Chapter 35
“What
are you doing?” Bill batted at Ciara’s fingers that
were tracing his face as he slept. Thinking…she was just thinking.
“Just
watching you sleep…sorry.”
“Well,
you woke me up. Must you touch me all the time?”
“No,
Bill. Excuse the hell out of me. Little old wife wants to actually TOUCH her
husband. Whatever was I thinking?” Ciara whipped the
blankets off of her, yanking them off Bill in the process and stormed into the
bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
He
angrily sat up and found the edge of the covers, pulling them up to his neck as
he fell back into bed. “Good morning, Bill.” Maybe he could get back into the
sleep he had been peacefully enjoying before she annoyed him awake.
Sadly,
this scenario wasn’t new. The difference between living with Bill and being married
to him only rested in the way Ciara signed her name.
He was a prick before and had been the catalyst to many long distance phone
calls to Deanna crying in her ear.
“Don’t
go through with it.”
“Your
parents will get over the disappointment.”
“You
deserve better.”
The
words were the same every time. Ciara never heard
them. The wedding was small and meaningless with only a few friends and family
members there. That in itself was a disappointment to Mom and Dad. Big Catholic
wedding. Oh yeah, right. It was in a Catholic church and Bill “converted” to
appease them. Whoopee. Too bad conversion to Catholicism didn’t make you a
considerate and caring person.
And
now he was unemployed again. If it wasn’t some injury keeping him from work, it
was some “stupid boss” he decided he could no longer get along with. Ciara was financially footing the entire bill of their life
together. Rent, cars, insurance, utilities, food and of course…medical costs.
And Bill could wrack up his own mess of those.
“Messed
up” back, sprained wrists, pulled tendons. Nothing that could be confirmed or
denied via x-rays necessarily but all that could be aided with time off work,
TLC from wifey, and if he was lucky, some of her pain
medications. Fortunately, she only appeased him once with that. From that point
on, they had to come from a doc. Either way, he was never working.
To
make matters worse, the job at the hospital was awful. She didn’t get the pedes
position because she didn’t have the years under her belt. Instead, she was relegated
to general medical care. Fixing up minor surgery wounds, tending to mildly ill
patients, cleaning up more poop and vomit than any one person should ever have
to. Her boss was a lazy good-for-nothing and her pay was a major downgrade from
what she had been making in
…life
sucked.
As
she contemplated this beautiful life while letting the warm water do miracles
to her aching muscles, she tried, tried, tried to find good somewhere. Her
sister had just had her baby right before the wedding, so at least she got to
see her. She was an aunt and wore the title well. Even though distance kept her
from Deanna, their friendship was something she never thought she’d have with
another person. In her heart, Deanna was more of a sister than the one’s God
had “blessed” her with. She missed her like mad.
Then,
there was Nick. They hadn’t talked since their tearful good-bye’s in
And
that was supposed to be the good.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
|
N:
is it really you? C:
Yep! We actually did it! N:
never thought it’d happen C:
Me either…How are you? Where are you? N:
I’m home C:
Oh…home. N:
I’m sorry. How’s married life? C:
My sister had her baby! N:
?????? C:
You know, those chubby, squirmy things that come out of a woman’s body now
and again…a baby. N:
Got that, brat. Girl or boy? You’re ignoring my question. C:
Boy. Nick! I’m an aunt. You’re not happy. N:
I am too happy. You’re still ignoring my question. C:
I know I am. He’s beautiful, by the way…looks just like me. N:
Then he MUST be beautiful. C:
Thanks…How was your tour? N:
tour was good. Insane. Cold as hell. C:
How long will you be home? N:
A bit now. Gonna finish up the album, do some promo stuff in C:
That’s great! You think it’ll go better? N:
I hope so. There’s some new pop stuff out now that might help us crack into
it. Not so grungy like it was before. C:
True. You can be the Spice Boys. N:
Uh…no…LOL C:
LOL? N:
Oh, that’s short for ‘laugh out loud’…kinda like a smile or somethin’ C:
Jeez, I’ll need to learn a new language. N:
So, uh, I was wonderin’… C:
Uh-oh N:
Stop. Is there any way you could make it down while I’m home? You can stay
with us, or your mom or something. C:
One) NEVER staying with my mother again. N:
Sorry… C:
Two) I can’t get any time off work until August, and then we’re talking a few
days at best N:
August? That’s when we’re takin’ off again…’til November C:
I’m sorry…can you come up here? N:
I already asked. Mom won’t let me. C:
You’ve got to be kidding. You can go to N:
yeah, right, huh? She wants me home when I’m home. And…I didn’t tell you this
yet. Aaron…get this…. C:
Is he okay? N:
He’s GREAT! The little shit…in Germany…we let him sing a few songs b/c he’s
so hyper and stuff during rehearsals…thought it might shut him up for awhile…
C:
Yeah? N:
Some record company over there saw him. Signed him. He’s got a friggin’
contract and he’s only NINE! C:
WHAT!? You’ve got to be kidding me. N:
Nope. BUT, ever since, it’s like Mom’s lost her marbles. C:
Niiiiiick….that’s your mother…. N:
Really? I mean it, Ci. It’s like she found this
control switch or something and her finger is always on it. C:
Oooh…that’s not good. N:
Yeah, I know. So, anyway, I can’t come up there I’m sure. C:
I’m sorry, Nick. I really am. N:
It’s okay. We’re on the same time zone now. We’ll just meet up here. Maybe
something will work out before we head out again. C:
Damn. N:
What? C:
I wanna see you. I miss you. |
For
the first time since their conversation started, it temporarily ceased. No more
messages were received from Nick for what seemed like an eternity. No more
messages were sent because he couldn’t find the right words. When he was
touring, he’d miss her but it was so crazy busy that he’d be fine. But at home?
Insanity. She’d always been there on breaks. Always. And now? Now he just had
this stinkin’ computer screen. Finally, he took a
breath and typed the only logical thing.
|
N:
I miss you, too Ci. C:
So….you got a girlfriend yet? N:
So….you gonna tell me how married life is? C:
Okay, fine. I’ll get it out of you eventually. N:
Ditto. C:
I just heard assho-, uh…Bill slamming in the house.
I’d better go. N:
Okay. Ciara…you deserve better. C:
Thanks, Nick. We’ll talk soon. |
She
quickly closed out the box and shut down the messenger service, not wanting to
hear another word of wisdom from a 17 year old boy. Especially that one. What
did he know anyway?
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Lindsey!
How are you doing?” Distance could actually made the heart grow fonder.
A phone call from Lindsey. Would miracles ever cease?
“I’m
good, Ci. Just missed you and, uh talked to your
sister. Cute baby.”
“Of
course, she’s my twin.”
“Yeah,
I can see the resemblance there. So, how’s married life?”
Why
didn’t people just go ahead and try it themselves if they were so damned
curious about it? “Eh, it’s life. How’s work…and Kevin.”
“Work’s
normal. Kevin’s…well…he’s…I dunno.”
“No?
Aren’t they home now?” Who said she wasn’t good at playing dumb?
“Oh,
uh…yeah, they are. I’m sure I’ll be headed out to
“Hopefully.
Tell the guys I miss ‘em.”
“Yeah,
will do. Hey, I wanted to tell you, there are a few really good sites online
for the guys and all of their stuff overseas and in
“Oh
yeah? Can you tell me where?”
Lindsey
spouted off a few internet addresses, telling Ciara
what to expect there and which ones were her favorites. She even told her of a
few message boards and things to get her into the Backstreet Community online. Ciara wasn’t quite sure why she’d want to do that, but took
down the information for safe keeping. Maybe she’d find out about Nick’s
girlfriend. Chuckling at the thought, she stuck the paper by her computer,
vowing to check into it soon.
The
girls ended their chat shortly, keeping it cursory, but still…Ciara was happy to hear from Lindsey. Nothing was ever
repaired from years before, but she still wanted Lindsey in her life. It was
nice to know she was missed in
…life
sucked.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~~
In
the few months since Lindsey gave her the links to Backstreet sites, Ciara had become a virtual internet junkie. For not having
much exposure in the states, they sure had a worldwide impact, especially
online. She was thrilled to find pictures of concerts, news reports, reviews
and even fan encounters. One board in particular was her favorite, but
lately…it had become very odd.
One
of the gals there claimed to know the boys and especially Kevin. That had been
all well and good, especially since no one believed her. Ciara
just sat back and watched the threads, never wanting anyone to know she had
connections. And connections with Nick would only be met up with disaster. He
was truly The Favored One. His fans were rabid.
As
time went on, ‘iluvkev’ as she was known on the
board, became almost obsessive with her inside knowledge. Then, she got
downright mean. She told of his escapades with groupies, the way he drank his
way through every day. Claims of drug use and abuse to her sprinkled almost
every single post, even if the subject had nothing to do with him. It was
getting downright frightening.
Finally,
Ciara couldn’t take it anymore and asked Lindsey
about it through an ICQ conversation. Thank God Nick had introduced her to
that. She kept up with Deanna this way as well…even got her mom on it once.
That was entertaining. Lindsey didn’t seem to know anything about this person
on boards. Her only concern was getting seats for the
“Well,
Kevin told me that his family was comin’ so all of his freebies are taken.”
“Oh,
I’m sorry, Linds…”
“Well,
I was thinkin’…maybe you could talk to Nick? Do you think he’d have extras?”
“Why
don’t YOU talk to him, Linds? I’m not comfortable asking for seats when I’m not
going to be there.”
“Oh
come ON! You can ask him. You’re practically his girlfriend anyway.”
“Uh,
Linds…I’m married. He’s 17. You’re delusional.”
“Whatever.
Ask him, please?”
“Alright,
alright. I’ll see what I can do. I’ll have him call you with the details.”
“NO!
Just…just tell him I can pick ‘em up at will call that night.”
“Fine.
Anything else I can do for you?” Now Ciara was
pissed. She felt used. Seemed to be a trend. Money, connections, something.
Damn.
“Nope…thanks
so much, Ci. I’ll pay you back somehow!”
“Yeah,
okay….”
Ciara hung up the call wondering how in the
hell she’d managed to get into that mess. Now she was suddenly a ticket broker.
She peeked in her bedroom and happily finding Old Shithead
asleep, she went to the guest room and got online. Flipping on her radio while
the computer booted, she let out a squeal, quickly smacking her hand over her
mouth. This had happened only a few times lately, but with more and more
frequency. She always jumped. Always lost a breath or two. Always smiled from
the inside out.
|
C:
Oh GOOD! I knew that had to be an omen. N:
Hey! Wassup? C:
You’re on the radio, Nick. I still can’t believe it. N:
No kidding? Cool. I’ve heard it a few times. C:
What’s it feel like, hearing yourself on your own radio station? N:
No words…no words…what part is it now? C:
Your solo….”everything I do is for you, so what is it that you can’t see” N:
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time…impossible as it may seem C:
But I wish I could, so bad…baby N:
QUIT PLAYIN’ GAMES WITH MY HEART! C:
LOL!!!!! N:
I wish I was hearing it with you. C:
This is close… N:
I suppose C:
So, uh, I have a question for you. A favor maybe? I hate asking this. N:
You can ask me anything, Ci… C:
Well, uh, I was talking to Lindsey and she is coming to Chicago I guess?
Yeah, and Kevin said his family is taking up all his free tickets, so she was
wondering if you would have any extras |
Nick’s
heart caught in his throat. Ciara obviously had no
idea. How should he do this? Carefully might be the best.
|
N:
Oh yeah? When did she say she saw Kevin last to ask him? C:
Um…I guess since you’ve been home. Why? N:
Well, um…how do I say this? C:
Blunt works for me, Nick N:
Okay. Kevin hasn’t seen Lindsey in over a year. C:
WHAT!? N:
Yeah, and uh…he has a restraining order against her. C:
WHAT!? N:
Yes…um…let me call you. Too much typing. I suck. C:
LOL…you do not. Let me call you. The old bear is sleeping. Cell? N:
Yeah, cell. Talk to you in a few. |
Ciara turned off the computer, found her
cordless handset and went back into the guestroom, shutting the door as to not
wake Bill. Such a damned grouch when he was woken. Or was that all the time?
“LISTEN!”
Ciara held the phone out to her radio so Nick could
hear.
“That
was The Backstreet Boys with ‘Quit Playin’ Games with My Heart’ currently
number 4 on our 8 at 8. They’re movin’ up!”
“Did
you hear that, Nick???”
All
she could hear was the musical sound of his laughter. “Yeah, Ci. I heard it.”
“Doesn’t
that just excite the HELL out of you?”
“Yeah,
it really does. I just…I’m more quiet about it, I guess.”
“Well,
let loose, honey. You said you were gonna be a star and Nick….God. I’m so proud
of you.”
“Thanks.”
It wasn’t that he wasn’t excited. He just had his mind focused on this Lindsey
situation. He’d errantly assumed that since Ciara
hadn’t mentioned her much, they were no longer friends. Knowing that wasn’t the
case, he knew what he had to tell Ciara was going to
break her heart. Infuriate her. God knew what else. Radio play just wasn’t all
that important right now.
“Okay,
ya’ old pooh…what crawled up your ass and died?”
“Lindsey
did, Ci. She’s made Kevin’s life…all of our lives a
living hell lately.”
“Jesus….”
Ciara sank down onto the bed, leaning up against the
stack of pillows. What the hell? “What happened, Nick?”
He
launched into the tale of a woman scorned. Kevin had been stringing her along
pretty much since they’d met so many years ago. He’d fly into and out of town,
seeing her once, not the next time, giving and getting mind blowing sex each
time, but never letting it go much further. She just kept coming back for more
and more and more. Finally, somewhere along the way, Kevin got a conscience. He
made a break and said that he wouldn’t be seeing her anymore. He still had
women and plenty of them, but he could tell Lindsey truly thought there was
something there. He couldn’t bear it anymore.
The
problem was, Lindsey wouldn’t hear of it. She’d phoned and phoned until he had
to change his number numerous times. All of them did. Ciara
knew Nick’s had changed, but really didn’t ask about it. He never offered a
reason. Lindsey would call hotels all over the world using tour managers names
to find where they were staying and send awful gifts. Nick wouldn’t even tell
her what they were.
“Did
you see Fatal Attraction, Ci?”
“Yeah…no…oh
dear GOD!”
“Yep.
Ci, she’s gone off the deep end.”
“No
kidding. You know this is weird…there’s some loony on the message boards and
it’s all about Kevin, too.”
“Her
screen name iluvkev?”
“Oh
no, Nick!…Holy shit…this is all my fault.” Somewhere in the midst of the online
mess, she’d wondered…but never imagined it could actually be Lindsey. But it
was. No way.
“How
in the hell is it your fault, Ci!?”
“I
introduced you guys to her. So, all of that shit on the boards is a lie?”
“She
and Kevin met at the hospital on their own, Ci. Even
if you did introduce us, she’s not your responsibility. Everyone knows that.”
“Yeah,
I guess.”
“So,
what all has she said on the boards?”
“You
guys have had enough grief with this. Just know no one’s buying it.”
“Yeah,
we have people watching them. I wish they’d just boot her off.”
“Well,
it’s to the point no one even reads her threads anymore.”
“Good.
She’s dangerous, Ci. Something in her just snapped.”
“I’m…oh
God. What should I do?”
“I’d
stay the hell away from her.”
“She’s
gonna call for these tickets.”
“It’s
real simple. Tell her you reported her inquiry to the police and they informed
you that she’s coming close to breaching her restraining order.”
“Well
aren’t you the little legal wizard here? My God, Nick.”
“We’ve
had to be. I’m sorry, Ci. I really am. She needs
help.”
“Yes,
she does. I’m going to call her mom. Does she even know?”
“Doubt
it. She’s an adult. Lives on her own. Why would Mom know? You DO know she lives
in
“Uh…..no…..she
never…I mean, she’s always called me, so…oh God.”
“Yep.
Found out where Kev and the guys lived. Staked out a cheapy
apartment nearby. She’s still there.”
“Jesus.”
“I
don’t think He’s there. Nowhere near.”
“Yeah,
no kidding. Okay…well, then. I guess…oh wow.”
The
friends talked a while longer, Nick trying to calm Ciara
down so she could settle enough to go to bed. She liked talking to him last
thing before bed. This may have to be a new trend if she could somehow figure
it out with Bill around. She surely didn’t want to talk to HIM last thing. They
said their ‘good nights’ and hung up both feeling filled from talking and
incredibly lonely at their distance. A Nicky hug would be really good about
now.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
She
was finally in
She
was nervous about going to his home, especially in light of all that had
happened with Lindsey. Fortunately, when she spoke to Lindsey’s mom, she was
able to find and enforce some counseling on her. She’d moved back to
“Oh
God…look at that.”
“It’s
a limo, Ci…they’re a blast to ride in.”
“Well,
I’m about to find out, huh? You guys be good. I’ll bring Nick back tonight or
tomorrow.”
Kissing
the twins on the head, she hopped in the car, amazed Nick had actually sent a
limo. A limo to drive her all the way to
“Good
evening, miss. May I help you out?”
Smiling
at the handsome man and taking his hand, she unfolded out of the car and kissed
his cheek.
“Kevin,
I think I owe you one big hug.”
***
