Chapter 78
As Nick lay on his side, a nurse, Marianne, holding him
still as Dr. Kingsbury prepared the injection of the local anesthetic to numb
his hip, he couldn’t help but wish Claire was there with him. The last time he had gone through this, she
had been, and she had held his hand… and although it hadn’t taken the pain
away, somehow the procedure hadn’t seemed quite as bad as the first one he had
endured in the hospital.
But Claire wasn’t there, and he would have to go through it
alone this time.
Don’t be such a pussy,
he told himself fiercely. You’ve been
through this two times already; you can do it again, and you can do it by
yourself.
He gritted his teeth as Dr. Kingsbury slid the small needle
with the anesthetic into his hip. When
she had retracted it, he let out the breath he had been holding.
“You doing all right?” Dr. Kingsbury asked while she waited
for his hip to numb a bit.
“Yeah, I’m good,” he mumbled.
“Okay… the anesthetic should be kicking in now, so I’m
going to put in the other needle.
Marianne?” Nick felt the nurse’s
hands tighten over his shoulder and back, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he
sensed Dr. Kingsbury coming closer. The
suspense he felt as he waited for her to put the needle into his hip seemed to
grow each time he went through this, for whereas he had been completely
clueless to what it might feel like the first time around, he was now all too
familiar with the pain that would come with the needle’s insertion and dreaded
it even more.
“Okay, Nick,” Dr. Kingsbury said softly, and he knew this
was it. He felt a sensation of pressure
as the needle went through his skin and into his pelvic bone. And then came the sucking, blinding pain, as
awful as always. By the time Dr.
Kingsbury pulled the needle out, his hip was burning unbearably, and his eyes
were filled with tears of agony. He
quickly blinked them away, taking deep breaths to slow his racing heart and
ease the pain.
“There,” said Dr. Kingsbury, gently squeezing his
shoulder. “Are you okay, Nick?”
He did not trust his voice to speak, so he only nodded.
“Okay,” the doctor said, her voice sympathetic. “You lie still and relax for a little
while. I’ll be back to talk to you
later.”
He nodded again and heard the squeak of shoes as she and
the nurse walked out of the room. He was
now alone and welcomed the privacy and silence.
Lying perfectly still on the padded table, he closed his eyes again
against the bright overhead lights and tried to think about anything but the
throbbing pain the bone marrow aspiration had left him in.
Last one, he though
pleadingly. Please let this be the
last one.
He was trying not to get his hopes up, but deep down, he
was praying with all his might that he would be able to walk out of the clinic
in remission that day and never look back, that Dr. Kingsbury would tell him
his cancer was gone, and that it would never return, that he would finally be
able to wake up from this four-month-long nightmare in which he’d been living.
He clung to that glimmer of hope, trying to think
positively, trying to block out the fiery claws of pain that slashed through
his hip and the icy fingers of fear that squeezed his heart.
***
By the time Dr. Kingsbury came back, Nick was feeling
better. His hip was sore, but he had
managed to sit up and was now swinging his legs and jiggling his feet
anxiously, his palms sweating as he waited for the verdict… would he get a
pardon or a death sentence?
Dr. Kingsbury strode into the room, his chart and scans in
her hands, and like the time before, she switched on the light board on the
wall and slapped two x-rays onto it, side by side. Nick could see his own leg on both of the
films.
“This x-ray,” Dr. Kingsbury said, pointing to the one on
the left, “was the very first one taken of your leg, before your
diagnosis. You can see the fracture
running along here…” She pointed out the
jagged, thin crack dividing the whiteness of the bone. “And right here was your tumor.” With her finger, she circled the black spot
in the middle of all the white.
Was… she said ‘was,’
Nick thought, his heart racing with anticipation. His eyes shifted to the x-ray on the
right. The crack was gone from this one,
the fracture having healed completely, and… so was the black spot? He stared, squinting, not breathing, not
daring to speak. He waited for Dr.
Kingsbury to explain it, which she did right away.
“This one,” she said, moving to the other scan, “is the one
you had taken today. Again, you can see
your tibia, but there’s no fracture now, and as for the tumor…”
Nick sucked in a shaky breath.
“… you can only just barely make it out. It’s shrunken to the point of being almost
undetectable in an x-ray. The bone scan,
which is more advanced, shows that it’s still there, but significantly
smaller.”
It’s still there? Nick’s heart sank. “So what does that mean?” he asked warily.
“It means the chemo is doing its job. You’re not cancer-free yet, but the tumor has
stopped growing and has actually shrunken a great deal. It’s gone dormant, and that means… you’re in
remission.”
Nick exhaled, his whole body slumping in total relief at
her words. “Remission,” he
breathed. “So… so I’m done with the
chemo then, right? The kind with the
pump, I mean.”
“Right,” smiled Dr. Kingsbury.
“Well, what about this stup- I mean, this catheter?” Nick
asked and flashed her a quick, sheepish grin.
“As for the ‘stupid catheter,” she enunciated, returning
the smile, “I’d prefer if you left it in at least until your next check-up,
which should be scheduled for about three months from now.”
“Three months?
Or three weeks?” He
wondered if she had made a mistake, but of course he was hoping she
wasn’t. Three whole months without
having to set foot in this place? That
would be awesome!
“Three months,” she confirmed with another smile. “Now that you’re in remission and not going
through IV chemo anymore, you won’t need to come back so frequently. You can make an appointment for sometime in
early November, and unless you have any problems or notice your symptoms
starting to reappear, you won’t have to come back until then.”
“Wow… okay,” Nick said in surprise.
“I knew you’d be disappointed by that,” said Dr. Kingsbury
with a wink. “So… if you don’t have any
questions or anything, I’ll just leave and let you get dressed, and then you
can go. Stop by the reception area on
the way out to schedule your appointment; I’ll let Laura know you won’t need to
come back and see us for awhile. Oh, and
I’ll have your prescriptions waiting there for you too. Make sure you get those filled right away,
today if possible.”
“Okay,” Nick grinned.
“Thanks, Dr. K.”
“You’re welcome. You
take care of yourself, and I’ll see you in three months, hopefully not
before.” She patted his shoulder in a
comforting sort of way and then left.
Slowly, Nick lowered himself off of the table. His sore hip protested any kind of movement,
but the pain was dulled by the ecstatic feeling that he could feel bubbling in
his soul. Remission… he was in
remission. No more chemo… no more clinic
visits (not for another three months anyway)… he was home free. Well, okay, not quite, but close enough!
Nick changed out of the hospital gown and into his street
clothes as quickly as he could, anxious to get out of there. He made a mental note to drop by the
isolation ward on his way out, for he remembered promising Claire he would tell
her his news, good or bad. And of course,
he would have some phone calls to make when he got home… Brent and the other
guys – Lane, Frank, and James… but then again, maybe he’d just call Brent and
let Brent fill the others in… he hadn’t quite forgiven them for excluding him
when they had gone out clubbing a month earlier (which was the last time he had
talked to any of them). What about his
family? He wanted to at least assure
Aaron and the girls that he was going to be okay… but knowing his mother, she’d
intercept the phone call, and he didn’t feel like telling her. If she was worried about him, then good. Let her worry. He didn’t care. And if she wasn’t… then some mother she
was. Either way, screw her.
Then there were the Boys - Kevin, AJ, Howie, and, of
course, Brian. They were pretty much his
only true friends (besides Claire), his only real family. They had been there for him these last few
months, supported him without smothering him, been there without hauling ass
down to Florida in a tizzy every time he so much as coughed, yet coming (or at
least calling) when he really needed them.
They would be the first people he called, and he couldn’t wait to hear
their reactions when he told them the news.
He, Nick Carter, was going to be just fine. And even though Dr. Kingsbury had spoken with
reservation, telling him that he wasn’t cancer-free quite yet, hinting that
there could still be trouble ahead, he knew that he had beaten cancer. Kicked its ass, really. The pills he would be taking from now on
would erase the rest of the tumor in his leg, and he would be cured.
And as he sauntered out of the outpatient oncology clinic
that day, a handful of papers clutched in his fist, he truly believed that.
***