Chapter 47
“Nick…you
can let go, hon. We landed.”
“Yeah,
I know.” He didn’t budge. Now that the plane had landed, he had to overcome
another fear. Seeing Brian in the hospital. Sick. Very sick. Brian was his
security. His firm foundation. To see him weak and in pain…Nick wasn’t sure he
could take it. But he knew he had to do this. For Brian. For himself.
So,
to soften the blow of it, he asked Ciara to join him.
What a battle that had been. Ciara was more than
willing. She liked to check on people in the hospital. Make sure they were
getting proper care. Give them a bit of nursing love for free. But Mandy? Oh
boy. The little girl was quite unhappy. Fortunately, she was still very much a
minor. Daddy wouldn’t let her go and Jane was pleased Ciara
was accompanying Nick. Shut the little wench up and fast.
“Baby,
seriously…we need to get off first or people will see you.”
Nick
finally turned to her from the stolid position he’d held since the plane began
its final descent. “Thanks for comin’ with me, Ci.”
“Anytime…come
on. Let’s do this.”
In
Ciara’s mind, this trip was going a good thing. Get
them back to young boy/big sis kind of relationship they’d had for so long.
Hopefully his fear and concern for Brian would rule the journey and the sexual
tension that had been intruding on their time together would take a back seat.
Or go away altogether. Never mind the fact that Ciara
now couldn’t get Nick out of her head…ever. Nick’s mind was a lost cause, but
it was confused with Mandy’s presence. He really, really liked her. But Ciara? She had his heart.
The
trip to the hotel was quiet. Ciara was beginning to
think Nick was going to lose his lunch. Was this surgery even more serious than
Nick had led on or was it just a genuine devotion to his friend? She didn’t
know, but found it endearing. Except for that nail biting. He was going to come
up with bloody stubs if he wasn’t careful.
“I’ll
get our reservation. Why don’t you just wait over there…” pointing to a
darkened hallway away from the crowd. You’d have thought the Backstreet Boys
were touring with how crowded the hotel was. Wrong crowd, mind you…all
businessmen, but it was packed.
Nick
slunk down on a bench in the hall, burying his head in his hands, trying to
avoid being seen, although from the looks of it, this crowd probably didn’t
give two shits who this teenager was. Fine. He had enough on his mind. He did
not want to do this. Between his complete panic over Brian and his confusion
with Ciara he thought his head might explode. Or his
heart. Either way, it could very well get messy.
“Well,
this trip just got more interesting.” Ciara plopped
down next to Nick and laid her head on his shoulder.
“How’s
that? I’m not sure I can take much more excitement.”
“Well,
my dear…” She lifted her head and looked at his dark, sad eyes, “we get to
share a room.”
Oh
shit. “How’d that happen?” Nick got up and grabbed their bags, hoping she was
playing some sick joke on him. Wishing she wasn’t.
Walking
to the elevators, she explained their plight. “Instead of reserving two rooms,
they reserved one with two beds. Convention in town and that’s the only room
they have. In the city.” She slammed her finger on the ‘up’ button to the
elevator and smiled at her friend. “I feel like I’m stuck in some stupid fan
fiction.”
“You
mean we’re not!?” Fake shock. At least it made him smile.
“I’m
beginning to wonder.”
Nerves
settled again and stole his smile. And started the nail biting again.
“Do
you just want to wait ‘til tomorrow to go see him? You’re a wreck.”
“Huh?
No. I need to get this over with. I don’t know why I’m so scared.”
Pulling
his hand away from his mouth, she smiled. So sweet. “Because you love him,
Nick. And he’s had a very invasive surgery and he waited too damned long to
have it. There’s always risk.”
“Yeah.”
Nick looked up at the elevators impatiently. A huge downtown hotel…granted, it
was downtown
“Finally!”
The doors opened and about 500 people filed out of the elevator. “Why am I
thinking this is the only one that’s working?”
“Cuz
you’re telepathic. We did at least get club level, didn’t we?”
“Yep…”
She slid the key in the slot and hit ’15.’ Nothing. Slide. Hit. Nothing. “We’re
gonna have so much fun here, Nick. I can just feel it.”
Now
that made him smile.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Okay,
Nurse Cici…what can I expect?” Nick slid into the van
next to her, grateful for a shower to help clear his head a little.
“Well,
let’s see. Open heart surgery. Healthy guy. He’ll be pale, dark eyes…he’ll look
generally sick. He’ll be in a helluva lot of pain today, probably…sleeping a
lot. Um…O2 tube in his nose, IV’s, maybe a cath if he’s not moving
around yet.”
“Sounds
lovely.”
“Better
than how you saw me, Nick.”
“True.
I don’t think I could take that.” Back to the nail biting.
“You
could if you had to. It’s amazing what we can really stomach sometimes.”
“I
guess so. I didn’t think I could take seeing you that way either.”
“And
you did. Brian will be glad you’re there and that’s all that matters.”
Nick
nodded in agreement and watched the scenery for a bit. Miles and miles of white
fences decorating the rolling hills and lush green grass. Nothing like
“We’ll
need a back entrance, please.”
The
driver nodded and pulled around to a side door, letting the couple out. Nick’s
knees were shaking. His stomach was doing somersaults and his hands were
dripping with sweat. Ick. This just sucked. Wiping his hands on his pants, he
took hold of Ciara’s hand deciding he wasn’t letting
go until he was damned good and ready.
Finally
they made it to Brian’s room and Nick had second thoughts about bringing Ciara with him. He liked to stand out in the hall for a bit
and think before charging in. Psyche himself out. Not her. A quick knock on the
door and they were inside, Brian’s family looking up from their reading and TV
viewing to see who came in. Nick waved and moved his attention to the
patient…just as Ciara had described he’d be. Ghost
white, half asleep, oxygen tube in his nose, IV’s hanging everywhere, a heart
monitor beeping away and…
“Nick!
Honey….come on now.” She felt his whole body go limp next to her…ON her. “Shit.
Gimme a chair, please.”
Brian’s
brother got up from his seat and slid it over under Nick’s sinking bottom. She
quickly sat him down and smiled shyly at the stranger. “Hi…sorry about the
entrance.”
“It’s
okay…I’m Harold…you’re?”
“Ciara. Nick’s friend. Can we get him some orange juice?”
“Yep,
I’ll be back.”
Looking
back at her new patient, she shook her head. He was almost there…not quite.
“Nick, honey…lean forward. It’s okay.” She pushed him forward a bit to get his
blood flowing properly again and looked at the real patient in the hospital bed
who had woken up further with the commotion. “He always has to out-do you,
doesn’t he?”
“Hey,
Cici…yeah…always stealin’
the show. He gonna be okay?”
“Yeah,
he didn’t go out all the way.” She continued to rub his head and back and
whispering directions to keep his breathing slow and deep. Silly boy.
“I’m
good. I’m good.” Nick kept his head down, partially because he still felt woozy
and partially because he was horrified. Dear God. “Sorry, Ci.”
“Here’s
your juice, and a cold cloth.” Harold welcomed the opportunity to visit the
nurse’s station…no doubt.
“Thanks
…you okay to sit up and drink?” She peeked down to Nick’s lowered head and
pressed the cloth to his brow, brushing away his long hair.
“Yeah…”
Nick took hold of the cloth and leaned back slowly, closing his eyes too
embarrassed to look to Brian’s family quite yet. Where was that proverbial
black hole that could swallow you up when you need it? He took a drink of juice
and leaned his head back against the wall. “Can I just die now?”
“No,
you can’t. Get off your ass and come over here.” Brian was perking up a bit and
trying not to laugh. Partially because Kevin had done just about the same thing
earlier in the day and when he laughed at him, he hurt for an hour later. Not a
good plan.
“How
about we go out and let the friends visit, huh? Nick, I’m glad you’re okay. Ciara…thanks for bringing him.” Brian’s mom yanked on the
sleeves of her husband and older son, directing them out of the room. “We’ll be
down in the cafeteria if you need us, hon.”
“Thanks…you
feel like getting up yet?”
“Think
so…” He took hold of her hand and together went to see his friend. His two best
friends in all the world had, at one time or other, been laid up in a hospital
bed, hooked up to tubes and machines. Something was wrong with that. Had to be.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Don’t
hold your breath, Bri…try to breath easy.”
“But
it hurts.” He’d finally been permitted to get up and walk around. To think he’d
actually been excited about this now confused him. Hurt like hell and he could
barely make it down 5 doors. Pissed him off.
“I
know, honey, but you’re makin’ it worse. Let it out and breathe.” Ciara had a hold of his arm with one hand and her other
around his back. Nick followed silently watching her work her magic on Brian,
trying to convince himself that Brian would be okay. He was so weak. Brian
wasn’t supposed to be weak.
Brian
let out a whoosh of air and tried to breathe regularly while he walked. He
perked up a bit. “Oh wow…it does help.”
“Yep.
Gotta keep the oxygen flowing there. Now, try to stand up straight.”
“Ci…”
“Trust
me. Unbend a bit. I’ve got you.” She rubbed his back as he straightened it,
grimacing slightly.
“I
feel like I’m gonna pop everything open.”
“You
won’t…but this will make it easier to walk.”
“You’re
a slave driver.”
Nick
had to laugh at that. What he couldn’t figure out is why none of Brian’s nurses
had told him this stuff and just let him walk in agony.
“I’ve
heard that song and dance for years. Now hush up and breathe.”
“Breathing,
breathing.” They continued silently down the hall with Brian squeezing Ciara’s hand if pain shot through him, but generally it was
his best walk yet.
“Well,
looky here…you went all the way!”
Brian
slowly turned around amazed that she was right. His room was down the hall. The
long hall. Now…could he make it back?
“Nick,
you take him back…I’ll bring it up the rear.”
Nick’s
eyes bugged out of his head and she offered him Brian’s hand. “Come on…help out
your friend.”
And
he did. Damn her. She always knew what was needed. The visit the day before was
awkward and disjointed, partially due to Nick’s smooth entrance, but mostly due
to his nerves and inability to just be Nick. He was scared to death. Ciara figured that her presence was giving him permission
to wimp out. So now it was time to back off and make him look at this situation
square in the face. Besides, as Brian got closer to his room, the comfort
between the two boys returned. Ready smiles, friendly ribbing and genuine
concern flowed freely and that was the best kind of medicine for anyone.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“You
okay now that that’s over with?” Ciara plopped down
on her bed, feeling stuffed from their meal at the hotel restaurant. And
nervous about the night ahead of them. Nick’s nerves had ruled last night and
even though they did share a bed, it was definitely in the big sister/baby
brother mode they’d known for years. Morning came and Ciara
had snuck out again before Nick ever woke up. Mornings. Just too intimate.
Tonight?
His nerves were gone and she was feeling the mood change. Worse yet, she
thought she shouldn’t like it. But she did.
“Yeah…he’s
gonna be okay, isn’t he?” Nick followed suit, falling on his own bed and
curling around a pillow.
“Yep.
How long ‘til you’re on the road again?”
“About
eight weeks. We’ve got some promo before then though.”
“He’ll
make it. He’ll tire out, but he’ll make it.”
“He
should be able to wait ‘til he’s ready though, Ci.
They won’t let him.”
“No?”
She rolled to her side and propped herself up on her elbow hearing the mantra
in her head again. Boy. Boy. Boy. Why couldn’t she see a boy? He was curled up
around a pillow, long hair falling in his face, socks hanging off his feet from
where he’d slid off his shoes and never bothered to readjust. All signs of a
boy. And yet…his eyes. They were aging. Life experiences were aging and
maturing him and it was sexy. Sexy? Jesus. Yes, he was sexy. Little Nicky was
sexy and it was killing her minute by minute by minute.
“No.
The fight he had to go through just to get time off for the surgery was
ridiculous, Ci. Heart surgery. Fuckin’ heart surgery
and they were more worried about the bottom line than his health.”
“Damn…I
had no idea they just wouldn’t let him. I kinda assumed that came from him.”
“Nope.
They kept makin’ him wait.” Again, he mimicked her movement, letting go of the
pillow and propping himself up on an elbow to look over at her on the other
bed. What it was taking for him to stay put and not join her over there was
beyond his comprehension.
“That’s
not right. Are you guys gonna do something about it once he’s okay?”
“If
we can, I think so. Look into management changes. Trying to dump Lou. He’s
gettin’ too big of a cut. It’s nuts. This was supposed to be fun.”
“And
it’s not anymore? Nick, you guys just got started!”
“I
know. I mean, it is. I love performing. I love the guys. But this business
shit. I feel like a zoo animal. Whip me and I’ll perform while the trainer
rakes in all the cash. Get a sick animal? Work him ‘til he can’t work anymore
or his mama threatens a lawsuit. It’s not right, Ci.”
Too
much to deal with for an 18 yr. old. Too damned much. It made her heart hurt.
It made her want to take care of him. It made her want…this was nuts. She sat
up quickly and ran a hand through her hair. Snap out of it, Ci.
“So,
let’s not think about it anymore. What do you want to do tonight?”
Make
love to you. “Um, I don’t care.” He rolled over on his back
concentrating on the pattern of the ceiling tile to avoid hopping across to her
bed. It was gonna be a long night, there was no doubt.
“Have
you called Mandy since we’ve been here?” Okay, so that was cold. She had to
divert her mind somehow.
“Uh,
no…I guess I should, huh?”
“Up
to you. I’m gonna go get some ice.” Yes, get me out of here.
While
she was gone, he called. Big mistake. Mandy was more worried about what they
were doing than how Brian was. Was it a red flag to Nick? No, not really. Did
the fact that he didn’t miss her one iota phase him? Nope. He’d go back to her
when they got home. Why? He couldn’t say. Had no idea. Because the truth was,
the one he wanted was right here with him. Mandy was easy. Casual, comfortable
easy. And maybe that’s why he liked it.
Ciara was comfortable, no doubt, but now on
a much more complicated level. She knew him inside out and he loved that. But
yet, being with her would just be one huge mess. He knew it. And for tonight,
he didn’t care. He was with her and dammit, he was
going to squeeze every ounce of enjoyment out of it he could.
“Damn,
you need a tour guide to find the ice machine around here!” She tossed the ice
bucket on the desk and opened up the mini bar. “I suggest we start drinking
heavily.”
“I
can do that. Movie?”
“Movie.
Yes. What are we drinking?”
They
made drinks, changed for the night and snuggled in Nick’s bed for movies and
just one drink. Both wanted to think clearly. Sorta. But clear thinking aside,
before Ciara knew what hit her, she was lip locked
with the boy/man. Very lip locked. This was more dangerous than before. Totally
private room. Bed…room. No one looking for them until the plane took off
tomorrow morning. And now all she could think of was how wonderful he tasted
and felt and…dammit.
His
hands made their way to her hair as the kiss deepened, tongues battling, bodies
pressing together, legs intertwining. He trailed kisses along her jaw line and
down her neck, savoring every inch as it was his first taste of her. It was
driving her mad. He knew exactly what he was doing. Why the hell were the guys
she was with at age eighteen such klutzes? Her hands slid up to his hair now
and she moaned as they disappeared into the flaxen silky strands while feeling
his tongue dance down her neck.
“Nick…baby…”
She tried with all of her might to pull his head up to look at her. She didn’t
want him to stop. He had to stop. “Please, Nick…look at me.”
He
couldn’t look up, knowing full well what would happen if he did. She’d be the
voice of reason. He didn’t want to hear the voice of reason. He wanted Ciara and he wanted her now. Because he’d wanted her for
years. Because she made Brian feel better. Because she listened to him…and
never judged, never questioned, never laughed when his words would come out
sideways. Because…because she was Cici. But finally,
he conceded, looking into her green eyes amazed at how the different colored
strands in them danced when she was worked up like this. “What?”
“We
can’t, Nick. We just…” He couldn’t look any longer, so he went back to nipping
at her neck and sucking gently on her earlobes. “God….”
His
hands slid up her t-shirt finally touching the skin he’d been longing for since
the night Aaron was sick in
“Nick…please.”
“Don’t
tell me you don’t want this, Ci.” More kisses to her
neck as his hand slid up and…gasp…found a breast, softly, tenderly kneading it
and finding her erect nipple just begging for his tongue to play with.
“Mmm…Nick.
I do, I do…but, honey…” Jesus, he was good. As he started to slide her t-shirt
up, she finally grabbed at his arm and stopped him. “NO. Nick. Stop. Now.” She
shimmied up to a sitting position, trying to pull him up with her. “Nick, we’ll
regret this. Please.”
He
fell back on the bed totally frustrated. She was right. This was wrong. He
didn’t care, yet he did. What the hell was going to happen now? They had all
damned night yet and to say they were both worked up was an incredible
understatement.
She
got up and went over to her bed ignoring him as he reached for her. “Don’t, Ci…I’ll…I’m sorry. I just…” He buried his head in a pillow
scared he’d done it again and possibly ruined everything.
“I
know, Nick. I’m just confused. I’m still married, at least on paper. And you’ve
got…”
He
pulled his head out of the pillow, peeking up with a look of? Disgust? No way…
“Mandy.”
“Yep.
Mandy. And…Nick, I can’t lose you. Not that part of you anyway. We don’t know
what will happen if we…if…” She couldn’t even say it. How the hell was
she supposed to DO it?
“I
know. I just want you so…” his mouth was moving faster than his mind. To hell
with it. “I want you, Ci. I can’t help it. Please don’t
hate me for…for...”
“Hate
you? Are you kidding?” Back to his bed she went, folding him up in her arms.
“Nick, I’ll never…there is no way…I just…” She pulled him back and held his
face in her hands seeing three faces mixed into one. The little boy she first
met, the boy/man before her now and deep in his eyes, the fully grown man
waiting to come out and live and love and learn. She loved all three of them
and was determined to be around to enjoy all three of them. “I just can’t risk
what we have now, Nick. I need what we have now. I need you. Do you
understand that?”
He
silently nodded. He needed her too. She’d proven that to him today at the
hospital. He needed her sense, her maturity, and…her love. The rest, if it was
to be would just have to wait. He’d wait. Someday, somehow, she’d be his.
“Come
on, let’s go to sleep, huh?”
Another
silent nod and he pulled the comforter out from under them, sliding in behind
her and spooning her. Another first. Sure she had to feel the effect it was
having on him pressing up against her back. But, he didn’t care. He wanted her
to know how much he wanted her. He also wanted her to know that he’d wait. It
wasn’t right now. Who knew when it would be. If it ever would be. But to keep
her in his life, he’d wait. He’d wait forever if he had to.
***