Chapter 33

“OH say, does that Star Spangled Banner yet wa-ave.”

“Oh God, here he goes…hang on people!” Brian grabbed onto the sofa just anticipating the chills that would run down his spine.

“For the la-and of the freee-eeeeee! And the home of the brave!”

Cheers from the family room at the Carter residence rose to the sky as they watched Luther Vandross quietly walk off the field from his spot on the 50 yard line of the Louisiana Dome. Super Bowl Sunday was always a time for a party and since the boys were still on break, Jane decided to host a party for them all.

And the best part? She had convinced Ciara to stop unpacking long enough in Tennessee and come back down for it. She needed to pick up her car anyway, so with a one way plane ticket and a long car ride alone, all of that was arranged.

“Damn, that guy can SANG!” Brian finally plopped down on the couch, almost on top of AJ, making them all shift spots and grumble at the intrusion.

“Don’t you look before you put your bony ass somewhere?”

“Bony ass? Me? Yeah, right, Bone. Whatever.”

“Jesus…I’ll move. I thought I was the baby here.”

“You ARE!” 4 boys. 4 voices. In unison. No wonder they were a group. They even talked at the same damned time.

“Move over, Ci…I’m jumpin’ in.” Ciara had been enjoying the extra room of a large oversized chair all to herself…until now. Oh well, talk about bony. She scooted over, snuggling into Nick’s chest as he sat down, remembering falling asleep like that just a few weeks prior when she was sick. Felt like home.

Home. What the hell WAS home anyway now?

Tampa didn’t feel like it much anymore. Nick was never there. Deanna was working days, Ciara was working nights. Mom and Dad? Lindsey? Yeah, right. Sisters? One married and pregnant and one in the dark. Bill was in Tennessee and had been since Christmas. Even so, Tennessee surely wasn’t home; she had a hunch it never would be. But this? Here? Not the location, but the people, the surroundings, the…yeah, everything. This was home. What did that mean?

It meant that after tomorrow, after she got in her car to drive up I-75, she was virtually homeless. Wonderful.

“You okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah…I’m good. Watch the game, Carter. Boy’s night. I’m just here for the food.”

“Yeah, you’d better say that. Patriots are goin’ down.”

“You wish.”

“Aaaaaaannnnnnddd…it’s kick-off!” Kevin came out of his typical big brother mode and enjoyed the game for once. However did he manage without a woman on his arm? Ciara hated him. And she couldn’t figure out why. Maybe she wasn’t being fair. He seemed nice enough now.

Okay, so Nick was right. The Patriots went down. Packers, 35; Patriots, 21. Dammit. He was taking it like a real adult too. Needling her side, sticking out his tongue, making up retarded songs about how bad the Patriots were. Moron. It wasn’t that she was a huge Patriots fan. It was more that she hated powerhouses. Patriots were the underdogs. Unless it was the Bucs, she always cheered for the underdogs. This time, it meant a loss. Oh well.

What it also meant was that it was time for the party to disperse, for her to head to bed and for morning to be around the corner. Which meant leaving. Which meant good-bye’s. Good-bye’s of a different variety this time. She would drive Nick to the studio in Orlando and head on up the road. In a matter of hours.

Snapping her out of her funk, Aaron saddled up to her and bumped her hip with his. He was shoulder height now, seemingly growing an inch after each time she’d see him. A short boy compared to Nick, but somehow she thought that may not last. “You spendin’ the night, Ci?”

“Yep. I don’t have a home down here anymore.”

“You’ve always got ours.”

She smiled and ruffled his long hair. “I know, buddy. You gonna camp out in the guest room with me tonight?”

“You want me to?”

“Sure! Get your sleeping bag. You get the floor.”

“Cool! Mom!” Aaron took off down the hall in search of his mother, a sleeping bag and a pillow. An overnighter with Ci was going to be fun.

“You sure you wanna do that? He’s gonna keep you up all night talkin’.”

“Well, yeah…” Ciara started picking up the trash left over from the riotous party. Okay, not so riotous, but damn, those boys knew how to make a mess. “Maybe if he keeps me up all night, morning won’t come.”

Before he could say anything, she slid by him on her way to the kitchen, hands full of dirty plates and cups. “Morning’s gonna come, Ci. And you’re gonna be gone.” He ran a hand through his hair and sulked down the hallway, hoping to slide off to sleep before he could think one more moment about what this whole thing would mean. Home wasn’t home without Ci. Now, now even HE felt homeless.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~~

At some point in the early hours of the morning, Aaron’s vocal stamina lost to his body and he fell asleep mid-sentence. Fortunately, the alcohol in Ciara’s system from the party took over and she was able to slide into a somewhat peaceful sleep, especially considering she wasn’t in her own bed. Of course, her own bed wasn’t her own anymore. She shared it with a blanket-hogging oaf now. It’d only been a week; she figured it had to get better.

Stretching out the kinks from her deep slumber, she crawled out of bed and promptly tripped on a large lump on the floor. “Oh yeah. Aaron. He does shut up, huh?” She giggled at the memory of the insane conversations they’d had last night. One topic would run into the other, plowing firmly into something that had nothing to do with what they were just speaking of. She hadn’t laughed like that in weeks.

Ruffling her hair, she made her way down the long hallway to the kitchen, being lured by the smells of coffee, bacon and eggs. Yum. She slid into the bathroom for her shot and groaned at the reflection in the mirror. These short curls did NOT like morning. Looked like a mottled poodle.

Giving up on the beautiful look, she finally met up with the great smells Mrs. Carter was creating. Nick was already there, scarfing down a plateful of food like it was his last supper. She plopped down on a bar stool next to him, kissing his bare back before her landing. “’Mornin’ sunshine.”

He shoved a huge forkful of food in his mouth and simply nodded. If he’d have had a voice before that second, she just stole it. Damn. Just keep chewin’, Carter. Do not speak. You’ll squeak.

“’Mornin’, Ciara…sleep okay?” Jane served up a plate of food to her guest, looking sickeningly chipper for such an ungodly hour.

“Yeah, once Motor Mouth fell asleep. Does he have an “off” switch y’all forgot to tell me about?”

“We haven’t found it yet. If you do, you’ll tell us?”

“Scouts honor.” Ciara did not want today to be today. She couldn’t imagine how long the drive to Orlando was going to be. Would it be silent? Tear-filled? Talkative? Nothing sounded good. “So you ready for our ride out today?”

“Mmmm?” Gulp. “Mom…OJ.” He coughed and choked, attempting to look like he was parched when in reality he just didn’t want to have to talk yet. Ciara’s bare lips were still burning a hole on his back and damn if she didn’t look incredibly adorable in another one of his shirts and those stupid mouse slippers. How the hell was she getting those anyway?

“Manners, Nick.”

“Please.” Cough. Sputter. Finally, he was rewarded with a huge glass of juice and he gulped it down almost in one fell swoop. “Thanks. And yes,” finally turning to Ciara. “I’m ready. Want to get this stupid song we’re working on done.”

“Stupid? You just tired of it or is it stupid?”

“It’s stupid. I’m…will you have time to hang around for a bit to hear what we’ve got so far?”

“Depends on how quick we can leave.”

“Give me five.”

“Oh! Uh, give me 30. I need a shower.”

“Okay, 30. Meet you at the car.” He hopped up and decided to chance it. What the hell. Her lip burn was permanently etched on his back now. He might as well return the favor. As he slid between the stools at the bar, he leaned down and kissed her cheek. Nothing big. Nothing major, but it pulled her away from her plate and caused her to watch him leave.

What the hell was that all about?

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“I’ll be in in a minute. Need something to drink.” Ciara dropped Nick off at the back entrance to Parc Studios, while she pulled around front hoping to find a pop machine or something. Besides, she just felt weird sliding in the back way; it wasn’t made for her.

She took her time meandering the halls, looking at pictures of previous artists who had recorded there and finally made her way into Studio A. “Stupid,” as Nick had said earlier, didn’t even begin to define what she heard once inside.

If you like it innovative
Better get someone creative, honey
Yes
And if you wanted it to be jammin'
Gotta get somebody slammin' baby

“What the hell is THIS!?” Ciara slid into a chair beside Kevin and watched, mouth hanging open at Nick as he laid down his vocals inside the booth.

Kevin’s eyes grew big and visibly shooshed her with a finger to his lips and eyes averting to a large, bearded man sitting at the sound board.

“…this, this…paper I found in my car…” Saving herself from further embarrassment, she slid a scrap piece of paper over to Kevin to help cover her faux pas. Without a word, her eyes questioned as to who the man was.

“Oh, that,” Kevin played along and looked at the scrap of paper, “…come on outside. I’ll explain.” Kevin took her by the arm and led her back into the hall.

By the time the large studio door closed, Ciara was a fit of giggles, nervous she’d just made an ass of herself and in hysterics of the lyrics Nick was singing.

“Nick? A bad boy? Innovate? Creative? What the hell does a 17 year old know about sexual innovation???”

“No shit, huh? Sorry ‘bout that. That dude’s the composer.”

“Oh God.” Ciara covered her mouth with her hand, eyes huge in surprise. “I’m sorry, Kev. Jeez.” She controlled her laughter and pulled it together. “Thanks for saving me there, but uh…that song’s crap.”

“Don’t we know it. And he’s a great producer and songwriter. I don’t know what’s up with this.”

“Who is he?”

“Mutt Lange.”

“The rock and roll dude? Def Leppard? You’ve got to be-…wow.” She leaned back against the wall amazed that she’d brushed up with someone ‘famous.’ Back to Nicky’s little warblings, though she had to ask. “So why are you doing it…and why is the baby singing about things he knows little about?”

“Politics are more crap than the song right now. They’re trying to convince us to make it our first single in the states.”

“You’ll be laughed clear to Antarctica.”

“Don’t I know it. We’re workin’ on talkin’ them out of it.”

“Gads…uh…now I’m curious. Can I go back in?” Somehow watching Nick sing about sex was damned entertaining…and not in the sexy way either. Comical. Unbelievably comical.

Kevin smiled, happy to be having a civil conversation with Ciara. It had always been tense, to say the least. This was nice. She was nice. Hopefully she’d see he wasn’t the ogre she seemed to think he was. “Yeah, sure…let’s go watch him work it.”

“Work it” was questionable. Struggle to be serious was more accurate, and looking up to see Ciara watching him did not help one bit. He flushed, stuttered, forgot words. Poor kid was a mess.

“Okay, Nick. Take a break, bud. Your brain has obviously left the building.” Mutt clicked off the two way mic and turned to his audience. “What’d you do to him? He was fine ‘til you walked in.”

Now Ciara was blushing. Mutt-frickin’-Lange was taunting her. Dear God. “Sorry. I’m leaving shortly anyway.”

Mutt chuckled and waved her off. “You’re fine. He’s not focused now anyway. We’ll get it later. Where’s Brian?”

“Out in the lobby. Want me to get him?”

“I can, Kev. Seriously…hey…” She leaned up a cheek as Nick approached allowing him to softly kiss it again. The one from this morning left her curious but happy for the comfort he felt giving it. “Seriously, I’m headed out here. I can send him in on my way.”

“Heading back to Tennessee?”

“Yeah,” she looked down, trying to still avoid the unavoidable. “To Tennessee.”

“Be safe, Ci…” Kevin peeked down, trying to get her attention and when he succeeded offered her a warm, comforting smile.

Returning the gesture, she finally looked up and firmed her back in resolve. “Yes, I’ll be safe. Thanks, Kev. Walk me out, Nick?”

“Yeah…” He hadn’t looked up since he kissed her cheek hello. He hated this. Wanted it to go away. Wanted to keep her here. But it wasn’t going to happen.

They silently walked hand in hand to the lobby, occasionally bumping shoulder to arm, looking at each other with shy smiles. Brian had just come from around the corner, figuring he may be needed and bumped clean into them.

“Oh! Goodness! I’m sorry!”

“No prob, you’re wanted inside anyway.”

“Yeah, I thought it might be time. You, uh…you headed up, Ci?”

“Yeah…time to go.” She leaned her head on his shoulder without so much as a thought. His arms wrapped around her, as she continued to hold Nick’s hand, arms at her sides. No. She was not going to cry. Not in front of Brian and especially not in front of Nick.

“Don’t forget what I told you, Ci,” Brian whispered in her ear. She perked up and pulled back looking at him questioningly. “Anytime, I’m here for you. In fact, here…” He let go of her and pulled out a card from his pocket. “Email, cell, all of it. And, uh, we planned ahead…AJ and Howie’s are on the back for you. Anytime, you got it?”

She took the card and laid her head back on his shoulder, still not hanging on to him. She felt too weak, too helpless to even reach up right now. She may never let go. “Got it. Anytime.”

Rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head, “Okay, I’m gonna go be a bad boy.”

Ciara giggled against his shoulder. “That song sucks.”

“Yes, it do. Drive safe, kiddo. I’ll talk to you soon.” And he was off. And here stood Nick. Damn.

“Come on…out to my car.”

Again no words were exchanged as they walked, although this time his arm draped her shoulder and she let her head rest in the crook of his arm. She fit perfectly there. Once at her car, she took hold of his hands and finally met his gaze. “Nick…this is NOT the end of things here. I’m going to see you again.”

“Yeah, but when, Ci? When I’m home I’m not gonna have time to run up there, and I doubt hubby will be thrilled with you comin’ down here.” The way he said ‘hubby’ was like it was a pile of dog shit. Hubby. Maybe it was.

“I don’t know when, Nick. But I’ll be damned if Bill keeps me from you, OR your family. It’ll work. It’ll have to.”

There was nothing left to say. No promises could be made, not with any sincerity anyway. They just had to trust that the past 5 years of friendship would outlast anything.

“Oh, here…I have numbers and stuff for you too. More than you’ve had before. There’s an ICQ number too.” He reached around to his back pocket, which was hanging about thigh high from the huge jeans he was wearing. “Here. It’s uh…I kinda sat on it.”

“That’s okay…thanks.” Looking at the list, “What’s ICQ?”

“Oh, it’s cool. Gamers use it all the time. It’s an instant messaging thing. It’s just like you’re talking…as soon as you send, the other person gets your message.”

“Oh, wow…okay, do I have to download something?”

“Yeah, um…you got a pen?”

“Yeah, and I have my new numbers in here too.” She opened the door and leaned across the driver’s seat digging in her purse for the paper and a pen. His hand never left her back. He couldn’t let go. “Here it is. Phone, address, email, work number and Bill’s parents phone and address. I think that covers it.”

“God, Ci. I’m not gonna chase you at work!” He jotted a url on her paper and handed it back. “That’s where to download that program. It’s real easy. Just email me your number before you message me. That way I’ll know it’s you.”

“K…I’ll do that.” She crinkled the paper up in his hands and finally met his eyes. Dammit, they were moist with tears. One blink and…yep…there one went.

She reached up and wiped it away with her thumb, never letting go of his hands. He turned and kissed her palm, finally bending down to swallow her up in a hug. No words, just breathing and holding and not wanting to let go. Eventually, slowly, they pulled away from one another and tried to find a word other than “goodbye.”

“Drive safe.”

“I will. Amaze your fans.”

“I will.” He wanted to kiss her so badly but thought better of it. It didn’t seem like the right time. Thing was, he wasn’t sure he’d ever GET a right time. “Ci, I want you to know…I mean…I…”

“Don’t Nick, please. Just…just don’t.”

“Okay, yeah. OH! God! Can you wait right here. I forgot to grab something on my way out.”

“Oh Nick…I don’t wanna go through this again. Can’t you mail it to me?”

Pout. God, he was good at that. “Just…” He started hopping back, trying to talk and run off at the same time. “Just wait right here…I promise. ONE minute.” And he was off. Dammit. She did NOT want another good bye hug, look, touch, thought. She just wanted to be gone. She opened her car door again and plopped down in the driver’s seat, feet resting on the edge and chin propped in her hand.

He was good. One minute and no more, she heard him jogging over to her. “Sorry. Here. I wanted you to have these for your drive. And…yeah, and to have ‘em.” He squatted down to her level so he could see her reaction.

“What are they?” She took the stack of three CD cases, and flipped them over to possibly find a label.

“That one’s our first CD. I never gave you a copy. Can’t get ‘em here in the US yet.”

“You look so young in it already. God, Nick.”

“Yeah, I know. It has some extra tracks you can’t get lots of places too.” He took the stack back from her shuffling to the second one. “This has our demos and stuff for what we’re doing for this album. Nothing final, real uncut, but…I wanted you to hear it first, and uh this one…well, I had Mook make an 80’s mix for your drive. You know, Journey, Def, that kind of stuff. Stuff we like on the boat. So, uh…so you don’t forget me.”

There went her tear, sliding down her face. Never looking up, but brushing her hand on his as she took the stack from him, she could only whisper, “I’ll never forget you, Nick.” His eyes were firmly transfixed on the stack of CD’s. “Look at me.” His blue eyes slowly met her green, both deep with color and concern. “This isn’t forever, honey.”

“I know…it just feels like it.” He couldn’t take it anymore, so he quickly leaned in and kissed her cheek, “Now go on…” holding the door while she tucked her legs in the car. He shut the door softly and turned back to the studio, letting her pull out of the parking spot.

With one final wave and weak smile, he watched as her tail lights disappear past the gated entrance. “I love you, Ci.”

“I love you, Nick.”

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

The flood of tears that washed from her eyes could have never been expected. At one point, she had to pull over on I-4 out of fear she would run clean into the car in front of her. By the time she was off the Toll Road and on I-75, she had calmed down enough to drive pretty well. A few stops for bathroom and food breaks and before she knew it, eight hours had passed, and she was pulling into her apartment complex in Knoxville. So dull. So boring.

Trying to make the best of it, she ignored the pain in her hips and took the stairs two at a time, almost anxious to see Bill. Almost.

“Hey honey! I’m ho-…” No, not home. “I’m back!”

Not even looking up from the TV, Bill welcomed her “home”. “It’s about damned time. What’s for dinner?”

***

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