Rebuilding
I
sat in the pew barely noticing the beauty of the church. The service for A.J.’s funeral had begun. I looked around at my
friends, trying to judge how well they were holding up. On one side of me
Kevin sat looking utterly depressed. Every so often a tear would slip
down his cheek and it would seem that he was going to break out sobbing but he
never did. The control he had was amazing, or perhaps he’d just cried
enough already. On my other side Michaela sat totally poised. But
then again she hadn’t known A.J., at least not personally. She’d known
him only as a Backstreet Boy. Beside Kevin sat Howie. Oddly enough
out of all of us he seemed to be the most calm and he’d been A.J.’s best friend. His eyes were dry and you could
read no emotion in his face. Had he already come to terms with what had
happened? If he had I envied him greatly.
Beside
Howie was Nick who was desperately trying to comfort the distraught
Anita. Her sobs echoed throughout the large room. They had
continued unceasing since we had entered the church. And me? The
tears rolled down my face, but they were silent tears. I guess in a way I
didn’t want to interrupt the beautiful ceremony.
Soon
Howie was called up to speak. He’d been asked to say a bit about A.J.
because out of all of us he knew him best. I didn’t know how he could do
it, but there he stood facing the crowd of mourners and began to talk.
“When
I was first asked to come up here and speak to all of you about A.J. my first
reaction was one of shock. How could they expect me to give a speech
about my best friend of 10 years without ending up in tears? And be unable to
finish what I wanted to say. But the more I thought about A.J., our
friendship, the way he looked at life and the way he would have wanted us to
face his death the task seemed easier. In a way I think this has helped
me to come to terms with the fact he is gone.”
I
listened carefully to Howie’s sweet words. Should A.J. be listening in
heaven I knew he would have been touched. I could tell all of us
were. Even Anita had ceased her sobbing to listen to what Howie had
to say. It was a long but beautiful speech, as he brought it to a close
there was not one dry eye in the entire room.
“I
loved J more than I could ever put into words. He was the best friend I
ever had. I’m not saying that it doesn’t hurt, because it does. It hurts
every time something reminds me of him, it hurts every time a memory of him
enters my mind and even when I manage not to think of him there is always a dull
ache in my heart. A.J. will forever be a part of our lives, the mark he
made on them could never be erased.
But
I don’t think that A.J. would have wanted us to be sad or to shed too many
tears. Because he had a love for life unlike any other and he wanted
others to enjoy it as much as he did. A.J. never took one moment for
granted. He would have wanted all of us to move on. Knowing A.J.
he’s probably already partying up there in heaven.”
A
smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. Howie’s last remark had been too
true. He walked down the altar and sat back down with us. For the
first time since A.J. had died I felt a bit better. Even though Michaela
had told me virtually the same thing earlier I guess it was just a little more convincing
from someone who actually knew A.J.
As
we exited the church and proceeded to the graveyard I could tell that
everyone’s mood had lightened a bit. Apparently Howie’s words had
affected more people than just myself. I watched silently as they lowered
A.J. into his final resting-place. His body may have been gone, but his soul
lived on in heaven. He had gone on to a better place. I looked up at the
sky.
“Goodbye
Alex,” I whispered into the clouds. “Keep it funky.”
I
blew a kiss into the air. For an instant I was certain I saw A.J. up in
the sky blowing a kiss right back at me. But it was so quick it simply
could have been the sun in my eyes. Either way I was finally at peace.
We
drove back to Kevin’s house where the reception was being held. The mood
had gone from sorrow that morning to almost happiness. Everyone was
standing around recounting memories they had had with A.J. There was
laughter, smiles and the occasional tear. Though many of the hors
d’oeuvres had already been prepared I was in the kitchen helping Kevin whip up
a few more.
“So
what did you think?” Howie asked walking up to the counter.
I
turned around and smiled at him.
“It
was beautiful,” I replied and hugged him.
“It
was D.,” Kevin added nodding his head.
“Still
crying?” Howie joked motioning to the tears in his eyes.
“It’s
the onions,” Kevin said rolling his eyes.
I
just smiled. It was nice to see that they could joke around again.
“Need
any help?” Howie asked.
“Grab
these platters and bring them out,” I answered while grabbing my own platter
and headed out into the living room.
I
set mine down on the coffee table. A.J.’s mom,
Denise, approached me.
“So
how’s Brian?” she asked.
Almost
immediately I felt my semi-good mood flounder. I had managed to forget
about him for a couple hours that day. Even though I’d gotten through the
pain of A.J.’s death, the pain of Brian’s condition
was still with me.
“As
good as can be expected. How are you holding up?” I asked wanting to take
the focus off Brian.
I
chatted with her and others for several hours. As it came close to dinner
time the guests began to filter out and only the guys, Michaela and a few
members of A.J.’s family remained.
“Where’s
Anita?” I questioned for the first time noticing she wasn’t around.
“She
left about an hour ago,” Nick supplied. “I think it was all just too much
for her.”
“Alone?”
I asked.
Nick
nodded. I sighed, no one deserved to be alone at a time like this. And
besides that I was really worried about her.
“Go
make sure she is all right,” Kevin said.
“But
what about all the?”
“Don’t
worry we’ll take care of clean up,” Howie said cutting me off.
“But
how will Michaela get back?”
“I’ll
give her a ride home,” Nick offered.
Michaela
nodded in agreement.
“Okay
then I’ll see you all later,” I said and left the house and headed home.
***
