Rebuilding
“HOWIE!”
I hollered angrily at him as he strolled through the kitchen door.
“You
scared us shitless!” I said still breathing hard.
Michaela
and I had both been sure that it was Rick, but it had just been Howie. I
suppose I was relieved to, at least it hadn’t been Rick. If it had been
heaven only knows what we would have done. For a split second he looked at us
oddly and then seeing the table he seemed to understand.
“Rick’s
been here,” he stated.
“No
kidding,” Michaela muttered. “And he could still be here.”
“How
in the world did you get in?” I asked Howie.
I
had been extra sure to secure all of the locks since I had gotten wind that
Rick could be in town.
“The
back door was wide open, that’s how I got in. So I’m guessing Rick
hightailed out the back when he heard you two come in. I don’t think he
wanted you to see him just yet.”
“I
hope you’re right,” I said. “But I’m not taking any chances. Let’s
get the hell out of here.”
We
grabbed our coats and ran over to my neighbor’s house. We thanked God
they were home. From there we called the police. They searched the house
and questioned us for a little. After about a half an hour it was decided
that we should stay somewhere else seeing as though Rick knew where I
lived. Howie offered so we accepted. In about 15 minutes we had
made it over to Howie’s place. The police were going to set up some
plainclothes policemen around there too. But what good had it done us at
my place?
Once
at Howie’s we helped him get together the guestrooms. We had no idea how
long we’d be staying. I mean we couldn’t hide forever. After that
Michaela went straight to bed but I still figuring I wouldn’t be able to get
any sleep entered Howie’s living room and sat down on the couch.
“Lisa,
you should try and get some sleep,” Howie said sitting down beside me.
I
shrugged.
“What’s
the point? Even if I do manage to get some sleep I have horrible nightmares of
Brian getting shot over and over again. As if once wasn’t enough.”
“He’ll
pull through Elyssa. Brian’s a fighter, he’s escaped the claws of death
before.”
“But
what if he doesn’t this time? I can’t lose him Howie. I just
can’t. He’s a part of me. I love him so much.”
“You
just have to keep the faith,” he said gently.
“But
that’s just what I’m afraid of. That I’ll lose it and end up like
Anita. I don’t want to end up like her,” my voice trembled. “I’m so
scared I’ll snap and lose it. I keep getting images of myself slitting my
wrists. I even had a dream where I jumped off my balcony. I woke up
right before I hit the pavement.”
I
couldn’t believe that I was telling him this. I hadn’t told anyone about
this.
“Oh
God Elyssa, I’m sure you’d never do anything like that.”
You
could see the concern in his face.
“How
do we know that? I mean you never would have guessed that Anita was going
to commit suicide. But she did.”
Howie
looked at me as if grasping for something to say. How could you possibly
reassure someone that they wouldn’t commit suicide?
“You
just aren’t that type of person. I mean look at all the tragedy we’ve
suffered through already. I mean you haven’t seriously actually thought
of doing it have you?”
“No,”
I stated shrugging. “But if Brian dies..”
“Did
you think of committing suicide when your little sister died?” he asked.
“Well
I did for a little but I never actually tried anything.”
“There
you go,” he said triumphantly. “See Elyssa you value your life too much.
Believe me I know how hard dealing with death is but things get better and you
do move on.”
I
knew he was right, but the fear was still there. One more death might
just push me over the edge. Nothing Howie could say would help.
“I
guess you are right,” I conceded not really wanting to talk about it anymore.
“Good.
Now I order you to try and get some sleep.”
“Okay,
okay mother,” I said getting up.
He
chuckled lightly and walked me to my room. We exchanged a quick hug.
“We’ll
get through all of this, Lisa. It won’t be easy but we’ll pull through.”
***
