Chapter 29

The group was gathered in the small waiting room, anxiously awaiting news about Brian. Kevin had accompanied him in the ambulance to the hospital, and had grimly reported that Brian had lost consciousness during the ride, and things didn't look good.

"He's going to be fine. Just fine," AJ muttered, pacing back and forth across the room.

"Will you stop that?" Howie grumbled, growing frustrated with AJ's constant movement.

"NO," AJ shot back, continuing to pace.

"Stop arguing," Kevin told them, sitting with his head in his hands. He couldn't take this…not Brian…. "I wish Kristen was here," he said sadly, looking up and seeing Nick cuddled up with Tara.

"At least she's safe," Howie reminded him gently.

"Yeah."

"He has to be fine," Nick whispered, biting his lip. His tears had slowed a bit since they had arrived at the hospital, but his eyes were still bloodshot, and he shuddered as he spoke. "I can't believe I wanted this to happen, what's wrong with me…"

"You were just upset, Nick, you didn't want this to happen," Tara tried to console him, but he looked at her dimly. "You didn't! Not this, not really!"

"I just wanted this to end," he leaned into Tara, pulling her arms around his waist. "I didn't want to feel anymore, not anything…how could I want that…"

"Shut up, Nick, this isn't about you," AJ glared at him, rolling his eyes when Nick let out a hurt cry. "Jesus."

"I love Brian," Nick whispered, shaking his head. "I never would want to see him hurt. He can't die."

Kevin gasped and looked up at Nick, his eyes brimming with tears. "Don't say that."

"But…"

"Don't say that," Kevin repeated, his expression enough to quiet Nick. "He won't."

"Nick," Tara poked him gently, gesturing to the doctor walking into the room. "Look…"

"Thank god," Kevin breathed, jumping up and running to the doctor. "So? How is he?"

The group quickly gathered around the doctor, all of them desperate for knowledge about their friend.

"Brian Littrell, right?" The doctor asked, looking at the group gathered in front of him.

"Yes," Kevin replied, nodding quickly. "How is he?"

"He's a very lucky man," the doctor said solemnly. "If he had been having so much pain that he needed to take that much nitroglycerin, well, he should have come here instead…."

"What are you talking about?" Kevin interrupted, his eyes narrowing. "Brian was fine until he got back from church."

"Brian had a toxic amount of nitroglycerin in his system, which is why he was having problems breathing," the doctor explained. "Fortunately, the effects of it is short-term, and he will be just fine. However, whatever underlying problem it was that prompted him to take this much must be solved, I'm assuming, from the scar on his chest, he has had heart problems in the past?"

"Yeah, but Brian doesn't take nitroglycerin, what the hell is it?" Kevin said, staring at the doctor in confusion.

The doctor looked back at Kevin with a similarly confused expression. "Nitroglycerin is used to treat severe angina, and similar heart disorders. Surely you've seen him take it, it's a wafer, generally placed under the tongue, it would help him breathe in the event he was having an attack. But when too much is taken, well, you have seen what results."

"Brian does NOT have a heart problem anymore!" Nick said angrily, his eyes wide. "He doesn't take anything!"

The doctor looked at Nick dimly. "I don't know quite what to say, then. Your friend overdosed on nitroglycerin. How it got into his system, I don't know…"

"I do," AJ said grimly. "The altar boy."

"What?" The doctor asked.

"Can I see him?" Kevin asked quickly, not wanting the doctor to know whatever it was AJ had to say. Better he thought it was an accidental overdose, than know what was truly going on with the group.

"He's still in the Intensive Care Unit, and will be until he regains consciousness, so only family is allowed in to visit him," the doctor explained. "Tomorrow morning we'll move him down here, and assuming all goes well, he can be released tomorrow afternoon."

"I'm family," Kevin told him. "Where is he?"

"Come, I'll take you."

"You guys go back to the hotel, I'll call you in a bit, let you know how he's doing," Kevin told the group, before following the doctor out of the room.

"Ok, explain, altar boy?" Howie turned to AJ, confusion on his face.

"I thought nothing of it at the time," AJ frowned, and shook his head. "Dammit, I should have though. There were two altar boys there, for the whole service, right? Then comes communion. Suddenly a third is there….one of the original two filled the communion cup, another was holding a tray with the wafers on it. But the third switched trays with the other dude right before Brian."

"And nitroglycerin is a wafer," Howie groaned. "So if that had been what was on top…"

"It's what the priest would have given Brian."

"Did you get a look at the guy? That must have been him," Howie said, biting his lip. "God, he's sneaky…"

AJ shook his head. "Couldn't see his face at all. The other altar boys gave him a funny look, too, but I was watching Brian so close, I just didn't think. Dammit."

Howie sighed, "you couldn't have known."

"Yeah, I guess. But…dammit."

"We'll catch him sooner or later, AJ, we have to."

"Not if he keeps pulling shit like this, Howie, we won't."

"We will," Nick said firmly, his eyes cold. "He went too far this time. He's fucking dead."

"I hope so. Because if we don't catch him?" Howie said sadly. "We're the dead ones."

**********************************************************************

Back at the hotel, Tara sat next to Nick on the couch, holding his hand in hers, looking at him closely. He'd refused to let go of her since the moment they'd arrived at the hospital, clinging to her, almost, as if he needed her touch. And although he hadn't said a word since they'd returned to the hotel room, she sensed something was going on in his head. "Nick?" She said delicately, giving his hand a squeeze.

Nick turned to look at her, his blue eyes still bright with tears. "I really don't want to die," he said softly, his lower lip trembling.

"I know, Nicky…"

"I just…I was so sick of being in pain, you know?" He sniffled, and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. "I hurt, so much, I didn't want to hurt anymore. So I just stopped feeling."

"You can't do that, Nick, you have to feel," Tara said softly, running a hand along the side of his face. Her own eyes filled with tears when he gasped and turned his head into her palm, a tear falling onto her skin.

"You haven't touched me in days," he whispered, clutching her hand and holding it in place. "Nobody would touch me…"

"You kept pushing me away."

"I didn't know what else to do," Nick said sadly, pulling her hand over his cheek to his lips, and kissing it softly. "I want to feel again, Tara," he looked into her eyes, as he kissed her hand again. "Please? Make me feel again?" His voice was barely louder than a whisper as he asked the question, so terrified was he she was going to say no.

Tara's heart was pounding in her chest, as she stood up, nodding slowly. "Come on, Nick." She pulled him into the bedroom and pushed him down onto the bed on his back, smiling lightly.

"I love you, you know that, don't you?" Nick said as she crawled on top of him, his hands running through her hair and down her back. "Everything's just been so wrong, so scary…"

"I know," Tara murmured, before bending down and kissing him. She smiled into the kiss at the moan that left his throat, and pulled away, looking into his eyes. "Are you sure this is what you want, Nick?" She asked softly, one finger tracing across his cheek and down his neck.

"Please," Nick stared up at her, his eyes hazy. "I need you, Tara. Nobody else will touch me, or care about me… "

"I love you, Nick," Tara said, as she lowered her mouth to his neck, gently sucking on the soft skin. She took her time, determined to do exactly what Nick had requested….make him FEEL….kissing her way over his body. She removed his clothing, as she continued to cover his skin, kissing and licking, as her hands followed her mouth with gentle caresses. The further she went, the more labored Nick's breathing grew, which only served to encourage her all the more. The slower she went, the better, of that she was sure…after all, this would only be the second time they were together like this. That fact amazed her, in so many ways, she felt so close to him already, but….the more time she spent getting to know his body, the better.

By the time Tara had worked her way back up to Nick's neck, his eyes were closed, his mouth hanging open, and he was moaning with every breath. She could feel his hips gyrating slowly underneath hers, and knew she had done her job well. "Do you feel now, Nick?" She leaned forward to whisper into his ear, taking his earlobe into her mouth and sucking on it.

"Tara," Nick's voice sounded near tortured, and his hands grabbed at her hips, eagerly fumbling at the buckle of her pants. "I need to feel you."

"Shhhhh," she said soothingly, pulling his hands away from her. "I got it." She raised herself up onto her knees and undid her pants, quickly sliding them down. "Ready?"

Nick's eyes opened to slits to look at her, and he licked his lips before answering, "ready."

Tara's heart nearly stopped beating at the expression on Nick's face, and she smiled widely. "Do you have any idea how sexy you are right now?" She asked him, bending down and kissing him passionately.

"No," he replied, grinding his hips into hers. "But you are…"

Tara chuckled softly, and sat up. "Sure I am." She raised herself onto her knees and carefully positioned herself over him, before lowering herself down. Her breath caught in her throat at the feeling of him filling her, and she sat still for a moment, composing herself. "God, I'd forgotten how good you felt," she gasped, bracing herself on his shoulders as she began to move on top of him.

Nick's hands ran over her back, before sliding down to her hips, helping her move up and down. His lower lip was held tightly between his teeth, his eyes squeezed shut in concentration, as his moans grew louder. "Oh god, Tara, baby," he gasped, his eyes flying open to meet hers. "I love you."

Tara leaned forward to kiss him, before replying, "I love you too." She cried out when she felt him shove up into her, and was thankful for his hands holding her in place, or else she was sure she would have gone flying.

"Tara, Tara, Tara," Nick repeated her name endlessly as he moved with her, until he was crying her name with every breath. His eyes grew wide as he reached his peak, and with one final push, he was lost, his head falling back in the pillows, his eyes closing, as he trembled with pleasure.

"Now, I bet you felt that," Tara said softly, leaning forward and kissing him. She felt him shudder underneath her, and smiled. "Yeah, ya did." She slowly slid off of him, gasping softly when she felt him slip out from inside of her.

"I did," Nick whispered, opening his eyes to look at her. "Thank you."

Tara's own eyes grew wide at the sight of the tear that began to roll down Nick's cheek, and she touched it lightly, concerned. "Nick, what now…"

"I can't believe how stupid I was," Nick pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I love you, Tara, but I felt nothing. I know I love you."

"I know you do," Tara replied, kissing him. "Just don't stop feeling like that again, please?"

"If I do, now I know how to fix it," Nick smiled wryly, kissing her forehead. "Although, I think I'm the only one who felt anything just now."

"I felt a lot," Tara said softly, shaking her head.

"Yeah, but you didn't…."

"You're back, Nick, that's a hell of a lot more important," Tara interrupted him. "We can worry about me later."

"I think we should worry about you now," Nick argued, pushing her over onto her back and crawling on top of her. He kissed her deeply, running his tongue into her mouth. "That ok?"

"That's just fine," Tara replied, smiling at him. "If you're sure, Nick, I mean, just this morning, you were…"

"Another man," It was Nick's turn to interrupt, and he covered her mouth with his finger. "I woke up."

"Well, then, I'm glad you did," she replied.

"Me too," Nick bent his head down for another kiss, but pulled away when he heard a loud pounding on the door. "Jesus christ, what the fuck," he groaned, sitting up in bed with a frown.

"I think you're right, Nick, they only do this when you're sleeping with a girl," Tara said with a soft giggle.

"Stay here, I'll be right back," Nick got up and began searching for his clothes.

"No way," Tara shook her head quickly, jumping up and helping with the hunt for clothes. "I'm coming with you. No more disappearing, ok?" She handed him his boxers, "put these on."

Nick pulled on his boxers, laughing when she put on his t-shirt. "Where's yours?"

"I like wearing yours," she said with a grin, taking his hand. "Come on, let's get the door."

They walked through the suite, hand in hand, pulling open the door to the room together. They let out a collective groan when they recognized the FBI Agent standing on the other side.

"What do YOU want?" Nick asked angrily, glaring at Palmer.

"I need to talk to Tara," Palmer gestured with her chin.

"It can wait," Nick replied, moving to close the door.

"It cannot," Palmer stepped inside, shoving the door wide open. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but this is important."

"Fine. Talk." Tara stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes narrowed.

"We need to talk alone," Palmer said firmly, shooting a look at Nick. "You should come with me."

"Whatever you have to say to her, you can say in front of me," Nick said protectively, wrapping an arm around Tara's shoulder.

"You don't want to hear this, Nick," Palmer said, shaking her head. "Tara? Come with me."

"What the hell is this about?" Tara stood her ground, glaring at the agent. "You can say anything in front of Nick!"

"I think it's high time you started telling the truth here, Tara, and I have a feeling Nick isn't going to want to hear what you have to tell me," Palmer said harshly, returning the angry glare. "We got the print back that we found on Brian's action figure."

Tara rolled her eyes, "So? And?"

"And it belongs to your friend Andy."

Nick's face fell, and he let go of Tara, stepping away from her in shock. "What?" He whispered, looking at the agent in horror.

"No!" Tara exclaimed, staring at Nick. "Don't believe her, that's not possible!"

"As I said. I think Tara needs to start telling me the truth about her role in this game," Palmer grabbed Tara's hand, and yanked her out of the room. "If she's not in jail later, I'll bring her back to you, Nick."

Nick didn't reply, not knowing what to say. He leaned against the doorframe and watched as Palmer dragged Tara down the hall, stunned by the news. When they were gone, he walked back into the room, his face contorting as he absorbed what had just happened. He sat down on the bed he'd so recently vacated, and curled up in the sheets, shivering from head to toe. Tara couldn't be part of this…she wouldn't do this to him…or would she?

Maybe he was right in the first place. It was just easier not to feel.

***

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