eight
months seemed much longer. But at the
same time, it felt… normal. This
was his life - singing, performing, making music videos. He had done this before he was diagnosed with
cancer, he had done it during his remission, and now that his cancer was gone,
he was back to doing it again. And that means, he realized, that I’m finally getting my life back…
“Cut!”
Nigel’s direction snapped Nick out of
his thoughts, and he realized guiltily he had not really been paying much
attention, mouthing the words automatically and staring blankly at the bright
green screen as he had been instructed.
“Don’t smile,” said Nigel. “Not yet anyway. You’re not supposed to be happy during this
part. When we go to the bridge, the song
takes a more hopeful turn, and then I suppose you can smile a little if you
want, as if you’re happy to see the sun come up, but-“
“I’m sorry,” apologized Nick, who had
not even realized he had been smiling.
Even though they had not made it through the first take because of that,
he was pleased. After all, he had not
had a lot to smile about for the past four months, so it was nice to be able to
smile genuinely and not even be aware of it.
“Let’s go again; I won’t smile this time.”
It was Nigel who smiled now, nodding as
the crew prepared another take.
“Action!”
The music started again, and this time,
Nick did not let his mind wander, but stayed focused on the song, the lyrics,
and the meaning and emotion behind them.
He gazed deeply into the green screen, visualizing the sun rising over
the ocean (okay, so in the video, it would be rising over a city, but he didn’t
care - he preferred the water). He got
inspiration not from the literal meaning of the song, but from his own
experiences. He thought of how, during
those long weeks in the hospital and stuck at home, a part of him had longed to
get back on his feet, to get back on with his life. He thought of Claire, of how he had blown it
with her so many times and how badly he wanted another chance with her. These feelings guided him as he sang
expressively, letting his emotions take over.
He got through the chorus and launched into
the bridge, unaware of everyone watching him, the cameras rolling, zooming in
on his face from various angles. For a
few brief moments, he forgot everything and thought only of the music and the
painful longing he had experienced enough of himself to express perfectly. He continued to gaze into the screen, but it
was no longer a bright green surface, nor the sky at dawn, for in his mind, it
had become Claire’s face as it looked that night in the movie theater, and he
looked at it wistfully, the memory seeming as distant as the sun, yet just as
vivid. He yearned to hold her in his
arms again and kiss her lips, to have her know how much he had grown to cherish
her.
“Cut!”
Nick blinked. Like that, the scene was over, and the
emotion quickly died as he looked around to see the green screen there once
again, glaringly bright, and members of the crew walking around, readjusting
cameras and changing film.
“That was splendid, Nick,” Nigel
praised. “Absolutely splendid. Come on over here; would you like to have a
look?”
“You mean that take was okay?” Nick
asked, pleasantly surprised.
“It was wonderful. I’d like to replay some of the film and see
how it captured, but from here, it looked fantastic. We might run it another time or two if you
want, but if it turned out well on camera, this very well could be the take we
use.”
Nick smiled, proud of himself, and left
the set to go stand behind one of the cameras and watch what they had just
shot. He scrutinized himself critically as
he watched the raw material, but when it was over, he was actually rather
impressed. It had been a good take, and
all of a sudden, his confidence soared.
He could do this. There was no
reason to be nervous. Part of him had
changed, but not this part, not his creative side, his musical side.
“So do you wanna get another take
then?” he asked Nigel.
“If you don’t mind. This one was very good, but I’d like to have
more options for the editing process,” said Nigel, and Nick nodded in
agreement, not at all bothered by doing the scene over again. He repeated it several more times, growing
more confident with each take, although he had a feeling that none of them were
quite as good as that second one had been, for all of the later takes felt like
acting, whereas the second take had felt real.
By the time the shoot had wrapped for
that day, it was dark outside, and everyone was tired. It definitely hadn’t been one of the group’s
most exhausting shoots – not even close – but still, they were worn out from a
day of being herded back and forth from wardrobe to makeup to the various
sets. They had gotten most of the video
shot though, and there was only one big scene left to film the following
morning.
When Nick collapsed into his bed at
Kevin’s house that night, he was exhausted from a near sleepless night the
night before and a full day of work. But
despite that, he could not fall asleep right away, his mind still reeling with
all the emotions of that day and all the expectations for the next. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, they
would film one of the final sequences of the video, the part Nigel had
mentioned earlier, which would involve the five of them walking together down a
road, sort of similar to the end of the “Show Me the Meaning” video they had
done almost five years ago. Nick had
agreed to doing the scene, nervous as he was about it. By now, he could walk fine, and he was quite
steady on his feet. But he still had an
obvious limp, if you could call it that, and he didn’t want it to spoil the
video. No one else seemed to be bothered
by this though, and as AJ had pointed out once during the day, “What are you so
worried about, Nick? Everyone knows what
happened, and they know you didn’t just grow another leg under those
jeans. So what are you trying to
hide? Who cares if you don’t have the
whole celebrity strut down pat yet?”
Kevin had jabbed AJ sharply in the ribs
at this comment, giving him a look that could kill, but Nick was not
offended. AJ was the only one of them
who rarely worried about hurting Nick’s feelings, and Nick loved him for
it. AJ could be blunt, but his advice
made sense, and his jokes were part of what had helped Nick stay sane the past
three and a half months. And now, Nick
realized that he was right once again.
What was he trying to
hide? The fans would expect his walk to
be off; hell, some of them would probably be surprised that he was walking at
all. So what was he so worried about?
“Nothing,” he murmured under his
breath, as he closed his eyes. “It’ll be
fine.”
Within minutes, his nerves calmed down,
and he had drifted off to sleep.
***
Nick was much more relaxed when they
arrived on set the next day, but maybe that was just because he was still quite
tired. They had had to get up and be on
the road even earlier that morning. In
fact, it was still dark outside. Nigel
had wanted them ready to film before dawn because the last scene to shoot was
supposed to take place early in the morning, with the sun still low in the sky.
Bleary-eyed and yawning, they changed
into a second set of outfits, all in earth tones, with hints of blue. The makeup artists managed to get them
looking wide awake and rejuvenated, and then they were packed up and shuttled
off to a location near the studio, where the scene would be shot. The landscape was open and devoid of
buildings, cars, and people, except for those that were there for the
shoot. A narrow old road stretched
between acres of farmland from east to west, and Nick saw that it was perfect
for the scene Nigel had envisioned. The
sun was just beginning to rise, lightening the sky with beautiful hues of pink
and gold.
As the cameras got set up, Nigel ran
through the plan with them one more time.
“All I want you to do,” he said, “is
walk down the road, while singing. Walk
side by side, but you don’t have to stay in a straight line; we don’t need it
to look like a marching band. Just take
it nice and slow - a leisurely stroll, if you will. Any questions?” They all shook their head; his directions
were pretty straight forward.
When the camera crew was ready to begin
filming, Nigel positioned the Boys where he wanted them. AJ was in the middle, Nick and Kevin on
either side of him, and Howie and Brian were on the ends. When everything was set, the music began to
play, and the five men took off walking.
Nick mouthed the chorus to the song along with the others and walked,
forcing himself to look straight ahead and not down at his feet or the road in
front of him, trying to use a facial expression other than one of deep
concentration, which was what was going on inside of him. Forget the emotion of the song; he was simply
trying to walk as normally as possible and not trip.
Luckily, he didn’t trip, and when they
watched the playback of that take, he studied himself carefully. His gait was not as even or steady as the
other guys’, but with as slow as they had been walking, and with the other four
there, it was not greatly noticeable.
They ran many takes of this particular
sequence, Nigel striving to get in as much good footage as possible before the
sun was too high to keep filming. But
finally, they were done.
“That’s a wrap!” Nigel announced,
sending the crew and the Boys into cheers.
Nick felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The shoot was over, he had made it through,
and he was sure the video was going to turn out looking spectacular. After all, this was Nigel Dick.
They all went back to the studio, where
a large brunch was awaiting them.
“Now tell me, Frack, what again were
you so nervous about?” Brian asked, as they ate hungrily. “You kicked ass, buddy. We can’t even add outtakes and bloopers to
the end of the video now cause you didn’t wipe out at all.” He grinned to let Nick know he was just
playing around, which Nick already knew.
He smiled at Brian’s use of his old
nickname. Frack… Brian hadn’t called him
that in a long time. “Sorry to
disappoint you, Frick,” he shot back
sarcastically. “I know you woulda loved
to see me fall flat on my face and come up with a mouthful of dirt.”
“You know it,” Brian replied with a
cheeky grin and a wink.
“Aww, Frick and Frack – together
again,” sighed Kevin, rolling his eyes distinctly as he tried to hide the smile
that was creeping across his face.
“Nick, bro, I know you hate to fly and all, but you’re gonna have to
come out here and see me more often after this.
Can’t hide out down there in Florida all the time.”
“Uh, Kev, let’s think about this… there
are three of us living in Florida at the moment and one just a state up, and
you’re the only one living way out here… so if you wanna get together, you’re gonna have to fly to us,” Nick pointed out smugly.
“Well, then maybe I will,” smiled
Kevin. “After all, we can’t keep going
three months without seeing each other.”
They had before, and no one had really
seemed to care – after tours and new albums, they were usually sick of each
other and glad for time apart. But
things were different now, and Nick understood.
None of them took things for granted anymore. Especially not each other.
“You’re right, dude,” said Nick. “We definitely can’t keep doing that.”
***