Chapter 93

The rest of November and December passed quickly. Nick became busy with work once again, making several trips to meet the rest of the Backstreet Boys for photo shoots, interviews, and appearances leading up to the release of the first single from Phoenix, on December sixteenth. They made an appearance on TRL that day to premiere the music video, their first live MTV appearance since that horrible show almost seven months earlier, when the world had discovered that Nick Carter, the Backstreet Baby, had cancer.

But things were much happier this time around. Nick, glad to be back in good health and looking halfway normal again, eagerly hugged the screaming fans, signed autographs, and answered questions. Apparently, their video debuted at number one on the countdown the following day, but with Christmas only eight days away, none of the guys had time to track its progress.

Brian and Kevin had invited Nick to spend Christmas with their family in Kentucky. It was not the first time he’d been invited to spend a holiday with one of the guys in the last few years, and he knew it was because they felt sorry for him. Holidays at the Carter home just hadn’t been the same since the year he had decided to spend Christmas with Mandy instead of his family, and though a part of him wished he could go to his parents’ house in LA for a nice family Christmas, he knew he’d be much happier spending the holiday with the Littrell/Richardson clan instead.

He decided to bring Leah with him, since she didn’t have much of a family of her own, and since neither Brian, nor Kevin, had met her yet. He was a little nervous, hoping they’d like her. The guys hadn’t liked too many of his girlfriends in the past, and he didn’t have high hopes for Leah, considering they’d all heard about what she had done to him earlier that year. But he was hoping that actually meeting her would change their minds.

It was Brian who arrived to pick Nick and Leah up from the airport on Christmas Eve. “Hey, Frack!” he called loudly, grinning widely as he embraced Nick.

“Heya, Frick.” Nick hugged Brian back and then gave him a noogie, digging his fist into Brian’s head and ruffling his hair.

Brian laughed. “Hey, soon I’m gonna be able to do that to you again,” he said, standing on his tip-toes to pull off Nick’s hat and run a hand over the fine layer of dark blonde hair that covered his head.

Nick laughed, unable to hide his pleasure in the fact that his hair was finally growing back.

“So,” said Brian, suddenly looking past Nick. “You must be Leah.” He smiled politely, though Nick couldn’t help but notice that the smile didn’t quite reach his expressive blue eyes.

“Yes,” said Leah, smiling back and extending her hand. “And you’re Brian.”

“Sure am.” They cordially shook hands. “Oh, um, congratulations,” Brian said, his eyes traveling down to her distended stomach.

Leah smiled, her hand dropping instinctively to rub her belly. “Thank you.”

“Oh, hey, Bri, I didn’t tell you!” Nick said suddenly, his eyes lighting up as he remembered the latest batch of “big news”. He and Leah had gone to see her obstetrician three days earlier for a check-up, and she had done a sonogram… “It’s a girl!”

“A girl?” Brian grinned. “Aw, Nick, that’s awesome! A baby girl… congratulations!”

Nick beamed. For some reason, he’d always thought of the baby as a boy, always pictured himself with a son. But now that he knew he and Leah were going to have a little girl… he couldn’t have been happier. They’d already begun discussing names and had narrowed it down to Cassandra, Terra, or Elaina. Nick’s personal favorite had been Lara, but Leah had said there was no way she was naming her daughter after “that chick from Tombraider.” (He hadn’t bothered to tell her that “Terra” was a character in Final Fantasy VI.)

“So, how’s Baylee?” Nick questioned as they cautiously made their way through the bustling holiday crowds, feeling it was only right to ask.

“He’s great!” Now it was Brian’s turn to beam. “He’s walking now! Finally took his first steps all by himself last week! And he talks too… you know, ‘mama’, ‘dada’, ‘doggie’… the usual.”

“Awesome! I’m gonna teach him to say ‘Nick,’” Nick replied with a playful grin.

“Well, that’s fine – just don’t go teaching him other words that you would probably find it amusing to hear my one-year-old say,” Brian warned, his eyes narrowing at Nick. “Remember, he’s a child, not a parrot, okay?”

Nick burst out laughing, and Brian joined in. “Hey, I don’t think it’s me you gotta worry about, Rok, but I’d keep the kid away from McLean for awhile if I were you.”

Their laughter lasted all the way to the baggage claim area.

***

The Littrell house was already a mass of activity when Brian, Nick, and Leah arrived. Brian’s mother, Jackie, and Leighanne were both in the kitchen, cooking, while Baylee sat on the floor, banging a wooden spoon against a pot and squealing at the sound it made.

“We’re ho-ome!” Brian called above the racket, leading Nick and Leah into the kitchen.

“Oh, there you are!” trilled Jackie, dropping her spoon and wiping her hands on the red Christmas apron she had tied around her waist. Smiling broadly, she hurried to Nick, exclaiming, “Oh, it’s so good to see you, Nick, honey!” and threw her arms around him. Her motherly hug felt just a little bit tighter than he remembered it, and she clung to him for what seemed like several minutes before finally letting him go and pulling back to inspect him. “You’ve lost weight,” she commented, eyeing him critically.

“A little, yeah,” he understated embarrassedly.

Jackie smiled, a twinkle in her warm blue eyes, identical to Brian’s. “Don’t you worry,” she said. “I’ll fatten you right up.” She squeezed his upper arms affectionately and then turned her attention upon Leah, saying, “Now, you must be Leah. I’m Jackie. Lovely to meet you, darlin’.” And before Leah could even respond, Jackie had wrapped her up in a hug as well. Nick noticed Leah’s back stiffen as Jackie touched her and knew she was taken aback by such forwardness. But that’s just how Jackie Littrell was. A wonderful woman with a kind heart, Jackie was friendly to everyone and was always dispensing hugs. Just as Brian had become one of the four older brothers Nick had never had, Jackie had become one of the four mothers he’d never had either.

“Now, how are along are you, dear?” Jackie was asking Leah, smiling at her obviously pregnant belly.

“Almost five months,” replied Leah.

While Jackie and Leah made small talk, Leighanne abandoned her work and came over to Nick. “Great to see you again, Nick,” she said, giving him a friendly hug. “You look good.”

“You too,” Nick complimented her, noticing how her figure had finally returned, the pounds she had gained while pregnant with Baylee finally all the way shed.

“Thanks,” she said, blushing. At her feet, Baylee slammed his spoon against his pot and shrieked with delight. Grinning, Leighanne stooped down beside her son. “Baylee,” she said, “You remember Nick?”

“Hey, kiddo,” Nick said, kneeling down and ignoring the wave of pain that shot through his left leg as he bent it.

“Can you say hi to Nick?” Leighanne prompted. “Baylee? Can you say ‘Nick’? Say ‘Nnniiiick’.” She enunciated his name, trying to get the baby to imitate her, but Baylee just ducked bashfully behind her legs and kept mute.

Nick laughed. “That’s okay,” he said. “He’ll come around, won’t you, B-Man?” He tried to peek around Leighanne’s legs, but Baylee put his chubby hands over his eyes, as if trying to hide himself.

“He will,” assured Leighanne apologetically. “He’s just being shy.”

But as promised, Baylee’s shyness wore off as the day passed, and by that evening, he was letting Nick hold him. But it was Brian who got to hold Baylee on his lap that night, as he read “The Night Before Christmas.” The poem held a new sort of magic for Nick, who hadn’t heard it read aloud like that since Aaron and Angel were little. He watched the proud smile on Brian’s face as he read to his son and pictured himself doing the same thing with his daughter the following year. It was strange to think how different his life would be by then. He would be a daddy.

“Baylee’s cute, huh?” Nick murmured to Leah later that night, as they lay together in bed. Nick couldn’t sleep, too full from the lovely dinner Jackie had prepared and too excited for morning to come. Even though he was “all grown up,” at twenty-three, he still could never fall asleep on Christmas Eve. There would not be toys under the Christmas tree for him the next morning, but there would be for Baylee, and picturing the toddler the following morning filled him with anticipation. Although it was not technically Baylee’s first Christmas, it would be the first time he would be old enough to actually understand some of what was going on, having been only a month old the previous year. Nick couldn’t wait to see his godson’s reaction to everything.

“Yeah, he’s cute,” Leah replied. “But just wait till our baby comes. Elaina…” Whispering the potential name, she rested her hand on her stomach beneath the covers.

“Terra,” Nick countered playfully.

“Cassandra.”

“Lara.”

She reached out and slapped him lightly in the darkness. “I told you, we’re not naming her after Lara Cr-“ But her sentence was cut off by a sudden gasp.

“Leah? What is it?” Nick asked, rolling to face her. “Are you-“

“Nicky!” she whispered. “Feel!” He felt her hand grab his underneath the covers and guide it to her stomach. He laid it there and felt her hand come to rest on top of his.

“What am I feeling for?” he whispered back.

“She kicked! Just wait a minute, maybe she’ll do it again.”

He waited, holding his breath, his fingertips tingling in anticipation. And then, it happened. He felt movement from inside Leah’s belly, two jerky palpitations. “Oh my God,” he breathed. “She is kicking!”

“And hard too,” Leah groaned hoarsely.

Nick chuckled. “That’s my girl. A future soccer star, maybe.”

“Soccer?” Leah repeated. “I thought you wanted a basketball player.”

“She’ll be both,” Nick said confidently.

“With your athletic skills? I doubt that,” snorted Leah.

“Well, fine. Maybe she’ll take after you then. She can be a dancer…”

He snickered, as Leah smacked him a second time.

***

After all the presents had been opened the following day, the whole family (plus Nick and Leah) sat down together for a giant Christmas feast. Kevin and Kristin, along with Kevin’s mother, Anne, and his two brothers and their families, had arrived around eleven to join in the festivities. Now they all sat gathered around two large tables in the cramped dining room, waiting to start the meal.

But before they could eat, Brian’s father, Harold, bowed his head and led the family in saying grace. Nick had never been much of a religious person, but as he bowed his head and folded his hands together, he found himself really listening to Harold’s words and thanking God for all that he had been given, from the delicious-looking array of food piled on the table, to the group of people around him, who had lovingly invited him to spend the holiday in their midst. He thanked God for bringing Leah back to him and for blessing them with a daughter, who had started out as something of a mistake, but had ended up anything but. And most of all, he thanked the Lord for his health. Being diagnosed with cancer had sobered him, shown him what it was like to fear for your life, and he realized he was blessed to be alive this Christmas.

“Amen,” he murmured along with the others and hoped that God had heard his silent prayers.

Immediately, dishes were passed around the table, and everyone began to load their plates with the wonderful food that had been prepared. Nick had just dug his fork into a hunk of turkey when he remembered his medications. It was just past noon, time for him to take his midday round of pills. He hesitated, not wanting to disrupt the meal and attract attention to himself, but somehow, he knew that if he waited, he would forget all about them.

“Excuse me for a minute,” he mumbled, embarrassed, and quickly got up from his chair, all eyes immediately turning upon him. Squeezing between chairs, he made his way out of the dining room and hurried up the staircase, taking the steps two at a time in his hurry to get to the guest bathroom, where he had stored his pill bottles along with his shaving kit. In the safety of the bathroom, he removed the bottle of Cytoxan. He hesitated, then, remembering it was a Thursday, also grabbed the bottle of Methotrexate, the drug he only had to take once a week. He quickly downed his Cytoxan pill and was just shaking six of the tiny, yellow Methotrexate caplets into his hand when a soft knock came at the door.

“Yeah?” he called.

“Nick?” It was Brian. “You okay?”

Nick opened the door to find his friend standing there, his face a mask of concern. “I’m fine,” he said, blushing. “I’m sorry, I just… forgot to take my meds.” He sheepishly held up the handful of yellow pills. “I didn’t want to interrupt, but if I don’t take ‘em now, I’ll probably forget to later, and then-“

“Nick,” Brian stopped his babbling with a smile. “It’s okay. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

“Thanks. I’m cool,” Nick replied. “Hang on a minute while I take these, and then I’ll come back down with you.”

“Okay.” He felt Brian’s eyes on him as he put three of the pills in his mouth and filled a small drinking glass with water from the faucet to wash them down with. “You have to take all of those?” Brian asked incredulously, as Nick shoved in the last three pills.

“Yeah,” Nick replied when he had swallowed, drawing the back of his hand across his mouth. “Sucks, don’t it? Luckily it’s just once a week for all those yellow ones. Every Thursday. That’s random, huh?”

“Yeah,” Brian agreed, offering him an awkward smile. “Well, you ready?”

“Uh-huh.” Quickly shoving the prescription bottles back into his shaving kit, Nick switched off the bathroom light and followed Brian back downstairs, eager to dig into his Christmas dinner and hoping desperately that the Methotrexate wouldn’t make it all come back up again later.

***

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