Chapter 16:

The Dream

A.J. and Howie were both present when Brian was informed of the Carter’s decision. His reaction was about what they expected.

“No!” he screeched. “They can’t do that! Not to Nick! They can’t!”

“Calm down Brian,” A.J. started to say.

“Shut up, A.J. Just shut up,” Brian yelled hoarsely. “How can you let them do this?”

“It’s out of our hands,” Howie said quietly.

“How dare you call yourselves his friends! How dare you!”

Brian’s harsh words were like a punch in the stomach for both of them. A.J. looked ill, as if his words had physically assaulted him. Howie could swear that he actually heard the air rush out of his lungs. He rested a hand on his shoulder. A.J. trembled a little at his touch, but Howie sensed that he needed to feel his presence. If we don’t stand together, we’ll all fall, Howie thought.

“Take it easy Brian, you aren’t doing anyone any good. Don’t say something you’ll regret. We’re hurting as much as you are!” he said desperately.

Brian lunged forward at him, a look of pure hatred burning in his eyes. The emotion was so foreign coming from him that Howie and A.J. actually backed away. It was hardly necessary, because Brian didn’t get very far. He cried out in pain and doubled over, his breathing taking on that sickeningly familiar wheezing sound. Dr. Westin cleared the room. Howie was terrified, but even as he was gently shoved out of the room, he knew that Brian’s reaction was not one that he meant. They couldn’t lose each other now. He called back over his shoulder.

“Brian, we aren’t going to abandon you, or him, no matter what you do or say. But think about Kevin! He’s going to want you to be there when he gets back with the program, and what are we going to tell him? Nick too, Brian. He can still make it. Don’t do this to yourself!”

Once out in the hall, Howie slammed his fist against the wall.

“Easy,” A.J. said dully.

“Is he going to be all right?” Howie asked when a nurse exited the room.

“He’ll be fine. We sedated him before it got too bad. But he is going to be awfully sore tomorrow; all that movement was not good for him. He did have surgery just a few days ago.”

“I can’t believe this,” A.J. said miserably, pulling his hat down over his face as far as possible. “This can’t be happening.”

“It is,” Howie said grimly. “And right now there is nothing we can do about it.”

* * *

Kevin stirred again, and forced his eyes open. He felt someone squeeze his hand, and looked over to see his mother.

“Mom,” he murmured.

“Hi honey. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” he said slowly. “Tired. Where’s Brian?”

“He’s not here right now,” she told him. “He’s sleeping now.”

“Is he all right?”

“Yeah, honey. He’s ok.”

“He was here before, wasn’t he? Or was that a dream?”

“No, it wasn’t a dream. He was here. He’s been so worried about you.”

“Why?”

“Because you were in an accident. You’ve been badly injured. Do you remember that we told you that you were in an accident?”

“I…. I think so. Where are the others?”

“A.J. and Howie are on another floor. They’re ok. They will be here to see you soon. They’ve been pretty worried about you too.”

Kevin was still a little too out of it to realize that Ann had said nothing about Nick.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“You have a broken leg, and your head got knocked around in the wreck, so you may be a little foggy for a while, but that’s ok. You are probably pretty sore, you’ve had three surgeries.”

“Sounds like fun,” he said softly. “Can I see Brian?”

“Not right now, Kevin. He’s in bed, and the doctor doesn’t want him to get up to see anyone right now.”

“Is he ok?”

“Yes honey, he’s ok. I told you that already, do you remember?”

“Oh,” was all he said. “When can I see him?”

“I don’t know. I’ll make sure he comes to see you whenever the doctors say that it’s ok. How’s that?”

“That’s ok,” Kevin agreed. He moved his head back so he was staring at the ceiling again. “Why am I so tired?” he asked.

“You’ve been through a lot. Your body needs to rest as much as it can so you can heal.”

“I wish I could talk to Brian,” Kevin said again.

“Let me go ask the doctor,” Mrs. Richardson said finally.

“Ok.”

A few minutes later she came back, with the same answer she’d already been giving him. Kevin was already asleep.

“This is normal for right now,” Dr. Hite told her. “He won’t be fully awake for a few more days yet. Just give him time and bear with him. Answer his questions and keep telling him what happened. It’ll sink in eventually.”

* * *

The Carters were gathered around Nick’s room. Robert had flown in with all of the kids, and they all waited tearfully for the doctors to remove Nick from the respirator that forced him to breathe. A.J. and Howie were there too, as was Brian (under heavy sedation) against the wishes of Dr. Westin. His eyes were slightly glazed, but he was still in tears. Howie stood behind A.J.’s wheelchair. When the doctor came in, A.J. reached backwards and grabbed his hand. This action surprised Howie, because it was very un-A.J. He realized then that despite the fact that his friend could put up an amazing front, he was just as torn up on the inside as he was. A.J. may have seemed all right, but he was just as close to the edge of the cliff as the rest of them.

“I would like to remind you all, that this does not mean we are going to lose Nick,” Hite told them all somberly. “If he starts breathing on his own right away, he has a very good chance. It’s all up to him now.”

The tension in the room was thick enough to be cut with a knife. A.J. and Howie craned their necks to be able to see what was going on. Even Dr. Hite looked nervous. Nick’s chest did not move. Howie looked away, his eyes bright. They were going to lose him. They were really going to lose him. Brian wept. The control that he thought he had gained just two days ago was gone. He had been wrong. He couldn’t face this. This couldn’t happen. It just couldn’t. He was losing his best friend. Nick was right there, slipping away, and Brian could do nothing to keep him here. He would have reached out and grabbed him, forcing him to stay if he could. He looked over at Howie and A.J., envying their strength. They were upset, but they could keep it together. He could not. Why the hell couldn’t he? Why?

Nick, he thought bleakly. Don’t give up. Prove them wrong. You have to. You can’t leave.

* * *

Nick was dreaming.

He was in a tunnel. He didn’t like to be in that tunnel, and he looked around him for the way out. In one direction, he could feel sunlight. It wasn’t normal sunlight; there was something different about it. Something special. It drew him, and he wanted to go to it. He turned and headed in its direction, but a sound stopped him. He could hear someone crying.

Brian? He thought, incredulous. He never saw Brian cry, but he was sure that it was him. What on earth could be wrong?

His friend’s voice was coming from the other end of the tunnel. But that end frightened him even more than being in the tunnel did. He was closer to the sunlight, and there was nothing fearful about it. He wanted to go there. But Brian was crying! Even though he felt peace radiating from where he stood, the grief and loneliness that his best friend was trying to hold inside drilled a hole into his heart. The heavy emotions that Brian bore flooded into Nick through that hole, and he shrieked at the awesome power it had. It assaulted him from every angle, overpowering him. He collapsed, struggling in vain to writher away from the agony that was battering him with no signs of mercy.

Brian! he screamed. Help me! Make it stop! The pain was going to destroy him!

When he was sure he could take no more, the light from his end of the tunnel seemed to shine brighter, wrapping him up in a warm blanket. The pain ebbed slowly away and he lay on the ground, relishing in the warm light that cleansed the pain away.

Something whispered to him to stand. Weakly, and with great effort, he pulled himself up to his knees. He could still see Brian at the far end of the tunnel. He too began to cry when he realized that his friend still suffered from the unbearable torture that Nick had just felt. He had to get to him. He had to help him.

Nick shuddered. Going to him would mean walking through the tunnel. Deep down he knew the pain would get worse the farther he walked. He began to doubt himself. He couldn’t do it.

You can’t leave.

Leave? Why couldn’t he? The way out was right there. It would be so easy.

He cried out all of the sudden. His chest felt tight. He couldn’t breathe. He turned back to the light end of the tunnel. It was so safe. He knew that the sudden pain in his chest would go away if he went there. But Brian was crying! Brian was hurting.

(Why? What could have possibly happened to him to make him suffer so much?)

Where were the others? A.J., Howie, and Kevin should be there to help him. Where were they? Brian needed them! Nick was getting desperate. He had to find out what was wrong with his friend, but he was terrified to make the journey.

He struggled to draw in a breath. It was almost impossible. He turned toward the sunlight, making up his mind. He just couldn’t do it. The others couldn’t be far away. They would help him. He just couldn’t do it.

All of a sudden though, he heard the voice call his name.

Nick.

He stopped and turned.

Nick.

It was Brian. He was sure. Then in horror he realized, Brian was crying for him.

Why? Nick wondered. Doesn’t he know that I am ok?

He turned and ran down the tunnel, gasping for the air that his body refused to take in. He had to get to Brian to tell him that he was all right, even if it killed him. It was going to kill him, he realized all too quickly. He staggered and almost fell, as the hole Brian’s pain had opened in his heart was ripped back open, allowing even more to invade him. It infected his very soul, tearing him apart with a fury that the devil himself could not reproduce.

No! he screamed. He wanted to lie down and die, right then. But Brian’s suffering face filled his hazy thoughts, and the knowledge that he was the only one who could ease his best friend’s misery gave him a new strength. He kept his feet and tried to run.

As he ran, he found that he couldn’t pick up any speed. Actually, he was slowing down. He was desperate for a breath, and the pain he felt was crushing him. Now he was scared to death. He had to make it. He had to!

I’m coming, Brian!

He pushed harder towards the end of the tunnel. He wanted to collapse it hurt so bad, but he forced the desire to fall from his head, refusing to give in. Unfortunately, what pathetic strength he had was fading quickly. The only sound that filled his ears was the sound of Brian crying. He reached the end of the tunnel, and stared out into the abyss that yawned in front of him. There he finally saw his friend, helpless in a wheelchair, his head buried in his hands as he cried softly. He looked as if he’d lost his best friend in the world.

But I’m your best friend, he thought miserably.

He wasn’t going to make it. The pain was waiting for him, taunting him. The price of this journey was going to be higher than Nick was going to be able to pay, and he was afraid. But he had to help Brian. With his last ounce of strength, he threw himself into the abyss, and the blanket of pain and suffering had him caught, and wrapped him up tight.

* * *

All of the sudden, Jane gasped.

Howie whirled back around, hoping against hope. Sure enough, Nick’s chest rose and fell, his own body taking over the job of putting air in his lungs. A.J. started to cry with relief.

“Thank you God,” Howie murmured to himself. “Thank you.” He looked over at Brian.

“Brian,” he called to him. “Brian!”

Brian raised his head slowly.

“Look! He’s breathing. Look damn it!”

Brian turned his head to where Nick lay. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Nick was alive. He wasn’t awake, but he was alive. Brian cried out with joy. Hite smiled at them.

“Now we have to wait and see if he decides to wake up any time soon.”

Brian, Howie, and A.J. were sent back to their rooms to rest. All three were worn out, and Brian looked on the verge of collapse. He was uneasy about leaving, but Westin told him not to expect anything from Nick until at least the next morning. Reluctantly, he was taken back to his room. Sleep came much quicker that he was expecting.

***

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