The following day dawned warm and
sunny. Birds chirped outside, and the
sun shined brightly in a cloudless, blue sky.
Outside, it was the epitome of a perfect day.
But inside Tampa General Hospital, Nick
Carter was facing a day full of tests to determine what stage his newly
diagnosed bone cancer was in.
Yes, it was a perfect day all right.
Right after breakfast, Nick was taken
to x-ray for his first two tests, the chest x-ray and the ultrasound. According to Dr. Kingsbury, these were the
easy tests. The hard one, the bone
marrow exam, would take place later that afternoon. The chest x-ray and ultrasound turned out to
be quite simple and not as uncomfortable as the CT scan he had gone through
days before. But the bone marrow was
another story.
When Nick was wheeled into a small room
with a padded table in the center that afternoon, he really did not know what
to expect. He was nervous, but still,
part of him was thinking, It can’t be that bad. He was in for an unpleasant surprise.
A nurse and technician greeted him at
the door and helped him onto the table.
“Hi, Mr. Carter, I’m Lily,” the nurse
introduced once Nick was sitting upon the table. “Has your doctor explained this test to you
at all yet?”
“Uh, no, not really,” answered Nick.
“All right. Well, what we’re going to do is insert a
needle into your hip bone and extract some bone marrow cells from inside it.”
Nick blanched, the color draining from
his face. So it was going to be
that bad.
Seeing his face, the nurse smiled
understandingly. “We’ll give you a local
anesthetic to numb the area and relieve the pain. You’ll probably feel some pressure when the
needle goes in, but other than that, it shouldn’t be too bad.”
Yeah right, Nick
thought, but he nodded and tried not to reveal the fact that he was on the
verge of panic.
“I’ll need you to lie on your stomach
on the table, Mr. Carter,” said Lily, crossing the room to an area where there
was a counter and supply cabinets. Nick
re-positioned himself on the table, and Lily came back over to him.
“I’m just going to sterilize the area
first,” she said. “This will feel a little
cool.” She pulled back Nick’s hospital
gown, exposing his back. He flinched as
she rubbed a cold liquid over his left hip.
“There. Now I’m going to give you
a small injection of the anesthetic to dull the pain. This will only hurt a second.”
Nick squeezed his eyes shut until he
felt his skin being pricked with the syringe.
It really wasn’t bad though, just a regular shot, and he relaxed a bit,
thinking the actual withdrawal of his bone marrow could be no worse. After all, it wasn’t even going to hurt, not
with the anesthetic.
Lily waited a moment for the anesthetic
to kick in, and when Nick’s hip region was numb, she said, “Okay, are you
ready, Mr. Carter?”
He really wasn’t, but he figured he
might as well get it over with. “Sure,”
he said through gritted teeth. Lily and
her assistant got into position, one on each side of the table.
“Okay, Mr. Carter, you need to hold
still while I insert the needle. It will
only take a few seconds.”
“’Kay,” said Nick. The technician placed his hands on Nick’s
back and shoulder, holding him in place, and Nick felt a pang of fear. This procedure must be pretty bad if they had
to bring people in to hold even adults down…
Nick took a deep breath, trying to keep
calm and lie still. Only a few
seconds, he told himself, remembering Lily’s words. Then it will be over.
Those few seconds were among the worst
in Nick’s life. Keeping his eyes shut
tight, he never saw the needle Lily used.
But, based on what he felt when it slid into his pelvis, it had to be
gargantuan. Although the anesthetic was
supposed to have numbed him, Nick felt the needle slid through his skin and
into his bone. First there was a great
deal of pressure, then pain. Searing,
sucking pain that ripped at his insides and brought tears to the corners of his
eyes.
Finally, the needle was retracted, and
the heavy pain faded, replaced with a dull, burning ache.
“You doing okay?” Lily asked.
“Yeah,” Nick exhaled, swiping the back
of his hand across his eyes.
“Good.
Your hip might be a little sore for a few days, but other than that, you
shouldn’t have any problems. If you’re
ready, we’ll get you back into your wheelchair, and you can take off.”
Nick nodded, wincing as he rolled over
and got off the table. Lily and the
technician helped him hobble to his wheelchair and then rolled him out into the
hall, his hip throbbing with every bump, every jostle.
At least it’s over, he thought
as he was taken back to his room. He
normally wasn’t much of an optimist, but sometimes you just have to try to look
at the bright side of things, despite how hard it is. And he knew this was definitely going to be
hard.
After all, what could possibly be good
about having cancer?
***
Dr. Kingsbury came to Nick’s room to
talk to him that night with the results of that day’s tests in her hands.
“Good news, Nick,” she said with a
smile, and he gave her a skeptical look.
After all the bad news he had gotten, he hadn’t really been expecting to
hear anything good.
“What?” he asked.
“I have your test results, and
everything looks good. The cancer hasn’t
spread.”
“Well, that’s good,” said Nick, but he
didn’t feel as relieved as she probably expected him to. When it all came down to it, the fact was
that he still had cancer.
“Very good,” the doctor stressed. “This makes your prognosis much better. You can beat this, Nick.” Her tone was encouraging, and Nick offered
her a tiny smile he didn’t feel.
“So what next?” he asked, wondering how
long he had until he had to start chemotherapy, if that was the route they were
still taking.
“Next we’ll begin your treatment,”
answered Dr. Kingsbury, confirming what Nick had thought.
“Will I have to stay in the hospital
for all that?” he wondered aloud, dreading the prospect of it.
“No.
You’ll need to stay for a few more days while we get you started on
chemo so that you can adjust to it. But
after that, what we’ll probably do is have you use a portable chemo pump so
that you will be able to go home and not come back as an outpatient for
treatments. I know that would probably
work out much better with your schedule.”
“Yeah,” Nick said in relief. “A portable pump though… uh… how exactly does
that work? IV?” He grimaced at the thought of having to be
hooked up to an IV all day while he tried to go about his normal activities.
“Actually, not quite. If you decide to go with the portable device,
what we’ll do is surgically implant a catheter into your chest, just below your
collarbone. The line will feed directly
into the catheter so that you won’t have to have an IV in your arm. It’s much easier that way.” She said this very casually, as if it were
all perfectly normal-sounding, but Nick’s mouth dropped open in revulsion.
“Wait, what? You want to put something inside me? In my chest?!
No, no way!” he exploded, his voice trembling.
“It’s a very simple surgical procedure,
Nick,” Dr. Kingsbury said patiently.
“Not much worse than the biopsy.
And the catheter is very small – the only part that can really be seen
is the opening on the outside of the skin, but if it bothers you, just wear a
shirt – it’s not noticeable under your clothes.”
“But… but… I’m going to have a freaking
tube sticking out of me?!”
“Nick, many patients do it this
way. It’s not really as strange as it
may sound once you get used to the idea.
But if you don’t want the catheter, you can always come in for
outpatient chemo treatments. You would
have sessions probably three times a week, for a few hours at a time.”
Nick gaped at her. Was she insane? She wanted him to either have a catheter
implanted inside his body or come to the hospital three times a week for
treatments? Both alternatives sucked,
and he shook his head in frustration.
“No,” he said. “I can’t do that,
and I’m not having that catheter thing done either.”
“Those are your options, Nick. You have to choose one. I would strongly recommend the catheter. It would be much-‘
“No!
God, I’m sick of this! What if I
just got up and walked out of here right now?
That’s my right, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Dr. Kingsbury said, narrowing
her eyes coolly at him. “But without
treatment, your cancer will most definitely spread, and you will die. No question about it. Is that what you want to happen?”
The words hit him like knives, and he
slowly shook his head, feeling the now familiar prickling sensation in his
eyes. He blinked in annoyance, refusing
to let himself cry in front of her.
“Nick,” the doctor said, her voice
gentler now. “I know this is hard. The treatment for this disease isn’t
easy. But it’s the only way to get rid
of it. You’re young, you have everything
going for you, your whole life ahead of you… you need to fight, Nick. And this is the way to do it. It’s not going to be fun, but it won’t last
forever, and it will be worth it in the long run.”
“Yeah.
If it works,” Nick said tonelessly.
“Nick, look at me,” Dr. Kingsbury said
softly, and reluctantly, Nick obeyed. It
was a mistake. As soon as Nick looked up
into her face, which was warm and motherly, slightly lined with age, the tears
he had fought to keep back rose again.
Giving him a smile of sympathy and understanding, Dr. Kingsbury placed a
comforting hand on Nick’s shoulder. As
soon as he felt the touch, Nick’s tears spilled over.
***