Chapter 69
Ciara stirred awake, moaning at the pain
that shot through her chest when she hiked herself up, groaning when she saw
not a beautiful man laying next to her but a note. He’d left again. God dammit.
Cici;
Don’t
panic. I noticed you were low on some things in the kitchen, so I ran to the
store while you slept. I’ll be back soon.
Love,
Nick
“Love,
Nick. Hmmm…well that’s a first. Hope he grabs some pretzels.” She slowly got
out of bed, amazed at how stiff she was from the accident. Felt like she’d been
run over by a mack truck, not a sporty
And
it did. So much so that she lost all track of time and just stood under the
water, letting it melt away the pain. So much so that she forgot she wasn’t the
only person on the planet.
“Hey!
I’m back!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiigggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!”
Nick
cracked up watching her silhouette run in place, totally spooked, totally
naked, totally a riot. “Ci…Ci…calm
down…it’s just me!”
“Jesus
CHRIST, Nick! Don’t you knock?”
“No…I
didn’t think I had to anymore.”
“Ugh!”
She wiped her face from the water and slammed the shower door open. “Gimme my
towel you intruder.”
He
took her towel from the hook and held it open for her, still giggling at her
fit of fear. “You’re pathetic, you know that?”
“Shut
up and hold me.”
She
stepped into the towel and sighed as his arms wrapped around her bringing the
towel along with him. He shimmied up along side the toilet and sat down,
bringing her down on his lap. “Better?”
“Much.
You scared the shit outta me.” Laying her head on his shoulder, she was
surprised. For the first time since the accident, nothing hurt.
“I
didn’t notice. You hide your fear very well.”
“Ugh.
What am I gonna do with you?”
“Let
me love you.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
She
said nothing as his words sunk in. She wanted to. She really, really wanted to.
But…she just couldn’t risk hurting any more. She had kind of grown fond of
being numb. “How can I do that, Nick? How can I let you?”
“Just
let me in, Cici…just let me in. Let me…it’s totally
up to you now.”
Lifting
her up from his lap he stood and dried her off completely, from hair to toes,
talking as he worked. “Let me take care of you. Let me see you sick. Let me see
you well. Give me a chance, Cici…that’s all I want.”
“Why
does it all rest on me, Nick?”
“Because
that’s how you’ve set it up. Don’t you realize…don’t you see?”
He
dropped the towel to the floor and took her face in his hands, wanting to just
reach inside of her and pull out that wall that still seemed to be there.
Again
she was rendered speechless. His gaze so intense, his touch so warm and soothing.
He had come back. He wanted to take care of her, to be with her no matter what.
This was too good to be true.
“Don’t
you see, Ciara? I love you.”
“Nick…”
Dammit, she did not want to cry any more.
“I
always have. Nothing, absolutely nothing outside of that fact matters anymore.”
“I’ve
always known Nick…” She looked down, almost ashamed to admit that she knew but
continued to push him away anyway.
“Then
why?” Sighing, he picked up the towel and tossed it over her shoulders. “Let’s
get some clothes on you…I can’t concentrate.”
She
had to laugh at that. Some things never changed. “Shall I put on a few layers?”
“Might
not be a bad idea…” He helped her slip her bra on when the pain in her
shoulders stopped her progress on her own. “Okay, this is weird…how the hell do
you get these things untwisted?”
“Just
slide your fingers…yeah, like that.” She hooked the front up and looked at
their reflection in the mirror. He looked tired. She looked…beat up. Damned
car.
“I
like takin’ ‘em off better.”
“I
like it when you take ‘em off…”
Turning
from their reflection, he started snooping through a pile of clothes.
“Mmm…where’s your shirt?”
“You’re
no fun.”
“Oh,
I’ll be fun…but not right now, Cici…we’ve wasted too
much time bein’ naked and not enough time bein’ honest.”
Ouch.
What the hell happened to him these last few weeks? She liked it, although
right now it would mean a total change of mindset. She wasn’t sure she was
ready for it. “Good point…that blue one’s clean.”
He
pulled out the t-shirt and tossed it to her. “Need help getting it on?”
Grimacing
she pulled it over her head and neck, smiling shyly as her face peeked through.
“Nope…thanks…sweats…over there.”
Tossing
her an old shrunken pair of his sweats, she hopped into them and stood still
staring at him. “Okay, so now what?”
“So
now…we talk.” He took her by the hand and led her downstairs to the couch.
“Sit. I’ll be right back.”
What
the hell was he up to? Disappearing into the kitchen, she could hear him
clamoring around through bags finally “Ah-ha-ing” at finding what he was
looking for. “Okay…close your eyes.”
“Oh
for God’s sake, Nick…”
“Close
‘em.”
“Okay,
okay, they’re closed…and covered with my hands cuz I know you think I peek.”
“That’s
cuz you do.” He was right on top of her, scaring her yet again and making her
jump.
“God
DAMMIT, Nick!”
“Sorry…k,
open.”
Peeling
her hand away, she took the box from his hand with a questioning look. “What’s
this?”
“Get
well present.” He sat down next to her, hoping she’d get the full meaning of
this silly gift.
“I’ll
never get well, Nick.”
“I
know that…stop. I mean from the accident. Will you just open the damned box?
God, you’re a pain in my ass today.”
“Did
you miss the memo? It’s be a pain in Nick’s ass day.”
“Yep,
I’d have stayed in bed…open it up…it’s really not worth all of this build up.”
“Okay,
okay…” She finally quit tormenting and popped the folded lid open. Not able to
see in the dark box, she reached in, smiling as she found something fuzzy. “Are
these new???...” Pulling the gift out of the box, she sighed. “..slippers…with
stars on them…”
“Yep…and
look, Ci. They’re 8-pointed ones…like in the book.”
“Well,
look at that…they are! How cool!”
“I
figured maybe it was time to put the mice to rest, huh?”
“Yeah,
probably so…a bit childish.”
“So
you, but…”
“Yeah…”
Looking up to him, she had to smile. She still couldn’t believe he was here, no
less…no less everything else. “…time to grow up now.”
“Not
too much, I hope.”
“Never
with you, Nick…that’s why I lo-…”
She
stopped. No, she didn’t want it to come out so casually. His words were still
burning in her ears, in her heart. She wanted the first time it crossed her
lips to be special. Memorable…not after receiving fuzzy star slippers. “Thanks,
Nick…I love ‘em.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
“Okay,
so now can I ask you my question?”
“Go
for it.” They’d taken a break from potentially deep conversation in favor of
eating dinner. It was a good choice. Now they had all night…all the next day…as
long as they wanted.
“If
you knew how I felt about you…why? Why wouldn’t you trust me enough? Why have
you made this so damned complicated?”
“Because…I…I
just knew what a life with me meant and I wanted better for you.”
“Shouldn’t
that be up to me to decide?”
“You
sound like
“
“Mmm…with
everyone else, she is, yeah. She sucks at romance.”
“Ah,
well…maybe she just hasn’t found the right guy.”
“I’m
not sure he exists.”
“Thanks.”
“No,
no…I mean…is there really someone out there for everyone? Maybe some of us are
supposed to be alone.”
“Is
that what you want? Do you want to be alone? I mean, I’m dense sometimes, but
damn, I’ll take a fuckin’ hint.”
“No!
No! Nick! I do not…” Realizing this is exactly how she’d been acting, she
stopped. “I’ve not given you much else though have I?”
“Lately,
no. Do you even want me, Ci? Maybe I’m fighting for
something that isn’t mine to begin with.”
Does
she want him? Does she WANT him? Oh dear God…yes. That’s why she was so afraid
to let him in, to let him love her. Because once he loved her completely, she
knew she’d want him for the rest of her life. And it just didn’t seem fair to
him.
“Yes.
Yes, Nick. I want you. More than…I have never…shit, this isn’t coming out right
at all.”
Waiting
quietly for her to get her thoughts together, he ran a hand through her damp
curls, massaging her shoulder, touching her neck, hoping his touch would help
ease her mind enough so she could speak clearly. Finally, when she took a deep
breath and met his eyes, he stopped…
“I
love you, Nick…and I’ve been so afraid to say it, so afraid to feel it, so
afraid…”
“There’s
nothing to be afraid of, Cici…love’s not supposed to
be scary.”
“Losing
love is frightening.”
“Who
said we’re gonna lose?”
“Just
seems to be a theme in my life.”
“Then
let’s start a new one, baby…I love you…you…oh wow…” He sat back and let it sink
in. He knew it too, but to hear it come out of her mouth…she loved him. Ciara Watkins loved him! Sick of being quiet, he let out a
whoop loud enough to wake the dead.
“What
the!? Nick?” He scooped her up in his arms and held onto her for dear life,
rubbing her back, burying his nose in her neck.
“You
love me!”
“Of
course, I do, you goof…you didn’t know that!?”
Pulling
her back to look in her eyes he chuckled. “Yeah, I did…why the hell haven’t we
ever told each other?”
“Cuz
we’re stupid. And scared. And…I have no idea.”
“Listen…you
know, you’ve been so afraid of how I’ll deal with a life with you…do YOU know
what it will mean to be with me? I mean, Ci…it’s not
all sunshine and roses.”
“I’ve
noticed…but, yeah. I think I’ve seen enough of it.”
“No,
you really haven’t. I’ve kept you hidden from some things too.”
“I
think I can take it.”
“I
have no idea if we’re even a group any more, Ci. This
solo stuff could very well blow up in my face, the guys…we’re still in the
decision-making process about our future. For all I know, Ci,
I’m a 22 yr. old has-been.”
“You
were an 11 year old brat when I met you. What difference would that make to
me?”
“Okay…then
why can’t you see that all the specifics of life with you don’t make a shit of
difference to me either?”
“Because
they’re more important than money.”
“They’re
just extras. You have kids, they grow up and then you’re alone again. Without
each other, the kids leave and you’ve got nothing…so why can’t you be something
without kids?”
“Because
you deserve a family, Nick.”
“I
DESERVE you! Kids…they’re icing. The cherry on top. Sparkle. Very nice, but not
necessary, Ciara. Please don’t shut this off again
because you’re so hell bent on me being a damned dad! All I want…All I want…”
He
took her face in his hands again and finally kissed her softly, tenderly,
pulling back slowly as though he were savoring her taste. He was. “…All I want
is a life with you. Anything else…the good, the bad…it’s just fluff.”
“Fluff
IS overrated.”
Smiling
at the smile in her eyes, he had to chuckle. She could always take a serious
discussion and with one comment lighten it up. Thank God, because this was
getting too deep. They loved each other. They said it. What the hell else was
there to talk about?
Wrapping
his arms around her again, he kissed her neck, happy to hear her moan at his
touch. Scooping her up, without a word, he took her back upstairs and into her
room. “Wait here…I want to shut out everything else." She watched as he
made his way to the window, shutting the blinds, closing out the rest of the
world. “Mmm…it’s raining.”
“Crack
the window a bit…I love to hear the rain.”
“Okay.”
As he did, she walked up behind him wrapping her arms around his waist and
laying her head on his back, her mind traveling back in time to birthday
wishes, wishes upon a star, daydreams they’d shared in the past. Every time
she’d dreamt of someone to just be with her, to love her, to be someone she
could love in return. She was so sure it’d never happen, she was blinded to the
fact that the fulfillment of those dreams and wishes was right under her nose,
right in her arms, right in her heart all along.
Turning
to her, he looked down at his love. The woman he’d loved for years. Always. From
little boy admiration to teenaged infatuation to now. A feeling, an emotion he
couldn’t explain, one he’d avoided trying to explain so he wouldn’t lose it.
But now that he’d said the simplest of words to share his heart, he felt he
could never say it enough. Never show it enough. But, he knew…she knew…they’d
have a lifetime…even if it wasn’t a full lifetime…their lifetime to say it, to
show it, to mature it. And it was time to get started.
Brushing
a stray curl from her face and pushing it behind her ear, he bent down,
bringing her lips to his, amazed again at how soft and warm she was. Always
like the first time. Fresh, exciting, intoxicating.
Ciara.
Pulling
back from the kiss, she let her gaze swim in his, also amazed at the depth of
blue, the openness of heart she’d find there. Always like the first time.
Fresh, exciting, intoxicating.
Nick.
“I
love you, Ciara…”
“I
love you, Nick.”
******~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments
I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this
time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
These are the moments I thank God that
I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than the love
you give me
'Coz it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more.**
***
