Chapter
12
Stella
cried, "Selwyn! He's so sick. I don't know what happened. H--he just took
a turn for the worse."
Mariah
stood there frozen, not knowing what to say. When she found her voice she said,
"I just saw him a couple of hours ago. Nothing can be wrong with him.
There just can't be."
Brian
looked from Mariah to Stella and back to Mariah again. "Um...may I ask,
who's Selwyn?"
"Oh
Brian, I'm sorry," apologized Mariah, "Selwyn's a little boy who's
got aids. I visit him and spend time with him. He doesn't have any parents or
relatives that he knows of. He's the sweetest little boy."
"I'm
sorry Mariah," sympathizing with Mariah, "I know how it feels. Why
don't we go and visit him?"
"We
can't," replied Stella, "he's still with the doctor. I'll let you
know when he's back in his room."
"Thanks
Stella." said Mariah, tears streaming down her face.
Stella
just nodded solemnly, turned and walked out the door.
Mariah
turned towards Brian, and they looked at each other. Without a word, Brian
lifted out his arms and Mariah walked right into them. They stayed this way for
quite some time, until Mariah stopped crying. All this time, Brian just held
her and whispered little things to reassure her.
"It's
going to be okay. Don't worry," whispered Brian.
At
that moment Stella walked in.
"Mariah,"
she said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Selwyn's back in his room. He's not
doing very well. I don't think--I--I don't think he has much time left."
Stella said that last part in a small voice.
"Thanks
Stella," said Mariah, sniffing, "I'm going to see him right
now." Mariah looked at Brian and said, "Will you come with me?"
"Of
course," said Brian.
They
proceeded down the hall together. Mariah held on to Brian's hand for support.
She felt as if any moment her legs were going to give out on her.
When
they got to Selwyn's room, Mariah gave out a little cry. She looked at him and
started crying immediately. The poor boy was lying in his bed, unable to move.
His eyes were closed and there were tubes sticking out of his mouth for oxygen,
an IV was in his arm, and a faint beeping sound counting his heartbeat.
Mariah
walked over to his bed, leaned over and whispered, "Sel?"
The
fragile boy opened his eyes and croaked out, "Mariah?"
"It's
me," said Mariah through sobs, "Sel, it's going to be okay. You'll be
alright."
Selwyn's
eyes closed, and opened once again. "Mariah, I know I'm going to die
aren't I?"
Mariah's
tears flowed faster. "Sel--"
Brian
stood and watched the two. His own tears flowed freely, not able to keep them
in. He just clasped his hands together, and said a prayer in his heart.
Mariah
held on to the little hands of the boy. She didn't know what to say to him,
didn't know how to answer his question. She looked up at him and saw two
teardrops squeeze out of the corner of the boy's eyes. She held on to him
tighter.
"I'm
not going to leave you, Sel." whispered Mariah, and she didn't.
* * *
It
was 2 in the morning. Brian was sleeping in a chair, Mariah was by Selwyn's bed
stroking his hand. She couldn't sleep. She did fall asleep, but she woke up
ever 20 minutes to see if there was any change in Selwyn. Before he fell
asleep, his breathing became uneven, and it was getting harder and harder for
him to breathe. She thought of the past couple of weeks, when she first met him
and how they spent their time together. Mariah felt like crying, but she was
all cried out. There was no tears left in her.
"Selwyn,
please be okay. God," prayed Mariah. "I ask you to please make him be
alright, he's only 7 years old. He's got so much to live for. Please?"
At
that moment Selwyn opened his eyes.
"Mariah?
Were you talking to me?"
"Oh
dear, no, I'm sorry I woke you up, just go back to sleep."
"I
can't, it's so hard to breathe." said Selwyn, wheezing as he said it.
"Don't
worry, it'll be okay by morning." Mariah reassured.
"I'll
try to sleep, just for you." Selwyn smiled at her.
"Okay,
you do that." Mariah's heart cried.
"Mariah?
"Yes?"
"I
love you."
Mariah
thought she had no tears left, but she was wrong. Fresh new ones sprang into
her eyes as she whispered back, "I love you too, Sel. Now go to
sleep." She tried to make him laugh, saying the last part like she was his
mother.
Selwyn
laughed, coughed, and wheezed. Then he shut his eyes.
Mariah
remained crying, trying to keep it soft.
"It's
okay," came a voice, "you don't have to be quiet."
"Brian,
I thought you were sleeping."
"I
was, but do you know how uncomfortable this chair is? Sheesh, I might as well
be sleeping on rocks."
Mariah
laughed lightly through her tears. Brian got up off the chair and walked over
to her. He put his hands on her shoulder as she dried her tears. Brian began to
ask questions about Selwyn, when they met.
"Even
though he was seven, I felt so close to him, you know, like a little brother I
never had." said Mariah.
"Should
I be jealous?" said Brian with a smile.
Mariah
laughed and said, "Brian!"
"I'm
joking!"
Mariah
stopped laughing and there was a silence. Then she said, "I felt
responsible for him."
"Mariah,
don't even think of blaming this on yourself."
"I'm
not, I guess, and in a way I am. I know that none of this was my fault,
but--" Mariah stopped short. "Brian, do you hear that?"
Brian
looked up at Mariah and listened carefully. Sure enough, he heard it. The
beeping sound was getting slower. Mariah held on to Selwyn's hand tighter.
"No,
I can't be losing him!" cried Mariah. "NO!"
Brian
tried to gather her in his arms, but she kept fighting back.
"No, let go of me! He needs me!
He's going to make it! He's--" Mariah began crying uncontrollably now and
finally let Brian take hold of her. She knew there was nothing she could do,
but she couldn't accept it. Brian stood there holding her, his own tears
falling down on her hair, as the beeping sound deadened in the night.
***
