Chapter 41
Brent came over
later that day. Nick had returned his
call and invited him, not wanting to break the news to his longtime friend over
the phone. Though it would be easier, it
was just not the right thing to do, and Nick knew it. So, Brent arrived, mildly concerned about
Nick, but completely oblivious to the fact that anything was really wrong.
“How ya feeling,
man?” he asked, slapping Nick’s back as Nick led him into the living room.
“Okay,” Nick
replied.
“Look, I’m really
sorry about last night. For the alcohol,
I mean… I didn’t know it would make you sick.
You just looked like you weren’t having much fun, and we thought it
would help. We weren’t gonna get you
drunk or anything; you were the DD. We
just wanted to loosen you up a little, you know?”
“I know.” Nick sighed.
“I’m not mad. I just… I’m not
supposed to drink right now, and it messed up my system.”
“Why aren’t you
supposed to drink?” Brent’s forehead
creased with worry, and his eyes registered confusion. The concept of not being able to drink was
foreign to him; to him, James, Lane, and Frank, clubbing and drinking were
about the second most important thing in their lives, proceeded only by their
band, Born Into Kaos.
There was a time,
only months before, when Nick had been right there with them, barhopping into
the wee hours of the morning and coming home plastered, when he was not on
tour. How carefree he had been then… he
had had problems to deal with, of course, he always did, but nothing compared
to this. He longed to go back to those
days, when singing was his life, drumming and boating his hobbies, and Nintendo
and drinking his other favorite pastimes.
Back to the days when cancer and medicine didn’t control his life, when
he didn’t have to plan his schedule around chemo weeks, not knowing how sick he
would be then, when he didn’t have to worry about cleaning a catheter every
week and going for check-ups every three, and when he still had a full head of
hair. He was beginning to despise
baseball caps. AJ had loaned him a few
skull caps that clung tightly to his balding scalp. They covered his head all right, better than
the baseball caps, but somehow, they just didn’t look as good on him as they
did on AJ.
“Nick? Why aren’t you supposed to drink?”
With a start,
Nick realized he had let his mind wander.
Flustered, he replied, “Um… I’m on some meds… alcohol doesn’t mix well
with them.”
“Meds? For what?
Migraines?”
Oh, how Nick
wished it was only migraines. “No,” he
replied. “Um… Brent? This is… this is r-really hard to say,
but…” He swallowed hard, forcing himself
to continue, to say those dreaded words.
“I’ve been diagnosed with… cancer.”
He waited for the look of shock
to appear on Brent’s face, and it did immediately. But, just as quickly, it vanished, and his
friend burst out laughing. “Ha ha, nice one, Carter,” he laughed dryly, smirking at
Nick. “Damn, don’t say shit like that –
I almost thought you were for real for a sec there!’
Nick did not
laugh. Silently, he just stared at
Brent, hoping his eyes would deliver the message. Finally, it did. The color drained from Brent’s face, his eyes
bugging out of his head as he slowly realized Nick was not kidding.
“No,” he said
hoarsely. “You’re not serious…” Looking away, Nick only nodded. “Oh my God… oh my God… Nick… h-how could you
get cancer?”
“What’s that
supposed to mean?” Nick muttered emotionlessly.
“Like celebrities can’t get cancer?
I’m just a normal person like anyone else, Brent, you of all people
should know that. Of course I can get
cancer.”
“I didn’t mean
that… I just meant, you. I mean,
you’re healthy! You’re athletic, you
work out… okay, so you don’t really eat right, but who does? How could this happen to you? I don’t understand…”
Nick only
shrugged. “I don’t know either, but it
did. I’m sorry for not telling you
earlier, but I just didn’t want things to get weird between us, you know?”
“Well, how long
have you known?”
“Couple
months.”
Nick said the
words quickly, guiltily avoiding Brent’s eyes.
But Brent did not explode and ask why Nick had waited so long to tell
him. He only nodded. “This really sucks, man.”
Nick snorted
dryly. “Tell me about it.”
“So does Brian
and the gang know yet?”
“Yeah… I couldn’t
hide it from them for too long.”
“Yeah… so… you
gonna tell the guys?”
He meant James,
Lane, and Frank. Nick sighed. “Maybe you could tell them… it’s hard, you
know?”
“I bet. Yeah, no prob, dude, I’ll tell ‘em.”
“Thanks, Brent.”
Brent stayed for
a short while after that, but within half an hour, he had left, once Nick had
promised he didn’t need anything and was fine on his own. He could see that despite wanting to be there
to support him, Brent was uncomfortable.
As much as he disliked that, he couldn’t blame him. As a Backstreet Boy, he and the guys had taken
many charity trips to hospitals, where they had visited sick children,
including cancer patients. While he had
always enjoyed cheering them up, he had also been relieved when it was time to
leave; hospitals and sickness and those poor children, all sallow-faced and
gaunt and bald and tethered to IV’s, unnerved him.
And now, thought
Nick with a sardonic laugh, the tables had turned. He was one of them.
***
Howie called back
awhile after Brent had left.
“The plans are
all made,” he announced. “We’re
scheduled to appear on TRL on Wednesday.
They’ll be publicizing our ‘big announcement’ so all the Bsb fans will
tune in.”
“Did you tell
them what the ‘big announcement’ was?” asked Nick.
“No way… they’ll
be finding out along with everyone else.
I’m sure they think it’s that we’re breaking up though.”
Nick rolled his
eyes. “Probably. Assholes.”
Howie laughed,
and Nick could just picture his smile.
“That’s the spirit, Nicky. So
anyway, I’ve already called Kevin about this, and he said he would call Bri and
J, but we were thinking maybe we could meet in New York on Tuesday and maybe
have a night to ourselves, get mentally ready for this. Does that sound okay?”
“Yeah, that’s
cool,” replied Nick. “Do I need to call
and get a plane ticket then?”
“Already taken
care of.”
“Oh, okay… so
everything’s set then?”
“Everything’s
set. All you have to do is show up,
buddy.”
Nick smiled
tightly and heaved a sigh. “Will do.”
So there it
was. He would be leaving for New York
City in three days, and after Wednesday, the whole world would know.
***