Episode 6:

 

Feelings of Depression

 

 

“Dr. Veers?  Excuse me, Dr. Veers?”

 

Dr. Risha Veers jumped, startled out of her daydreams by a deep male voice.  Lifting her head from her desk, she looked up to find a tall, muscular, dark-haired man in a white coat standing in her doorway.  “Oh, Dr…”  she paused, struggling to remember his name.  What was it?  Something with an R…

 

“Richardson,” the man supplied without a smile.  “Kevin Richardson.  We met yesterday.”

 

“Of course,” Risha said, blushing.  “I know who you are.  I just… forgot your last name.  I apologize; I’m not the best with names.”  She glanced down at her desk, cheeks flaming.

 

“It’s okay,” Kevin said shortly.  “Look, I know it’s only your second day, and your shift’s almost over, but I need you to stick around and do one more surgery.  It’s an emergency.”

 

Risha looked back up.  Without complaint or protest, she rose from her desk.  “What’s the emergency?” she asked, removing her white coat and leaving it draped over her chair, following Kevin out of her office in just her blue scrubs.

 

“A six-year-old girl with a cerebral aneurysm,” Kevin said.  “Can you do it?  I know you must be tired; you’ve been here all day, but you’re the only neurosurgeon on call, and I know you’re good, and-“

 

“Sure, I can do it,” Risha said quickly.  “Do you have her films?”

 

“Right here.”  Kevin handed her a manilla envelope containing the scans of Danielle Dorough’s brain.

 

“Good.  I’ll just look these over, and then I need to get scrubbed in; I’ll be ready to cut in ten minutes if she’s prepped by then.”

 

Kevin offered her a tight smile.  “Thank you,” he said gratefully.  “I, uh, know I don’t need to tell you this, but… please… please do a good job.  She’s the daughter of one of my best friends; he’s also a doctor at this hospital.  If he lost her…”

 

Risha pursed her lips in sympathy and gave a slight nod.  “I will,” she promised.  Then, without another word, she turned and went down the hallway to get ready.

 

+++

 

“Howie!”

 

Howie Dorough spun around at the sound of his name.  He found his good friend Kevin Richardson sprinting down the hall towards him.

 

“She can do it,” Kevin said breathlessly.  “She’s scrubbing in now.”

 

Howie sagged in relief.  “Thank God.  And you say she’s good?”

“I’ve heard she is.  Brunson said she had excellent credentials.  I haven’t seen her operate yet, but I’m sure she’s very skilled.  Brunson said so, and you know how hard it is to get a compliment from her.”

 

Howie didn’t firsthand, but he had heard enough from Kevin to know it was next to impossible.  Kevin was a great surgeon, bright, talented, and serious about his work, and even he had to take crap from his superior, the chief of surgery and of staff, Dr. Holli Brunson.

 

“Okay,” he said nervously.  As a member of the medical community who knew many of the staff members at the hospital, he expected the very best for his family, and he was not comfortable with his daughter going under the knife in the hands of a newcomer he did not know.  But he trusted Kevin.  Kevin was his friend, Kevin was smart, and if Kevin said this woman was good, she must be.  Besides, time was running out; he really didn’t have a choice if he wanted to save Danielle’s life.

 

“Why don’t you come with me to pre-op and see her real quick before they take her to surgery?” Kevin suggested, putting a hand on Howie’s shoulder.  “Come on.”

 

“Thanks,” Howie said gratefully, leaning slightly against Kevin as the taller man led him down the hall to the pre-op area.

 

He found Danielle there, lying small and scared on a gurney, sucking her thumb again.  He could tell she was groggy from the medications she had been given, but she noticed him at once and popped the thumb out of her mouth.  “Daddy,” she cried, her voice whimpering.

 

“Hey, Dani,” he greeted her, bending over to smooth her dark hair off her forehead and gently kiss her there.  Tears stung his eyes, but he fought them.  He couldn’t cry in front of Dani; he would have plenty of time to do that later.  “They’re almost ready to take you into the operating room.  I know you’re scared, baby, but everything’s going to be fine.”  He patted her hand, hoping his voice sounded more reassuring to her than it did to him.

 

Danielle nodded.  The look in her eyes nearly broke Howie’s heart.  It was a look of absolute trust.  She was still scared, yes, but she trusted him.  She believed him.  He was her father; he would not lie to her.  He was her daddy; he could make all the big, scary things go away and make everything alright again.  He would not tell her everything was going to be fine if it wasn’t. 

 

But the reality was, Howie didn’t know everything, and he couldn’t just make all the bad things go away.  He wanted to protect her, to keep her safe and warm and happy, but he couldn’t.  Not now.  She was in God’s hands; only he, with the help of this new surgeon, could protect Dani, protect her from death, which was slowly creeping up behind her.  Howie, her father, could do nothing, nothing but make promises he wasn’t sure he could keep.  The helpless feeling was overpowering and very depressing.

 

“Mr. Dorough?”

 

A soft voice from a few feet away caused Howie to turn away from his daughter.  A tall red-headed nurse had come up behind him. 

 

“I need to take Danielle to the OR now; Dr. Veers is ready,” she said.

 

“Okay,” Howie said, trying to keep calm, but panic was rising within him.  Panic at the thought that this could be the last time he would ever spend with his daughter.

 

Make it worthwhile, he told himself quickly, bending over to kiss Danielle’s baby-soft cheek.  “I love you, Dani,” he whispered, hugging her as best he could with her lying there, tangled in IV tubes.  “I’ll see you in a few hours, when your operation is all done.”

 

“I love you too, Daddy,” her tiny voice echoed shakily.

 

Howie kissed her one last time, gave her hand one last squeeze, and sadly stepped away, as the nurses and orderlies wheeled her gurney out of the room.

 

When they were gone, he found Kevin standing in the doorway.

 

“Anything I can get you?” he asked Howie.  “You want something to eat?  I can order something to be brought up here.  You can hang around in the staff lounge or in my office.”

 

“I’m not hungry,” Howie said, his voice a husky whisper.  He swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.  “I… I need to make some phone calls.”

 

“Oh, of course.  Well, come on, you can use the phone in my office,” Kevin said, taking hold of Howie’s arm.  Together, the two men left the pre-op area and went down the hall to the lounge.

 

+++

 

Kevin left Howie in his office to call his ex-wife, Sophie, Danielle’s mother, who did not yet know what was going on with her daughter.  He wandered down the hall towards the staff lounge, when he was stopped by a voice calling his name.

 

He turned to see a petite Asian woman hurrying towards him.  It was Howie’s girlfriend, Rita Sumari. “Kevin!” she cried, her almond-shaped eyes wide with fright.  “I just heard!  Where’s Howie?”

 

“He’s in my office,” Kevin said, pointing to his closed door.  “How did you find out?”  Rita, a cardiovascular surgeon, was evidently still on duty, for she was dressed in scrubs and a lab coat.

 

“JC Chasez called up and told me.  He said Howie had just run up here.  Where’s Dani; have they put her under yet?”

 

“Just did,” Kevin replied.  “Howie’s calling Sophie now; he should be done in a little bit.  He’ll be glad to see you.  He’s really upset.”

 

“Well, of course he is.  I’ll go wait outside your office for him to get done,” Rita said, bustling back off in the direction she came.

 

Kevin smiled sadly, knowing that this was hurting Rita too.  She had been dating Howie for two years now and absolutely adored Danielle.  If she and Howie ever got married, he knew she would be a perfect step-mother for the child. 

 

Rita was a wonderful person, cute both inside and out, bright, spirited, and charming, full of personality.  She was perky and fun-loving, the kind of person who loved to laugh and make others laugh.  She was always there to help cheer someone up, a quality that made her an excellent doctor, for she had some of the best bedside manner Kevin had seen, always treating her patients like they were her friends, not just “things” with diseases she had to treat.  This quality was more often seen in nurses than doctors; to find a doctor who was both skilled and personable could be somewhat difficult.  Rita was all that and more.

 

Glancing back once more at Rita, who had sunk down in a chair outside his office door, Kevin continued on his way to the lounge.

 

+++

 

Raking a hand through his head of thick, dark hair, Howie left Kevin’s office, feeling worse than he had when he had come in.  Just as he had expected, Sophie hadn’t taken the news well.  She had shouted at him, told him it was his fault.  Despite all the medical evidence he gave her to show her it wasn’t, she had to blame someone, and he was it.  That was the problem with Sophie – she was irrational and quick to jump to conclusions. 

 

Deep down, Howie knew it wasn’t his fault at all, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty.  What kind of father was he, making his little girl go to school when she had a blood vessel in her brain that was about to pop?  Obviously, he couldn’t have known, but he felt like he should have taken her to the hospital that morning.  It could have been detected earlier, and she could have been in the OR before it got to this critical stage.

 

“Howie, are you okay?”

 

Howie jumped, startled, and realized that his girlfriend, Rita, was sitting in a chair in the hall outside Kevin’s office.  “Rita,” he murmured.  Rita jumped up from her seat and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close to her petite body.  “I heard about Danielle,” she whispered.  “I’m so sorry.”

 

A lump rose in Howie’s throat, and, embracing Rita, he felt overcome with emotion.  Finally, the dam holding his river of tears back broke, and they came flooding from his eyes.  Holding Rita, he sobbed, terrified of what was going to happen, terrified that Danielle was not going to make it.  That little girl was the most important thing to him; he loved her more than life itself, and he had only had six years with her.  She couldn’t die now; it was too soon.  She still had years and years of growing up to do.  She had a whole life ahead of her.

 

“Howie,” Rita murmured, stroking his hair.  He felt her back begin to tremble beneath his fingertips and pulled her back from him to see that she too was crying.  She loves Danielle like she was her daughter too, Howie reminded himself.  It was something he had always been grateful of, for if he ever decided to propose to Rita, he knew she would make a wonderful step-mother for Danielle.

 

“Come on,” Rita said, looking up at him with tear-filled brown eyes.  “Let’s go find somewhere to sit down.”

 

“The lounge,” Howie said, putting his arm around her waist.  They walked very slowly down the hall, their bodies close together, leaned up against one another for support, both physically and emotionally.

 

+++ 

Risha Veers entered the lounge on the surgical floor, exhausted both mentally and physically after the grueling brain surgery she had just finished.

She had been told Howie Dorough, the father of her patient, was waiting for her in the lounge.  When she got there, there were several people sitting around, but she recognized Howie at once, for although she had not met him, he looked just like his daughter, with the same dark hair, dark eyes, and tan skin, although his was quite pale looking at the moment.

“Mr. Dorough?” she asked for confirmation.

“Yes,” Howie said, jumping up.  A petite Asian woman at his side stood up with him.  “Are you Dr. Veers?” Howie asked.

“Yes,” Risha said, extending her hand in greeting. 

Howie shook it quickly, then asked, “How’s Danielle?”

“I just finished the surgery, and it was a success,” Risha told him.  “I repaired the blood vessel in her brain before it ruptured, and she’s going to be just fine.”

“Oh, thank God,” Howie gasped, grabbing the hand of the woman next to him.  “When can I see her?”

“She’s just been taken to recovery and won’t wake up for awhile yet.  I’ll have you notified when she does so you can go see her,” Risha said.

“Thank you, Dr. Veers,” Howie replied gratefully, shaking her hand again.  “It’s good to meet you, by the way. Welcome to Atlantic City.  Do you like it here so far?”

Risha’s eyes widened slightly, taken back by Howie’s friendliness.  She barely knew anyone on the staff yet, except the few doctors and nurses she had met on the surgical floor so far, and while everyone had been kind, no one had made an effort to make her feel especially welcome.  But now here was a paramedic, shaken up and stressed out over the near loss of his daughter, taking the time to welcome her.  She smiled genuinely for the first time that day.

“Thank you,” she replied.  “Yes, I like it just fine here so far.”

“Good,” Howie said.  “I’ve heard wonderful things about your surgical skills, and now I know they were true.  Thank you so much for saving my daughter’s life.”

“Thank you,” Risha said.  “Thank you for your kindness.”

+++

Nick Carter hummed to himself as he strolled down the hall of the Emergency Room.  It was almost six o’clock in the evening, and that meant he only had a little over an hour left of his shift. Then he could go home.  The day had been good though, not as stressful or as nerve-wracking as the previous one.  He was getting used to his work and the people who worked with him, and he felt more at ease. 

And then, of course, there was Isabel.  Nick couldn’t help but like her – she was sweet, smart, and funny, not to mention beautiful.  He had only known her two days, but he could already feel a serious crush coming on.  He knew it was only wishful thinking to think he could actually have some kind of relationship with her though.  After all, he barely knew her.  He knew nothing about her.  She probably already had a boyfriend.  Besides, even if she didn’t, that didn’t mean she was going to fall for him.  She had been nice to him, but it was only because they were both med students and were experiencing the same things. 

But still, Nick couldn’t help but wonder if there was a possibility of the two of them hooking up.  With the stress of med school, Nick hadn’t had a serious girlfriend in over a year.  He missed being in a relationship, missed having a companion like that, someone he could talk to, someone who would understand him.  He wished Isabel would be that someone. 

As Nick passed by a patient’s room, his thoughts were interrupted by a shrill beeping sound.  Startled, he realized it was coming from the room he had just passed.  The door was ajar, and he went back and looked inside to see an elderly man lying motionless in his bed, the heart monitor beside the bed registering a flat line.

Nick’s eyes went wide.  The man was dying.  What was he supposed to do?  To his relief, a door down the hall opened, and out walked Brian Littrell.

“Dr. Littrell!” he shouted.  “Dr. Littrell!”

Nearly dropping the chart she was holding in surprise, Brian looked up in confusion at Nick.

“Come here, Dr. Littrell, hurry!” Nick cried, beckoning furiously to him.  Not waiting for him to catch up, he ran into the old man’s room and prepared to start doing CPR, which he had been trained in during medical school.

“Nick, wait!” Brian cried, bursting into the room as Nick cupped his hands over the man’s chest.  “He’s a DNR.”

“Huh?”  Nick spun around to look at him.

“Mr. Olsen has end-stage pancreatic cancer.  He didn’t want us to try to resuscitate him when he went into cardiac arrest.  We just have to let him go now; it’s his time,” Brian said gently.

“Oh,” Nick whispered, his shoulders slumping. 

With a solemn face, Brian shut off the wailing heart monitor.  Silence filled the room.  Glancing at the clock on the wall, he said, “Time of death – 17:53.  I’ll go mark it on his chart.”

He went into the hall to get his chart from the slot outside his door.  Nick remained in the room, staring in pity at the old man.  He looked very weak and frail, very sick.  But he also looked at peace.  Still, Nick felt uncomfortable.  He had never seen someone die before.  Even though it was probably a blessing in disguise that the man had finally passed, it was very depressing too.  He looked like someone’s grandfather; he surely had a family that loved him very much and would be very upset to find out he had died while they were not with him. 

A lump rose in Nick’s throat at the thought of it, but he swallowed it back.  If he wanted to be a doctor someday, he was going to have to learn not to get emotionally attached to his patients, for many of them, especially in cases like this, did not make it.

“Are you okay, Nick?” Brian asked softly, coming back into the room.

Nick nodded quickly.  “I’ve just… never seen someone die before,” he said quietly.

Brian nodded.  “I know. It’s a hard thing to watch.  It’s even harder when it’s someone you’ve known and treated before.”

“So this was one of your patients?” Nick asked, looking at him in sympathy.

“Yeah, you could say that.  I’ve treated him before anyway,” Brian said.  “He’s been into this ER several times.  He was diagnosed with cancer three years ago and just relapsed a few months ago.  By then, his cancer had spread throughout his body.  The docs up in Oncology did what they could, but it was just too advanced.  He and his family were prepared though; they knew it was coming.  And he was in so much pain towards the end that it’s almost a relief he’s gone.  He’s in a better place now.  He isn’t suffering.”

“Yeah,” Nick said dully.  “So, I guess it doesn’t get any easier, does it?”  He watched Brian’s face.  It looked calm, but in his eyes, he could see the sorrow and knew that he wasn’t some emotionless doctor who didn’t care.  He did care, and he wanted nothing more than to give his patient’s a happy ending.  But as Nick had seen, that didn’t always happen.

“No, it never gets any easier,” Brian replied, smiling sadly at him.  “That’s something you’ll learn as you get older and more experienced.  Even if you don’t really know your patient on a personal level, it’s always sad when one dies.”

Nick nodded.  Part of him wished her answer had been different, that eventually, doctors got used to seeing people die, and it didn’t bother them anymore.  But really, he was glad it still did.  What kind of person would he be if he could watch a patient die without feeling any kind of sadness or sorrow?  He wouldn’t be human.  This job might be emotionally tumultuous on him, but at least it wouldn’t dull his senses and make him not care any more.  No matter what happened, he would always care.

+++

“How long are you going to be working night shift like this, Justin?” whined Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend, Britney.

 

Justin sighed heavily, as he pulled on his green scrub pants.  “Brit, I told you, I don’t know!  Now that Dr. Parker is laid up from her car accident, I’m with Dr. Palmer, and I work whatever shift he works.  If he’s stuck with night shift, so am I.  But he’s a third-year resident, so hopefully he won’t have to work night shift too often.  He just has to now cause we’re short doctors, with Dr. Parker being gone.”

 

Britney stuck out her bottom lip.  “But, Justy, what about us?  If I work all day, and you work all night, when will we ever have time together?”

 

“We’ll work it out, Brit,” Justin said.  “I’m off tomorrow, so we can do something then, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Britney replied sullenly.  With a sigh, she slid off the bed.  “Well, I’m going to change into something more comfortable.”

 

Justin nodded, tying the waist of his pants.  He stopped to watch Britney as she pulled off her work “uniform”, the white Hooters t-shirt and orange short-shorts that all the Hooters waitresses wore.  Now in just her black lacy thong and bra, Britney turned sideways to examine herself in the mirror.  Cupping her breasts in her hands, Britney asked, “Justy, do you think I should get more implants?  Go up a few cup sizes?”

 

A slow grin spread over Justin’s face.  “Sure, babe, that would look great!” he said enthusiastically, trying to picture Britney’s boobs any larger than they already were.  She had gone from an A cup to a C with her last implant surgery in 1999, but it was Justin’s opinion that bigger was better. 

 

Britney continued to study herself in the mirror.  She nodded, smiling.  “Yeah, I think you’re right.  Maybe I’ll go to an E…”

 

+++

 

“Addie!”

 

Addie Burke was just climbing into her car when the familiar voice called to her.  Stopping, she turned to find her boyfriend, Jack Palmer, jogging towards her.  He was just arriving at the hospital for his shift, which started at seven.  He was early though; it was only six-thirty. 

 

“Hey, Jack,” she said, as they hugged each other.  Looking into his blue eyes, she asked, “How are you doing?”

 

He could tell by her voice that she had heard about Bianca and about what he had done.  His Addie, she knew how upset he was, without even talking about it with him.

 

He gave a half-hearted shrug and sighed.  “I don’t know.  I take it you’ve heard about Bianca.”

 

Addie nodded.  “Yeah, the other nurses filled me in.  Do you know how she’s doing?  I thought about going up to see her, but I didn’t know if she would feel up to visitors yet; I didn’t want to bug her.”

 

Jack nodded.  “I don’t know; I haven’t been to see her yet either.  I think I’m gonna stop by before my shift starts though; that’s why I cam early.”

 

Bianca nodded.  “So… what did Brunson have to say about all this?”

 

Jack grimaced.   “I haven’t heard anything from her yet, surprisingly, just O’Brien.”

 

“What did she say?  Are you going to get in trouble for this?”

 

“I don’t think so.  I got a lecture, of course, but Bianca’s going to be all right, thank God, and I don’t think she’s going to press charges or anything.  I’m going to go see her now; that’s why I came early.”

 

“Okay.  Well, I’ll let you go then.  Are you working tomorrow?”

 

“No, I’m off,” Jack replied.

 

“Okay.  I’m working regular schedule tomorrow, so maybe we can do something when I get off.  I’ll call you when I get home.”

 

“Okay,” Jack said, leaning down to kiss her quickly.  “Night, Addie.”

 

“Goodnight,” Addie replied, turning to get back into her car, while Jack continued on his way to the building.

 

+++

 

Brianna Chambers shifted painfully in her wheelchair.

 

“You okay?” her best friend Bianca Parker asked from the bed she was lying in.

 

“Yeah, fine,” Brianna said through gritted teeth.  “Just sore.  Probably not as sore as you though.”

 

Bianca chuckled, which she quickly found to be a huge mistake.  A ball of fire sizzled through her stomach, which was freshly sutured from the surgery she had had the night before to fix her internal bleeding from the car accident.  She was on a morphine drip to control the pain, but it still hurt something awful. 

 

She felt for poor Brianna, who had come all the way up from the first floor in a wheelchair to visit her.  Brianna had to be just as sore, probably even worse, for she had suffered a broken rib, collapsed lung, and a torn artery in the crash.  Both women were very lucky they were still alive after all they had been through.  It could have been much worse.

 

A soft knock on Bianca’s door interrupted their conversation.

 

“Come in,” Bianca called, her voice slightly hoarse from the breathing tube that had been inserted in her throat during her surgery.

 

The door opened, and a tall man in scrubs came walking slowly in.  When he saw Bianca and Brianna, he came them a tentative smile.  “Hi, Bianca, Brianna,” he said awkwardly. 

 

“Hey, Jack,” Bianca said, breaking into a grin as she recognized her Jack Palmer, who worked with her as a physician in the ER.

 

Brianna’s gaze flicked between the two doctors, and she slowly wheeled herself backwards.  “I’ll leave you guys alone to talk,” she said knowingly, wheeling herself out the door.

 

When Brianna was gone, Bianca asked, “So, how are you doing?”

 

“How am I doing?” Jack laughed.  “Who cares about me.  How are you doing?”

 

Bianca rolled her eyes.  “Well, you know, I’ve had my better days.  But I’m gonna be fine.”

 

“That’s a relief.  Look, Bianca, I’m so sorry.  This is all my fault.”  The smile had left Jack’s lips, and his face was serious, his blue eyes pained.

 

Bianca smiled sympathetically.  “AJ told me you were feeling guilty.  Look, Jack, it’s just as much my fault as it is yours.  I’m the one who refused treatment.  I should have realized that I was more injured than I thought or at least should have known I needed to be checked out better, just in case.  It was my own stupidity that landed me in this situation.”

 

“I should have insisted you let someone examine you,” Jack said, shaking his head regrettably.  “I know how stubborn you can be.  I was the doctor; I should have been more forceful about it.”

 

“You were just trying to be a friend and respect my wishes, not put me in an uncomfortable position.  I don’t blame you, Jack.  I don’t know what kind of crap other people have been giving you about this, but it’s no more your fault than it is my own.   I guess we both could have used better judgment.  But whatever, it’s over and done with now.  There’s no harm done; Dr. Brunson says I’m going to be fine.  I’ll make sure you don’t get in trouble for this.”

 

Jack bit his lip.  “Bianca, I deserve to get in trouble for this.  I could have killed you!”

 

“But you didn’t,” Bianca said firmly.  “Don’t beat yourself up over it.  We all make mistakes.  We’re both young doctors, and we both made bad choices.  But no one’s going to punish me for it, and I won’t let anyone punish you either.  Like I said, it’s my fault too.”

 

Jack sighed.  “Thanks, Bianca.  If there’s one good thing to come out of this, it’s that I learned my lesson.  I guess we’ll both be better doctors after this.”

 

She smiled.  “Yeah, I guess we will.”

 

“So, speaking of that, do you have any idea when you’ll be ready to go back to work?” Jack asked.

 

“I don’t know.  Probably not for a few weeks.  I’m gonna be really sore,” Bianca said.

 

Jack nodded.  “Don’t be in any hurry to come back.  Take your time and don’t try to work again until you feel one hundred percent.”

 

Bianca snorted.  “Ha, like Elizabeth will let me off the hook that easily.  I’ll be lucky if she gives me two weeks.”

 

Jack rolled his eyes, grinning.  “Aw, Elizabeth isn’t that much of a bitch.  She acts tough, but she’s not that bad underneath.  She likes you; she’ll give you as much time as you need.  I’ll make sure of that.”  He winked, and Bianca smiled tiredly.  Noticing the dark circles under her eyes and the paleness of her skin, he said, “Well, I better get going.  It’s almost time for my shift to start.  I just wanted to come check on you and tell you how sorry I was.”

 

“Thanks, Jack,” Bianca said.  “I’ll see you later.”

 

“See you,” Jack replied, patting her hand.  He gave her a gentle smile and backed out of the room, feeling utterly relieved that Bianca was so forgiving. 

 

+++

“Hi, Dr. Palmer.”

Jack looked up to find his med student coming down the hall towards him, adjusting his stethoscope around his neck.

“Hey, Justin,” he said.  Looking at his watch, he saw that it was exactly seven o’clock.  Justin was on time, just like he had promised. 

“So, what are we going to do first, doc?” Justin asked, looking around the ER.

“It’s actually pretty tame down here right now, so I thought we could get you started practicing IV’s,” Jack said.

“Okay,” Justin replied.  Leaning closer to Jack, he added, “How ‘bout givin’ me a fine girl to practice on?”  He winked.

Jack grinned.  “Sure, Justin,” he said.  “I’ll give you a fine one alright.  Follow me.”

“Okay!” Justin said eagerly, and the two men started off down the hall.

+++

“B-but… she’s dead!” Justin cried in horror, looking down on the pale, cold body of the “fine girl” Jack had promised him.

Jack grinned devilishly.  “I never said she was going to be a living fine girl,” he replied, laughing.  “We don’t give live people to med students to practice things like this on.  Did you honestly think some girl would want you poking her all over while you tried to find her vein for an IV?”

Justin’s cheeks reddened as he realized how naïve he had been.  “So I have to practice on… on this??”  He motioned to the body lying on the table.

“Sure do,” Jack replied.  “Don’t worry, she’s not going to bite.”

Justin shuddered, looking around him.  The hospital morgue was not as dark and creepy as morgues were portrayed on TV, but it was still eerie to be there, surrounded by dead bodies.  The thought of actually touching one was even more frightening.  Justin began to think maybe being a doctor wasn’t the right job for him.

Seeing how uncomfortable Justin was, Jack’s playful tone softened.  “Seriously, Justin, I know it’s not exactly fun, but try not to let it bother you.  She’s not rotting or anything yet; she’s only been dead a few hours.  And the good thing is, you can screw up royally and not hurt her.  Now, let’s get started so we can get out of here, okay?”

Justin nodded.  “So… what do I do first?”

“First, you clean off the area with antiseptic.”  Jack handed him a cotton ball and a bottle of antiseptic and motioned the back of the girl’s hand.  Gingerly, Justin wet the cotton ball and lightly wiped it over the motionless hand, without touching the girl.

“Good.  Now you need to find a vein.  There’s one right here, see?”  Jack pointed to a faint blue line beneath the girl’s pasty skin.  Justin nodded again.  “Okay, now you just slide this needle under her skin and into the vein.”

Justin took the needle and very carefully did as Jack had told him, his tongue sticking slightly out of his mouth in concentration.  It only took two tries, and he got the needle into her vein.

“There, you did it!” Jack said.  “Now, we’ll keep practicing until you’re a pro at this, and then you can do it on live girls, okay?”

Justin grinned, feeling more at ease.  “Okay!”

+++

Lance Bass fumbled around with the keys to his apartment as he tried to insert the key into the keyhole, but only succeeded in dropping the keys on the floor. Before bending down to pick up the keys, Lance leaned his head against the wall and sighed deeply because his double shift at the hospital was finally over. A few minutes later, Lance unlocked the door and entered the small, but cozy apartment that he had been calling home since he left his home state of Mississippi four years ago.

After a hot shower and a change of clothes, Lance finally felt human again. Reminders of the past two days’ events ran a course through Lance’s over-exhausted mind, and the familiar feelings of forgotten depression reared its ugly head.

Shaking his head to get rid of the horrible thoughts, Lance flung open his medicine cabinet and pushed aside frequently used medication until he found the bottle he was looking for. Without a second thought, Lance struggled to pop open the lid, and once he did, he poured out two pills and swallowed them quickly.

Without even bothering to turn off the lights in the apartment, Lance walked into his bedroom and dropped down onto his bed, waiting for the effects of the pills to overtake his senses. Minutes later, as he was drifting off to sleep, he remembered the sweet effects the medication had on him years earlier, and he smiled. 

+++

 

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