Things seemed to
get easier once I stopped going to the meetings which seemed strange to me. I
thought for sure I would be wracked with so much guilt I would end up running
to the nearest church and throwing myself at the mercy of the clergy.
Dramatically offering up my soul to God in repayment for the horror of dumping
A.J. by the wayside.
Instead I found myself left feeling peaceful inside.
I had stood up in the face of A.J.’s defiance and had my
say.
I guess I was a
man after all.
Months later I awoke early one morning, the waves sounding
strange as they crashed off of the side of my beach house.
Tugging the big white duvet beneath my chin I felt the dogs
rearranging themselves before settling close to my body. Both of them ignoring
the sounds of the birds on the deck smacking their annoying beaks into grooves
of the patio floor in their endless hunt for food.
When I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to settle
back into a comfortable sleep I gave in, tossing back the covers and stretching
my arms above my head, laughing at my clumsy Great Dane Zara Beth now stuck
beneath the duvet, trying to figure out who suddenly turned out the lights.
Walking to the deck door I banged on it a few times to shoo
away the birds before sliding the heavy etched glass back, surprised by the
smack of cool air in my face.
A strange sensation in the middle of the summer.
Sitting in one of the deck chairs I lost myself in the pale
gray morning sky the nagging of some forgotten meeting or something hanging
over my head.
“Hey Zara.” I called over my shoulder to the beast, who had
finally figured out how to get her head out from beneath the duvet only to get
her left paw wrapped up in the heavy down a look of confusion on her perfectly
loveable face.
“Go get daddy his palm pilot.”
At the sound of the words “palm” and “pilot” she tipped her
head left and then right before going back to the business at hand. Freeing her
paw from my tangled bedding.
“It’s okay girl, we’ll work more on that one you’ll get it
eventually. Hey Sprout.” Calling out to the little blonde Cocker Spaniel now
curled up on my pillow I repeated the same command.
Standing with a look of irritation in her big brown eyes my
other faithful companion stood up, walking to my nightstand to snatch up my
palm pilot which she held firmly in her teeth.
Jumping down off of the side of the bed she jogged to the
deck where I now sat.
“How come you can’t teach Zara that?” I asked scratching
her around her ears and neck until she purred like a cat.
Reaching down I scooped her up depositing her into my lap
as I flipped up the cover of the palm pilot bringing up my date book……and there
it was in capital letters with bold faced
type.
A.J. OUT OF
REHAB
“Shit.” I mumbled under my
breath my head becoming as cloudy as the sky. It was funny how just seeing his
name could throw the tilt of the universe off of it’s axis.
Was it possible that six months had come and gone without
me even noticing?
Dropping Sprout to
the ground I stood, walking inside my eyes still glued to the words on the
screen as I grabbed for the phone.
Trying to get information from A.J.’s rehab was like trying
to get my Great Dane into the tub for a bath.
They wouldn’t tell
me how A.J. was doing, or even if an A.J. McLean was a patient in the facility.
All they could do was refer me to family night where, if it were an addicts
graduation night, the meeting would focus on that person’s accomplishments and
goals for the future. There would be refreshments served and a speech from the
now “former addict” before turning them out into the world again to live the
program they had been taught.
Sitting in the parking lot I waited while the people filed
into the building. Some of them walked with the straight backed confidence of
first time attendees while others crept along stooped shouldered and defeated
from months of battling their addict to please stay clean.
The one’s that hurt the most to see were the children,
holding onto the hands of Grandparents or other loved ones smiling with a
spring in their steps at the anticipation of seeing their parents for a few
hours.
Even if it was at a drug rehab facility.
Climbing from the
car I rubbed my hands through my wild hair, taming it into place before tossing
my wire rimmed glasses to the dashboard along with my cell phone.
Slipping silently into the back of the room I scanned the
faces, looking for somebody familiar from the nights when I had come to see
A.J. so long ago. The only face I recognized was Meg’s as she took her place in
the center of the room going over the rules for the evening, a fresh sprig of
lavender tucked behind her ear that matched the coffee cup she held between her
hands.
The door in the corner of the room opened as the addicts
filed in one by one taking their places in the empty chairs on the opposite
side of the room. I found myself scanning the group much like the random kids
around me, like I was looking for my dad or something.
After one quick scan I figured I must have missed him.
Going down the rows more slowly this time I felt my palms
begin to perspire.
He wasn’t there.
Raising my hand I waved it around waiting until Meg
acknowledged me with a confused smile.
“Yes?”
“I’m looking for my friend and he’s not here?” I could tell
I had made her uncomfortable in front of the group. Her eyes shifted around the
room as she crooked a finger in my direction.
“Can you please follow me.” As I stood up she stopped to
address the group, asking them if they could please be patient for a moment.
Then she placed a young woman with black dreadlocks and funky plaid pants in
charge as the two of us slipped out the door in the corner of the room.
“I’m- I’m sorry.” I stammered taking a seat beside her
beneath a corkboard overflowing with notices for apartments for rent, Reiki
treatments, and people who could help you lose weight.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt what was going on, it’s just
that my friend was supposed to be graduating tonight and I wanted to come to
support him and-“
“Who’s your friend?” Sitting back she took a long drink
from her cup.
“A.J. McLean.”
Nodding she pursed her lips together.
“You know it’s against the rules of the facility to give
out any information on the people who have come here seeking help.”
“I know.” Drawing my leg up onto the chair I played with
the laces in my shoes. “It’s not like I’m asking you about his progress or
whatever. I just want to know where he is tonight and if this is his
graduation?” I contemplated flashing her the puppy dog eyes but from the looks
of her she wouldn’t fall for it even if I tried.
“Okay listen, I can’t tell you much but I will tell you
that your friend isn’t graduating tonight.”
“Well when is he graduating then?”
“Your friend won’t be graduating from our facility.” She
lowered her voice balancing her cup on her thigh. “He left.”
“He left? What do you mean he left?”
“He walked out the front door of the facility of his own
free will a little over a month ago. We haven’t seen or heard from him since.”
“But it was part of his probation. If he didn’t complete
the program he would have to go to jail?”
“Look, this happens all of the time. For whatever reason
people come to us for help, some court ordered others of their own free will. We
have some that bail midway through and some that complete the program and leave
here happy human beings again. In the end around 80% of them will starting
using again.”
Dropping my leg to the ground I tried to process what I was
hearing.
“So then he’s in jail?”
“He only gets sent back to jail if he gets picked up,
usually on some technicality like a traffic ticket or busted headlight. My
guess is that wherever he is he’s lying low.”
“And using drugs?” I interjected.
“And most likely using drugs.” She answered solemnly.
“Listen, I have to get back to the meeting. I’m sorry I
didn’t have better news for you about your friend.” Standing she patted me on
the shoulder.
“Yeah thanks.” I
replied watching her return to the room, closing the door behind her.
So that was that.
A.J. was gone and, according to Meg, he’d been gone for
awhile.
I couldn’t even begin to imagine where he was. It was a big
world out there and over the years A.J. had managed to forge a lot of
friendships. Some were good and others had been destructive relationships that
had only encouraged him down the path that eventually led to him becoming a
drug addict.
Starting up the
car I turned in the direction of home knowing that if A.J. was going to surface
it was going to be on his own time table and not mine.
That night as I slept a strange noise sounded from
downstairs, soft enough to make me think I could have been dreaming but loud
enough to wake both dogs.
Lifting my pillow from over my head I could see the dogs
standing at full attention at the foot of the bed. A soft growl coming from
deep in Zara’s throat as her eyes searched the blackness of the room.
Sitting up I pointed in the direction of the door.
“Go see what it is girl.” I hissed, lightly slapping one of
her rear haunches as she took off like a shot into the night.
After a few minutes of silence I figured that it must have
been the house settling or something. Calling to Spout to snuggle beside me I
wasn’t too worried that Zara hadn’t returned yet, she often got sidetracked by
her overflowing dish of food in the kitchen.
Pulling the pillow back over my head I was just falling
into a deep sleep again when there was a crash followed by the sound of Zara
Beth’s deep warning bark over and over.
“Shit.” Throwing back the covers I jumped up, my eyes wild
in the darkness as I searched the nightstand for my glasses.
Turning around I heard Sprout push the bedroom door open
further as she bolted from the room heading in the direction of Zara Beth’s
barks which had now gone into full attack dog mode.
Walking in a full circle I realized I didn’t have a clue
what to do.
Did I call 911?
Did I go out on the balcony and climb down, running from my
home like some little girl while somebody robbed me blind?
Did I get out my gun and attempt to figure out how to use
the damn thing? The same stupid gun that Kevin made me get a few years ago when
we were all getting strange letters from some stalker. We spent so many days up
on the driving range drinking beer and attempting to shoot straight that by the
end of the day it was a wonder we all came back alive with our limbs in tact.
Frozen I just stared at the partially open door as Sprout
joined in the chorus of vicious barks.
“I gotta call the cops.” I whispered fumbling around for
the phone just as a familiar voice echoed loudly in the stairwell outside of my
bedroom.
“GET YOUR FUCKING
DOGS OFF OF ME CARTER!”
Running for the door I threw it back, startled by the sound
of Zara Beth’s growls as she wrestled the intruder down the stairs.
“Zara. Sprout!” I yelled diving down into the mess of dog
limbs and flailing tattooed arms.
Pulling Zara against my body we both fell into the wall
with a dull thud causing Sprout to whimper and retreat to a place beside me one
step down.
Breathing heavily I adjusted my vision to the dark, glaring
hard at A.J. who was pushed up against the banister across from me grabbing at
his forearm.
“Jesus Nick, that dog is insane.” He gasped through
clenched teeth. “She tore the skin.”
“Well what the fuck are you doing breaking into my house in
the middle of the night you
idiot.”
Whispering into Zara’s ear I tried to calm her down.
Pushing myself up to a standing position I grabbed her by her collar slapping my
leg for Sprout to follow.
“I’m taking them upstairs I’ll be back.” Walking up one
step Zara lunged for A.J. with a growl before I tugged her back into line
dragging her to the bedroom where I pushed both dogs inside before shutting the
door behind me.
Standing at the top of the stairs I debated whether or not
to turn on the light, finally deciding against it as I walked a few steps down,
sitting with my elbows propped on my knees A.J.’s back to me.
“So what are you doing here A.J.?”
“I don’t know if you know this or not but I graduated from
rehab tonight.” His voice seemed deeper than I remembered it being.
“Really. Huh, I guess I must have forgotten.”
“Yeah. It was pretty cool, everybody said something about
me and there was cake. I even got up and gave a little speech.” Scratching at
the back of his head he still didn’t turn to face me.
“Sounds really nice A.J.” I mumbled, suddenly feeling
really sad inside.
“It was.” His voice was barely audible.
We sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again.
“So aren’t you going to get me anything for my graduation
Nick?”
“What do you want A.J.? A pen with your name engraved on
it? A class ring?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of some money or
something.”
Shaking my head I suddenly realized why A.J. had broken
into my house in the middle of the night. He wasn’t coming to tell me some big
lie about graduating from rehab. He wasn’t coming to ask for help back to rehab
or to confess the fact that he’d failed at getting clean.
He’d broken in my house to steal from me.
“Money huh?”
“Yeah. You know, just a little cash to tide me over until I
get back on track.” Cracking his knuckles he laughed a little. “It’s not going
to be easy staying clean. I really need to get away from here, go someplace new
for awhile.”
Standing up I walked past him down the stairs into the
study where I kept large sums of cash in a safe in case of emergencies.
Turning on the small table lamp that sat on the corner of
my desk I turned the dial to the right twice and then to the left once as it
easily as it clicked open revealing stacks of bound bills, a few boxes
containing expensive jewelry I’d splurged on over the years, along with the
titles to my cars and houses.
Grabbing the stacks of cash one by one I filled my arms
before returning to the staircase where A.J. still sat in the darkness.
Reaching out I turned on the light switch beside me, a few
of the stacks of bills falling to the ground as I avoided looking at my old
friend.
“Shit man, lemme help you.” Jumping to his feet A.J. came
to the bottom of the stairs grabbing for the stacks on the floor which he
quickly shoved in the deep pockets of his baggy fading jeans.
I didn’t say a word as he emptied the rest of the stacks
from my arms with shaky hands shoving them anyplace they would fit. I noticed
that his fingers were free of the rings he had always worn. Some had been gold
and encrusted in thick layers of diamonds while others had been custom made
pieces. All of them had been insanely expensive purchased from various high end
jewelry stores all over the world.
I thought about asking him where his jewelry was but
decided against it. In my heart I knew what he’d done with it, he’d hocked it
for drugs. I didn’t want to talk to him, or look at him I just wanted him to
take the money and leave.
“Do you need a ride anywhere?” I cleared my throat
repeating the words louder the second time.
“Um, no not really, I got a friend outside waiting for me.
I just stopped by to let you know I’m doing okay Nick. I’m drug free and among
the living again.” He tried to catch my eye but I turned looking at a picture
on the wall.
“Yeah, okay A.J. Well take care of yourself.”
“You too buddy.” Slapping me on the shoulder he strode past
me my hard earned cash burning holes through his pockets.
“I’ll be in touch when I get where I’m going Nicky. You can
count on that.” Throwing me the thumbs up sign he walked through the opened
front door slamming it shut behind him.
“Goodbye A.J.” I whispered.
The End
***
