Chapter 15
It should've
been so easy.
All she had to
do was resist. Push him as far away from her as she could. Berate
him for having the audacity to ask her to stay after all the pain he'd caused
her... But with his lips moving so earnestly against hers, any attempt on
Katarina's behalf to send him away flew out of her
mind. She couldn't resist him.
She loved him
too much.
Nick's fingers
threaded in her golden tresses and she pulled him closer not wanting one inch
of space between them. But the moment her body pressed against his, she
could feel everything. His tense muscles, his heartbeat...and the leather
mask that chafed her cheek.
"Don’t
touch it."
"But--"
"Don’t
EVER touch it Rina. EVER!"
"You
don’t have to yell Nick!"
"Dammit! Do you not realize what you could’ve done?!"
Immediately
her common sense returned and she began to pull away but his arms tightened on
her waist. "Nick, let me go," she squirmed.
"Please Rina...don't go," he pleaded, ignoring her request and
instead burying his face in her neck, "don't leave me."
The desperate
tone in his voice yanked painfully at her heart and she wanted nothing more
than to hold him...let her lips roam over his face, whisper sweet nothings in
his ear... but now wasn't the time. Not when there was so much to be
resolved. "Nick," she wrenched herself away and took a few
steps back, "you can't keep doing this to me."
He opened his
mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He just stared at her in a way that
made her want to rush into his arms again. No. You're stronger
than that Rina. She kept her gaze on his
unreadable eyes. "Do you find it amusing to play me like a--"
"That was
never my intention Rina," he interrupted,
suddenly finding his voice, "and you know it."
She nearly
burst out laughing. "Are you kidding me?! One minute you need
me, the next you hate me..." she turned away from him, "my feelings
are not a toy Nick!"
"I know
that. I just... I'm scared Rina."
Her resolve
softened, hearing the vulnerability in his voice. "Scared of
what?"
There was no
answer.
Thinking he
had left, she turned around with a frown on her face, but there he was, rooted
in the same spot, his stature rigid. He looked so afraid. Wanting
so badly to comfort him, she cautiously took his hand. His eyes flickered
with surprise at the gentle gesture, but he intertwined his fingers with
hers. Smiling encouragingly, she led him to the bed.
They sat on
the edge, side by side, their hands clasped together. She struggled not
to let out a sigh. The tiny ray of sunlight in her room enhanced the
brilliant blue of his eyes and she yearned to drown in them... If only they
didn't look so troubled.
"Rina, I..." he frowned and let out a frustrated sigh,
"I'm not very good with words."
"I'm
listening Nick. Just tell me what's in your heart," she encouraged.
More moments
of silence passed between them before he spoke up again. "You
deserve someone better than me."
She shook her
head. "I don't want someone else. I want you Nick."
His gaze left
hers and wandered to the floor. "You say that now, but you don't
know."
"Don't
know what?" She let go of his hand and crossed her arms. "Why
can't you just tell me what's going on?"
"Because
once you see me Rina. You'll run. I know
it!"
Now she was
confused. "See you? I don't..." her voice trailed off as
it dawned on her. Her eyes widened. "Are you talking about
your face?"
He kept his
mouth shut.
"Nick,
you don't have to be afraid," she reached for his hand again but this
time, he was the one who crossed his arms.
"You
don't understand."
"Then
make me understand Nick! All I want is to understand!"
He lapsed into
silence again and kept his gaze firmly locked on the floor.
"Nick
please..."
"...I've
never...in my whole life felt the way I feel when I'm with you Rina," he finally lifted his eyes to meet hers,
"and I couldn't take it if you looked at me like a...freak."
"Ni--"
"'Cause
that's what I am. A freak."
"No
Nick," she whispered and tenderly wiped the tear that strayed from his
eye, "you're not a freak. You could never be a freak to
me."
He opened his
mouth to protest, but she placed a finger over his warm lips.
"I don't
care about your limbs, your hair, your face...I just care about you
Nick. Who you are in here." She pressed her palm against his
heart. "Nothing is ever going to change that."
Nick reached
out and cupped her face. "Promise?"
She covered
his gentle hands with hers and smiled. "I promise."
Moments later,
his hands left her face and hesitantly moved to his. She watched his
trembling fingers as they traveled to the back of his head to unclasp the
leather layer on the mysterious side of his face. A nervous flutter in
her stomach caused her to take a deep breath. She'd been waiting for this
moment for so long...
He closed his
eyes and slowly revealed himself to her.
***
Silence.
Nick was
stunned by her silence. By now, he would've expected a shrill scream to
escape from her sweet lips, a cry of disgust...of fear.
But there was
only silence.
He kept his
eyes shut tightly, afraid of what he would see if he opened them. He
yearned to run and hide from her beautiful face, to take shelter in Caroline's
arms and feel her motherly embrace right at this very moment. He felt too
vulnerable. Too afraid.
Too free.
What was going
through her mind right now? Was she wondering how she could've fallen for
such a horrid thing? Was she thinking of ways to rid herself of his
presence in her life? His heart rammed in double time against his chest,
fear and shame accumulating in his mind. Would she laugh if she knew how
frightened he was? He cursed to himself. All these damn questions
were driving him crazy!
And then his
heart leapt to his throat as he felt her finger lightly graze the marked side
of his face. Was he dreaming? Drawing up whatever courage he had
left, he opened his eyes. No. It was no dream. She was still
here. And she was touching his face...his wretched face. Funny,
usually the slightest touch on the tender flesh sent him on a whirlwind of
suffering...
But now, he
felt nothing...
Nothing but
her healing hands on his face...
And his soul.
***
How could
this have happened to him?
Katarina ran her fingers over the thick red ridges that were etched on the left
side of his face...the grotesque red and white blotches that plastered the skin
that had once been normal. The only spot left unravished
by whatever circumstance that left Nick this way were his lips. He was
hardly the Nick Carter that the world new as one of the hottest stars to walk
the planet...
Yet absolutely
nothing had changed in her feelings for him. If anything, they grew into
something much more intense...much more significant. She wanted to love
this broken man. She wanted to hold him every night and take care of
him...marry him. She wanted to have his children and grow old with
him. They were crazy thoughts at her age, but never in her life had she
felt more sure about anything.
She'd found
her soulmate.
"You're
not running," he suddenly murmured.
Katarina smiled at the hope that flickered in his eyes. "I see no
reason to."
"You
still want me...after seeing all this?"
"I think
I want you even more than I did before Nick." Her hands left his
face and took his hands once again. "Do you...want me?"
His lips
curved into the grin that stole her heart. "Do you have to
ask?"
Laughing, she
let him pull her into his arms and she rested her head on his chest as he
leaned back against the wall. She sighed as he stroked her hair.
Bliss...that's what this was. Pure bliss. But after a few moments
of tranquil silence, more questions arose. "Nick?"
"Hmm..."
"...How
did that happen to you?" She immediately felt his body tense and she
closed her eyes tightly, expecting him to retreat back into the 'other man' and
send her away again.
"I...I
don't know if I can tell you Rina. It hurts to
talk about it."
"I
understand," she murmured, "I don't want to bring back horrible
memories for you."
He lapsed into
silence again. She was itching with curiosity, but she'd rather not know
anything than cause him any kind of pain. She relaxed in his arms again
and felt herself drifting when suddenly his voice broke through her cloudy
mind.
"But
someday, I'll tell you...when the pain of remembering stops. For now, I
just want to be with you."
She
smiled and relished in the sensations that flowed through her body as he ran
his soothing fingers up and down her arm. "Nothing would make me
happier," she whispered softly before drifting into a peaceful slumber.
***
