Cary
It wasn’t
like a movie. More like a dream. It was surreal that way. One minute, Nick and I were sitting there
under the stars, in the back of my dad’s truck, just talking, and the next, he
had wrapped his arm around me and was full-on kissing me.
That part
happened so quickly, but once his lips were touching mine, time seemed to slow
down. My senses were on overload. I was aware of everything. His arm, hard and heavy around my
shoulders. His hand, soft and light
against the side of my face. His lips,
smooth and sweet on top of mine. I had
closed my eyes instinctively, but I couldn’t help but open them a tiny slit to
sneak a peek at his face so close to mine.
He had closed his eyes, too. Our
noses brushed against each other as I kissed back. I could smell him, the familiar musk of his
sweat mixed with the soap he used. I had
gotten used to that scent on tour; it was unmistakably Nick. But he had never kissed me on tour, and I
thought, Is this really happening??
All of this
must have occurred in a matter of two, maybe three seconds.
And then I
woke up.
Just
kidding! It wasn’t a dream, even though
it felt like it. I guess you could say
it was a dream come true, for me, anyway.
I’d had a crush on him all summer, a silly fangirl
crush I would never admit to him, and all of a sudden, he was kissing me. I couldn’t believe it.
When he broke
the kiss, I pulled back and stared at him, stunned. “Sorry,” he said, looking sheepish, like he’d
been too forward or something. Like I
minded! I didn’t mind at all; I’d just
been caught completely off-guard. But
that didn’t mean I hadn’t enjoyed it.
“No!” I
replied quickly, flustered. “No, don’t
apologize. I…” But I felt awkward telling him how I really
felt about him, so I decided to show him instead. Actions speak louder than words, right? Impulsively, before I could second-guess
myself, I tightened my arms around his neck, leaned over, and planted my lips
right on top of his again.
It was a
deeper kiss that time, less hesitant, more intense. He pulled me closer, his arms embracing me,
his hands running up and down my back. I
raked my fingers up into his hair, knocking off his baseball cap. He kissed me back until I was breathless, and
we finally broke apart, practically panting for air.
“Wow,” said
Nick, with an impish little snicker. I
glanced over at him and could tell he was smirking, his eyes glinting in the
darkness.
I smiled
shyly back. “Wow…” I echoed. My heart was hammering hard, and there were
butterflies dancing in my stomach. I
tried to remember the last time a simple kiss had caused such a reaction in
me. I’d dated my last boyfriend for two
years, and there definitely hadn’t been sparks like that towards the end. There hadn’t been any since, either. I didn’t think I’d gotten a real kiss in over
a year, and in my wildest dreams, I never would have guessed the one to break
the dry spell would be Nick Carter…
There were
so many things going through my head, so much I wanted to say to him, but I was
having a hard time forming words. He
didn’t say anything, either, so for a few seconds, we just sat there, listening
to the sound of our own breathing. Then
I heard the sound of footsteps on the pavement and looked up to see a figure
walking up to our campsite. I could only
make out his silhouette in the shadows, but I recognized his loping gait as
none other than my dad’s. I quickly
straightened up, pulling away from Nick, and scrambled out of the truck
bed. I guess even at twenty-nine, no one
really wants to be caught making out in the back of Daddy’s car.
“Sorry, did
we lose track of time?” I apologized. My
voice sounded shrill, and I hoped he wouldn’t suspect what we had been doing
back there in the dark. Luckily, my dad
is pretty clueless most of the time – not that he would really care,
anyway. He’s not that
old-fashioned. I’m the traditional one
and not usually into public displays of affection. But if Nick Carter wanted my PDA… A… A… well,
then, of course I’d be the fingers to his instrument.
“You’re
fine, sweetheart,” my dad said, and I was glad it was too dark for him to see
my red face. “You ready to go walk?”
“Sure! You coming?” I asked, turning to Nick. He was already climbing out of the truck
behind me.
“Absolutely.” He came up alongside me. “Let’s go.”
“We’ll be
back,” I told my dad, flashing him a quick smile as we walked past.
Nick waited
until we were a safe distance away to take my hand. I giggled, suddenly feeling like a silly
teenage girl again, but that was what made it fun. A little thrill rushed through me as we
started walking around the track, hand in hand.
We didn’t really talk much, but that was okay. We didn’t have to. It wasn’t like we could read each other’s
thoughts or anything; I didn’t have a clue what he was thinking and was dying
to know what had been going through his head when he’d decided to kiss me. But even so, just knowing that it had
happened, that there was some spark there for him, too, made me so giddy that
words weren’t needed right then. Just
holding his hand was enough.
We walked
until my dad showed up on the edge of the track to take over, and then we headed
back to the campsite. It was even darker
now – the tiki torches were still lit, but he must have shut off the lanterns –
and quiet, too. People were bedding down
for the night; they’d shut off their music and turned down their voices. I heard only soft murmurs and the occasional
chuckle from other tents. Even though we
were surrounded by campsites, there were enough shadows to give us some
privacy. We climbed up into the back of
the truck again and sat the way we’d been before, side by side, our backs
pressed up against the cab windows. Nick
stretched his legs out in front of him; I crossed mine. We held hands, our fingers loosely entwined.
It was
peaceful, sitting there under the stars, listening to the sounds of night, but
I wished we would talk. I didn’t know
what to say, though, so I waited for him to speak first. It took him a long time, but finally, he did.
“Sorry if
this is, like, awkward.”
I smiled,
because I had just been thinking that even though the silence hadn’t been awkward
at first, it was starting to feel that way.
“It’s okay. I guess usually a
first kiss comes at the end the evening, when you’re about to say goodbye. You don’t really have to talk much right
afterward.”
Nick
snickered. “I was just gonna say, usually
it’s the beginning of a one-night stand, when you’re about to take her
home. First you’re kissin’
in the club… then you’re making out in the back of a cab… and then you’re in
bed, doin’ the nasty. But like you said…
either way, there ain’t much talking going on.”
Even as I
laughed, I realized how different he and I were. I had never had a one-night stand. I’d always been a good girl. I’m no virgin, but I’d still only slept with
three guys in my lifetime, and all of them were serious boyfriends whom I’d
been in love with at the time. I
couldn’t imagine going home with a strange man I’d only just met in a
club. Yet I wasn’t naïve enough to think
Nick hadn’t picked up his fair share of groupies before he got sick, not
including all the models, singers, socialites, Playmates, and aspiring
actresses he’d been linked to in the past.
It made me
wonder how I could possibly live up to the likes of them, or if he even thought
of me that way. I started to feel
insecure and uncertain, like maybe I was reading his signals all wrong. Maybe the kiss hadn’t meant anything to him
at all. Just a sudden impulse, acted on
in the moment because he’d been bored or horny or just caught up in the emotion
of the evening.
So I did
something I never thought I would have the guts to do: I asked him.
“So… why
did you kiss me?”
“Why did I
kiss you?” Nick repeated, sounding amused by the question. “Well… uh… ‘cause you’re beautiful, for
one. And… I dunno… I was just thinking
about how much you’ve done for me the last couple months. You got me through that tour. I never would have been able to do it without
you.”
I blushed
at the compliment; coming from him, it was especially flattering, but it also
left me feeling a little hollow. I
didn’t want it to be just about my looks… or about gratitude, which felt like
the real reason. I didn’t want to be a
charity case, but all of a sudden, his kiss reminded me of his check, still
sitting uncashed in my drawer, and I felt almost sick
to my stomach.
“We’ve
already talked about this,” I said quietly.
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“What? No… no, I didn’t mean it like that,” he
replied. “Is that what you think? That I’m, what, like, trying to make it up to
you in sexual favors or something?”
He made it
sound so ridiculous that I relaxed a little.
Maybe I was reading too much into his original answer. “No… I’m sorry. I was just wondering.”
“I kissed
you ‘cause I felt like kissing you,” he said flatly. “No ulterior motive, I swear. In all honesty, I probably woulda tried to
make a move on you a long time ago, on the tour, if I’d thought it wouldn’t
have been weird.”
That made
my heart start to flutter again.
“Really?” I asked, my voice lifting right along with my eyebrows.
“Yeah. But it would have been weird, wouldn’t it?”
I
considered that. He was probably
right. It would have been weird, mixing
any sort of romance into the already unconventional nurse/patient relationship
we’d had. In my line of work, getting
involved with a patient was a big no-no.
A crush was innocent enough, but taking it any further than that would
have felt wrong. “Yeah,” I agreed, “I
guess so.”
He got
quiet again, and in the pause, I thought about it from his perspective. He wouldn’t have faced the same ethical
dilemma I had. And he’d certainly
flirted with me, teasing me about the whole naughty nurse fantasy, even if he’d
never acted on it. I wondered what had
changed for him. “So it’s not weird
now?” I asked, breaking the silence.
“Not so
much. I mean, you’re not shoving needles
into me now.”
I smiled at
the way he said it, but I also sensed the insecurity that he felt, too. It must have been hard for him to open up to
me, to let me into the part of his life that he’d shared with no one else and
trust me to take care of him and keep his secret, when he barely knew me. He had allowed himself to be vulnerable – not
an easy thing for any guy, but especially one who was famous and who’d been
taken advantage of for it before. We had
shared an intimate experience, but not in a sexual way, and that had been for
the best. But now that it was behind us,
I wondered if there might still be a place for me in his life. Not as a caretaker, but as a friend… and
maybe more than a friend?
“True,” I
said. “That does take some of the
weirdness away.”
“So… it’s
not weird for you either, is it? Now, I
mean.”
I smiled
again. “No. Not in that way.”
“So it’s
okay that I kissed you?”
“Totally
okay. In fact,” I added, feeling another
surge of braveness, “it’d be okay if you kissed me again.”
“Yeah?” He scooted closer. “I’ll take you up on that offer.”
Then he
pulled me into his arms again.
***
By two
a.m., we had walked three more shifts around the parking lot. My legs were cramping, and my feet were
killing me. Nick looked about ready to
drop, but he’d been a trooper, keeping me company until the very end. When one of my teammates, a friend of my
dad’s, appeared on the edge of the track to relieve us, we limped back to the
campsite, totally exhausted.
The tent
was zipped up, and I could hear my dad already snoring inside it. I unzipped it partway and slipped in just
long enough to grab a spare sleeping bag and a couple of camp pillows. I took those and a waterproof blanket from
inside the pick-up’s cab and tossed them onto the air mattress in the
back. “You don’t mind sleeping out here,
do you?” I asked Nick. “It’s either
that, or listen to my dad snore all night.”
He
laughed. “Nah, this is good,” he
replied, climbing up into the truck again.
I threw on the
sweatshirt I’d brought along and climbed up with him, much preferring the
thought of sleeping next to Nick Carter under the stars to sharing the musty
tent with my father. “You gonna be warm
enough?” I asked Nick, noticing his short sleeves. We were both still warm from walking, but the
temperature had dropped considerably since sundown, and I knew it would get
chilly soon.
“If you
keep me warm,” he replied without missing a beat, smirking at me through the
darkness. He lifted one edge of the
blanket, and I crawled under. We
unzipped the sleeping bag and threw that over both of us, too. The air mattress was comfortable, and it was
cozy under the cover of the two thick blankets, with the heat from our bodies
acting like a furnace.
We had
shared a hotel bed for much of the tour, but this time, I turned toward Nick
instead of away. We whispered in the
darkness for awhile, until Nick’s voice got slow and sleepy, and eventually, he
stopped replying. I finally closed my
eyes, letting my exhaustion take over.
When I woke
up, just before sunrise, I found myself snuggled up closer to him, my arm
thrown loosely over his torso. Had I
done that in my sleep? I wondered, removing it carefully so I wouldn’t wake
him. What on earth had I been dreaming?
I couldn’t
remember, but I knew one thing… Whatever
dreams I’d had while I was sleeping, they couldn’t have been much better than
the reality I’d woken up to.
***