Angry Night
A
week ago when I had said those three words to Kevin that day in the hospital,
in many ways I had been right but in many ways I had been wrong.
Technically yes it was all over. The storm passed and we all were able to
return safely home to intact houses. Sure the lawns were a hell of a
mess, but we all still had our homes. And yes all the surprises were over
too. Brian would live, no one else was going to run off and do something
drastic, Rick was dead and all of his buddies were safely in jail for
life. So in that sense it was all over.
But
in others it was not. The pain was still there. After having all
that happen to you in one month the pain just does not disappear. There
were going to be scars and things we’d have to deal with. But though it
sounds corny I knew that all of us would be able to deal with it if we just
stuck together.
And
finally the future of the Backstreet Boys had been decided. They were
officially a four-man group. There was no way anyone could replace A.J.
and though it would be unbelievably hard without him they all still wanted to
do it. For themselves and for the fans.
Their
next album was going to be a tribute to A.J. of course. And they were
going to do a tribute song and video much as Puff Daddy had done when Notorious
B.I.G. had been murdered. But on this song there would be no producers,
writers, or directors besides the boys. They wanted it to be straight
from all of their hearts. And like Faith Evans did, I would be a part of
the song too. I knew I vowed I would never perform, but this was for
A.J. How could I not? Would it lead to a singing career on my
part? Only time could tell on that one.
And
then there was Kevin and I. The relationship was still new, but I knew it
was going places. But Kevin just had to understand that A.J. would always
be a part of me and hold a place in my heart. I think he’d accepted
that. And amazingly Elyssa and the guys had accepted our relationship
too. We’d been worried they’d be angry, but they appeared to be happy for
us. We were lying low for awhile though. We didn’t want to give the
fans the wrong impression.
And
so in many ways it would never totally be over. You couldn’t simply erase
what had happened. You just had to deal with it and move on. We
were all slowly rebuilding the paradise that we had, had before the
vacation. Our lives wouldn’t be perfect, they never could be. No
matter how incredible they seemed to be before our trip, life was never
perfect. But things would get better eventually, they would.
The End
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