Chapter 49
“Home
sweet home, Ci. You actually did it.”
“Yeah…I
did, didn’t I?” Ciara stepped across the threshold to
her new home still amazed it was hers. Totally. No rent, no shared walls, no
landlord, no parents. Ciara’s house. Soon to be Ciara’s home. “You can just put that box up in my bedroom,
“Alrighty.”
Ciara took a quiet walk through the house
mentally placing furniture, adding pictures to the walls, deciding which
cabinet would hold the plates and which would hold the cups. This time last
year she felt trapped in a stupid marriage and trapped in a god-forsaken town.
Now, she was back home in Tampa, working on finalizing getting Bill out of her
life and financially secure enough to own her own home. To top it off, next
week she’d start back up in the pedes unit and get out of the ER. Yep, things
were looking up.
If
only she felt better. Pain was her constant companion and it was getting old.
She even had a few cortisone shots in her hands to help out so she could
continue to give IV’s to patients. She was not going to quit work. It just
wasn’t going to happen. That was her livelihood, not only financially but
emotionally. It defined her. Wrong or right, it did. It was the only positive
thing in her life TO define her.
Divorcee,
cradle robber, diabetic, black sheep, and a few others she, to this day could
not come to grips with. But, nurse was always there, and now she could add
“homeowner.” “Nurse” and “homeowner” at age 23. Eh, it could be worse. It could
be “dead”. And now, as she spun around her kitchen with arms wide open
rejoicing in the freedom she felt, she couldn’t be more happy she wasn’t dead.
Another day? Might be different. But today? Alive was a good thing.
“Okay,
box is up there, bed’s put together. You have your suitcase in your car?”
Seeing her friend spinning like a jewelry box doll she had to chuckle. “Like
the house much?”
“Deanna,
I can’t believe I did this. I thought I was trapped. Forever. And I’m not. I’m
not trapped!”
“No,
sweetie. You’re not trapped.” What a goof. “I hate to break you out of your
celebration, but who’s helping you tomorrow?”
“Oh…uh…just
Dad and hopefully you and a guy from work. One load from storage, fill up cars
with what I have at Mom and Dad’s and I should be good.”
“Okay…just
makin’ sure you’ve got enough help.”
“Yep,
I’m good. Let’s go…are we dressed okay enough to hit that bar up the way?”
“Yeah,
I think it’s just a good ole boys’ place.”
“Perfect.
I want me a good ole boy.”
******~~~~~~*******~~~~~~
And
she got one. A tall, blonde haired, blue eyed, not too big, not too skinny red
neck Texan. When he stumbled downstairs the next morning while she sat on a box
eating a bowl of cereal, she almost choked up a lung. An old Nick. How in the
hell had she brought home an old version of Nick and never noticed until now?
Oh
yeah, because she was two sheets to the wind when he’d started nibbling on her
neck and she invited him over. Might have something to do with it. What was his
name again? Rex?
“Good
morning.”
“’Mornin’.
Where the HELL is your furniture?”
“I
haven’t moved in yet. Lucky you…you’re my first.” I did NOT just say that.
“Mmmm…where’s
the cereal?”
“Only
box is on the counter. Hope you like Rice Chex.” Rob?
Bob? Slob? Jesus, what am I doing?
“Nope.
Look, I’m just gonna scoot. Thanks for uh…yeah. I’ll call ya’.”
“Yeah,
thanks. No problem.” Thanks for what? Well, yeah…multiple orgasms are a good
thing. Hadn’t been blessed with those in an age. Must be why she was so
gracious. Jesus.
The
Texan made his way upstairs and collected the remainder of his clothes and
cowboy hat and left without another word. What the hell WAS she doing? One
night fuck fests were not her cuppa tea…not that it
was such a horrid thing. Just totally against her sense of morality…what little
she had. Who was she running from? Running to?
Oh
yeah, that tall, blonde haired, blue eyed, not too big, not too skinny BOY.
Whose name she full well knew. Who was probably off fucking that Teenage Mutant
Nincompoop. And, if she knew him right, he was thinking of her the entire time.
Obviously, she’d just been guilty of the same thing. This was not good. This
was completely not good.
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~~
Ciara was exhausted. Picking up her full
schedule on the pedes unit the same week you move is not a good plan. But
fulfilled? Oh yeah. Her house…her HOUSE was looking wonderful. Homey. Perfect.
She’d blown a good wad of dough on knick-knacks, towels, drapes and even…just
to start completely fresh, a new bed. Mattress, box springs and four poster
bed. She needed one anyway and damn if it didn’t look perfect. No more one
night stands in this baby.
After
just about hanging herself on the guest bath’s shower curtain, she jumped hearing
her doorbell ring. HER doorbell. She was giddy. Didn’t feel particularly
foolish about it either, dammit. She’d earned giddy.
Sliding into her old, beat up mouse slippers she flung the door open and
gasped.
There
before her stood a tall, blonde haired, blue eyed, not too big, not too skinny
MAN, looking more adorable than any man should while coddling a black kitten.
“Nick!
Baby! Come in!” Man…dammit. He’s supposed to be a
boy.
“Hey!
Meet Lexie. She needs a home and I thought you might
have an extra room.”
“Are
you…? Nick!?” She backed away from the door letting him in and scooped the
kitty from his arms. She was beautiful. He was…well, never mind.
“Heya
Lexie. Where’d you come from?” She scratched the
kitten’s ears and sighed as the feline purred contentedly and snuggled deeper
into her new owner’s arms. “Nick, you didn’t have to…”
“I
know, but…well…just enjoy her, huh? Every house should have an animal in it to
love.”
“Thanks.”
She leaned up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, holding his gaze an extra
moment trying to drink him in, to work out all of her conflicting emotions that
surrounded this boy/man.
The
trip to
He
didn’t want to go. Because of the way they’d treated Brian’s surgery,
management issues had blown into lawsuit proportions. They were somehow going
to have to tour with that hanging over their heads. Nick had enough management
issues of his own trying to get his ties cut from his mother. Then this. He
just wanted to camp out in Ciara’s guest room while
the grown-ups whined and cried. He’d sign whatever he needed to sign when they
were all done. Made him sick.
Putting
the cat down to do her own investigating, she finally pulled him in all the way
to see the house. “Come on…let me take you on a tour.”
“Okay…this
looks great, Ci.”
“Yeah,
I’m kinda proud of it.”
“You
should be.” She led him through the obvious rooms, kitchen, bathroom, guest
bedroom that she was going to make into an office and a mudroom with washer and
drier. A perfect place for a liter box. Then, her favorite treasure, the second
floor. You just didn’t come by two-story homes with much ease in
“OH!
I have a liter box and stuff out in the truck. Where should we put it?
“In
the mudroom…Did you name her? I like it.”
“Yeah,
reminded me of our trip to Lex…Lexie.”
He shrugged and blushed. “I liked that trip.”
“Me
too. How is Brian doing?”
“Okay.
He’ll have oxygen ready for him for a few weeks should he need it.”
“Damn…maybe
he’s not ready yet.”
“I
know, but…we’ve gotta do it. There’s no choice.”
She
just shook her head at the audacity of it. Trained animals was right. Hell,
some people treated their animals better. Hopefully they’d be able to break
free before someone else’s life was adversely affected. If they weren’t careful
they weren’t gonna have a zoo to manage. “I was gettin’ hungry. Take me to
dinner?”
“That’s
the other reason I’m here. Takin’ off for
“Ah
yes…’goodbye’. My least favorite word.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
So
she didn’t say it. “Go, now…before we do something stupid. Out. Now.” Something
to that degree. Dinner was fun, sweet, typical. But
standing by the door as he left, she suddenly felt like a teenager kissing her
date good-bye while Daddy watched from the upstairs hallway. Eager, passionate
kisses, groping hands both knowing they had no business doing it, but going for
it anyway. Somehow the forbidden was always more desirable.
And
now it was 2 months later and she could still taste him on her lips. Still feel
the warmth of his hands on her back, bottom and breasts. When did this happen?
When did Nick become an obsession? A distraction? And what the hell was she
going to do about it? He was god-knows-where right now, probably meeting up
with Mandy and keeping that relationship alive and once home he’d be
jet-setting all over getting another record cranked out and the whole process
would start again. Why would she want to be a part of that life in any capacity
other than what she’d known all along?
It
didn’t help that she’d been watching their lives via the internet and seeing
that everything was beginning to unravel just as their place in the music scene
was being sewn up. One of their best, most loved producers died only weeks before.
They couldn’t stop. She almost called him, but didn’t. Then, she sat laughing
and yes, crying while watching them on “Regis” and then again at the MTV Video
Awards. Her pride swelled and she missed him so much. Finally, the phone call.
“Hello?”
“Cici…it’s Nick.”
“Hey
baby! How are…Nick…are you okay?” Was he crying?
“No.
I’m not. Cici…I know this sounds insane, but…is there
anyway you can get out here. Meet us somewhere?”
“Oh
honey, I don’t know. You’re not gone much longer, are you?”
“Well,
no…I just…I can’t take this shit anymore. I need you, Ci.”
Desperately. He needed her level head. He felt like a train-wreck waiting to
happen. Too many temptations out there this time. Too many opportunities to
fuck it up. And now, home was a mess too. He didn’t want to deal anymore. He
needed her. Now.
“What’s
going on, Nick?”
“Howie…his
sister died. He found out right after the awards the other night.”
“Oh
shit, Nick…”
“Yeah,
so he flies out and he’s got to be back on stage tonight. TONIGHT! No time for his
family. No time to get it together, nothing. They don’t give a shit
about us, Ci.”
“Is
he okay?” Howie….sweet Howie. And she had Lupus. Ciara
knew this already. In their phone calls now and again, he’d been bugging her to
get tested for it because some of Ciara’s physical
ailments sounded very similar to those of his sister. She still hadn’t asked
her doc about it. She didn’t want to deal with it. She didn’t want to know.
Wasn’t anything they could do about it anyway. What was the point?
“No,
he’s not. He’s just goin’ on auto-pilot, Ci. I just…I
mean, it’s not me, but I’ve got tons of shit with my parents and Mandy’s bein’
a pain in my ass and…” He stopped and she could hear him sniffling in the
background trying to get it together.
“Let
me look at my schedule sweetie, but I really don’t think…” She pulled out her
calendar and sure enough, there was no way. “Nick, honey…I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah,
okay. I knew I was graspin’ here. I’ll be home soon.
I’ll be okay.”
“Yeah,
you’ll be okay. Let me give you my schedule so you can call whenever, huh?”
“You
don’t have to…I’m **sniff** I’m fine. Really. Just hearing your voice has
helped.”
“You
have something to write this down on? Just take it.”
“Hang
on…” She heard the phone hit a table and shuffling around in the background
along with more sniffles and snuffs. How she wanted to work this out, but there
was no way. Hell, she wanted to go be with all of them. They all needed a Mommy
right now. “Mmm-kay, I’m here. Hit me.”
He
took down her schedule and promised to keep in touch now that he’d worried her
to no end.
And
he did keep in touch. Until he got home. Then, when she figured he’d come
knocking on her door, he was miraculously silent. He didn’t call. He didn’t
come over. He didn’t even return her calls. What the hell?
At
her wits end with worry and yes, with desire, she called the one person who had
them figured out from the beginning. He’d talk. He’d help. He had to.
******~~~~~~*******~~~~~~
“Cuz
he’s bein’ an ass? I have no idea, Ci. I mean, we’ve
been all over recording and stuff, but I know he used to call you regularly.”
“Yeah,
typically. I’m being stupid, AJ…I really am.”
From
the first phone call years ago when she was bored ‘til now, AJ knew. He got it
before Ciara ever suspected anything. He saw the way
Nick looked at her before Nick even realized what was going through his head.
And he saw how she took care of him and let her guard down enough to let him
take care of her. AJ was a hopeless romantic…and these two were destined. He
decided to put himself in the position of helping that along in any way he
could. Stealing t-shirts for Ciara, filling her in on
where they were and what they were doing when Nick would prove his age and
forget to keep in touch with her. Some day, some way these two were going to be
a couple and AJ was going to make sure it happened. If it killed him.
“No…he’s
the one being stupid. That chick has him by the balls.”
“Nice.
I needed to know that.” Heaving a sigh and plopping herself down on a kitchen
chair, she buried her face in her free hand. Why couldn’t she just be happy
nabbing dumb rednecks at the local bar? This took too much work. “Fuck me AJ.
This is nuts. He’s smarter than that…what the hell is he doing with her?”
“You
don’t wanna know, Ci. You really don’t.”
The
guys hated Mandy and who Nick was when he was with her. He’d changed. But only
in her presence. When she was gone, Nicky was back. When Ciara
was around, Nick was great. But now he was pulling away from her and it scared
AJ to death.
“Jesus.
I need to leave him be then. He’s got enough shit. But you should have heard
him the last few times he called. He was a mess.”
“I
know, Ci. It’s just not good all around, hon. We’re
all dead. Lou has us by the balls forever now, we have no management
yet, we’re tired….I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”
“So
now what do I do? How totally fucked up am I that I need an 18 year old in my
life like this?”
AJ
took a long drag from his cigarette hearing what she was really saying for the
first time. This went beyond concern for Nick. “You okay, sweetie?”
“No.
I’m not. I mean, I will be, but…it’s just been a mess. I feel like…oh you don’t
want to hear this.”
“I
do if you wanna talk, Ci. You know that.”
“Yeah…I
guess I don’t wanna even think about it. Both of our lives are a mess. It’s
probably just as well he’s disappeared.”
“No,
it’s not. This is when you two should be there for each other. You always
have.”
“Mmmm…for
the most part, yeah. Him more than me. I keep lots of stuff from him.”
“That’s
possible, but hon…trust me. You’re not being totally informed either.”
“He’s
not obligated to tell me shit. All I know is now I have this need for him I’ve
never felt before…or realized anyway. But, I’m not gonna go chasin’
him around the world...or
“Lemme
talk to him.”
“Mmmm….I
feel like I’m in junior high. ‘Go tell Nick I like him’. I need my head
examined.”
“Would
you STOP!? I’m not gonna let him know we’ve talked, woman. I’m dumb; not
stupid.”
“No
comment.”
“You
know, I could jack this whole thing up for you. I’d be nice to Uncle AJ
if I were you.”
“Eat
me, AJ.”
“I’ve
offered, baby but you’re not interested.”
“I
love you, you know that?”
“Yep.
Now shut up and let me see what I can do to smack some sense into this twerp
for you. Leave it to you to go for the one who lives in the clouds.”
“I
like the clouds.”
“Which
is why he’s crazy for you. Now go…go…go heal some kids and I’ll go smack Nick
around.”
“Thanks
for listening, J.”
“Anytime….see
ya’!”
She
did feel like a lovelorn junior high school girl. In everyway. Talking to his
friends to find out what he’s doing, losing sleep because she can’t get his
last kiss off her mind and can’t get the dreams of the next one out of her
sleep when she does achieve it. It was nuts. Besides, she was worried about
this girlfriend and the effect she seemed to be having on him. Jealousy
aside…what was AJ talking about with him changing in her presence? It couldn’t
be good. Their business lives were in a shambles. She’d been following the
details online like she always had. Lou Pearlman was now a Backstreet Boy…at
least on paper. One sixth of their money would go to him. It wasn’t right, but
at least…well, somehow it seemed better anyway. Had to make record-making a
major pain in the ass though.
But,
she couldn’t worry her fool head over it all the time. She had her own
problems. Collectors were up her ass because the day she left, Bill decided to
play some financial games. She thought she’d kept it pretty separate, but in
his typical conniving fashion, he’d figured out some loopholes and now was
screwing with her credit. She was getting the calls and he was out playing.
She’d finally bought her house and now things were falling apart thanks to him.
If the divorce would finalize, she could get them off her back. Until then, her
hours awake, if they weren’t at doctors offices, were plagued with phone calls
to and from companies trying to clean up the mess he’d left her in one short
year. Bastard.
Finally,
just when she thought it never would, it happened. She walked out of the
courthouse with final divorce papers and her old name. So, why wasn’t she
happy? Why wasn’t she celebrating? Why did she feel like complete shit? She
declined the invitation to a celebratory lunch with Deanna and just crawled
home and in bed. She had a house and a job. Period. Otherwise, she had nothing.
Where “homeowner” and “nurse” had been enough to happily define her only months
before, now It wasn’t. It was probably all she’d ever have. She felt like a
complete failure.
Pulling
the blankets up over her head to settle in for a long nap, she startled when
her doorbell rang. Somehow in the few months she’d been here, the excitement
over hearing HER doorbell had withered away. After considering just burying her
head and ignoring it, she reluctantly got out of bed hearing the doorbell give
way to almost frantic knocking.
“I
hope they don’t want perky, dammit.”
Looking
down at her delightful state of dress, she shrugged and opened the door. And
her heart stopped. A tall, blonde haired, blue eyed, not too big, not too
skinny…Nick.
“I
couldn’t stay away any longer, Ci. I tried. I really
tried.”
***
