Chapter 26
Later that
evening, Nick woke up, relieved to find that he had not asphyxiated on his own
vomit in his sleep. Slowly, he pulled
himself into a sitting position and waited, testing to see if his nausea would
return or not. It didn’t. Feeling much better than he had hours
earlier, Nick rolled out of bed and decided to go see what the other guys were
up to while he still felt decent.
Stopping in front
of the full-length mirror mounted on the bathroom door, Nick adjusted his baggy
t-shirt, making sure it fully hid the black pouch for his chemo pump, and
combed his fingers through his flattened hair, trying unsuccessfully to smooth
down the cowlick that was sticking up on one side. All of a sudden, a pulse of terror rippled
through him, and he pulled back his hands and held them out in front of him,
palms up, expecting to find them covered in blonde hairs. Once again, though, they were bare. Letting out a gusty sigh, Nick wiped them on
his pants anyway, gave his reflection a final once-over, and hesitantly left
the refuge of his room.
Wobbling down the
hall on his crutches, Nick stopped outside the door to Brian’s suite and rapped
his knuckles lightly against it. He
heard muffled noises from inside, and then the door swung open.
“Hey, Nicky!”
Howie exclaimed with a grin. “Come on in!”
Nick managed a
smile in return and made his way into the room to find Brian, AJ, and Kevin
sprawled out on the floor in front of the TV, watching Adam Sandler’s Eight
Crazy Nights, which they had evidently ordered on pay-per-view.
“Hey, Nick, you
feeling better?” Brian asked, taking his eyes off the screen for one minute to
glance at Nick.
“Yeah,” Nick
replied plainly, sitting gingerly in a chair that was pushed up against the
wall, somewhat apart from the others.
“Uh… may I ask why you guys are watching a Hanukah movie when it’s March
and none of you are Jewish?”
They all ignored
him, Brian and AJ suddenly exploding into gales of raucous laughter at whatever
had just happened onscreen. Shrugging,
Nick focused his attention on the movie as well, figuring the longer he could
sit there in silence and not have to do or say anything, the better.
Unfortunately, in
less than an hour, the movie had ended, and just as Nick was feeling the now
familiar pangs of nausea assaulting his stomach again, Brian asked, “So, Nick,
you ready to hear me and Howie’s new demo?”
“Uh… yeah, sure,”
Nick replied.
“Great.” Grinning like a kid on Christmas, Brian
jumped up, ran over to the CD player he had set up on the desk, and tapped the
play button. Melodic piano music issued
over the speakers, soon accompanied by Brian’s soft voice. Vaguely Nick heard Howie join in, his voice
blending and harmonizing with Brian’s, but the queasiness in his stomach was
increasing, seeming to pump bile up his throat.
One hand lightly massaging his stomach, he clamped his jaws shut and
closed his eyes, praying he would not throw up.
As he took deep breaths and struggled to hold power over his digestive
system, he decided that that feeling, the feeling of having to throw up and not
being able to, was one of the worst feelings in the world.
Ironically, as
Brian and Howie’s song faded away, Nick’s nausea began to fade too. Relieved and congratulating himself on
holding his own, he opened his eyes to find the others, mainly Brian and Howie,
looking expectantly at him. He squirmed
under their gaze, realizing he really hadn’t paid a bit of attention to the
song. He couldn’t even recall the
chorus.
“Well? What did you think?” Brian finally asked,
waiting for Nick’s feedback.
“I… I liked it,”
Nick said lamely.
Brian could tell
he wasn’t being sincere; Nick saw the wounded look in his eyes. But Howie leaned forward and persisted, “So
do you think it would be good for the album?”
“Um…” Nick struggled. “Yeah, maybe.”
Howie and Brian
exchanged glances. AJ let out a
snort. “Why don’t you say what you
really mean, Nick?” he said sarcastically.
“It’s okay if you
didn’t like it, Nicky,” Howie said quickly, jumping to Nick’s rescue. “Is there anything you think we could change
to make it better? It’s only a rough
cut, so maybe if we just-“
“No, I did like
it!” Nick quickly insisted.
“You don’t have
to cover it up, Nick, it’s okay,” Brian said calmly, but Nick knew that
although his friend was trying not to show it, he was disappointed by the lack
of enthusiasm with which his song had been met.
Despite the fact that they had somewhat drifted apart over the past two
years, Nick could still read Brian like a book, and he thought the ability was
mutual. But apparently it wasn’t, for
Brian didn’t seem to realize that Nick felt like crap and hadn’t even listened
to enough of the song to form an opinion.
Then again, that was a good thing, for it meant Nick was successfully
hiding his illness.
“Well, I thought it was great,” AJ piped up, glancing
darkly in Nick’s direction. Nick shot
him daggers, wondering when the hell he had turned into such an asshole.
“Shut up, AJ,”
Kevin muttered, his hawk eye immediately spotting the exchanged looks. “We don’t have to make any decisions
yet. Let’s just leave this one as
possibility, and we’ll come back to it later.”
The others slowly
nodded, and Nick was off the hook. But
he could feel the nausea making a reappearance, and he sighed, knowing he was
going to have to get out of there. He
couldn’t hold it back all night.
“I think I’m
gonna head back to my room now,” he said quietly, slowly standing up. His stomach churned, and his shin burned,
and he yearned to return to his room before the guys grew concerned
and learned what was going on. He
turned to get his crutches and earned a spurned look from
Kevin, who said, his voice stern, “Uh, I don’t recall this meeting being
adjourned yet, Nick.”
Nick gave Kevin a
look of contempt and shot back, “We’re not the fucking Babysitter’s Club, Kev,
and I didn’t realize this was a ‘meeting’.
Yeah, some meeting - we all sit on our asses and watch fucking Hanukah
movies, and then when I wanna leave, you decide I can’t because all of a sudden
we’re doing something important. Well,
screw that, I can fucking leave if I want to.”
The four others
just gaped at him, Brian’s mouth slightly open in astonishment.
“Ooookay then,”
Brian finally broke the silence, still staring at Nick with raised eyebrows.
AJ burst out
laughing. “Damn, somebody’s
hormonal! Is it that time of the month,
Nicky? You PMSing, bud? Sheesh, go down a couple Midols and quit
bitching, why don’t you?” he teased scornfully.
“Shut the fuck
up, AJ,” Nick replied testily and started to hobble away from them.
“You know, Nick,”
Kevin started after him, “the only reason we were watching a movie is because
we were waiting for you to get your ass out of bed and come join us. Then as soon as you do, you’re ready to leave
again. What the hell is going on with
you? If you don’t want to do this, just
say it now because the rest of us are pouring our hearts and souls into this,
and we don’t want you around if you don’t give a shit.”
Nick hesitated,
wanting to turn around and tell the truth, explain to them why he was acting
the way he was, admit that he was sick and about ready to throw up because of
the chemotherapy he was on for his bone cancer.
But he didn’t. Keeping his mouth
firmly shut to keep from spilling his guts (figuratively and literally),
he only shook his head angrily and kept on walking, bile rising in his throat,
and tears rising in his eyes.
***