Chapter 4

“Every man needs a good woman behind them.”

“Or under them,” I whispered, obviously not quiet enough and Kevin nudged my elbow making it fall off the sound board and gave me a sly smile. Sighing I looked down towards the scrap piece of paper I had been writing on and began to mindlessly doodle around the words. I heard her stupid little laugh and looked over to them, jeez did they have to maul each other in public? Get a room for crying out loud, I heard Kevin laugh and looked over to him.

“Sweetie you go it bad,” he said rubbing my arm, to which I pouted. Kevin was the only one who I could never put up a false pretence to, he always knew how I was feeling, usually before I did, crazy hick. “You need to tell him,” he said more quietly, looking at me intently.

“What’s the point, he’s over there with Miss Hotel, nope I am doomed to a life of a singleton, the true life Bridget Jones.”

“Oh man your so deafest, you have so much going for you girl and trust me he sees it,” Kev said looking toward the pair, “All that? Just a façade, he’s not happy with her, now with you…”

“He’s never been with me,” I replied sharply.

“Oh no? Not what I heard,” he raised his eyebrows at me with all knowing look that only he could hold and I had to avert my eyes.

“Once, and it was nothing,” I said looking back to him and he just lifted his eyebrows even higher if that was possible, “Okay twice, but it was just sex, and I can’t believe he told you” I admitted.

“He’s my bro, he was confused so he came to me, stupid shit obviously didn’t listen to what I had to say though,” he said looking towards Nick, she was obviously leaving as he was once again all over her by the door.

“What did you tell him?” I asked curiosity getting the better of me.

“If he felt as strongly as he did then he needed to fight for you, advice I am going to repeat to you, and hopefully you will listen,” he said his piercing green eyes looking into mine.

I watched as she walked down the hallway along with the camera crew and then disappear through the door, thank god that was over. I can’t believe she showed up with a camera crew, I knew it was my birthday but still that had been embarrassing. Maybe it was the publicity? Was that the only reason we were really together? Sighing I turned back into the room, A.J was studying sheet music, Brian and Howie were nowhere in sight and Kevin and willow were in deep conversation.

“Miss psycho whore is just after him for the public....” she stopped dead in her tracks when she knew that I could hear what she was saying and looked away.

“No carry on, what was it you were saying?” I said trying to keep my cool, but it obviously wasn’t working and I could feel the anger rising.

“It’s nothing,” she lied sinking into her chair as Kevin moved away trying to give us privacy.

“Didn’t sound like nothing, come on if you’ve got something to say, then say it, I wanna’ hear it,” I snarled and she looked scared but at this point I didn’t care.

“Okay, she’s no good for you; you really think that she loves you for who you are?” She asked standing up so she was in line with me and I just kept quiet waiting for her to continue. “If you were to go back to where you came from, she wouldn’t look twice at you Nick,” she hissed, her true feelings coming to light.

“I see what this is, your jealous,” I said placing my hands on my hips and something inside her snapped.

“Jealous? Fucking jealous of her? You are kidding right? I’m twice the woman she is, I actually work for a living, and not as a porn star,” she yelled making the others turn and look.

“You’re jealous that I’m happy and this is about you wanting what you can’t have. You had your chance Willow and you blew it. This ship had sailed, I’m happy now, I’m sorry you’re not but you had your chance, you cant expect me to sit around and wait for you forever, that’s not how it works,” I yelled back.

“You know what? You’re an egotistical asshole Nick, just like the rest of them, fame has changed you, you’re not the guy I used to know,” she hissed.

“Then fucking leave, go on there’s the door, if I’m such an asshole, go and don’t let the door hit you on ass on your way out,” I snarled, she glared at me for a moment, and then violently threw her bag over her shoulder and stormed towards the door.

“Fine, I’ll go, but don’t expect me to pick up the pieces of your broken heart when this goes to shit, I’m through Nick,” and with that she was going with A.J calling after her. I sank into the chair and rubbed my eyes, sighing.

“Go on, say it,” I didn’t even have to move my hands to know that Kevin was sat beside me ready to offer up something, whether it was going to be advice or an insult I didn’t yet know.

“You’re an idiot.”

Who in the hell did he think he was? Little prick, I knew I was right about her and that she would eventually leave him just like all the rest. This always happened, he went for the pretty girls who didn’t have half a brain cell to rub together, they were there to feed his fuckin’ ego but when someone bigger came along they’d tag on to them. That’s where I always came in, to pick up the pieces of his broken heart, well not anymore, he was on his own.

“Willow, stop,” A.J said as he put his hand up against the door to my car, stopping me from opening it, sighing I turned to him. “Just chill out, take a few minutes and we can go back in and straighten this out.”

“No, I meant what I said, I’m through J.”

“No you aren’t, you guys have been friends to long, your just angry,” he said.

“That’s why I can’t do this anymore; I love him to much to keep seeing him get hurt,” I whispered, not meeting his gaze.

“That’s why you need to tell him how you feel, make him understand, plus if you leave are album will suck and you will have nothing to do,” he said and I avoided looking at him, trying to conceal the truth. “What? Why aren’t you looking at me?”

“I’ve been offered a gig for the spring, touring Europe, playing keyboard or guitar choice is mine,” I said bringing my head up slowly to look into his shocked brown eyes.

“Take it your gona’ say yes.”

“I wasn’t going to but I just can’t be around him at the moment, it’s too difficult, and this is an amazing opportunity for me,” I said leaning against the hood of the car.

“Who’s it for?” he asked the curiosity getting the better of him.

“Robbie, he sent me an email three weeks ago, deadline is tomorrow, I’m gona get a flight out tonight hopefully so I can start rehearsals on Wednesday,” I rooted round in my bag till I found what I was looking for and handed him the pack of cigarettes with a lighter which he gladly accepted.

“You have to tell him,” he said after taking a long drag, and I sighed.

“I can’t go back in there J, you saw how it was, I just need to leave.”

“I know you’re both pissed but you can’t leave things like this, at least say goodbye and tell him that you’re leaving.”

I heard the door creak as it opened and wasn’t surprised when I just saw A.J walk through it, she had always been stubborn and I knew that she wasn’t going to come back no matter what anyone said, hell she wouldn’t show for the rest of the week now. That was fine by me, willow always needed time to cool off and figure out her next move, she wouldn’t be forced into anything especially admitting she was wrong, although in this case she was probably right. I don’t know why I got so angry, what’s that saying? Truth hurts? I felt something land in my lap and looked down to a folded piece of paper that A.J had thrown to me, opening it I realised it was her handwriting.

Nick,

I’m still pissed but A.J convinced me that I needed to tell you this. I’ve been offered a tour with Robbie for the spring and possibly the summer. I have thought long and hard about whether to take it but today told me all I needed to know. We’re different people than when we first met and I think we have come to a point where life has screwed us over and we need some time apart.

I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need to talk, but this is something I have to do, sorry I had to leave like this,

Tree

X

I scrunched the paper up in my hand and threw it towards the trashcan but missed. Sighing I went back to studying lyrics but saw A.J still standing, staring at me.

“What?” I asked glancing to him.

“You’re just going to let her leave? You’re more of a stubborn stupid bastard than I thought,” he said rolling his eyes and falling into the empty chair at the soundboard.

“You know what? Fuck you, fuck all of you for that matter,” Brian tried to interrupt me but I held my had up to him, “No Brian I’m fucking sick of you guys all telling me how I need to live my life, I’m fucking twenty four in case you all forgot. She wants to leave then let her leave, you now what I’m gona’ leave,” I said and I walked toward the door of the studio.

“You might need these,” Brian threw the keys at my feet, I realised I had left my car keys along with my wallet in the studio about five seconds after I had stormed out and I wasn’t about to go back, it kinda’ defeated the object really. “Mind if I sit?” I just shrugged my shoulders still not making eye contact and he lowered himself to sit beside me but he remained quiet.

“Sorry,” I said as I watched the traffic pass by on the road ahead of us.

“No your not, but we probably deserved it.”

“Do you ever feel like your being pulled in a hundred different directions?” I asked looking to him for the first time; he just turned his head and considered me for a few seconds but said nothing. “ it’s so hard to please everyone Bri, my whole family situation sucks, my love life sucks, I’m always fighting with you guys, I’m getting more advice than I can take and I’m still no closer to knowing what I want.”

“You mean who you want,” I just looked at him and he smiled, “You’ve just said you’re getting to much advice nick so I don’t know what you want me to say, the only person who can make the decision about what they want is you,” he said making me even more frustrated.

“That’s the thing I don’t… I don’t know what I want, things are good with Paris but she doesn’t understand me like Willow. But then if things did happen with willow would we loose that connection? Our relationship is already fucked up enough and we’re just friends,” I said sounding more confused with each word that passed from my lips.

“Friends who’ve slept together, no one said life was easy Nick.”

“You know you’re really not helping,” I said becoming more agitated by his presence to which he just smiled.

“You said yourself your sick of the advice, you need to talk and I’m here to listen, but I will say this, you need to do what makes you happy, fuck everyone else Nick, I think she has the right idea though, you guys need some time apart to figure out what you both want.”

***

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