Chapter 28
Ciara quietly closed the door to the room,
letting patient and family rest a bit. It had been a long night and she was
ready to go home.
“Hey,
good lookin’…need a ride home?”
She
looked up from her chart and almost screamed out loud. Instead, she popped her
hand to her mouth and ran over, wrapping her arms around her surprise visitor.
“God, you’re a welcome sight. What are you doing here?”
Nick
leaned down for a kiss. She looked beat. “I’m here to take you home. I hate
these long stretches in your schedule.”
“Mmmm…so
do I. Yes, cowboy. Take me home. I need a backrub.”
Sliding
into the truck, she laid her head back on the headrest and closed her eyes.
These long stretches did wipe her out. But, it also meant a long stretch with
no work, so she was looking at 8 days off after 6 days on. Might take 2 days
just to recuperate though.
Just
as she was settling into an interesting dream, “Cici…honey,
wake up.” Nick was peeking in the truck already parked in his garage. When the
hell did they get there?
“My
God, I can’t believe I fell asleep already.”
“You
okay? You’re normally not this beat.”
“Maybe
the break made me lazy. Hey, where are we?” She reached out her hand and he
helped her hop down from the running board, reaching in back for her bag.
“My
place, you goof. Don’t you recognize it?”
“Well,
now that I’m awake, yes, smart ass. But Nick, I just wanna shower and fall into
bed though. I don’t normally sleep too well here.”
“Oh.
Well, come in and we’ll see what happens okay?”
He
had that glimmer in his eye typically associated with him being up to
something, but she wasn’t sure what. And she was too tired to argue with him or
even try to figure it out. Food, shower and bed. In that order. That was all
she could think about.
He
opened the door to his house and let her go in first, waiting for her reaction.
Gasp. Oh God. He didn’t… “Nick. It’s 8 in the morning. When did you DO this?”
“At
about 7 in the morning. I didn’t do all of this. Catered, but…uh, you hungry?”
“Always
after work, my God.” She slowly walked over to the dining room that could
easily be seen from his garage entrance. He had actually catered in breakfast.
Just cold foods, nothing fancy, but yet very fancy. Candles sprinkled the table
interspersed with croissants, muffins, bagels, a few
containers of cereals, fruit, spreads and juices. There was probably enough
food for 6 people.
She
grabbed a muffin and reached up to kiss his cheek. “Thank you. I’m gonna go
take a shower.”
“But
Ci…ugh.” He plopped down in a dining room chair,
grabbed a bagel and angrily bit into it. “NOT what I had in mind at all.”
Looking at the dry bread, he pouted. “Blech. Needs cream cheese.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Okay,
now…what do we have here?” Ciara finally emerged from
her shower towel drying her hair and dressed in one of Nick’s t-shirts. Serves
her right for not staying over hardly ever if at all. She looked over the
offerings still sitting at the table realizing she was alone. “Nick? Where is
he? I could be home in bed right now, dammit.”
She
poured herself some juice and started the hunt, peeking out on the deck to see
if he was there. No sign of him. Front door letting the dogs out? Nothing. Back
upstairs and back in bed? Nope. Finally she went towards her first instinct,
the studio. Bingo.
She
stood in the doorway watching him for a few moments. His back was to her as he
fooled around at the multitude of keyboards, pulling up samples of pre-recorded
songs and melodies he’d written himself, mixing and combining to make a new
sound. He was very good at it. He also completely disappeared in his work when
he did it. She could have been in flames and he’d not have known.
She
continued to watch for quite some time, until the pain in her hip jolted her
out of the place she’d escaped to. The place that she could go to that was just
for Nick…even if he wasn’t around. A place she’d had for years. Nick’s place.
Unfortunately, pain sometimes still seeped in…even there. She pulled away from
the doorframe and sharply sucked in air as the pain in her hip got worse.
“Oh!
Ci! How long have you been…hey…you okay?” He got up
and worked his way through the instruments and wires to get to her.
“Yeah,
hip. Damn. I’m, uh…I’m gonna go on up to bed, I think.”
“You
need help upstairs?”
“NO!
I’m fine.” She jerked away from his extended hand and painfully turned away
from him. She hated this. He should be writing songs, not aiding a cripple.
“What
the hell, Ci? I’m just trying to…” But she was gone.
Wobbling down the hall and up the stairs to his bed. “Well, this is a great
morning so far. Think I’m gonna have to do it again real soon. Jesus.” He
slammed the door to his studio closed and let her be. He was too angry to talk
right now. But working while angry? That he could do.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Hours
and a million tosses, turns, heaves and sighs later, Ciara
gave up the effort, threw her scrubs back on and headed back downstairs. She
needed her bed. Her purse was out of Demerol. This was NOT going to work
staying at Nick’s, not today anyway. She made her way back to his studio, not
surprised to still find him there.
“Nick?
I’m sorry to interr-“
“You
up already?” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and anger. “I was just getting
ready to come up and join you.” He kept his back to her and continued playing
the eight-note lick he’d been playing since she turned down the hall. He was
pouting. It wasn’t attractive.
“Oh,
sorry. I can’t sleep here today. I need to head home.”
“Fine.
I guess you need a ride.”
“I
can call a cab if you’re gonna be a shit about it, Nick.”
Finally
he turned to her, eyes ablaze with anger and hurt. “I thought that was your
role today.”
“What!?
How the hell have I been a shit?”
“I
surprise you at work, cater in breakfast, plan to well…I just thought I’d make
it nice for you since you’ve been working so hard since we got back. You just
ignored it all and…I feel like…”
“Like
I didn’t appreciate it because I didn’t sit down and eat with you?”
“Well,
yeah…why don’t you ever want to be here, Ci?”
She
ran a hand through her hair and shifted weight on her feet. Damn hip was still
hurting like a bitch. She just…why didn’t she like to be there? No, she liked
to be there. She just liked home, especially when she was tired. Her bed. Her
toilet. Her shampoo. Her clothes. Her cat. Hers. It was her comfort. How do you
explain this in two words or less because you’re too tired to go into a long
dissertation about it?
“I
want to be here, Nick, but not after a long stretch. I just want my own bed.”
“Fine.
I’ll take you to YOUR bed. Whatever.”
He
angrily stormed by her, grabbed his keys and disappeared into the garage
waiting not so patiently for her to get in the truck.
Once
in, she turned and stared at him. She was waffling between anger at his
immaturity and anger at her insistence for independence. At the moment, the two
were both kind of unattractive. “I’m sorry, Nick. You know, this isn’t about
you.”
Nothing.
He just started the truck and took her home. His silences when angry were
deadly. She’d rarely seen them and did not appreciate being the butt of his
anger at all. It hurt worse than her hip.
Fifteen
minute drive and not another word was exchanged. He pulled into her driveway
and continued staring straight ahead. She sighed, feeling like she should say
something, but knowing from the look in his eyes, the firmness in his posture,
that he was not listening. She had to go for it anyway.
“Nick,
I’m sorry. I’m exhausted. I hurt. I need my bed and my meds. Neither are at
your place. I appreciate what you did for breakfast…I noticed the candles
around the bath…it was a lovely thought. I just can’t…” He wasn’t listening. Or
he didn’t appear to be.
“You
can’t just let the guard down and let someone take care of you when you’re
well. When you NEED it, you’re fine. But when you don’t. Forget it. Is that
it?” Finally his eyes met hers, still blazing in anger. Or was it hurt?
“Maybe?
I dunno. I hate it when I need it too, if that’s any consolation.”
“None.
Do you need me to help you get your car when you wake up?”
“I
don’t think we’re done talking Nick. Don’t shut me out now.”
“Don’t
you EVEN start with that shit, Ci. I’m done talking
right now and I’m going home. I suggest you get out or you’re gonna end up back
at my place. God KNOWS you don’t want to be THERE.”
“Oh
Jesus, Nick. Fine. And Deanna can get me to my car tomorrow on the way to my
doctor’s appointment. You just go pout. It’s usually more fun alone anyway.”
Without another word, she snapped her door open, grabbed her bag and hopped out
of the car, sucking in air as she hit the pavement and causing more pain to
jolt through her hip. As soon as she slammed the door closed, he backed out of
the drive coming entirely too close to walloping her in the back with his side
view mirror.
“Fucking
Diva, I swear. Didn’t even get my damned backrub.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Thanks
for picking me up, girl.” Ciara finally got some much
needed sleep and felt surprisingly good today. Yep, aches and pains welcomed
her, but after an angry cleaning fit, she was able to sleep for a good 12 hrs.
almost putting her back into a normal day/night schedule.
“Not
a problem. Doc appointment is at the hospital?”
“Yeah,
as usual.”
“Who
are you seeing today anyway?”
“Leiman. OB/GYN. That goddamned check-up for the abnormal
cells they keep finding.”
“You
haven’t been going as often as they want you to, have you?”
“No.
If it’s cancer, maybe it’ll finally kill me.”
“Ciara!!!! Jesus, woman.”
“What?”
“You
don’t want to die.”
“I
don’t want to live in pain anymore. And no, I don’t want to die, especially
with cancer. But, hell…at least it’ll finally be something terminal or
treatable. Non of this chronic shit I’ll just have to live with. Dying with
something somehow sounds better.”
Deanna
just shook her head. She shouldn’t be surprised at this kind of talk from Ciara, but typically it came when she was not only achy,
but alone and achy. Ciara was no longer alone. Then
it hit her.
“Did
you have a fight with Nick?”
“You’re
a fucking genius.”
“You’re
just transparent. What happened?”
“I’m
a bitch. I need to call him, but I’m too stubborn. I’ve got 8 days off and I
have a hunch I’m not gonna see him at all. We had the cruise, rushed into
Christmas, a few days off for family and then I started my stretch. No New
Year’s together. Nothing.”
“So…why
are you not talking now?”
“Cuz
I’m an idiot. He picks me up yesterday from work, caters in breakfast, has
candles all over the bed and bathroom and I dog him. I’m too fucking tired to
care or respond. I can’t sleep in his bed cuz my hip is killing me and I just
want to leave.”
“Oh
no.”
“Oh
yeah. I feel like a schmuck, but Jesus,
“You’ve
been alone too long. You just aren’t used to being pampered. He’ll adjust.”
“I
hope. Didn’t call today at all.”
“He’ll
adjust. He’s crazy about you. He loves you for God’s sake. I’d die to have
someone look at me the way he looks at you.”
“Yeah,
well…if he’ll look at me again.”
“Oh
shut UP, Ci. My God. Ten years, woman. Ten fucking
years. You care so much for him, you’ll lie to me…your best friend about
him. If he walks away from you permanently because you wouldn’t eat his bagels
then you never knew him. You never had him to begin with.”
“This
is quite true. I don’t deserve him anyway.”
“No,
Ci, you don’t. You’re a loser and he’s perfect. God,
you make me tired.”
“Glad
to help. Go in here. Her office is in the south building.”
“Oh,
okay. Do you want me to come up?”
“Yeah,
sure. We’ll park and I can get my car after.”
The
two women walked the familiar route to the doctor’s offices and silently rode
the elevator up to the proper floor. They’d done this quite often and somehow
silence always fit the bill. Ciara wasn’t nervous,
but she always shut everyone out before she’d go in to see one of her doc’s. It
was something Deanna didn’t understand, but respected. This seemed to be
something Nick would need to learn. You can’t always understand it, but you
have to respect it. Hopefully he would be able to…soon.
***
