Chapter 43

Nick looked at her and smiled at the choices for his birthday breakfast, rubbing his hair and scratching his tummy. Covered with sheet wrinkles and rumpled clothes, he stumbled up to her bed, and finally sat down. He was dogged tired. Sometime in the night, he’d snuck back to his room, feeling incredibly guilty and almost uncontrollably tempted. It would be best if he stayed in his own room. So, while she slept, he’d slid out of bed with her and went to his own room. Huge bed. Lonely bed. But at least he slept. Guilt free.

And she didn’t ask. She didn’t even act like he’d ever been there from the beginning. Respect for him or denial of what did happen? He didn’t know. Right now he didn’t care. He was starving and she was holding the room service menu waiting to call it in.

“Um, waffles. What’re you having?”

“Eggs, bacon, bacon and uh…bacon. Want that instead?”

“Whatever. Just no cereal. I’m not gonna have time to eat today ‘til show time I don’t think.”

“Deal.” She ordered their breakfast watching Nick scratch and stretch and sniffle. He was worse than her cat. Much prettier too. “Thanks so much.” She hung up the phone and hiked up onto the bed next to the sleepy boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. It was a mantra in her head trying to convince her and only her. It failed. Every time.

“So, Birthday Boy…what’s on your agenda today.”

“MTV. TRL. All of it.”

“Ah, promo time. Kinda fun.”

“Eh, yeah, it’ll be okay. I’d rather sleep.”

“You don’t wanna sleep your birthday away!”

“No, I’ll party tonight. Today I wanna sleep.” He threw himself back on her pillows and curled up under the blankets.

“You’re pathetic. You sleep. I’m gonna hop in the shower before the food gets here. Will you hear the door?”

“Yep. Don’t come out so damned perky.”

She disappeared into the bathroom, still not used to it’s size and luxury. Also not used to all the damned mirrors and glass shower doors. Way too much information on herself. Yuck. She turned away from her reflection and started the water, letting it run over her fingers as it warmed up. Opening the spray, she stepped into it, hoping the rush of the water would wash away all of the confusion inside her.

There was the general feeling of nervousness that preceded this trip and followed her here. He’d provided her this beautiful suite, connected to his room. He wouldn’t let her pay a penny for it. His treat. Too much. Then, that kiss. Okay, just a soft kiss on her neck. But she’d seen his face in the mirror, she saw the whole thing unfold. Platonic it was not. Minus a few check-list-quality sex sessions with Bill, no one had looked at her that way in a long time. And truthfully, even in the midst of “passion”…what a joke…he never did then either.

Then the show. Certain lyrics were sung directly to her. Every girl thought it, she knew it. Sexual lyrics. Relationship lyrics. “You keep on doing all the things I like…”, “Am I sexual?”, “I need you tonight…it don’t matter if it’s wrong or right,” “I don’t care what is written in your history, as long as you’re here with me,” “I don’t know what he does to make you cry, but I’ll be there to make you smile…” On and on it went and she loved it. And she shouldn’t have.

Finally, last night when he got back from Albany. She didn’t want him to leave. What was up with that? There was no way she wanted Nick sexually…but yet. But yet…something was drawing her to him and it was obvious something was drawing him to her. And she liked it. She was so lonely. Nick had always been a place of comfort and peace from the moment her eyes landed in his over 5 years ago. Was that the attraction now? He loved her in his own way, unconditionally. She didn’t need to be anyone other than Ciara for his feelings for her to shine. For her feelings for him to shine.

Problem now was, those feelings were getting very complicated and confusing. She peeked through the shower door to the mirror, surprised at seeing her hair in suds and her body covered in soap. When had she washed? This was all too much. Stepping completely under the spray, she quickly rinsed and hoped that the day apart would clarify their minds. They were separating tomorrow. Back to Bill, back to the stage. Whatever was happening had to end tomorrow. It had to.

She wrapped the hotel robe around her, picked out her hair and took her shot. A quick touch of gel on the ends of her curls and she stepped into the dressing room where he’d kissed her two days before. She still couldn’t walk past the mirror without slowing, without the spot on her neck heating up at the memory. Damn him. Damn him for taking what was an innocent, lovely friendship and complicating it.

Peeking into the bedroom, she wanted to be angry at him. That would be the best route, it truly would. Close off, shut down, be polite, wish him a happy birthday and go home. But, when she got there, she saw him still curled up in her bed, wrapped around her pillow. His long hair was splayed across his own pillow, and she noticed for the first time how long his eyelashes were. How beautiful his eyes could be even when closed. He breathed softly, slowly, obviously deep into sleep. His freckles of years before were gone now, replaced by slight acne dotting his jaw line, chin and forehead. Damn him…for growing up and never changing. Always changing.

“Room service!”

Finally. “Coming!” She slid off the bed and re-wrapped the robe around her before answering the door. Holding a finger to her lips, signaling a sleeping companion, she welcomed the bellboy in, tipped him well and closed the door behind him. Now, to wake Sleeping Beauty.

One more tightening of her robe to her naked body, she walked around to “Nick’s” side of the bed, brushing back stray hair that had fallen onto his face. So silky and soft. Just like his skin. She took a deep breath and bent down, pressing her lips to his cheek. Whispering in his ear, “Rise and shine. Breakfast is here.”

He moaned in his sleep, turning to the voice and haphazardly reaching up to it. “Mmmkay…” His hand brushed her lips and she grabbed it and kissed his fingers. Without thinking, without…without thinking. His eyes popped open and he jerked his hand away just as much against his will as leaving last night was. “Ciara…”

“Happy Birthday. Breakfast is here.”

He sat up, running a hand through his hair, chuckling at the disarray it had to be in. “I didn’t think I’d fall asleep again.”

“Yeah, it’s still early for you. You should have gone back to bed, hon.”

“Nah. I need to get moving. We’ve got to be there at noon.”

She set up their meal in the living room and they ate in virtual silence, Nick still too groggy to think straight. Ciara still too confused to think straight.

“Will I just meet you at the venue?”

“Probably, yeah…is that okay?” Is she naked under that thing? No way. She’s trying to kill me.

“Sure, I’ll take a van in with Leigh…not a problem.” He’s lookin’ inside the robe. Tighten it up, Missy.

“You guys getting along okay? She uh…doesn’t seem your type.” Damn.

“Well, I wouldn’t marry her, no.”

He tossed a strawberry stem at her, missing when she ducked to the left. “You’re cleaning that up, weinie. My room. Can’t trash it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He sighed looking down at his plate. Empty. Now what? “So, um…I need to go shower and stuff. You okay alone?”

“Nick…yes. I can entertain myself, really. Go, do your MTV thing and I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah. Right. Okay. I, um…” Sighing yet again, he got up and went over to pick up his escaped stem. Tossing it on her tray, he bent down and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll see you at the show then. Thanks for breakfast.”

“Thanks for the company.” Damn him. Damn him all to hell.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“Ready to go again?” Leighanne took her seat next to Ciara for the final show in New York. The luxury and first class treatment Ciara could handle. The shows she could handle. The non-stop schedule these boys maintained? No way. She had no idea how after the day they supposedly had at MTV, they’d be able to perform at 100% tonight.

“Yep. Wish this wasn’t my last one. They’re fun to watch.”

“Maybe when we get back into the states this summer you can come back, huh?”

“Maybe…I’ll just enjoy tonight for now.”

As if on cue, the lights went out and the screams began. Glow sticks swirled and the energy in the room rose to unstoppable levels. Their vocal countdown began and smoke filled the stage. Front row or not Ciara couldn’t help but get on her feet with everyone else. Her mind flashed back to the Sea World show and their sweetness, clumsiness, yet the strong, strong potential for bigger and better things. Now, they were a well-oiled machine. Still more potential. Nick was still clumsy sometimes. Howie’s vocals needed some work. Kevin should NOT free-style dance, but yet. They were here. They’d arrived.

The show was just like 2 nights ago. Probably like every night. With one addition. The entire crowd stopped to sing “Happy birthday” to Nick. He turned 15 shades of red. AJ asked him if his wish had come true yet, seeing as how he’d already had 3 birthday cakes.

“Nope.” His eyes landed on the auburn hair and shining green eyes in the front row. “Not yet.”

Ciara couldn’t help but smile back. She was his wish? Didn’t he know he always had her? No matter what, she was going to be there. Before losing eye contact, she blew him a kiss and mouthed, “Happy Birthday, Nicky.” A sixteenth shade of red rushed over his face and it was time to move on with the show.

In what felt like one more flash of pyro, the show was over and Ciara was being escorted backstage. After the guys showered, everyone was whisked off to the hotel for a change and to end up in a reserved conference room for Nick’s party.

Nick, learning from his mistake a few nights ago, knocked loudly at their connecting door, “Ci! You decent?”

“Yep…come on in!”

He still entered cautiously, not really wanting a repeat of Ciara in bra and panties. Well, he’d like that, but…no. Not seeing or hearing anything, he called out again. “Where are you, girl?”

“In here…come on back.”

He walked through the room, amazed it still looked like it did the moment she checked in. Picked up, clean, no clothes, food or games strewn anywhere. He typically trashed a room in the first hour and never saw one clean again until he hit a new hotel. He found her leaning over the bathroom vanity, applying eye liner. She never looked away from her “work” but offered a quiet “hello” when she heard his footsteps.

“Hey…almost ready?”

“Yep. Just gotta get beautimous again. I sweat off everything at the show.”

He leaned up against the door frame and watched her finish her make-up routine, never quite understanding the need for it. She wore little, which he liked. In fact, quite often, she wore none. But, he supposed for special occasions a little extra color wasn’t so bad. She looked fabulous either way to him.

“Okay, I think that’s all the damage I can do. You read-…oh my God, Nick…” She’d plopped her blusher brush on the sink and finally looked away from her reflection to her friend still leaning at the door frame, hands in pockets, one leg crossed over the other.

“What?”

“You…you look…” She shook her head and smiled…a shy sort of smile. “You look fantastic.” And he did. Black dress pants tailored just for him anchored the casual nature of the outfit. For color, he wore an olive green turtle neck sweater. Being Florida kids, she rarely saw him dress for warm weather and she realized what a pity it was. It, too fit him perfectly and the green hugging his neck set off the cool tones in his eyes. As an extra accent, he wore a black leather jacket…similar in style to a suit coat. Only leather. Stunning. Mature. But the best part? The most shocking? Glasses. Wire-rimmed glasses. Aged him at least 5 years. She’d never seen him wear glasses, obviously just an accessory and a very wise one at that. His hair was slicked back and he looked…she lost the ability to find any new adjectives. She couldn’t breathe.

“Thanks. Gotta love free clothes.”

“Well, you look like a million bucks. Come on, let’s bring this birthday in right.”

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

They say there “ain’t no party like a Backstreet party” and they’re not kidding. Laws were pushed aside as alcohol flowed freely, even for the two under-agers. And it was okay, really. None of them were new to it and fortunately none of them got ugly drunk either. But, it did lower their inhibitions a bit…if they ever had any of those to begin with.

A fourth cake was rolled out for Nick and he didn’t disappoint with his traditional finger-in-the-icing-before-anyone-got-a-picture trick. Instead of licking it off for his own pleasure, he wiped it on the tip of Ciara’s nose, laughing as their photographer took her picture. Reaching for a napkin, she was startled when he leaned in and quickly licked it off. “You got sumthin’ on your nose.”

“Your tongue.”

He simply winked at her, licking his fingers from the left-over frosting and finding the knife to cut the cake. “Can you have any?”

“Yeah, I can have a bite or two…thanks.” She wiped the rest of the icing off her nose and helped him pass out cake to everyone there. Tour managers, a few select roadies, traveling companions and of course, the other 4 guys stopped dancing and goofing long enough to eat. It was a wonderful evening.

She didn’t know if was exhaustion, alcohol or just a final attempt at figuring things out, but by night’s end, Ciara found herself sitting in a corner with Nick…on his lap. They were having one of their talks. Just friends. Crap stories about Bill told in such a way that they were funny. Tales of patients and parents in the lower income community where her hospital served. Comical descriptions of fan behavior or great pranks Nick had pulled on the guys while on the road. If he could have asked for one thing for his birthday, this would have been it. Well, that and…

As their conversation and the party died down, she laid her head on his shoulder. So comfortable. None of that tension they’d been feeling earlier. Either it was gone or they were getting used to it. Either way, both were happy for the reprieve. Tension with Nick and Cici should not be.

They sat saying nothing now, her picking at the fabric of his sweater and he simply holding onto her legs resting his head on hers and rocking lightly. They left this cocoon tomorrow. Seemed like they were always separating and leaving someplace. As much as he loved his life now, the road, the stage, the travel, he longed for a day when he could stay put. But he knew he had years ahead of him until that would happen. And really, it wasn’t all bad. Just the good-byes. Hated those.

“So, you only turn eighteen once. Did you get everything you wanted?”

“Um…almost yeah.”

“Almost?” She lifted her head from his shoulder taken back yet again with how stunning he looked. Those glasses were about to put her under the table. “Something you can’t get or just don’t have yet?”

He looked at her thoughtfully, trying to muster up the courage to ask for what he really wanted before this night ended. It wasn’t much, really…but he didn’t know if it was appropriate. But God he wanted it. And now looked like just as good a time as any to see if he could actually get it.

“I’m afraid it might be both.”

“Hmmm…that’s no fun. What’re you gonna do about it?” She knew. She knew what he wanted and the truth was, she wanted it too. Fuck Bill. She wasn’t going to sleep with the kid, but her curiosity blended with the way he was looking at her, mixed in with one too many rum and cokes, led her to the point of no return. Hell, it’d probably be like kissing her brother anyway. Truth was, he feared the same. Nevertheless, her eyes gave him the permission he’d been longing for.

“I’m gonna go for it anyway,” he whispered as his hand slid up from her legs, over her arm, shoulder and finally cupped her face, thumb brushing her cheek softly. His eyes never left hers, afraid if he looked away he’d wake up from this moment and he surely was not ready to do that. Finally, the corners of his lips curled in a slight smile and he inched in closer to her, feeling her shallow breath on his face. Intoxicating.

Before the final inch was sealed, she too brought a hand up to his face, wanting to let him know she was in this as much as he was. Together they made the last move, lips touching trembling lips. Soft. Moist. With a slight separation, they kissed again, her lips giving way just enough for his tongue to lightly enter her mouth. Her hand made its way into his silky hair, now fallen from it’s slicked back style from earlier in the evening. Their tongues prodded and caressed, rough on smooth, smooth on rough, pulling back to lightly stroke a bottom lip and then going back again for more of the same. This was NOTHING like kissing a sibling. This was more than either ever imagined it to be. Sensual. Loving. Passionate. Romantic. Spiritual.

And as that realization hit Ciara, she pulled back, looked at him sadly and ran out of the room. What the hell had she just done? What the hell had HE just done? He’d been toying with her loneliness all week, playing with her senses, teasing her at every weak point. Too bad every corner of her heart was weak right now. How dare he do that? How dare he risk their friendship by pushing it to that limit, by letting her think it was okay too?

“Hey, man…where’d Cici just go? I ‘bout plowed into her out there.”

“I have no idea, AJ. Is she okay?”

“She was crying. Ran right past me. What happened?”

Nick said nothing except to thank AJ for the information. He walked the path she had taken out of the room, hoping to find her. He couldn’t let it end like this. He didn’t mean…he just wanted…he had to find her. He had to have her back.

***

 

 

ß Back | Next à