Chapter 23

Tara sat in the dressing room backstage at the arena, watching the guys get dressed for the night's concert. This must be what they had been like, before terror had entered their lives, she mused, watching Nick sneak up behind AJ and yank his shirt over his head, blinding him. She laughed when AJ staggered around the room, unable to see, crashing into Brian and taking him to the floor.

"Picture time!" A bright voice shouted, a moment before a flash went off.

Brian helped AJ up off the floor before turning to the source of the voice, "thanks, Jessica, I'm sure the world will love seeing AJ on top of me like that."

"Well, some people will," she grinned, and turned the camera on Nick. "Smile, Nicky."

Nick sat down next to Tara and slung an arm around her, "smile with me."

Jessica nearly dropped the camera when she saw who Nick was posing with, but she took the picture just the same, before asking, "Tara?"

"Hey Jess," Tara said softly.

"What the hell, I mean, what are you doing here?" She asked, the camera in her hands forgotten as she stared at Tara.

"I'm, um, I'm…" Tara stammered, looking at Nick wide-eyed. What WAS she supposed to tell people? They hadn't told her…

"Tara's touring with me for a while," Nick said quickly, giving Tara a comforting squeeze. "Given everything that's happened, I really wanted a friend around."

"A friend," Jessica said in disbelief.

"My girlfriend," Nick corrected, with a grin.

Jessica's mouth couldn't open any wider, as she continued to stare at them. "Ok…"

"Time to head out," Kevin called, waving at the group. "Showtime."

"You want me to show you where we go to watch?" Jessica asked sweetly, smiling at Tara.

"Sure," Tara replied. She let Nick pull her up, and gave him a tight hug. "I can't wait to see the show."

"You'll love it," Nick told her confidently, kissing her forehead. "I'll see you out there."

"You bet." One more quick kiss on her head and Tara was off, Jessica leading her through the maze of hallways backstage.

"So, how long have you been dating Nick?" Jessica asked curiously.

Tara shrugged, "not long." She was still kind of stunned that he'd called her his girlfriend. Yeah, she loved him, and she was pretty sure that feeling was mutual, but….he hadn't done anything more than kiss her cheek since, well, since that one night. Not that she expected him to feel particularly sexual, but, even when he'd made that joke about 'coming,' all he'd done after was rub noses with her. Not even a kiss on the lips. And yet, she was his girlfriend?

"Does Andy know?"

"Of course," Tara said quickly, stunned by the question. "He's my best friend."

"Oh," Jessica's nose went into the air as they continued to walk. "He hasn't mentioned it to me."

"Well, under the circumstances…."

"I can't be trusted?" Jessica said angrily, frowning from ear to ear. "I work for them, Tara, you didn't really think I wouldn't find out?"

"I didn't tell him specifically not to tell you, Jess, but UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES he agreed not to tell anyone!" Tara said, looking at Jess in confusion. "Why are you so angry about this?"

She rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Jessica sighed, and stopped in front of a door. "Our seats are through here."

"Try me," Tara repeated.

"Just, Tara," Jessica ran a hand through her hair, frowning. "You don't know what it's like, ok? I've been working for these guys for nearly four years now, and it's still made clear to me at every turn that I'm not part of the inner circle. They keep so much from me…." She took a deep breath. "It gets to me at times."

"I'm sorry," Tara offered weakly.

"Right," Jessica rolled her eyes. "My boyfriend lies to me because of them, Andy lied to me, and you could be flat out lying to me right now too. I can't trust anyone."

"Your boyfriend?"

"He works for them too, ok?" Jessica's eyes narrowed, and she frowned. "Do you think they have any idea how many lies are told to protect their precious little lives?"

"What?" Tara's face paled, and she stared at Jessica. "What are you talking about? Do YOU understand what's been happening to them?"

"I'm not talking about that. What I'm talking about has been going on for years, long before they started getting threats. All the lies told because of them."

"I still think you're overreacting, Jess, it's not like they intentionally…"

"Oh, forget it," Jessica brushed off Tara with a wave of her hand. "So are you REALLY dating Nick?"

Tara looked at Jessica for a moment before biting her lip. "I guess."

Jessica snorted, "oh that sounded so convincing, Tara."

"I care about him, what more do you want me to say?"

"We should head out to our seats," Jessica opened the door, and waved her out. "Let me give you one piece of advice, ok? If you're going to hang around these guys? Get a lot better at lying, and learn not to care so much."

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Tara had been as stunned as Andy had promised by the sight of Nick on stage, unable to believe the silly, joking pretty boy she'd fallen in love with was able to transform into liquid sex so easily. That was all she could think of to call it, his hips thrusting, the looks he gave the audience, good god, it was truly the sexiest thing she'd ever seen in her life. ALL the Backstreet Boys transformed like that, but she only had eyes for Nick, and had spent the entire concert with her mouth hanging open, watching him in awe.

After the show, they returned to their hotel room, and she watched sadly as Nick shuffled into the room, gingerly sitting down on the couch. "Are you in pain?" She asked softly, sitting down next to him.

"I'll be ok," Nick replied just as softly, shifting around until he found a comfortable position to sit in. "I just get a little sore from moving around like that. All the thrusting and stuff, I forget to be careful."

"All that thrusting is amazing," Tara breathed, before blushing furiously. "I mean, just…"

"You liked that, did you?" Nick asked, grinning at her flustered reaction. "So you did." He ran a hand through her hair, and kissed her forehead with a giggle. "I'm glad you did."

"Me too," she murmured, staring into his eyes. What the hell was going on between them? He talked like they were a couple and yet… She bit her lip when he kissed her again on the forehead, before getting up. "Where are you going?"

"I need a shower," Nick replied, pulling his shirt away from his body. "I'm all sweaty."

"Maybe I like sweaty," Tara said coyly.

"Well, then, you'll just have to get me sweaty again," Nick shot back, grinning from ear to ear. "I'll be back in a few, get comfortable, ok?"

"Ok." Tara watched him delicately walk into the bathroom and close the door behind him. A moment later the shower started. She got up and went to the phone, figuring she might as well call home and check her answering machine. "Not that anyone's going to call except Andy," she said to herself.

She laughed when sure enough, there was a message from Andy, wanting to know all about the night's show. Tara gasped when he also apologized for letting it slip to Jessica that she was there, he'd figured she'd have run into her by now, and had assumed she'd known. "WHEN did she talk to you?" Tara whispered, checking the time. They'd just gotten back from the concert, Jessica had to have already known Tara was there when she saw her backstage.

"I guess you've learned how to lie, huh, Jess," Tara rolled her eyes, and vowed to call Andy the next day, as well as confront Jessica over her lie. "She didn't have to lie to ME, dammit." She hit the appropriate numbers on the phone to delete the message, and play the next, her heart sinking when a deep voice began to sing into her ear.

Hear me out, you must know

What he's all about

He's just a player in love.

This must come to an end

Tara nearly dropped the receiver when the deep voice began laughing, and told her that it was ALL going to end, very soon.

"What's wrong?"

Tara jumped into the air, startled by Nick's voice, and gasped. "God, Nick, you scared me."

"Sorry," he walked over and took the phone from her, holding it to his ear. "Dial tones scare you?"

She shook her head slowly, feeling her heart pounding in her chest. "I was listening to my answering machine. He called again."

"Again?" Nick asked, his eyes growing wide when she didn't reply. "Tara? You never told me he called you at all."

"I didn't want you to worry," she replied, brushing off his arms and walking over to her bag. "Are you tired? I'm tired. We should go to sleep."

"Not until you tell me what he said to you," Nick said, his brow furrowing when she ignored him and began digging through her bag for her nightshirt. "Tara!"

"It's not important."

"Of course it's important!"

Tara found her shirt and yanked it out, shaking her head. "I'm gonna go put this on…"

Nick grabbed the shirt away from her, "no you're not!"

"Nick, you know what this guy does, do you really need to know this?"

"Yes, I do," he replied evenly, holding the shirt over his head. "Now tell me, or you're sleeping naked."

Tara smiled lightly, "wouldn't you like that?"

Nick shrugged, and grinned. "Maybe, but I'd rather you did it by choice. Now tell me."

"He did what he always does, he sang a song to me," Tara sighed, and held her hand out for her nightshirt. "Now can I have my clothes?"

"What song?"

"Shirt."

"What song?" Nick repeated, staring down at her. "Or I'm keeping the shirt."

"Get Another Boyfriend," Tara said softly, bowing her head.

"Oh," Nick's face fell, and he handed her the shirt, sighing heavily. "Maybe you should sleep in that after all."

"Nick…"

"Forget it," he waved off her concern, and shook his head. "I'm gonna go get into bed, I'm suddenly feeling really tired too. There's another bedroom, I guess you should probably sleep in there."

Tara's eyes widened, and she stared at him in surprise. "What?"

"I need to figure out how to sleep alone, right?" He asked, before walking away, not waiting for a reply. "Well, no time like the present."

"But…Nick?" Tara could only watch as he disappeared into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. She looked at the nightshirt in her hands, wondering what the hell had just happened. "Sure I'm your girlfriend," she muttered, shaking her head. Fine. Nick could figure out how to sleep alone.

She quickly changed in the bathroom, and returned to the main room of the suite, calling goodnight to Nick through his door. She didn't expect a reply, and didn't receive one either, rolling her eyes at the closed door. What in the world was going through his mind…

Tara walked into the other bedroom and curled up under the covers. She closed her eyes, and hoped sleep would come quickly.

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Tara was unable to sleep, and after a few hours of tossing and turning, grew sick of staring at the ceiling. She got out of the bed and padded out into the main room of the suite, her eyes narrowing when she saw the sliding door to the balcony was open. "Nick?" She asked softly, finding him sitting in a chair outside, staring up at the stars.

"I couldn't sleep," Nick explained, patting the chair and gesturing for her to join him.

"Neither could I," she sat down between his legs, smiling when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back to rest against his chest. "So, why couldn't you sleep?"

"Was thinking," he said softly, running his hands through her hair.

"About?"

"Reasons why you'd need another boyfriend."

Tara's eyes widened, and she squirmed around to look at him. "Nick?"

Nick sighed, and bit his lip, looking at her sadly. "What would you think if I told you I had a relationship with a man? It's long over, but once, I did."

Tara nearly burst out laughing, but contained herself, and just shrugged. Like she would care?? "I would think that's just another ex, I guess."

"Really?"

"Really."

Nick looked into her eyes for a moment, before taking a deep breath. "I think some girls would hate me for it."

"Why? So you're bisexual, Nick, it doesn't change who you are," Tara said evenly. She frowned when he continued to look at her with a sad expression, and bent her head closer to his. "That's not all, is it."

"The only other reason I could think of why you'd need another boyfriend…."

"Is?"

Nick shuddered, and his arms tightened around her. "If I was dead."

Tara gasped, and shook her head quickly. "Nick, jesus, don't think that way."

"You don't think that's what this creep is thinking?"

"Probably, but you don't have to agree with him."

"I guess," Nick continued to stare into her eyes, before sighing heavily. "I've never fallen this hard before, you know," he confessed softly.

"What?"

"For you," he explained, cupping her face in his hand. "I feel like, just as things got so good between us, things went so bad."

"I don't fall like this either, Nick," Tara whispered, nuzzling his palm. "And definitely not for pretty boys," she added with a giggle.

"Still?"

"What do you mean, still?"

Nick kissed her forehead, "I mean, given everything that's happened, have you still fallen for me."

"I told you, Nick, I love you, that doesn't go away."

"But, how can you," Nick bit his lip, before turning away, tears brimming his eyes. "How can you find me attractive after what you did?"

"You're talking about…"

"The dildo you pulled out of my ass, yeah," he said angrily, getting up off the chair and walking to the railing, staring out into the distance. "How can I not disgust you now?"

"Nick, that wasn't your fault," Tara got up and walked to him, sliding an arm around his waist. "You're still the same person you were."

"No, I'm not," he said sadly. "I wish I was…"

"To me you are."

Nick turned to look down at her, his brow furrowing. "So if I kissed you now, you wouldn't pull away?"

Tara's mouth dropped open in surprise. "Is that why you haven't kissed me?"

"I didn't know if you still, after everything…"

Tara silenced him by standing on tip toes and pulling his head down to hers, kissing him. She heard a soft moan leave his throat as their lips touched, and opened her mouth, sliding her tongue into his mouth. She leaned into him as their tongues tangled in a deep, passionate kiss. "I meant it when I said always, Nick."

"Oh," he smiled down at her, his blue eyes twinkling.

"Nick, will you," Tara looked up at him, but the words caught in her throat. Was it too soon, after everything he'd been through?

"Will I what?" Nick asked, his hands running down her back to her rear, and pulling her close to him.

"Make love to me?"

Nick's grin spread from ear to ear, and he bent down and captured her lips in another earth shattering kiss before replying. "Yes."

Tara stared at him, breathless, "now?"

Nick's expression grew sad, and he shook his head slowly, "no."

"You're not ready, are you."

"I don't know if I can, Tara, I mean, I want to, but," he bit his lip, and sighed. "When I'm ready, will you be here?"

"I'm not going anywhere," Tara reassured him, leaning into his chest with a soft sigh. "I'll be right here."

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