The Tale of Frack and the Green Underwear

"Dammit Nick! Why'd you have to go and do that?"

"It was like that when I got here!" Nick whined, staring down at the shredded remains of Brian's new jacket. It appeared to have been somehow electrocuted by the cord from a Nintendo game controller. He was beginning to doubt that he would be able to convince Brian that Aaron did it. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to try. Maybe if he reasonably explained what had happened then it- "Aaron did it!" he screamed in panic. Darn... there goes that plan.

"Fine Nick," sighed Brian, folding his arms across his chest. "Fine." He paused. "I have to go get a new jacket, then. Coming?"

'Nintendo,' whispered a little voice in the back of Nick's head. 'Final Fantasy Four.... Must play.... Must... beat high score...' His eyes began to glaze over.

"Nick? Nick!" shouted Brian. Nick jumped, coming out of his trance.

"Nintendo... " he muttered, eyes beginning to glaze over again. "Final Fantasy Four. Nintendo so close... jacket store so far away..."   

"Nick!!!"

"Can't go to jacket store... must avoid at all costs... must.... kill Brian...."

"Nick! Quit it, you're scaring me!"

"Must... kill..."

"NICK!!!"

Nick jumped. "Ahhh! What? Don't yell at me!" he whined. "I didn't do anything wrong! Oh wait... I killed your jacket. Umm... I mean... I didn't kill your jacket. Really, I didn't! It was Aaron!"

"Yeah Nick, whatever you say..." said Brian, starting to leave. " You sure you don't want to come?"

"Hells no!"

"Okay then." Brain closed the door, and Nick heard him walk down the stairs and out the front. He looked out the hotel window, and saw him walk by. "Aaron did it!!!" Nick yelled at the top of his lungs for anyone who cared to listen.

He plopped down on the hotel bed and tried to remember why he had wanted to stay here. Something about killing Brian... yes, that must have been it. He was plotting to kill Brian. He cackled evilly, and called in his evil sidekick, Aaron.

"Hells no!" called Aaron from the room across the hall. "You get in here!"

"Hey! Hells no is my thing! No fair!" Nick whined. A little voice in the back of his head muttered 'note to self: after done killing Brian, kill Aaron.' He gave a satisfied nod, and went into the kitchen to find some sherbet. There wasn't any, so he settled for heating up some pizza from last night. Just as he was sitting down to eat, he heard a knock at the door.

"Nick? Niiiick?" called Aaron. "Let me in... I want pizza too!"

"Hells no!" called Nick back, happy to be using his favorite expression. 'Wait a minute...' he thought. 'I need to kill Aaron anyway... why not now?' He walked over to the sink and picked up a spoon. "Just kidding Aaron... hold on a sec!"

Nick opened the door and immediately began stabbing Aaron with the spoon, cackling evilly.

"Ow! Ow!" yelled Aaron. "Owwww!!! My arm! Stop poking me, Nick! That hurts! Ow! I'm gonna have a bruise there!!! Ouch!"

Finally Nick got tired. Stabbing and cackling madly takes a lot out of a guy. He stretched, yawned, staggered over to his bed, collapsed on it, and went to sleep. Aaron stuck his tongue out at Nick, rubbed the sore spot on his arm, and took a piece of pizza back to his room. Nick smacked his lips a few times, and rolled over.

He woke up a few hours later to cries of "Nicky, we love you!" and "Frack! FRAAAACK!!!" Brian and Kevin were nailing boards over the doors, and AJ was covering the windows. AJ noticed that Nick was awake.

"They found us!" he yelled, trying to be heard over the manic shrieking of the girls outside. "They're trying to break down the doors!"

"They fou... wait... how did they find us?" asked Nick, confused.

"Some girls saw Brian buying a jacket, and started screaming. It started a chain reaction... soon there was this big mob of girls after him. He was running back to the hotel, and we saw him on the way, and followed."

"Where's Howie?" yelled Nick, louder this time. AJ, Kevin, and Brian turned to look at him, then looked at their own feet.

"Well... " said AJ hesitantly. "I'm afraid he's... no longer with us."

"He died?!" screamed Nick.

"No... but they got him."

"They? Whose they? Oh... oh no! You don't mean... that they?" Nick looked outside at the milling girls. He caught site of Howie, then he was gone; only a drowning hand left poking up from the middle of a group of fans. 'Oh great,' he thought. 'We won't be getting him back anytime soon.' "Well," he said. "Where's Aaron?"

Kevin pointed to under a telephone table, where Aaron was curled up with his beanie baby collection, shaking. Nick laughed insanely, grabbed a spoon, and began stabbing him again.

"Ow! Owwww! Niiiick! I already have a bruise there!" he whined. Brian, AJ, and Kevin dragged Nick away.

"Now, we have to come up with a plan," said Kevin. "They're after all of us, so if we go down the fire escape and split up, we won't have so many chasing us. Then-"

"Wait a minute..." said AJ. "They're not after all of us... only Nick!" He and Kevin turned slowly towards the yelp-inducing blond, who had jumped Brian and was stabbing his arm with the spook, still cackling.

"Well, he's insane already. Won't do us much good in the studio..." muttered Kevin.

"And if it'll help keep them away from us... maybe we should..." added AJ. They nodded at each other in silent agreement.

They walked over, and grabbed Nick by the arms. He continued to cackle madly, and tried vainly to reach Brian with his spoon. Brian stood up, rubbing his arm, and muttering about how much that would hurt his dancing in the next concert. AJ and Kevin threw Nick out the door.

Well, they tried to. It didn't work very well. His clothes caught on the nails they had used to board the door closed with. They tried harder to push him out. Finally they succeeded, but all his clothes were ripped off in the process. All but his green underwear.

And that's how it really happened.

The End

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