Chapter 24
4 Months Later
Katarina slipped on her shades as she walked into the
She just kept
seeing him.
Hearing him.
Feeling him.
*BEEP*
Startled, she
stepped on the gas and raced forward. Concentrate Rina!
You're driving! For the rest of the drive, she focused on road rules
and regulations, wanting to make it to her sister's in one piece. But
once she was parked in the driveway, she leaned her forehead against the
steering wheel and let herself be overwhelmed by the emotions running through
her system.
He needed her.
He needed her
so badly that Katarina could feel his anguish coarse
through her veins like an incurable virus. She fought back the urge to
sob. More than anything, she wanted to be on the next flight to
"Rina?"
Startled yet
again, her head flew up in alarm, nearing smacking into Billie's.
"Whoa!"
Billie took a hurried step back. "That was too close."
"I'm
sorry," Katarina murmured distractedly, "I
didn't even know you were there."
"Obviously!
I saw you drive up and I came down to greet you. I must've called out to
you at least 5 times!" Billie's forehead creased with worry, noting
her sister's slouch and tired voice. "You're still not sleeping well
are you?"
"I'm
fine," she replied tersely as she stepped out of the car and grabbed her
books, "I just have a lot on my mind, that's all."
"A lot on
your mind or just Nick."
Just hearing
his name made her want to scream. "Billie, don't."
She sighed and
put a comforting arm over her shoulder and they headed into the apartment
complex. "Rina, if you still love him, why
don't you just go see him?"
"I
can't."
"Why?!"
"I
WILL NOT leave Nick. And certainly NOT for you Kris."
"Oh
you will Kitty Kat. I can guarantee that you will. Hmm...I wonder
what this is... Ah yes! Now I remember! There're the photos I
took of Nick a few days ago while he was chopping up some firewood for
you and the old hag! Tsk. Tsk. I wonder what would happen if I took these
photos to the media. I'm sure the whole world would love to know that
Nick Carter is not dead, that he's very much alive...and looks like sideshow
freak!"
"I just
can't Billie. Can we just drop it?"
Her sister
unlocked the door and waited until they were inside the apartment before
responding. "Rina, I'm really worried
about you. You just haven't been the same since you came back from
Katarina tossed her bag on the couch and plopped down next to it.
"Look who's talking. I haven't seen a genuine smile on your face
since I came back either."
Billie looked
away. "That's different."
"How
so? You're obviously hurting as much as I am. Why don't you go see
Howie?"
"Because...we
had an agreement. But there's nothing stopping you!"
She nearly
burst out laughing. If you only knew...
"Anyway,"
Billie moved into the kitchen, "Kris is coming over for dinner
tonight."
Katarina groaned inwardly. If it wasn't one thing, it was ALWAYS
something else. "Oh."
"You're
welcome to join us."
I'd rather
eat dirty socks. "No thanks. I think I'll just go visit Mom and
Dad."
"But Kris
really wants you here. He said that it'd be nice for all of us to spend
some time together. He won't take no for an answer."
Her eyes
narrowed. In other words, be there or else. But at least her
innocence was still in tact. Surprisingly, Kris hadn't asked her once for
her body. She often wondered why, but continued praying that he would be
satisfied with just kisses. Her face twisted in revulsion. She'd
lost count of how many times she'd have to let his lips touch hers. Her
body trembled with fear just thinking about it. How long before he asked
for more? She sighed in frustration. When was she going to be put
out of her misery?! No... She wanted to live. As long as Nick
was still alive, she wanted to be here...even though she'd never see him again.
She closed her
eyes to elude the tears and sleep came easily...but she knew it would not last
long.
***
Billie placed
the spaghetti into the bowl of boiling water and then sat at her table and
rubbed her face in frustration. 4 months...4 damn months and I still
can't get over it. What's wrong with me?! I'm getting married in
two months and all I can think about is Howie... This was supposed to
be the happiest time of her life and instead of being happy, she felt as though
she were waiting for a death sentence. Kris irritated her more and more
as the weeks flew by, not just because of his often flippant attitude but
because of the odd looks he'd been giving Rina
lately. Maybe she was just imagining things but she could almost swear
that there was desire in his eyes. She'd called him on it once, but as usual
he brushed off her observations as irrelevant and led her to the bedroom.
Speaking of
the bedroom, she hadn't exactly been having the time of her life there
either. Sleeping with Kris had become more of a chore than an actual
period of enjoyment. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd been
satisfied. Well, actually she could. But she refused to acknowledge
it. It hurt too much, especially since Howie was apparently seeing
someone else. Backstreet Boys weren't a group anymore, but that didn't
stop the media from prying into their lives anyway. She'd learned through
a newspaper article that Brian and Leighanne were working diligently with their
signed artists on their label, BriLeigh Productions,
A.J and Sarah were still on their honeymoon in an undisclosed location, Kevin's
marriage with Kristin was on the rocks and Nick's family was busy with the
Ocean's Campaign he left behind when he passed away.
And Howie?
Howie's been
touring around the world for his Lupus Foundation with his sister and a pretty
blond without a name. Who knows? Maybe the blond was a friend, but
Billie didn't want to delude herself. If she was Howie's girlfriend, she
had to accept it. Deal with it.
Move on.
But even if
she could, there was still Rina to worry about.
She didn't know it, but almost every night, Billie could hear her little sister
sobbing and worrying about her ex-boyfriend. Obviously, she was still in
love with him, so why didn't she just find a way to work things out? She
sighed. To be honest, Billie didn't even know what had happened between
Nick and Rina. She came back to
And who was
Nick anyway? The only thing she knew about him was that he lived in a
strange old house in
But from
what?!
***
With a fresh
batch of chocolate chip cookies on a tray, Caroline knocked on the door of
Nick's bedroom. "Nickolas darling?"
"What?"
She winced at
the coldness in his voice. "I made you some cookies. Would you
like them?"
"I'm not
hungry."
Sighing, she
opened the door. As usual, he was sitting on his bed with his arms
crossed and a glare that would scare off the devil himself.
"I said
I'm not hungry."
"Well
that's just too bad for you because you're eating anyway." Caroline
set down the tray on his lap. After a few moments of ignoring the
delectable scent, he finally picked one cookie up and took a small bite.
Appreciation flickered in his eyes for a second before the emptiness returned.
"Thank
you," he mumbled.
"Your
welcome. Not how about coming downstairs for a while to help me
paint."
"I don't
feel like it."
She sat down
in front of him and placed a gentle hand over his unscathed cheek.
"Nickolas please, can't you accompany me at least for a while?"
"I
can't," he snapped and roughly moved the tray off his lap, "I don't
have the patience or the heart to sketch. Not when all I see--" he
stopped.
"When all
you see..." she watched as his face darkened even more.
"I don't
want to. I just want to be alone."
"I know
she hurt you dear but--"
"Hurt?!"
Nick glared at her incredulously. "Hurt doesn't even begin to
describe it!"
"I--"
"I don't
want to hear it Caroline. I don't want to EVER hear her name again.
EVER!!"
Knowing that
he was much too angry to continue the conversation, she simply gave up and left
the room. At least they'd actually talked this time. It was the
first time in months that he said more than one word sentences and Caroline was
grateful. But the anger was still there. Still burning within him.
Anger and
love.
He could deny
it as many times as he wanted, but she had far more years of wisdom than he did
and she knew without a doubt that Nickolas was very much as enthralled with Rina now as he was before she left. She went into Rina's room and stood in the middle, happy that she could
still feel her presence. She missed her very much and hoped that one day
she would return. Not just for her sake...
But for Nick's
as well.
***
A few minutes
passed before Nick reached underneath his pillow and pulled out his prized
sketch book and flipped it open again. Her face stared back at him and it
took all the strength he could muster not to caress the smooth paper...
Or rip it out
of his book and tear it to shreds.
But then he'd
have to rip out every single page in the pad because every page was filled with
her. Her smile, her eyes, her lips...he had every detail down to a
tee. It was the present he'd planned to give to her on Christmas Eve, but
it hadn't been completed. He'd finished it New Years Day, hours before
making her breakfast...hours after she'd fled his life forever.
He shook his
head. He was pathetic. How was it possible that he could still feel
so taken by her after what she'd done? Did he like being in pain?
Did he like being stupid?! He should HATE her, wish her nothing but harm,
curse her for leaving...
Instead, he
spent his nights wondering if she was okay...if she ever thought about him...if
she imagined his lips worshiping hers as he'd done so many times already.
He put the pad aside and ran his fingers though his longish blond locks.
Caroline hadn't trimmed his hair in months. He wished he could tell her
how he was feeling...that living was unbearable, that his face ached for Rina's healing touch.
That he
desperately needed her to live.
No, no,
no!!
Nick scowled. He didn't need ANYONE. Especially Katarina.
If she had the audacity to leave him high and dry, she could go to hell and
never come back. Feeling the familiar ferocity returning, he grabbed the
pad of memories, shoved it back in his hiding place and proceeded to brood.
At least
living with anger was better than living with the fact that he'd never see Rina's smiling face again.
***
