Chapter 26

"You know, I really wish that boy would answer his phone," Tara grumbled, after leaving yet another message on Andy's answering machine the next night.

"Who?" Nick asked, looking at her curiously.

"Andy," she sighed, and yawned. "He was going to tell me something about Jessica, and then we got interrupted. I haven't been able to reach him since."

"Jessica?"

"Jessica Stephenson. You know her…" Tara looked at Nick, nodding when his eyes lit up with recognition. "Her."

"How does Andy know her?" Nick stood up and stretched. "Bed?"

Tara nodded, and let Nick pull her up off the couch. "Beyond the fact that they both work for you guys? They're old friends, I don't know how they met."

"College?" He suggested, holding her hand as he walked into the bedroom.

"Nope. Andy went to UCLA, but Jess went somewhere back East. I don't know where."

"So you've had all these connections to us, and you didn't even know it," Nick smiled lightly, pulling off his clothes and sliding under the covers.

Tara laughed, and got into the bed next to him. "I knew, just never much cared."

"Right, us pretty boys don't interest you," he joked, snuggling up against her.

"Didn't," Tara corrected. "One pretty boy sure interests me a lot now."

Nick kissed her lightly, before leaning over and turning out the light. "Well, that's good," he said softly, running a hand through her hair.

"Very good," she agreed.

"Not that it's done you a hell of a lot of good…"

"What are you talking about?" Tara stared at him in the dark, wishing she could make out the expression on his face. "Nick?"

"We'll be in Florida tomorrow. That will be good."

Tara frowned, and touched his face, wondering what was going through his head. "Nick, I never thought a man like you existed out there. Just knowing that, in itself, has been wonderful to me."

"Sure," he said flatly, turning his head away from her touch.

"Nick, talk to me?"

"Go to sleep," Nick rolled over onto his side, curling up in bed.

Tara spooned him from behind, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You know you can always talk to me," she said softly, kissing the back of his neck.

"There's nothing to say," he muttered. "I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me, and I won't feel right until I KNOW that's not going to happen."

"It's not your fault…"

"Yes it is," he said angrily, shrugging off her embrace and getting out of bed. "I won't be able to sleep anyway, I'm going to watch television."

"Nick," Tara followed him into the living room, frowning when he sat down on the couch and turned on the television. "This isn't your fault!"

"Yes, it is, Tara!" Nick shot back, glaring at her. "If I hadn't broken up with Gayle the way I had, he wouldn't be doing this."

"What are you talking about? You said he was accusing you of things that weren't true…"

Nick bit his lip and turned up the volume on the television, his eyes fixed on the screen. "Yeah."

"So? How's that make anything your fault?" When Nick didn't reply, she stood in front of the television, her arms crossed over her chest. "Tell me!"

"I didn't just break up with him, the way I said before. I beat him up!" Nick shouted angrily. "He wouldn't lay off with the whole 'you're living a lie,' bullshit, and threatened to expose me, and I wasn't going to take it. I just, I lost it, I just kept punching him until he fell down, and then I kicked him, and…." He stopped, and shuddered. "I beat him up, so it's all my fault," he finished sadly.

Tara stared at Nick in surprise, her eyes wide. "Nick…"

"Don't even try to make excuses for what I did," Nick interrupted her, his eyes bright. "You'll be lying, and I don't want to hear it."

Tara's mouth opened, and then shut, as she tried to figure out what to say.

"Go to sleep."

"You need your sleep too," she said softly.

"I'm not sleeping," he waved for her to move, and began flipping through the television. "Go."

Tara nodded slowly. "Goodnight, Nicky." She sighed at his fixation on the television, and disappeared into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Nick sniffled loudly, and stared at the television, hoping something would be on there to occupy his mind. He looked at the closed bedroom door, and sighed. "Goodnight, Tara, I hope you can have one. Because I don't have good nights anymore."

************************************************************************

"Home sweet home," AJ said forlornly, staring out the window of the van as it sped through the streets of Orlando to their hotel.

"Yeah, right," Howie said sadly. Returning to Orlando with the tour was normally a very happy, and joyous experience. Their friends and family would be around, they could sleep in their own beds, but now, it was just a reminder of all the things that they had lost. Their friends had been warned to stay away for their own safety, and their family was long gone.

"I hope she's ok," Kevin whispered, his forehead pressed against the cool glass of the window. Kristen had been checked out of the hospital last night, and had immediately boarded a flight out of the country. He'd missed seeing her by one day. He missed his wife…

"The doctors said she's fine, right?" Brian reminded him helpfully.

"They don't know her like I do," Kevin replied. "She puts up a strong front, but…this is all my fault, and she must hate me for it."

Nick grunted, and continued to stare out the window in silence. His fault. It was HIS fault. He hadn't told the guys what he'd told Tara the night before, about the fight he'd had with Gayle, and wasn't quite sure how, or when, he was going to. Once he told them, they'd know….all of their lives were in danger now, because he had a temper.

Tara's eyes were fixed on Nick, and she bit her lip when she saw his face contort at Kevin's comment. How much more could any of them take, she wondered? Andy was always full of stories about how much touring would get to the guys, how stressful and exhausting it was, how they would be near complete breakdown by the time the tour ended. But touring, on top of this? They were all falling apart, and she was terrified Nick was going to be the first one to break. Nick, or Kevin, she thought sadly, looking at him across the van. Kevin's eyes, normally the most beautiful color of green she'd ever seen, were now dull and pale, the color barely distinguishable from the white of his eyes. How was anyone supposed to function normally, when so much was happening to them?

"All right, everyone out," one of the bodyguards stuck his head into the van and yanked the doors open. "We're in an underground garage, so no need to run."

"Great," AJ smiled at Marcus as he stepped out of the van, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "Gimme key, I need a shower."

"Philly's upstairs, he's got them, as always," Marcus waved him inside.

"Gotcha."

Tara followed AJ out of the van, and turned around, waiting for Nick. Her eyes widened when he stumbled on the steps down, Marcus catching him an instant before he would have hit the ground. "Nick!"

"I'm fine, let me go," he said angrily, shrugging off Marcus' arms around his waist.

"Sure, that's why you almost cracked your head open," Marcus shot back, rolling his eyes.

"Just tired."

"You need to get some sleep, Nick," Howie said softly, looking at his friend with concern. "I know we're all kind of creeped out, but we still have shows to do. How are you going to dance, if you can't even walk down two steps?"

Nick glared at Howie for a moment, before grabbing his bag and heading into the hotel. "I'll be fine."

"Nick," Tara scrambled to catch up to him, taking his hand to slow him down. "Hey, wait for me," she said, forcing a weak smile onto her face.

Nick looked down at her, before shrugging, his expression not changing. "Walk faster, then."

Tara stopped walking, shocked by the anger in his words, and watched as he continued to charge ahead into the hotel. "What is going through your head?" she whispered. He was in so much pain, emotional and physical, and he wouldn't let anyone close enough to help him.

"What's with Nick?" Brian asked, stopping next to her and seeing the expression on her face. "He barely said two words the entire trip here."

"He's barely said two words the past two days," Tara said sadly. Except for his angry rant the night before, that is. If he wasn't yelling at her, he wasn't talking. "It's like he's just shut down."

"I'm sure he just needs some time to process everything that's happened to him, Tara, he'll be all right," Brian said with a false cheerfulness he certainly did not feel.

"Do you really think so?" She looked into his eyes, making a face when he refused to meet her gaze. "You don't even believe it yourself."

"I'm just scared, Tara," he said sadly, continuing to walk into the hotel. "We've been through a lot together as a group, you know? But we've never had to go through anything like this. I don't know how it's all going to end."

"It's how it's going to end that scares me, Brian," Tara admitted. "The FBI is doing no good, I don't have access to anything from work anymore…if they can't stop him, how is this going to end? We know what he wants to ultimately do."

Brian gasped softly, and bowed his head. "I don't want to think about that."

"It's all I can think about," she said sadly. "When, and how, this is all going to end."

**************************************************************

"ANDY!" Tara screamed into the phone, grinning from ear to ear. "Finally, you pick up the damn phone!"

"I'm sorry girlie, it's just been a crazy week at work," he said apologetically. "How you been?"

"Oh, lovely," she said sarcastically, shooting a look at Nick sitting on the couch, his eyes fixed on the television. "Hang on, let me go into the other room." She waved at Nick, who of course, didn't pay her any attention, and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. "It's getting bad," she said sadly, sitting down on the bed. "This guy, what he's been doing, it's taking one hell of a toll on everyone."

"Things not going well with Puppy?"

"Puppy's falling apart."

"Damn, Tara, I'm so sorry…"

"So am I," she frowned, feeling her eyes fill with tears. "I don't know what to do, Andy, I know he's acting the way he's acting because he's hurting, but….I've never met anyone before who just kept it all inside like this. I'm used to, well, YOU, screaming and ranting when you get upset. Not this, I'm going to be a stubborn asshole and ignore everyone and pout thing."

"That's what he's doing?"

"Yup. He won't talk to anyone, he spends every spare moment staring at the television, he won't even let me touch him anymore, he's just shut down."

"Something will break him out of it, eventually, Tara, and he'll snap, I bet. He'll need you then," Andy said reassuringly. "Just be there for him when it happens."

"What's it gonna take, though? That's what scares me."

"I don't know Puppy psychology, sorry, baby, I'm just a geek," Andy said lightly.

"So, you were going to tell me something about Jessica last time we talked, before you got distracted," Tara reminded him.

"Oooh, yeah, how is my AJ?" Andy asked with a giggle.

"Lovely," she replied sarcastically. "Wouldn't you be just peachy, knowing someone's out there trying to kill you?"

"Damn girl, take the claws off, I was just asking…"

"I know, I'm sorry," Tara sighed. "Nobody's doing very well, ok?"

"I tell ya, I can't wait to see you all Tuesday, sounds like it's going to be one hell of a show."

"Oh sure, Nick can barely walk straight, Kevin's like the walking dead, and they're going to put on a concert?" Tara snorted. "Thank god they're off tonight."

"They gonna take the time to relax?"

"I don't think they CAN relax, Andy, neither can I, not with what's been going on."

"Damn."

"Yeah. So, Jessica?"

"Oh!" Andy laughed. "It's not that big of a deal, babe, I just thought you'd be interested in knowing."

"Knowing what?"

"She had a fling with one of the guys a year back."

Tara's eyes widened, "a fling?"

"Yeah, was a tour fling kinda deal, nothing serious, although, I dunno, I think she really fell for him. But it's long over now."

"Which guy?"

Andy giggled, "not Puppy, if that's what you're wondering."

"Which guy?" Tara repeated.

"Howie."

"Interesting," Tara said softly, considering what that could mean, given what Jessica had said to her.

"Interesting?"

"She just said some strange stuff to me about being able to lie, keeping secrets, stuff like that."

"Oh, yeah, that was a big thing when she had her fling with Howie, he was very insistent that nobody ever know. That's why I told you before, you can't tell Puppy. She'd kill me, and I guess Howie would kill her."

Tara sighed, "I won't tell Nick. It's not like he's talking to me anyway."

"You sleep in the same bed, girl, how can you really not talk?"

"He hasn't been sleeping."

"Oh."

Tara's head shot up, her stomach churning at the sound of a loud scream. "What the…" She ran to the door and threw it open, finding Nick already running to the door of the hotel room. "Who was that?"

Nick looked at her, horror etched across his face. "Brian."

"Oh god." She put the phone to her ear, "Andy, I gotta go."

"Why?"

"Something's going on, I'll talk to you later." She flipped the phone closed, and threw it down, following Nick into the hall.

***

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