Chapter 42:
More Breakdown
Brian slammed the door to his room with a
resounding crash, irritated that he had let Kevin get to him with such a simple
comment as being ready. He needed to toughen up, to immune himself to the
insults that he knew would soon come with increasing intensity.
With a sigh, he shed his clothes and threw
them to the ground, heading toward the shower. A full-length mirror caught his
attention and curious about Nick’s and Kevin’s remarks, stopped to view
himself. His hair was a mess, sweat-plastered and needing a cut. He came closer
to examine his face. Definitely a shave was needed, but otherwise no tell-take
marks, of which he was grateful. His neck was another matter. Brian touched his
throat gingerly, tracing the red marks that were starting to fade from Xavier’s
not-so-gentle grip. Making a mental note to himself to remember to hide the
marks with some stage makeup tonight, Brian stepped back from the mirror to
critically look at his body. Always being slim by nature, he guessed he had
lost some weight and wouldn’t have been surprised if he had, considering. Never
owning a scale, he didn’t know how much. He knew for certain that he felt
stronger and looked more toned with Xavier’s rabid exercise regime; the various
fresh and fading bruises over his body testified to that. He finally dismissed
the guys’ comments on his appearance, more concerned with his mental than his
physical well-being.
Brian entered the bathroom and turned on
the shower, stepping in to savor the warmth and comfort of the hot water; the
heat soothing his body, the warm temperature doing nothing to ease the problem
that swirled constantly around in his head. He turned his back to let the water
pound gently on his back, closing his eyes to think about what options, if any,
he had. Xavier’s instructions had been crude but effective, either Xavier broke
up the group or Brian did. Brian knew that simply asking the group he wanted to
quit wouldn’t work. They wouldn’t understand why and he couldn’t tell them the
truth. Verbally they had always agreed to stay together; if one were to leave
it would have to be for a pretty damn good reason. He thought of some pretty
effective ways of breaking up the group, but that would mean the end of
Backstreet Boys altogether, something Brian would not do. He wasn’t sure how
the public would handle the loss of one Backstreet Boy, but wasn’t four better than
none? He could be replaced, couldn’t he? He knew Xavier wanted him to break the
group up, he just never said how. Determined not to jeopardize his friend’s
careers, he realized the only way he could leave was to have the guys force him
out. Brian thought about the difficulty that lay ahead, understanding all too
well Xavier’s short temper and patience. He didn’t want a repeat of Xavier’s
anger; he knew Nick would be the next target. It needed to be done, now,
starting with tonight’s concert.
Brian turned off the shower, forcing
himself to leave the comfortable confines of the steamy cubicle to search for a
towel. He climbed tiredly into his bed, noting the time, then closed his eyes,
only to jerk them open again as a sudden rush of vertigo hit him.
He braced himself against the dizziness,
waiting for the episode to pass. Rest! his mind screamed, relax! He
gazed up at the wall, wondering what his record would be for most hours of no
sleep.
***
