Chapter 63:

Admission

Kevin looked helplessly on, watching in total disbelief as Howie laughed uncontrollably at Nick, who was hopping up and down with the enthusiasm of a ten-year-old boy on his birthday. Only a moment ago they both had been complaining of feeling dizzy and Kevin had panicked, ushering them back into the dressing room, concerned. Now he just shook his head, frowning as he watched Nick spin happily around the room. He gazed in dismay at Howie, who seemed to have taken a sudden interest with the dressing room lights. Kevin wondered if they were playing another one of their practical jokes on him and warned them to stop acting so goofy.

Howie and Nick came up to Kevin, arms draped around each others shoulders, contented smiles on their face. Nick let go of Howie, throwing a friendly arm around Kevin. "Ahh… Kevvvvy, what's the matter?" He began to finger the supple leather of Kevin's coat, almost caressing it. "Hey, nice jacket! What is it?"

Kevin pried Nick's fingers away, annoyed. "It's leather, you dumbass."

Nick smiled, nodding his head. "Right!" He looked at Howie, waving his hand. "Hey, D! Feel Kev's jacket. It's awesome!"

Howie started stroking the soft leather, oohing and ahhing, until Kevin smacked his hand away. "Stop it! What the hell is the matter with you?"

Howie frowned, looking hurt. "You're not mad at me, are you?" he asked in wonder. He turned to Nick, then to AJ who had been quietly watching them all from the couch. "I think he's mad at me!" The ridiculous smiles Howie received from both Nick and AJ would have been laughable if Kevin hadn't been so exasperated.

AJ rose from the couch, coming over to admire Kevin's jacket. "It is nice. I gotta get me one!"

Kevin hissed in frustration, peeling AJ's hand off him. "You do have one. Shit! Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

"I will." AJ smiled good-naturedly at Kevin and stretched lazily, marveling at how sensual it felt. Noting the confusion on his friend's face, AJ stopped, feeling sorry for Kevin. He understood what was happening and somewhere in the back of his mind it bothered him that it didn’t bother him. He looked at Kevin, ready to explain, when he zeroed in on the tall singer's eyes. Damn, they sure were green! He wondered if Kevin knew just how green. He was positive Kevin would appreciate it so he opened his mouth to say so but Nick cut in.

"Guys, have I told you that I love ya?" Nick threw his arms around Kevin and AJ, squashing them tightly into a big bear hug. Howie nodded, joining in the group hug.

"Ugh, yuck! Get off me!" Kevin pushed everyone apart, looking up to see Brian standing in the doorway. "There! Go over there and hug Brian instead."

Nick frowned at Brian, not sure. He disliked him a lot. He looked at Howie, reading the same confused expression. "Maybe later, okay?" Howie nodded at Nick's decision.

Kevin sighed, turning to AJ, who was staring intently at his face. "Bone! You said you know what's going on?" Despair welled up in his voice, grabbing the singer's tattooed forearm to give it a shake. "Tell me!"

AJ tore his eyes away from Kevin's, still mesmerized by their color. "Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Well, somehow, we've all taken E." He nodded sagely, as if that explained it all.

"What?" cried Kevin as Nick and Howie looked at each other in surprise.

"E. Ecstasy. The feel-good pill."

Kevin couldn't believe it. "How?"

"I'd say it was in the candy. In fact, I'm sure of it." Once again he nodded. Damn! Sometimes I'm so smart, it scares me!

Kevin shook AJ's arm again. "You're sure? How can you be so sure?"

AJ smiled serenely. Kevin could be so naïve at times. "I took it once," he admitted freely.

"What?!" Kevin repeated himself, this time in total shock.

"Hey, don't worry, okay? It just makes you feel incredibly good, and I mean incredibly." He glanced down at his crotch to explain.

"Oh my God," moaned Kevin, thinking. "The concert."

Nick spoke up, concerned. "You mean we're gonna have hard-ons during the show?"

AJ ignored Kevin's groans, shrugging. "So what? Like you never had a boner on stage? Give me a break!"

"But …all the time?"

AJ shrugged again. "It could happen. It could not. Don't worry about it." He glanced at Howie who winked at him, several times in fact. "Hell, D! Get that winking under control! I don't want to see you doing that all night!" AJ glanced at Kevin, who still seemed in a state of disbelief. "Man, how come you aren't affected? Or are you always this way, drugs or not?"

Kevin smiled sourly at AJ's joke. "I spit the chocolate out. Apparently I was the only smart one here."

Howie looked at Brian, who had stayed near the door the whole time, observing. "Wait a minute! Brian was smart too. He didn't take any, remember?"

Kevin stared at his cousin and Brian stared back, his face emotionless but his eyes revealing everything Kevin needed to know. "Son-of-a bitch!" swore Kevin heatedly as he watched Brian lower his head. He walked over to Brian, a rising anger beginning to burn inside him. He stood before his cousin, his arms folded across his chest, his voice low. "You did this to us, didn't you." Brian nodded his head, glancing up to see the disbelieving looks spread across Nick, AJ and Howie's face. Kevin was taken aback by Brian's calmness, his total lack of concern.

"Brian, damn you, why?"

Brian turned to look at Kevin, hearing the anger, the emotional betrayal and despair spoken in a few short words. He faltered for a moment, wishing with all his heart that someday they might be able to forgive him for this. "Because I wanted to," he lied simply.

Brian heard a sharp hiss as AJ came over to glare at him. "You really hate us that much that you would do this to us?" AJ felt the heightened sense of clarity that the drug gave him and he nodded, answering his own question. "Of course you would. Anything to keep you ahead, right? What kind of mind games are you fucking us with?" He noticed Brian jerked a little at the last sentence but carried on. "Figured if we didn't let you leave you could try and screw our lives in another way, huh?" Finding it difficult to sustain his anger when a feel-good drug was coursing through his system, AJ looked at Brian, his eyes dark and full of longing.

"I really wish I could beat the crap outta you Brian, but I can't."

"Here, let me help," replied Kevin, catching his cousin with a well-timed blow to his stomach. The punch sent Brian to his knees, and he groaned in pain, his hands clutching his midsection. Before he could bring up his hands to ward off another blow, Kevin hit him again and Brian felt his mouth fill up with a bitter taste, his teeth cutting the inside of his mouth. Brian leaned over, spitting out the overflowing blood before he gagged on it. Kevin leaned down and heaved his cousin back up, ready for another punch. Brian dimly felt Kevin being yanked away by Howie, the roar of pain in his head too loud to hear Nick and Howie screaming at Kevin to stop. Brian fell to the floor again and lay there, trying to press the hem of his shirt to his mouth to stop the bleeding.

Howie picked Brian up and none-too-gently pushed him into the nearest chair, glaring at him. He walked over to the small freezer and pulled out some ice chips, thrusting it and a clean cloth at Brian. Brian nodded his thanks but Howie shook his head. "Don't thank me," he warned harshly, " I just want to be able to talk to you." Brian sucked on the ice, wincing at the pain and looked up at him. Howie's eyes were blank, unreadable as he stared down at Brian, waiting patiently until Brian had finished attending to himself. Kevin and AJ began to object, but Howie held out his hand, frowning at them sharply, then turned his attention back to Brian.

"Well, you got what you wanted. There's no way we can go on tonight. Satisfied?" he questioned, his body shaking. He hated the way he felt right now, his adrenalin of anger clashing with the euphoric feeling of the drug. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Brian could see what was happening to Howie and cringed inwardly. He knew all four were waiting for an answer and he hesitated for only a second, knowing if he didn't say something now, he never could. "Yeah, I'm satisfied," he said heavily, trying to wipe away the last remaining blood from his lips. "I'm satisfied we're not going on tonight."

For reasons you'll never know. He stood up, facing Howie, trying his best to act indifferent.

Nick came over. "Wait a minute. Why do we have to cancel? I can go on. I feel okay. In fact, I've never felt better!" He bounced on his toes to emphasize his point and looked at AJ for support.

"I know I can do it," stated AJ simply. Nick threw an appreciative arm around his friend and grinned.

Kevin shook his head. 'Uh-uh, no way."

"Why not?"

Kevin gave an exasperated sigh. "Because I don't know how this drug is going to effect you guys on stage!"

AJ waved his hands and laughed easily. "I already know, remember? Nothing bad! It'll be alright. E just heightens your senses…a lot! Look." He sung a few bars of "Everybody" and danced an intricate step. "See? No problem!"

Howie frowned but felt more positive than the moment before. He sang a few lines himself as a test. Nick nodded and smiled, joining in, hearing AJ finish the last line of the song with them. They were in perfect harmony.

"No, no. It's too much of a risk."

Nick glanced at his watch. "A risk! Kevin, the arena is already filling up! Do you want risk canceling before 40,000 screaming fans? It's gonna be ugly."

Kevin kept shaking his head, unconvinced.

Undaunted, Nick continued. "Well, I'm going on. AJ, how about you?"

"I'm there, man."

"D?"

Howie hesitated, but only for a second. He did feel good. "Count me in."

Brian gazed at the three, taken aback. Surely they couldn't be serious about going on! He watched in despair as his plan to keep them off stage backfired, disintegrating before his own eyes. Gritting his teeth, he bitterly realized that Xavier had succeeded again. He shot a frustrated glance towards Kevin, who seemed to be just as upset.

Kevin started to object again, but Nick cut him off. "Come on! We can do it! Besides, you and Brian can keep us under control, watch us to see nothing weird happens."

At the mention of Brian's name, the room fell quiet, four pairs of inquiring eyes turning to look at him.

"That's the point!" cried Kevin, irritated. "Are you going to trust him to help you after what he just did?"

Nick looked solemn as he walked over to where Brian stood, cocking his head to one side as he contemplated it. "Yeah," he said softly, "I'm gonna trust him." He paused for a moment, his eyes boring straight into Brian's. "We all are. Because it's his ass out there as well. If we go down, I'm making sure he does too." A slight smile formed as he thought of the many satisfying ways he could do it.

AJ stared pointedly at Brian, then slowly put his sunglasses on. "Yeah. If we fuck up, I'm helping Nick bring you down."

Kevin elbowed his way past Nick, grabbing Brian's forearm in a tight grip. "Guess you don't get your wish after all," he hissed. "All I'm going say is Nick and AJ won't have anything on me if you screw this up tonight. I'll make sure your life will be a living hell." He gave Brian a rough shove and then signaled for the other three to follow him out of the dressing room.

Brian closed his eyes. "It already is," he said softly.

***

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