Chapter 47

“Nick…you can let go, hon. We landed.”

“Yeah, I know.” He didn’t budge. Now that the plane had landed, he had to overcome another fear. Seeing Brian in the hospital. Sick. Very sick. Brian was his security. His firm foundation. To see him weak and in pain…Nick wasn’t sure he could take it. But he knew he had to do this. For Brian. For himself.

So, to soften the blow of it, he asked Ciara to join him. What a battle that had been. Ciara was more than willing. She liked to check on people in the hospital. Make sure they were getting proper care. Give them a bit of nursing love for free. But Mandy? Oh boy. The little girl was quite unhappy. Fortunately, she was still very much a minor. Daddy wouldn’t let her go and Jane was pleased Ciara was accompanying Nick. Shut the little wench up and fast.

“Baby, seriously…we need to get off first or people will see you.”

Nick finally turned to her from the stolid position he’d held since the plane began its final descent. “Thanks for comin’ with me, Ci.”

“Anytime…come on. Let’s do this.”

In Ciara’s mind, this trip was going a good thing. Get them back to young boy/big sis kind of relationship they’d had for so long. Hopefully his fear and concern for Brian would rule the journey and the sexual tension that had been intruding on their time together would take a back seat. Or go away altogether. Never mind the fact that Ciara now couldn’t get Nick out of her head…ever. Nick’s mind was a lost cause, but it was confused with Mandy’s presence. He really, really liked her. But Ciara? She had his heart.

The trip to the hotel was quiet. Ciara was beginning to think Nick was going to lose his lunch. Was this surgery even more serious than Nick had led on or was it just a genuine devotion to his friend? She didn’t know, but found it endearing. Except for that nail biting. He was going to come up with bloody stubs if he wasn’t careful.

“I’ll get our reservation. Why don’t you just wait over there…” pointing to a darkened hallway away from the crowd. You’d have thought the Backstreet Boys were touring with how crowded the hotel was. Wrong crowd, mind you…all businessmen, but it was packed.

Nick slunk down on a bench in the hall, burying his head in his hands, trying to avoid being seen, although from the looks of it, this crowd probably didn’t give two shits who this teenager was. Fine. He had enough on his mind. He did not want to do this. Between his complete panic over Brian and his confusion with Ciara he thought his head might explode. Or his heart. Either way, it could very well get messy.

“Well, this trip just got more interesting.” Ciara plopped down next to Nick and laid her head on his shoulder.

“How’s that? I’m not sure I can take much more excitement.”

“Well, my dear…” She lifted her head and looked at his dark, sad eyes, “we get to share a room.”

Oh shit. “How’d that happen?” Nick got up and grabbed their bags, hoping she was playing some sick joke on him. Wishing she wasn’t.

Walking to the elevators, she explained their plight. “Instead of reserving two rooms, they reserved one with two beds. Convention in town and that’s the only room they have. In the city.” She slammed her finger on the ‘up’ button to the elevator and smiled at her friend. “I feel like I’m stuck in some stupid fan fiction.”

“You mean we’re not!?” Fake shock. At least it made him smile.

“I’m beginning to wonder.”

Nerves settled again and stole his smile. And started the nail biting again.

“Do you just want to wait ‘til tomorrow to go see him? You’re a wreck.”

“Huh? No. I need to get this over with. I don’t know why I’m so scared.”

Pulling his hand away from his mouth, she smiled. So sweet. “Because you love him, Nick. And he’s had a very invasive surgery and he waited too damned long to have it. There’s always risk.”

“Yeah.” Nick looked up at the elevators impatiently. A huge downtown hotel…granted, it was downtown Lexington, but still…only 3 stinkin’ elevators. No service elevators. And could they be ANY slower? He had this incredible urge to wrap Ciara up in his arms to calm his nerves, but he thought better of it. She looked gorgeous. Face was flush with frustration at arguing with the desk clerk and…and…why was this so complicated? And where WAS that elevator?

“Finally!” The doors opened and about 500 people filed out of the elevator. “Why am I thinking this is the only one that’s working?”

“Cuz you’re telepathic. We did at least get club level, didn’t we?”

“Yep…” She slid the key in the slot and hit ’15.’ Nothing. Slide. Hit. Nothing. “We’re gonna have so much fun here, Nick. I can just feel it.”

Now that made him smile.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“Okay, Nurse Cici…what can I expect?” Nick slid into the van next to her, grateful for a shower to help clear his head a little.

“Well, let’s see. Open heart surgery. Healthy guy. He’ll be pale, dark eyes…he’ll look generally sick. He’ll be in a helluva lot of pain today, probably…sleeping a lot. Um…O2 tube in his nose, IV’s, maybe a cath if he’s not moving around yet.”

“Sounds lovely.”

“Better than how you saw me, Nick.”

“True. I don’t think I could take that.” Back to the nail biting.

“You could if you had to. It’s amazing what we can really stomach sometimes.”

“I guess so. I didn’t think I could take seeing you that way either.”

“And you did. Brian will be glad you’re there and that’s all that matters.”

Nick nodded in agreement and watched the scenery for a bit. Miles and miles of white fences decorating the rolling hills and lush green grass. Nothing like Florida, but this was a beautiful state. Before long they were on the hospital property and Nick and Ciara were amazed to see so many fans waiting outside. They held cards and flowers, signs and stuffed toys. Sweet, but sadly inappropriate.

“We’ll need a back entrance, please.”

The driver nodded and pulled around to a side door, letting the couple out. Nick’s knees were shaking. His stomach was doing somersaults and his hands were dripping with sweat. Ick. This just sucked. Wiping his hands on his pants, he took hold of Ciara’s hand deciding he wasn’t letting go until he was damned good and ready.

Finally they made it to Brian’s room and Nick had second thoughts about bringing Ciara with him. He liked to stand out in the hall for a bit and think before charging in. Psyche himself out. Not her. A quick knock on the door and they were inside, Brian’s family looking up from their reading and TV viewing to see who came in. Nick waved and moved his attention to the patient…just as Ciara had described he’d be. Ghost white, half asleep, oxygen tube in his nose, IV’s hanging everywhere, a heart monitor beeping away and…

“Nick! Honey….come on now.” She felt his whole body go limp next to her…ON her. “Shit. Gimme a chair, please.”

Brian’s brother got up from his seat and slid it over under Nick’s sinking bottom. She quickly sat him down and smiled shyly at the stranger. “Hi…sorry about the entrance.”

“It’s okay…I’m Harold…you’re?”

Ciara. Nick’s friend. Can we get him some orange juice?”

“Yep, I’ll be back.”

Looking back at her new patient, she shook her head. He was almost there…not quite. “Nick, honey…lean forward. It’s okay.” She pushed him forward a bit to get his blood flowing properly again and looked at the real patient in the hospital bed who had woken up further with the commotion. “He always has to out-do you, doesn’t he?”

“Hey, Cici…yeah…always stealin’ the show. He gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, he didn’t go out all the way.” She continued to rub his head and back and whispering directions to keep his breathing slow and deep. Silly boy.

“I’m good. I’m good.” Nick kept his head down, partially because he still felt woozy and partially because he was horrified. Dear God. “Sorry, Ci.”

“Here’s your juice, and a cold cloth.” Harold welcomed the opportunity to visit the nurse’s station…no doubt.

“Thanks …you okay to sit up and drink?” She peeked down to Nick’s lowered head and pressed the cloth to his brow, brushing away his long hair.

“Yeah…” Nick took hold of the cloth and leaned back slowly, closing his eyes too embarrassed to look to Brian’s family quite yet. Where was that proverbial black hole that could swallow you up when you need it? He took a drink of juice and leaned his head back against the wall. “Can I just die now?”

“No, you can’t. Get off your ass and come over here.” Brian was perking up a bit and trying not to laugh. Partially because Kevin had done just about the same thing earlier in the day and when he laughed at him, he hurt for an hour later. Not a good plan.

“How about we go out and let the friends visit, huh? Nick, I’m glad you’re okay. Ciara…thanks for bringing him.” Brian’s mom yanked on the sleeves of her husband and older son, directing them out of the room. “We’ll be down in the cafeteria if you need us, hon.”

“Thanks…you feel like getting up yet?”

“Think so…” He took hold of her hand and together went to see his friend. His two best friends in all the world had, at one time or other, been laid up in a hospital bed, hooked up to tubes and machines. Something was wrong with that. Had to be.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“Don’t hold your breath, Bri…try to breath easy.”

“But it hurts.” He’d finally been permitted to get up and walk around. To think he’d actually been excited about this now confused him. Hurt like hell and he could barely make it down 5 doors. Pissed him off.

“I know, honey, but you’re makin’ it worse. Let it out and breathe.” Ciara had a hold of his arm with one hand and her other around his back. Nick followed silently watching her work her magic on Brian, trying to convince himself that Brian would be okay. He was so weak. Brian wasn’t supposed to be weak.

Brian let out a whoosh of air and tried to breathe regularly while he walked. He perked up a bit. “Oh wow…it does help.”

“Yep. Gotta keep the oxygen flowing there. Now, try to stand up straight.”

Ci…”

“Trust me. Unbend a bit. I’ve got you.” She rubbed his back as he straightened it, grimacing slightly.

“I feel like I’m gonna pop everything open.”

“You won’t…but this will make it easier to walk.”

“You’re a slave driver.”

Nick had to laugh at that. What he couldn’t figure out is why none of Brian’s nurses had told him this stuff and just let him walk in agony.

“I’ve heard that song and dance for years. Now hush up and breathe.”

“Breathing, breathing.” They continued silently down the hall with Brian squeezing Ciara’s hand if pain shot through him, but generally it was his best walk yet.

“Well, looky here…you went all the way!”

Brian slowly turned around amazed that she was right. His room was down the hall. The long hall. Now…could he make it back?

“Nick, you take him back…I’ll bring it up the rear.”

Nick’s eyes bugged out of his head and she offered him Brian’s hand. “Come on…help out your friend.”

And he did. Damn her. She always knew what was needed. The visit the day before was awkward and disjointed, partially due to Nick’s smooth entrance, but mostly due to his nerves and inability to just be Nick. He was scared to death. Ciara figured that her presence was giving him permission to wimp out. So now it was time to back off and make him look at this situation square in the face. Besides, as Brian got closer to his room, the comfort between the two boys returned. Ready smiles, friendly ribbing and genuine concern flowed freely and that was the best kind of medicine for anyone.

******~~~~~~******~~~~~~

“You okay now that that’s over with?” Ciara plopped down on her bed, feeling stuffed from their meal at the hotel restaurant. And nervous about the night ahead of them. Nick’s nerves had ruled last night and even though they did share a bed, it was definitely in the big sister/baby brother mode they’d known for years. Morning came and Ciara had snuck out again before Nick ever woke up. Mornings. Just too intimate.

Tonight? His nerves were gone and she was feeling the mood change. Worse yet, she thought she shouldn’t like it. But she did.

“Yeah…he’s gonna be okay, isn’t he?” Nick followed suit, falling on his own bed and curling around a pillow.

“Yep. How long ‘til you’re on the road again?”

“About eight weeks. We’ve got some promo before then though.”

“He’ll make it. He’ll tire out, but he’ll make it.”

“He should be able to wait ‘til he’s ready though, Ci. They won’t let him.”

“No?” She rolled to her side and propped herself up on her elbow hearing the mantra in her head again. Boy. Boy. Boy. Why couldn’t she see a boy? He was curled up around a pillow, long hair falling in his face, socks hanging off his feet from where he’d slid off his shoes and never bothered to readjust. All signs of a boy. And yet…his eyes. They were aging. Life experiences were aging and maturing him and it was sexy. Sexy? Jesus. Yes, he was sexy. Little Nicky was sexy and it was killing her minute by minute by minute.

“No. The fight he had to go through just to get time off for the surgery was ridiculous, Ci. Heart surgery. Fuckin’ heart surgery and they were more worried about the bottom line than his health.”

“Damn…I had no idea they just wouldn’t let him. I kinda assumed that came from him.”

“Nope. They kept makin’ him wait.” Again, he mimicked her movement, letting go of the pillow and propping himself up on an elbow to look over at her on the other bed. What it was taking for him to stay put and not join her over there was beyond his comprehension.

“That’s not right. Are you guys gonna do something about it once he’s okay?”

“If we can, I think so. Look into management changes. Trying to dump Lou. He’s gettin’ too big of a cut. It’s nuts. This was supposed to be fun.”

“And it’s not anymore? Nick, you guys just got started!”

“I know. I mean, it is. I love performing. I love the guys. But this business shit. I feel like a zoo animal. Whip me and I’ll perform while the trainer rakes in all the cash. Get a sick animal? Work him ‘til he can’t work anymore or his mama threatens a lawsuit. It’s not right, Ci.”

Too much to deal with for an 18 yr. old. Too damned much. It made her heart hurt. It made her want to take care of him. It made her want…this was nuts. She sat up quickly and ran a hand through her hair. Snap out of it, Ci.

“So, let’s not think about it anymore. What do you want to do tonight?”

Make love to you. “Um, I don’t care.” He rolled over on his back concentrating on the pattern of the ceiling tile to avoid hopping across to her bed. It was gonna be a long night, there was no doubt.

“Have you called Mandy since we’ve been here?” Okay, so that was cold. She had to divert her mind somehow.

“Uh, no…I guess I should, huh?”

“Up to you. I’m gonna go get some ice.” Yes, get me out of here.

While she was gone, he called. Big mistake. Mandy was more worried about what they were doing than how Brian was. Was it a red flag to Nick? No, not really. Did the fact that he didn’t miss her one iota phase him? Nope. He’d go back to her when they got home. Why? He couldn’t say. Had no idea. Because the truth was, the one he wanted was right here with him. Mandy was easy. Casual, comfortable easy. And maybe that’s why he liked it.

Ciara was comfortable, no doubt, but now on a much more complicated level. She knew him inside out and he loved that. But yet, being with her would just be one huge mess. He knew it. And for tonight, he didn’t care. He was with her and dammit, he was going to squeeze every ounce of enjoyment out of it he could.

“Damn, you need a tour guide to find the ice machine around here!” She tossed the ice bucket on the desk and opened up the mini bar. “I suggest we start drinking heavily.”

“I can do that. Movie?”

“Movie. Yes. What are we drinking?”

They made drinks, changed for the night and snuggled in Nick’s bed for movies and just one drink. Both wanted to think clearly. Sorta. But clear thinking aside, before Ciara knew what hit her, she was lip locked with the boy/man. Very lip locked. This was more dangerous than before. Totally private room. Bed…room. No one looking for them until the plane took off tomorrow morning. And now all she could think of was how wonderful he tasted and felt and…dammit.

His hands made their way to her hair as the kiss deepened, tongues battling, bodies pressing together, legs intertwining. He trailed kisses along her jaw line and down her neck, savoring every inch as it was his first taste of her. It was driving her mad. He knew exactly what he was doing. Why the hell were the guys she was with at age eighteen such klutzes? Her hands slid up to his hair now and she moaned as they disappeared into the flaxen silky strands while feeling his tongue dance down her neck.

“Nick…baby…” She tried with all of her might to pull his head up to look at her. She didn’t want him to stop. He had to stop. “Please, Nick…look at me.”

He couldn’t look up, knowing full well what would happen if he did. She’d be the voice of reason. He didn’t want to hear the voice of reason. He wanted Ciara and he wanted her now. Because he’d wanted her for years. Because she made Brian feel better. Because she listened to him…and never judged, never questioned, never laughed when his words would come out sideways. Because…because she was Cici. But finally, he conceded, looking into her green eyes amazed at how the different colored strands in them danced when she was worked up like this. “What?”

“We can’t, Nick. We just…” He couldn’t look any longer, so he went back to nipping at her neck and sucking gently on her earlobes. “God….”

His hands slid up her t-shirt finally touching the skin he’d been longing for since the night Aaron was sick in Orlando a few years ago. Soft, smooth, warm. Not the skin of Ciara, the friend, when they’d play and splash in the pool, but the skin of Cici…the woman. The object of his desire.

“Nick…please.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t want this, Ci.” More kisses to her neck as his hand slid up and…gasp…found a breast, softly, tenderly kneading it and finding her erect nipple just begging for his tongue to play with.

“Mmm…Nick. I do, I do…but, honey…” Jesus, he was good. As he started to slide her t-shirt up, she finally grabbed at his arm and stopped him. “NO. Nick. Stop. Now.” She shimmied up to a sitting position, trying to pull him up with her. “Nick, we’ll regret this. Please.”

He fell back on the bed totally frustrated. She was right. This was wrong. He didn’t care, yet he did. What the hell was going to happen now? They had all damned night yet and to say they were both worked up was an incredible understatement.

She got up and went over to her bed ignoring him as he reached for her. “Don’t, Ci…I’ll…I’m sorry. I just…” He buried his head in a pillow scared he’d done it again and possibly ruined everything.

“I know, Nick. I’m just confused. I’m still married, at least on paper. And you’ve got…”

He pulled his head out of the pillow, peeking up with a look of? Disgust? No way… “Mandy.”

“Yep. Mandy. And…Nick, I can’t lose you. Not that part of you anyway. We don’t know what will happen if we…if…” She couldn’t even say it. How the hell was she supposed to DO it?

“I know. I just want you so…” his mouth was moving faster than his mind. To hell with it. “I want you, Ci. I can’t help it. Please don’t hate me for…for...”

“Hate you? Are you kidding?” Back to his bed she went, folding him up in her arms. “Nick, I’ll never…there is no way…I just…” She pulled him back and held his face in her hands seeing three faces mixed into one. The little boy she first met, the boy/man before her now and deep in his eyes, the fully grown man waiting to come out and live and love and learn. She loved all three of them and was determined to be around to enjoy all three of them. “I just can’t risk what we have now, Nick. I need what we have now. I need you. Do you understand that?”

He silently nodded. He needed her too. She’d proven that to him today at the hospital. He needed her sense, her maturity, and…her love. The rest, if it was to be would just have to wait. He’d wait. Someday, somehow, she’d be his.

“Come on, let’s go to sleep, huh?”

Another silent nod and he pulled the comforter out from under them, sliding in behind her and spooning her. Another first. Sure she had to feel the effect it was having on him pressing up against her back. But, he didn’t care. He wanted her to know how much he wanted her. He also wanted her to know that he’d wait. It wasn’t right now. Who knew when it would be. If it ever would be. But to keep her in his life, he’d wait. He’d wait forever if he had to.

***

 

 

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