Ain’t Nothin’ But a Heartache

 

By Kelly

 

 

"Yo... Brian, you OK man?" Nick asked, bouncing the basketball in his right hand.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Brian grinned, snatching the ball from his best friend.

"But Frick, I'm kicking your butt out here," the gentle, blonde giant smiled, looking out over the basketball court, "I don't think I've ever been 7 - 2 up on you man... EVER!"

"Ha ha..." Brian laughed, I'm just goin' easy on ya but if you want me to kick your butt.... I'll happily oblige!" andhe started dribbling the ball up the court, straightening his Kentucky Wildcats basketball vest out with his free hand.


"Is something wrong with Brian?" Nick asked Kevin as they sat in the big, black limo together.

"Not that I know of, why you ask?" Kevin stroked his chin as he looked out of the window, wondering where the other 3 had gotten to.

"I beat him at b-ball today..." Nick began to explain, "I haven't done that for a while!"

"I'm sure it's nothing buddy," Kevin said with a slight laugh, "He probably let you win like he used to when you were younger..."

"No..." Nick day dreamed, "He used to let me win?!" he yelled, just as he realized what Kevin had said.

"Yeah Nick. How else do you think a 13 year old boy beats an 18 year old high school team player?" Kev chuckled to himself, "I can't believe you never knew!"

"Geez, it's cold out there...." Howie whispered, rubbing his hands together as he, AJ and Brian all got back into the car.

"What took y'all so long?" Nick asked, folding his arms like an angry parent.

"I blame Brian!" Howie smiled, pointing to his band mate sitting on his left.

"And I blame Bone!" Brian pointed to the guy wearing a leopard print cowboy hat.

"Huh?!" AJ looked up from his McDonalds quarter pounder with cheese. The limo drove off down the street from the McDonalds restaurant the guys had wanted to stop at.

"You alright Nick?" Brian asked, as Nick gazed dreamily out of the tinted window.
"He was just asking the same about you..." Kevin smiled.



"5, 6, 7, 8..." Fatima Robinson, the BSB choreographer, shouted as she clapped her hands in time to the beat. She was teaching them the new dance routine for their latest video, "C'mon get those arms up in the air... and smile... I wanna see you're arms right up B-Rok... Brian, did you hear me? Up, up, up!" and she walked over to the tape player and pressed stop. The boys all stopped their dancing and tried to catch their breath.

"Frick, you OK?" Nick asked, looking over to Brian with concern.

"Brian... what was up with you just then? I was there telling you to get your arms up, but I didn't see them up..." Fatima walked over to him.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "But I think I pulled something while I was at the gym..." and he rubbed his chest with his hand.

"Ya wanna call it day?" Fatima asked.

"No... I'll be fine, don't worry about me!" and he falshed her one of his perfect smiles. Brian hated to think that he would be holding the others up. The boys all got back into their postions. Fatima pressed play and 'More Than That' began to play again.

"5, 6, 7, 8..." Fatima counted them in, "That's it.... looking good, looking good... Nick, dancing is fun, so smile... AJ take bigger steps... Now get ready... arms up, reach for the stars...." she yelled words of 'encouragement' to the guys as they went over their steps. Suddenly, the whole room was filled with loud screams of pain as Brian fell to the floor. The noise sent chills down everyone's spine. He was clutching his chest and gasping for breath.



Nick, Kevin, Howie and AJ were all sat in a small green room at the Sna Diego General hospital (they were in San Diego to shoot their video). It had been three whole hours since Brian had been taken in. Nick sat on his own in a corner with his head in his hands.

"I'm sure he's gonna be just fine," Howie said softly as he walked over to his 'little brother', "No news is good news, right?!" Nick didn't reply, he didn't even move, it was as though he was frozen with fear. There was a knock at the door as a doctor walked in. Four pairs of eyes looked up at him, eagarly anticipating news on their band mate.

"I'm gonna get staright to the point," the doctor said in a soft, yet strong voice, "Brian was correct to think that he had a pulled a muscle, the only problem is that the muscle he pulled was his heart!" Tears filled in Nick's baby blue eyes; not this agian, not Brian's heart. "Considering Mr. Littrell's medical background, I'm sure you're all aware of the trouble's he has had in the past..." the doctor continued.

"Is he gonna die?" Nick questioned, looking down at the floor.

"We have run a series of tests on Mr. Littrell and it seems that there is a medical procedure that he can undertake..."

"Answer my question God damn it!" Nick yelled, hitting his fist on the coffee table, "Is he gonna die?"

"Nick!" Kevin shot him one of his annoyed big brother looks, "Let the doctor finish."

"As I was saying, there is a surgical procedure that we can do but I'm not gonna lie to you, the chances of him pulling through the operation are pretty slim, especially with his background... I'd say about, 30 to 35%."

"And his chances without the operation?" AJ asked.

"There is no chance without the operation..." the doctor explained.

"Then what are you doing standing here? Where are you here talking to us? You should be out there some place saving Brian's life!" Nick yelled, it was clear that he was very upset.

"It's not that simple, in order for us to carry out the surgery, we need Mr. Littrell's concent."

"And the problem is?" Nick couldn't understand why they weren't doing everything possible to save Brian's life.

"Mr. Littrell says that he doesn't want the surgery..."

"WHAT?!" Nick shouted, shaking his head in disbelief, tears now streaming down his face.

"Maybe one of you could go talk to him, maybe that would change his mind." the doctor suggested. Kevin stood up, offering to be the one to go talk to Brian. AJ tapped him on the arm,

"I think Nick would like to go..." he whispered.



Nick walked into Brian's private hospital room. Brian was sat on the bed in a hospital robe and had the TV remote in his hand.

"Look Nick," he smiled, pointing to the TV, "ESPN... not bad huh?!" Nick looked at the TV and then at Brian; he didn't look sick at all, he just looked like regualar Brian.

"Yeah, that's pretty hot Frick," he forced a smile and then sat on the seat next to his bed.

"Gonna watch me some college basketball..." Brian said cheerily. Nick couldn't understand why he was being happy.

"Frick... you're not well buddy..." he whispered.

"Oh c'mon... don't tell me you're worried about that!" Brian laughed, "It's only a strained mucsle!"

"No Brian... it's a starined heart! It's serious so quit pretending like it's not!" and he broke down into tears. Brian looked at his bestfriend. Nick hadn't cried for over 3 years, they had always joked that his tears had dried up but now they were flowing as freely as any river or stream.

"Nick... I'm gonna be OK... the doctor said that...."

"That you're refusing to have an operation that will save your life!" Nick interrupted, his voice slightly raised.

"Could save my life Nick... not will."

"I'd take a 'could save your life' any day over dying!"

"I'm scared Nick! I'm scared that they're gonna knock me out for that operation and that I'll never wake up..."

"Brian, don't you think that I'm scared too?" Nick asked, "But I can't risk losing you... you're my best friend, you're my brother.... I need you!"

"You don't know what you're asking me to do..." Brian swallowed hard, "You're asking me to put my life in another person's hands..."

"You did it before," Nick said blankly.

"The odds were much better then!"

"The odds here Brian, with out the operations... there are no odds!" There was a long silence which hung over the room. They were both searching for the words to say to eachother. Brian looked at Nick and saw hurt and pain worse than he'd ever seem in him before.

"OK," he finally whispered, "I'll do it... for you."

"Thank you!" Nick flung his arms around Brian.



"I have to get on a flight to San Diego..." Jckie Littrell, Brian's mom, yelled at the woman behind the counter at the airport.

"Like I said before, all of our flights out to San Diego are fully booked until tomorrow evening time, maybe I can put you on a flight then?" the airport assistant replied.

"No, I don't wanna go tomorrow!" Jackie yelled, getting quite hysterical, "Tomorrow may be too late... I have to go today!"

"I'm sorry m'am but we're fully booked today. If I can help you no further," and the woman looked behind Jackie, "Next please..."

"Come on Jackie," Harold, Brian's father, comforted her, pulling her to one side and holding her close.

"We'll just have to fly out on the evening flight tomorrow..." Brian Junior, Brian's older brother, whispered.

"My baby... my boy!" Jackie cried, "Brian's going to die and I won't get to see him to say goodbye..."

"Our son is not going to die!" Her husband looked her in the eyes, "OK?! He is not going to die... God will look after him!"

"Excuse me..." a short, round woman tapped Jackie on the back, "Did I hear you right? Your son is dying?" she asked.

"Ummm..." Jackie tried to pull herself together, "He is going in for surgery and yes, there is a chance that he may not pull through..."

"And is that why you wanna get out to San Diego?" the woman questioned.

"Yes..." Jackie whispered.

"Here," the woman held out her plane ticket, "Take my flight, it leaves in 30 minutes, I can fly out tomorrow."

"Really?" Jackie's face lit up, "Oh thank you, thank you so much!"

"You should be with your son, I know I'd wanna be," the woman smiled.

"God bless you!" Jack shouted, throwing her arms around the stranger's neck.



"Is my mom here yet?" Brian asked, lying on the hospital bed, waiting to go into theatre.

"No, I'm sorry... she was having trouble getting a flight..." Kevin whispered apologetically.

"That's OK... I'll see her when I wake up.... won't I Nick?!" Brian smiled, looking at his best friend.

"You sure will buddy!" Nick smiled back.

"Oh my baby..." Jackie ran down the hall of the hosptial frantically.

"Mom!" Brian lifted his head and looked around. She ran straight up to him and took him in her arms.

"My baby..." she cried, tears rolling down her cheeks, "I'm so glad I got here in time... I don't think I could have lived with myself if I never got to say goodbye..." she whipsered.

"It's not goodbye mom..." Brian smiled as the nurses began to wheel him away.

"Excuse me," Nick stopped a nurse who was walking past, "Could you direct me to the chapel please?"



"Why Lord? Why?" Nick muttered to himself as he knelt infront of a huge white cross in the hospital chapel, "Why are you doing this? Why Brian? Please don't take him away from me... 8 years ago you blessed me with the best friend a guy could ever ask for, please don't take that away from me," he prayed.

"Frack..." he was interrupted by Brian's voice. He turned to the door where Brian was stood.

"Bbrian!" he was shocked to see him, "What are you doing here? They told me they'd come get me when you came out of theatre."

"I've come to say goodbye..." Brian whispered.

"Goodbye? Why? Are you allowed to go home already?" Nick asked. He was very confused.

"No... there was nothing they could do for me... they couldn't help me... not even your prayer could save me."

"No... Brian, there must be something I can do..."

"No, it's OK bro'... I'm gonna go sing with the angel's in heaven," Brian smiled.

"No!" Nick screamed, running toward Brian but not getting any closer, "You can't go, you can't leave me..."
"I'll be waiting for you..."

"NO!" Nick yelled.

"Buddy, you OK?" Kevin asked, tapping Nick on the shoulder. Nick opened his eyes, he was still knelt in front of the cross. He looked around,

"Where's Brian?" he asked, breathing heavily.

"He's just come out from theatre... the doctor said you could go sit with him now..."

"You mean he hasn't gone to sing with the angel's in heaven?" Nick asked with all the innocents of a young child.

"No Nick, he hasn't... you were sleeping, it must have been a dream..." Kevin smiled.

"So Brian's OK? He's gonna live?"

"They don't know yet... it's just a matter of waiting to see if he wakes up."

6 months later

"5, 6, 7, 8..." Fatima clapped to the beat as she was teaching the boys the dance for their latest video, "... hit those steps... Nick I wanna see a smile... Kevin, on the beat please... AJ you're not moving your body enough... Howie, quit flicking your head... that's it you're all doing fine," she smiled as she walked along the line of the boys.

"It's not the same without Brian here," AJ said, stopping in the middle of the song.

"Yeah... I miss his goofing around and all those faces he used to do," Nick smiled as they all stopped. Fatima stopped the tape.

"Well... we just gotta get on without him... I miss him as much as you guys, but there's still work that's gotta be done, we were supposed to have done this video 6 months ago!" She rewound the tape and turned it back on.

"I can see that you've been crying... you can't hide it with a lie..." a familiar voice came from behind the door. Brian walked into the rehearsal studio.

"Frick!" Nick yelled excitedly.

"Hey y'all!" Brian smiled.

"Brian..." Fatima walked upto him, "I was told that you weren't gonna come back to rehearsal for another week..." she smiled.

"Well... I'm feeling great now... and I'm ready to do some serious work... Brian Littrell is definately Backstreet's Back!" he joked. He looked over to his band mates, "What's the matter, y'all look like you've just seen a ghost!"

 

The End

 

 

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