Chapter 41

“Whatcha doin’?” Ciara popped up from below deck on the small watercraft wondering where Nick had been. He was uncharacteristically quiet the whole evening, sequestering himself on the bridge. She missed him.

“Hey. Just wishing on a star.”

“Ah, I see. Whatdya wish for?”

“Now if I tell you that, my wish won’t come true.”

“You’re right. Well, I hate to break your reverie here, but shouldn’t we head back? Your mom might get worried.”

“Yep…was just thinkin’ that. Let’s go.”

He hated to go back, he really did. It meant tomorrow was just around the bend and he didn’t want it to be so. But it was. Tomorrow, Ciara had to head back. A few weeks after that was Christmas and then he’d start yet another tour, and this one was huge. Start out in Canada, but they’d end up in America for a lot of it and that excited him. Finally home. Finally accepted here. A dream come true.

He started the engine and turned the vessel around, heading back to the slip at the marina. It had a been a great visit with Ciara. This good-bye would be easier because he never broke a promise. They’d never go as long without seeing each other again. His birthday was coming and he was going to invite her to New York to celebrate with him. Maybe when he blew out the candles, he could double up on that wish upon a star he’d just made. He knew dreams came true. He was living it. But now he wondered if wishes really did come true too.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“Thanks for everything, Jane. We’ll keep in touch.” Ciara tossed the last of her bags in the back of Nick’s truck, slamming the door shut.

“You ready?”

“Yep. Take me home, James.”

“I wish. How ‘bout the airport?”

“Eh, that’ll do.” Ciara hiked herself up into the truck waving at Aaron peeking out from the living room window. “Nick…is he crying?”

“Hmm? Who?” He pulled his seatbelt across his chest and buckled in while looking up to the house.

“Aaron…is he crying?”

“Damn…looks like it. Did you say ‘goodbye’ to him?” Nick started the truck, but didn’t move. He had a hunch Ciara wasn’t as ready as she thought she was.

“No. He wouldn’t let me. Ran to his room and slammed the door closed.”

“Go back. He does this to me sometimes. He doesn’t want to say ‘goodbye’ but gets all worked up if you don’t.”

“We have time?” She was already unbuckling her seat belt and opening the door.

“Go on….he’s really upset.” He slung his arm up on the back of her seat and watched her run back in. Well, almost in. Aaron ran out of the door and met her jumping into her arms. Nick heard no words, but watched as she took Aaron’s tears, wiped them away, spoke gently to him and headed back to the car while Aaron waved vigorously by the door.

“Wow…that was weird.” She groaned at the pain that shot through her hip as she hiked back into the truck and buckled in. “Thanks.”

“’S okay. What’d you say to him? He never smiles when I go back.”

“He loves me more than you.”

Nick stuck his tongue out at her and finally backed out of the driveway. Sometimes she just had magic about her, he was convinced.

“Nick…is your family moving?”

“Huh? Where did that come from?”

“I have no idea. I just…this felt like…” She sighed realizing she had nothing tangible to site as an example. “He was so upset.”

“I don’t know about them moving. Maybe he’s just old enough to realize how long you guys go between seeing each other. Especially since you’re not here anymore, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s probably it. He kept saying he’s afraid he’s not gonna see me anymore.”

“What!? You’re kidding.”

“No…it’s buggin’ me.”

Nick said nothing else. He knew nothing about a move. Why would Aaron say such a thing? Made no sense, but Aaron was known for being a bit melodramatic. That was probably it.

Before long, they had arrived at the airport and Ciara was checked in and waiting to be called to the gate. Nick was fidgety and kept checking his watch, making Ciara nervous for something she was typically very calm about. Flying.

“You got a hot date or something?”

“Huh? Oh…no. I just…I just don’t want you to go is all.”

“It won’t be so long this time, Nick.”

“Yeah, um, I was thinkin’…we’re gonna be in New York for my birthday. It’s my 18th you know and uh…”

“Don’t remind me!”

“I want you to come, Ci. Can you?” He turned to her and looked her in the eyes, pleading with his gaze and his body. How could she resist?

”I’ve gotta see if I can get off work. Let me check the days of the week and all, okay?”

“Yeah…yeah…I’ll email you when we’ll be there. That’s just 2 months away.”

“Yes, it is.” Two months from eighteen. Unbelievable.

“Ladies and gentlemen we will begin boarding flight #457 for Knoxville by seating our First Class and Gold Club members. First Class and Gold Club members may now enter the gate.”

“I guess that’s you.” Nick stood and offered her his hand to help her up. Before she was even totally upright, he’d wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. He loved her hair. The smell, the way the curls tickled his nose and chin. “I’ll email you that stuff, okay?”

“Yeah…” She pulled back and looked up at him. Sweet Nicky. “Be good, huh? And Nick?”

“Yeah? No sugar free candy.”

“No. None. Never again.”

She motioned for him to come closer and whispered in his ear. “And wear a condom…every time.”

“CIARA!” He was in full blush, now pushing her toward the gate. What a brat. Could have been a sentimental moment and she goes that route. “Get. Go. Call me when you get in!”

She blew him a kiss and disappeared into the walkway. Nope never again. No sugar free candy and no 10 month breaks in between visits. And yeah, yeah, yeah…he’d wear a condom…every time. Ugh.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“Thanks! Have a good day!” Ciara tossed a $20 to the cabby dragging her bags behind her on the way into her apartment building. Home. Bill. How she hadn’t missed it one little bit.

Not knowing what was going to greet her, she gingerly slid her key into the slot and opened the door with caution, peeking inside before actually entering. She felt her cat wrap herself around her legs and bent down to pick her up. “Heya, Sox. Where’s Daddy?”

“Hey! Welcome home!” Bill came in from the bedroom, looking downright fabulous. His color had returned from his surgery and he was actually wearing a smile. He scooped her up in his arms, kissing her face and neck, running his hands through her hair.

“Wow! What’s the party all about?” She could barely breathe. The last thing she’d expected was a joyful welcome home.

“I missed you. Is it a problem for a husband to miss his wife?”

“No…no, not at all. I just…you never seem to be happy when I’m around. Figured you were enjoying your week off.”

“Nope. I missed you. Come on…I cooked dinner.”

He cooked dinner? No way. She followed him into the house and sure enough there sat a complete meal. Lasagna, salad, bread, even a bottle of wine. He never drank.

“Bill…this is wonderful!”

“Thank you very much.”

“Let me change clothes real quick and take my shot.”

“Okay.” While she was gone, he served up their plates and quickly tossed the salad again. Within minutes she emerged feeling a bit more refreshed from the flight. “Take a seat.”

He pulled out her chair and popped the cork to the wine. “I’ll do the dishes too. You just relax tonight, okay?”

“Yeah…sure…” She watched wordlessly as he poured her drink and took a seat across the table from her. Not knowing what else to say, she went the health route. “So, uh…how are you feeling? You healing up okay?”

“Yeah, doing good. I have an interview tomorrow.”

“Good…great.” And that ended that. No more conversation, no more intimacy. Just dinner. She was, however, able to relax, enjoying a bubble bath and turn in early relishing the feel of her own bed. When he came to bed, she stirred, suddenly needy for him. Reaching out to rub his back as he settled into bed, she could feel his muscles tighten at her touch. Damn.

“Ciara…I’m kinda tired still.”

“Yeah, yeah…me too. I just wanted a kiss goodnight.”

He rolled on his back with a sigh letting her lean over him for a kiss. Could it have been more platonic? A platonic kiss from her husband. Well, at least he’d welcomed her home. At least he seemed happy to see her. At least he had an interview tomorrow without any coaxing from her. Things were looking up a little bit anyway.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“Welcome to the Michelangelo. May I help you with your bags?”

“Yes, please. In the trunk.” Ciara stepped out of the cab and looked up at the entrance to the hotel. Knoxville this wasn’t. NYC, baby. She’d never been. The cab ride from La Guardia was, um…entertaining. Fortunately, she was so wide-eyed looking up at the buildings and lights that she really didn’t realize how many risks the driver was taking. The Empire State Building. World Trade Center towers. Once on the island, Radio City Music Hall, brownstone townhouses…she couldn’t believe she was actually here.

“Yes ma’am.” The concierge scurried to the back of the car after helping her under the canopy of the hotel’s entrance, getting her out of the snow and cold. This part of New York she could do without!

“Right this way to the elevators, ma’am.”

“Oh, but I don’t have my room yet.”

“It’s ready for you. Come with me, please.”

Oh. Okay. Someone was taking care of her? That was a shock. The fight to get here was intense. Bill was NOT happy she was flying out again to see Nick. He didn’t get it. Frankly, Ciara didn’t completely get it either. It was like a need inside of her to be with him. Seemed unhealthy, especially for her marriage. But, she didn’t care. Bill couldn’t bother to keep the love and attention flowing for more than a day at a time. He’d been lying and unemployed at least once since she came home from Tampa. She didn’t need it. Vacation, she needed. The unconditional love from her friend, she needed. So, here she was in the elevator of a ritzy hotel to spend a few days with Nick and celebrate his 18th birthday.

“Okay, ma’am…this is you.”

“Great, thank you.” She stepped out of the elevator realizing she had no idea where she was headed. She didn’t even have a room key. This was weird.

“Right this way.” She followed him down the halls, still gaping at the luxury of the place. Beautiful pictures, winding hallways, intricately detailed carpeting and raised paneled wainscoting decorated their path.

The concierge finally stopped in front of a room at the end of the hallway and slid a keycard into the slot, allowing her to enter first. A suite. Damn that boy. She did NOT need this. A simple room at a Holiday Inn would have been fine. Although…looking around, tipping the concierge, and finding nothing but ways to pamper herself changed her attitude just a hair. Coming back out of the bathroom, laughing at the bidet, her eyes landed on a large flower arrangement that didn’t quite look like it belonged.

She went over to it, breathing in the scent of the lilies and roses and read the card.

There’s a door between your back wall and your bed. Knock three times and we’ll get this party started!

She smirked at the note, sticking it back into the arrangement and peeked around her bed to see…yep. A door that blended in with the wallpaper. Had it not been pointed out, she probably would have never seen it. She took a deep breath and walked around to it, poising her hand above the white wood. Why was she afraid to knock? It was a door. With just a friend on the other side. But yet…her heart raced and her hand shook.

Just do it, Ci. Knock. One. Two. Three.

Before her hand had moved from the final tap, the door whipped open and the bluest eyes, the biggest smile, the most open of arms swallowed her up and made her glad she came. Now THAT was a way to welcome a girl!

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“You ready, Ci? We gotta go!” Nick tapped lightly on the connecting door and helped himself inside. Hearing a stirring in her room, she stepped out of the dressing room and screamed. Nick screamed. She was half naked. Jesus.

“NICK! Don’t you knock!?” Ducking back into the enclosed room, she yanked her blouse off of its hanger. Give me a fucking heart attack, kid.

“I’m…oh God. I’m so sorry. I did. We need to be leaving right now. I figured you’d be dressed.”

“Now? I thought you said 4:30!”

“4, Ci…we have to be the venue by 4:30. You really need to hurry. Kevin will shit a brick if I’m late.”

“Kevin can eat me. God dammit! I can’t get this thing.”

“Can, uh…can I help?” Jeez. Please say ‘no.’ Okay, please say ‘yes.’

“Well, uh…I mean, yeah, but…I still don’t have any pants on.”

“I’ll wait.” He looked at his watch again and got antsy. “No, I won’t…I’ve seen you in a bathing suit for God’s sake.” Dear God. He walked further into the room and slowly approached the dressing room. There she stood in front of a full length mirror, arms twisted around to her back trying to zip up a beautifully shimmering sky blue blouse. And matching satin panties.

Looking at his reflection apologetically, she whined, “My fingers are for shit today and I can’t get a hold of this thing.” She was nervous and agitated and…beautiful.

“Okay, calm down. I’ll get it.” His hands actually shook as he grabbed her fingers and slowly removed them from the argument with her garment. He fought every urge inside his body to not kiss her bare back as it stared at him from beneath the silky fabric. Gently tugging on the base of the zipper, he slid it up with ease until he reached the bottom of her hair.

“Lift your hair, Ci.”

“Oh, yeah…sorry.” She was shaking as well. Why was he being so gentle and damned slow? And he was whispering, goddammit. She thought he was in a hurry. Scooping her curls up in her hands and never removing her eyes from his reflection before her, she lifted her arms allowing him to bring the enclosure all the way up.

He couldn’t resist any longer. What the hell. With her neck still exposed , he bent down and pressed his lips on the cream colored flesh holding the kiss long enough to smell her cologne, taste her skin. He surely might pass out. She sucked in her breath upon his touch and…did he hear? My god, she moaned. Suddenly guilt-ridden and nervous, he quickly stepped away. “I’ll, uh… I’ll wait in the other room.”

And he was gone. She continued looking in the mirror at the spot he’d just occupied, letting her hair fall to her shoulders. She could still feel the warmth of his lips on her neck. Breaking out of the spell he had just cast on her, she quickly found her slacks and slid them on, checking her make-up one more time before meeting him back in the bedroom. What was she going to say? Why did he do that? Why was her heart racing again? God.

She finally emerged from the room and avoided his gaze as she sat on the bed and pulled on her boots. Until she encountered another zipper. Again, her fingers failed her. Winter sucked for her joints and the cold here in New York was already stiffening them, making them weak. She looked helplessly up to him and he smiled as he knelt in front of her, took a hold of each foot and zipped up her boots. Such a simple gesture, yet somehow incredibly…no. No. Not Nick. This can NOT be happening.

“I can’t believe I can’t dress myself today.”

“Don’t worry about it. You look fabulous.”

“Thanks.” He stood back up, helping her hop off the bed. She looped an arm through his and put on her best smile, because confused as she was, she felt completely…happy. “Okay, Mr. Backstreet Boy. I’m ready for my first REAL show.”

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

And what a show it was. She sat in the front row with Brian’s new sweetie, Leighanne and spent most of the night in awe. Their harmonies, AJ’s slithering sexuality, Nick’s flirtatious sexu-…gulp. Yep. Sexuality. Kevin’s smooth moves…choreographed only, please, Brian’s casual attitude and silky vocals and Howie’s…pure cheese. She loved it all. Nick had made it a point to eyeball her a few times with some interesting lyrics. Made her blush. She hated to blush. But he was good. It was good. They were good. She couldn’t wait until the 28th when she could see the show again.

They had a show in Albany first and she and Leighanne stayed in the city to shop, and do some serious sightseeing. Ciara had a decent enough time, although Leigh was a bit more prissy than Ciara could tolerate. All in all, it was nice talking to someone about the guys. With Lindsey out of her life, it was truly something she had kept to herself. And now, with all the confusion running through her head, that was not going to be easy. How was she going to talk to Deanna again and not dump this mess on her? Somehow, she’d have to. Never again would she put a friend in the line of Backstreet.

After a few drinks at the hotel bar, Leigh and Ciara clamored upstairs and headed to bed. She’d been warned that their arrival at a hotel was rarely quiet and they’d be getting back around 3 or 4 am. Ci wanted a few winks in her before she was woken…if she was at all.

And she was. Nicely though, not with knocking and bumping around as she feared. She had just slipped back into bed after a quick bathroom trip and heard the connecting door creak open. Snuggling into the feather bed a bit further, figuring it was just a lingering dream, she was shocked when the bed dipped down as someone sat on it.

“Ci…I’m home.”

Home. She had to smile. How a hotel could be ‘home’ she’d never know, but for Nick, this was home. She rolled on her back and took hold of his hand surprised at how cold it was. “Hey…how’d the show go? Ooh…you’re cold.” She rolled all the way over to him and cupped one hand in her two, rubbing them on either side to warm him up.

“Good. Felt good. I like it better when you’re there though.”

“Tomorrow. You goin’ to bed? Gimme the other hand.”

“Yeah, I just wanted you to know I was back.” He wasn’t leaving, moving, anything. Neither was she. The kiss from the other night was never mentioned again, nor was the path crossed again. But it was obviously on their minds. The tension in the room was palpable and somehow incredibly intoxicating.

She let go of his hands and propped up on one elbow and picked at lint on his jeans. “You look tired.”

“Slept on the bus a bit.”

“Mmm…” Even propped up, she couldn’t keep her eyes open, yet couldn’t take them off of him when they’d flutter to a half mast. And every time she looked, he was staring at her with this non-descript look on his face. Don’t leave.

“I should…I should go to bed…” Still no movement, but for a tentative brushing of a stray curl from her face. That and the rising and falling of their chests filled with anxious breath.

“Do, uh…do you want to um…” She plopped back on the bed, sinking into the pillows. Jesus, what am I doing? “Do you want to stay here tonight? I’m kinda used to having someone with me now.”

“Yeah, your husband, Ci…”

She closed her eyes and rolled over, turning her back to him. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. My husband.” Bastard.

More thinking. Labored breathing. Husband or no, Nick didn’t want to leave either. “Do you want me to stay,?” Say yes.

“I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t.” She rolled towards him and took hold of his hand again. “Nick, I don’t know what’s going on here, I really don’t. But…you don’t seem to want to leave and I’d just as soon not be alone. That’s all I meant. It’s up to you.”

He bit his bottom lip trying to figure out what to do. Of course he wanted to stay. Of course he shouldn’t. This was just Cici, right? That’s all…just an old friend…who was lonely. And he hated those big king sized beds too. So, yeah. Why the hell not? “Okay, let me change. I’ll be right back.”

As he disappeared into his room, she rolled back to her side wondering what the hell she’d just done. Even more so why she had just done it. Nothing could happen. Nothing at all. She didn’t even want that to happen. These feelings were all still so new to her. Something had changed between them, there was no question. She didn’t know when, she really didn’t know what and she wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. But, somehow it made her want him nearby.

By the time he’d returned, she was sitting up in bed hugging her knees to her chest and rocking side to side trying to work all of this out. He wasn’t sure how to read her right now, so he figured he’d make extra sure. “Hey…you sure you’re okay with this?”

She turned from her place of contemplation and smiled at him. Such a boy. Such a man just waiting to jump out of his skin. Sweats and an old t-shirt covered him well and she could do no more than reach out a hand for him, pulling him on the bed with her. “No. I’m not sure. But now that you’re here, I don’t want you to leave.”

They slid under the covers together and stayed completely on their far sides of the king-sized bed, back to back. With a slight movement of her foot, she brushed his calf and scooted just a tad closer to him, wanting to feel the warmth of his body without crossing that unspoken line. He reached back and rested his hand on her hip wondering if he’d relax enough to get any sleep at all, and really not caring. “’Night, Ci.”

“’Night, Nicky.”

***

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