Part 11

~

And I’m sorry for the things I did

For your teardrops over words I said

Can you forgive me

And open your heart once again

~

Six months later

“Well?” Grace asked, looking up at me with a hopeful face.

I grinned nervously as I glanced at the indicator of the home-pregnancy test Grace had bought just that afternoon, which was lying face-down on the counter, just waiting for me to turn it over.

For almost six months, Grace and I had been trying to get her pregnant. We had talked a lot over the course of our honeymoon and decided that we wanted to go ahead and start a family. I remembered having the same talk with Leighanne following our wedding, but we had decided against trying to have children right away. With Grace, it was different. She wanted children, I wanted children, and we both did not see any point in waiting. But so far, she had not gotten pregnant.

Not yet anyway. But the next moment could change it all. Grace’s period was late that month, and somehow, I knew that this was it. I was going to be a father.

“Okay, I’m gonna look at it now,” I said.

“Okay, okay!” Grace cried anxiously, urging me on. The suspense was killing her.

I snickered and, as slowly as I could, reached out to pick up the indicator. Grace slapped my arm playfully, shooting me a fierce look.

“I’m going, I’m going. Just chill!” I laughed. Sucking in a breath, I picked the small, white indicator up, and, a flutter of nervous excitement rushing through me, turned it over.

“Well?” she asked again, her eyes never leaving my face.

As I stared down at the little window on the indicator, my heart sank. There was a small, blue dash. A negative sign.

Grace wasn’t pregnant. I wasn’t going to be a father after all. Not yet anyway.

“It’s negative,” I said softly, handing it to her.

She took it from me and turned it towards her to see for herself. I could see the disappointment written all over her face.

Grace sighed and dropped the indicator into the wastebasket. “Maybe next time,” she mumbled.

I put my arm around her, gently rubbing her back. “Don’t worry, honey. It’s only been a few months. It’ll happen one of these days. We just have to keep trying.”

She nodded, smiling crookedly. “I know. One of these days…”

***

Three months later

“Hey, Gracie?” I asked one night, as Grace and I lay next to each other in bed.

“Yeah?” she replied.

“I’ve been thinking… how would you like to go to Lexington for a visit? Stay for a few days, maybe a week?”

Grace didn’t respond for a long time. Finally, she said, “I don’t know.” She sighed. “You really want to, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do,” I admitted. “Don’t you? We have so many memories there, and we’ve never gone together. Heck, you haven’t been there in years, have you?”

“No,” Grace said, her tone turning defiant. “And I don’t want to.”

I sighed. “Grace, come on. Why not?”

“I think you know why not, Brian,” she snapped. “Your memories of Lexington might be good, but mine aren’t. I don’t want to go back and have to be reminded of all that.”

“They aren’t all bad memories, Grace!” I protested. “Think of all the good stuff that happened there. I mean, yeah, you had some tough times growing up, but you also had some great times. And you can’t just never go back.”

“Why not? Look, Brian, I know you want to go back, and that’s fine. You should. Your parents live there, and you could visit your Healthy Heart Club members and everything. But I don’t have anything there, and I don’t want to go.”

I sighed again. She was being difficult. I didn’t want to go to Lexington all alone; I had done that before. This time, I wanted Grace to come with me. My parents hadn’t seen us together since the wedding, and I had only been back to visit them once since then. I knew they missed me, and I’m sure they missed Grace too. After all, she had always been like the daughter they had never had, and now she was their daughter-in-law, and they hadn’t seen her in nine months.

“What about my parents?” I asked. “They’ll want to see you too, Grace. And if you don’t come with me, what are they going to think? They’ll think we’re having problems or something.”

“Just tell them the truth,” she said. “Brian, you know I love your parents, but I just can’t go. I don’t ever want to go back there again.”

I glared at her through the dark, knowing she couldn’t see my face. “Grace, that’s stupid!” I said, my voice rising. “You can’t just not go back. What will happen when we have kids, and they want to see their grandparents? Will we just not take them because Mommy can’t face her past?!”

“Shut up, Brian. Just shut up!” Grace hissed, rolling over so that her back was facing me.

“Fine, Grace,” I muttered, rolling away from her as well.

For a long time, I lay awake, too angry to fall asleep. But eventually, my anger gave way to exhaustion, and I drifted off to sleep.

***

The next morning, when I woke up, Grace was already up. Immediately remembering our fight from the night before, guiltiness came over me, and I got up to go find her and apologize. She may have been acting stubborn, but she was right – there were bad memories for her in Lexington, and I had been insensitive.

I found Grace downstairs in the kitchen, making waffles in our Belgian waffle maker, a gift from our wedding. She was too absorbed in scooping the batter onto the waffle maker to notice me.

I snuck up behind her and whispered, “Morning, baby,” lightly kissing the back of her neck.

She turned around and smiled. “I’m sorry, Bri,” she said, hugging me.

“Don’t be sorry. I was the one being insensitive. I’m sorry, Gracie,” I apologized.

She shook her head. “No, it’s my fault. You were right. We do need to go back to Lexington.”

I raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Really?”

“Really. I haven’t been there in eleven years. I really do need to go back,” she said.

“Well, it’s settled then,” I said, smiling at her. “We’re going to Lexington.”

***

Two weeks later

“Brian! How are you, honey?” my mother asked me, enveloping me in a tight hug.

I smiled down at her happily. “Just great, Mom,” I said.

“Hi, Jackie,” Grace said, coming up beside me and giving Mom a hug.

“Hello, sweetheart. How are you doing?” Mom asked, smiling.

“Pretty good, thanks,” Grace replied, returning her smile and wrapping her arm around my waist.

My dad came out of the house, and more hugs and hellos were exchanged. Then we all went into the house, and I carried Grace’s and my luggage up to the guestroom.

We had just arrived at my parents’ house in the car we had rented at the airport. We would be staying in Lexington for five days and then heading home to Atlanta. I was glad to be there, and I think Grace was too, now that we were actually there.

After we had visited with my parents for awhile, Grace and I went upstairs to unpack and organize our stuff.

“Hey, Brian?” Grace said, as I was trying to smooth the wrinkles out of a T-shirt that had somehow ended up wadded up in my suitcase.

“What?” I asked, looking up at her.

“I need to run to Wal-mart or something really quick,” she replied. Her voice lowering, she added, “I forgot to pack tampons, and my period’s due to start anytime.”

I nodded. “Okay. You want me to go with you, or what?”

She shrugged. “I don’t care. I’m fine on my own, if you want to hang around with your Mom and Dad.”

“Okay,” I said. “Are you going now?”

“Yeah, I better,” she said. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

“Alright,” I replied, and she left the room. Moments later, I heard the rental car pull out of the driveway.

***

Grace browsed through the aisles of the local Wal-mart, looking for tampons. The store had been there when she had lived there, but the layout had changed since then.

She was walking through one of the snack aisles when she heard a deep man’s voice call, “Grace?” Turning around, Grace expected to see one of her old friends or classmates from her days growing up in Lexington. But the tall, dark-haired man standing just a few feet away from was the last person she had expected to meet up with.

It was her father.

Grace’s mouth almost dropped open, and she was too shocked to speak.

“It is you,” Frank Myers said, an emotional expression coming over his face. He smiled slightly. “My God, Gracie, you’re all grown up.”

Grace was still speechless. After all, what do you say to a man who got drunk, beat your mother, and forced you to leave behind your home and all your friends without any warning?

“What do you want?” she asked finally, her tone bitter. She wanted nothing to do with this man, yet somehow, she couldn’t just turn and walk away without at least speaking to him.

Frank looked hurt. “Gracie…” he said softly. “I… I’m sorry.”

Grace stared at him, her expression hard, her eyes cold. “You should be,” she said, her voice dull.

Frank sighed. “I should have known you would be like this.”

“Well, of course I am!” Grace cried, trying not to explode on him. But her body had begun to tremble, and a mix of anger, hurt, and fear coursed through her veins. “How did you think I would react, after all you’ve done?!”

Frank’s shoulders slumped. “Grace, I’m so sorry,” he said. “Please, you have to believe me. I… I had problems back then. I never meant to do anything I did. I just didn’t have any control over it. If I could take it all back, I would.”

“But you can’t,” Grace replied, glaring levelly at him.

“I know. But I’ve always wanted to try and make things right again. I just never knew how. But now that you’re here…”

“What? What do you think you could do to make things right again?” Grace demanded. “I think it’s too late for that.”

“Please, Gracie,” Frank pleaded, his voice cracking. “Please don’t say that. I’ve screwed up so many things in my life, but I’m getting myself together. I’ve been going to those AA meetings for years. And I’ve been living with my girlfriend for two years. God’s given me a second chance. Won’t you please give me one too?”

“You have a girlfriend?” Grace asked skeptically, ignoring his request.

“Yes,” Frank said. “Sheila.”

“So you’re still living here in Lexington?”

“Yeah. Well, I moved away after the IRS took our house, right after you and your mother left. But then I met Sheila, and we bought an apartment back here.”

Grace nodded silently.

“So… how have things been for you, honey? How are you and Brian doing?”

Grace frowned. “How did you know about Brian and I?” she demanded.

“I do watch the news, you know,” Frank said. “The TV and the internet have been my only connection to you.”

Grace felt strange, knowing that, while she had not had any contact with her father since she was seventeen, he had been keeping track of her ever since the media had gotten wind of her and Brian’s relationship.

“But it doesn’t have to be like that, Grace,” Frank went on, his voice turning desperate. “We can start keeping in touch again, trying to make everything right between us again.”

Grace sighed, feeling torn. This man had done so much to her and her mother… and yet, he was still her father. And if he was getting over his alcoholism and getting his life back in order, maybe there was a chance he and Grace could become closer again. Grace knew that she would never forget the things he had done, and he would never be able to take them back. But maybe she would be able to forgive him someday.

“So what do you say?” Frank asked, staring hopefully at his silent daughter.

Grace pressed her lips together and finally, she nodded. “We can try,” she said softly, enunciating the word “try” to make him see that she wasn’t ready to forgive him yet.

He nodded. “Good,” he said. “I love you, Grace. And I want to be a part of your life again. It was so hard to hear that you were getting married and not be there to walk you down the aisle.”

It was then that Grace really began to soften. He sounded serious. Maybe he really had changed.

She offered him a tiny smile. She wanted to tell him, “I love you, Dad.” But she was not ready to say those words. Not yet.

“So, are you just visiting here, or have you moved back?” Frank asked, looking hopeful.

“We’re just visiting,” Grace said. “We’ll be here for four more days.”

Frank nodded. “Here, let me give you my number and address. Maybe you could come visit before you leave. You could meet Sheila too.”

Grace nodded. “Alright,” she said.

Frank smiled and wrote down a phone number and address and handed it to her. “Call me, and we’ll make plans to get together, okay?”

“Okay,” Grace said. “I… uh… I have go now, okay?”

“Alright. I’ll talk to you soon then.”

“Okay. Well… bye,” Grace said, feeling awkward, as she turned slowly around and walked on to find what she was looking for.

***

Mom had just started fixing dinner, and Dad and I had just sat down to watch the news, when Grace got home from Wal-mart.

“Hey, did you get lost?” I called from the couch with a snicker, as she walked in the front door. It had sure taken her long enough just to get a box of tampons.

“No,” said Grace, not even cracking a smile. She looked to be deep in thought, and I wondered what had happened.

“Gracie?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Well… I ran into my dad at the store,” she replied softly.

My eyes bulged wide. “Your dad?!” I cried. “I thought he wasn’t living here anymore!”

“He moved back two years ago and has been living with some girlfriend of his,” said Grace.

“Really?” my dad spoke up. “I didn’t know that.” He frowned.

“So what did he say?” I asked Grace.

“He said he was sorry. He wants to patch things up between us and keep in touch,” she replied.

I snorted. “What did you tell him?” I asked, certain that Grace would have blown him off.

She shrugged. “I said we could try to do that.”

“You did? After everything he did to you and your mom??” I asked in disbelief.

She bit her lip. “Brian, he’s my father. I couldn’t just refuse to keep in touch with him. And besides, he’s changed. He’s been going to AA meetings and getting over his alcoholism, and he’s got a girlfriend and an apartment… he’s getting his life together again.”

“So you forgave him just like that?” I was stunned. Grace could be so stubborn and willful, and before, when it came to her father, she had nothing good to say. And now she wanted to keep in touch with him?

“No,” she said quickly. “I didn’t forgive him. I can’t forgive him yet. But I also can’t just push him away, not when he wants this so bad. I think he’s really changed, and all he wants is to see me and be a part of my life again. I don’t think that’s so bad.”

I rolled my eyes. “Grace, I don’t know about this. I think-“

“Brian,” came my mother’s voice.

I turned around to see her standing in the doorway. She had heard most of the conversation.

“Come here,” she said, beckoning to me.

Sighing, I stood and followed her into the privacy of the kitchen.

“Mom, can you believe this? I don’t want Grace having anything to do with that guy! He’s-“

“Brian, it’s not your decision,” she interrupted. “Grace is his daughter. If she wants to keep in touch with him, you need to support her.”

I sighed heavily. “Alright,” I said. But that didn’t mean I was happy about it.

***

Three days later

Grace and I had been in Lexington for four days and would be catching a flight home the next day. But before we could leave, there was one thing we had to do – visit Grace’s father. Well, really, Grace was the one that had to do it, but I refused to let her go to his apartment alone. I was going with her, whether she liked it or not.

“Brian, I told you, he’s changed! And I don’t want you going over there and being rude to him and his girlfriend,” Grace had protested that morning, when I had told her I was coming.

But now, as we drove across town to Frank’s apartment complex, Grace looked over at me and said, “I’m glad you’re coming with.”

I flashed her a sidelong glance and smiled, relieved she wasn’t mad. “Are you nervous?” I asked, as I concentrated on the road.

She shrugged. “Kind of,” she admitted. “I mean, I haven’t really seen him since I was seventeen, except for yesterday. That’s eleven whole years. We have a lot to catch up on.”

“Yeah.”

“Turn right at this stoplight,” Grace said, pointing ahead.

I nodded and made the turn. We drove about a mile down the street and finally came to Frank’s apartment building. The building was just two stories tall and rather old-looking, but well kept up. We went inside and walked up a flight of stairs to the second story and found the apartment. Grace rang the buzzer, and we waited.

Moments later, the door opened, and there stood a man I had hoped I would never see again - Frank Meyers.

“Gracie,” he said happily. “Come on in.” He stepped back so we could get in. Grace walked in first, and I followed hesitantly behind her.

Frank nodded in greeting as I stepped in. “Good to see you, Brian. How have you been?”

“Fine, sir,” I replied stiffly. “And you?”

“Been doing pretty good,” he said. “Well, don’t just stand there, guys. Have a seat.” He gestured to the living room area, where a faded blue couch and recliner sat. Grace and I sat next to each other on the couch.

“Sheila ran out to pick up some KFC for lunch. You still like KFC, right, Gracie?” Frank asked.

“Sure,” Grace said.

My eyes narrowed as I watched Frank. It seemed to me that he was pretending like nothing had happened, like he and Grace would suddenly have this perfect father-daughter relationship.

And as for me… well, I was his son-in-law now. I hoped he didn’t expect any kind of good relationship with me because he wasn’t going to get it. I could deal with him, if Grace wanted me to, but that didn’t mean I had to like the man.

Just then, we heard the click of the doorknob turning.

“That must be Sheila now,” Frank said. “I hope y’all are hungry.”

I wasn’t at all hungry, and the thought of greasy Kentucky Fried Chicken made me want to hurl right then, but I nodded politely.

“Hey, honey,” Frank said, and I looked up to see his girlfriend Sheila enter the apartment.

Now, when Grace had mentioned this girlfriend Frank had, I had immediately pictured some chain smoking old woman with bleached blonde hair and wrinkled, leathery skin from one too many times in the tanning booth.

But Sheila was nothing like that. She looked to be somewhere in her mid-forties and was rather heavyset. She was not pretty, but pleasant looking, with short, dark brown hair and blue eyes. Very normal looking.

“Guys, meet Sheila McBride. Sheila, this is my daughter, Grace, and her husband, Brian,” Frank introduced.

Sheila smiled warmly. “Hello,” she said. “It’s good to meet you two.”

Grace returned her smile. “Thanks. You too,” she said. I nodded in agreement.

“Well, come on, food’s here,” Frank announced, as he pulled tubs of coleslaw and mashed potatoes out of the KFC bags.

We all sat down around the small table in the cramped little kitchen area and ate lunch. I found that once I had the food in front of me, my appetite returned.

When we left a couple of hours later, I felt a lot better about this whole thing. I still hadn’t forgiven Frank, and neither had Grace, but I agreed with her – he had changed, and hopefully, things were going to be all right.

***

On the way back to my parents house, Grace and I decided to drive through our old neighborhood.

I felt a lump rise in my throat as we slowly crept past my old house. It looked so small and shabby compared to my mansion back in Atlanta and even the nice house I had bought for my parents. But even so, it was warm and cozy and friendly looking, simple, yet wonderful. I had so many good memories there.

And then there was Grace’s house, right next door. I smiled fondly at it. I could remember how the inside looked just as well as I remembered my own house. My eyes naturally drifted up to her bedroom window, and I remembered the night we had lost our virginity to each other, the night I had snuck out through that very window. It was the night before I had left for Florida to become a Backstreet Boy. The last night I spent with her for eight and a half years.

Glancing over at Grace, sitting beside me in the passenger seat, I smiled. I got her back, I thought, feeling a wave of euphoria wash over me. How lucky I was to be married to such a wonderful girl. I had loved people before; I had loved Leighanne with all my heart, and I still did. But something told me that Grace was truly the one and had been for all of our lives. And finally, we were together.

***

Lyrics taken from Backstreet Boys’ “It’s True”

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